The Stripper and Diner Guy
by JIBBSFOREVER in Paris
Summary: No matter how hard she tries, Lorelai is barely able to make ends meet - taking care of two children and a deadbeat husband. So when she finds a way to be rid of Christopher, she takes it. She has been hardened by life, and she realizes how little she knows how to let herself be loved. The story of Lorelai's journey. Learning to be loved. Eventual LL.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

This should explain everything - at least what I want you to know :) let me know if you have any questions :)

"That's what I'm talking about." The lewd voice echoed across the dark street. Laughter followed from the other men in the group. Another voice called after her. "I'd hit that."

 _Drunk bastards._ She thought as she walked down the sidewalk opposite their lewd chorus. She pulled her coat close to her thin body, wishing that the streetlight reached more corners of the New York City darkness. And she wished that the subway could have been just a few more blocks closer to the club.

Her boots clicked on the hard cement beneath her, and she listened for other shoes behind her to know if those men were going to try anything. _If it's the same assholes, their bark is worse than their bite._ She smirked to herself when she didn't hear anyone following her. _They were probably at the club when it closed and were too drunk to try and get home._ She wished that this was the first time that had happened.

She rode the subway the three stops on her route, walked the last three blocks, and unlocked the door to the apartment almost in a trance – it was so old hat. At least since the car had broken down and he had decided that it would be stupid to repair it when she could just take public transportation.

Setting her purse on the table, she kicked off her boots and opened up the fridge to find nothing but three cases of beer and a container of Chinese takeout. Knowing she should save the food for the kids, she willed her stomach to stop growling. _I'll just go to bed. Sleeping might stop the hunger._

Hanging her coat over the kitchen chair, she reached into the pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. Thumbing through it, she tried to figure out what bills they had to pay this week. _Rent. Electricity. Water._ Her fingers reached the end with only fifteen dollars to spare. She was too tired to cry. _Maybe tips tomorrow will be better._

She went to turn off the light in the room that doubled as the kitchen and living room, but she was startled when she heard his voice.

"How was it tonight?"

His words were slurred. Just like those men outside of the club. And he was laying on the couch. Just staring at her. His face, unshaven, looked wild with his eyes bloodshot. She looked around the floor to find aluminum foil and his lighter. His hands were shaking as he sat up to look at her. And his voice shook even more when he asked, "How much did you make tonight?"

She was so disgusted with him. And her tone, quiet but angry, conveyed that. "How about we talk about how much money you snorted away tonight."

He rolled his eyes, and sank backwards into the sofa that had pretty much become his bed for the past two years – not forced by her to stay out here, but because that was where he would usually pass out before making it to the bedroom – and that was fine with her. Especially since she didn't get home until three or four in the morning; by that time, she just wanted to fall asleep before she had to get up at seven to make sure the kids were ready to go for school.

"Oh, lay off of it, Lor." He whined. "It wasn't much. My god, it's not like you don't make enough money to have a little bit extra."

She knew it was pointless to argue with him when he was high like this. He wouldn't remember. But she just couldn't hold it back anymore. "A little extra? Really, Chris?" She tried to keep her voice down to make sure she didn't wake the kids, but she kept the edge there. "This place is a hell-hole. We have one bedroom. The kids and I sleep on mattresses on the ground. Last week they turned off the electricity because we didn't have enough money to pay the fucking bill." She gestured to the room around her. "There's mold growing up the side of the living room. There's been two drive by shootings in the last month outside this apartment building."

He started to argue with her, "I'm not saying that it's a perfect set up, but once I can find a job, everything's going to get better."

She put her hands on her head in frustration. "You haven't had a job in four years." She let that sink in, which took a bit longer because of how high he was. "You're never going to pass a drug test for a job if you're still doing drugs." Then her thoughts went to the bedroom where the kids were sleeping. And her voice got a little louder as she realized, "Chris, you did drugs while you were watching the kids?"

He looked caught. And he tried to worm his way out of it. "No… I mean… they were in bed… well I think… they went into their…"

Shaking her head, she turned away from him on the couch.

He called after her as she walked into the doorway of the bedroom. "It's your fault we're in this situation in the first place."

Right before she closed the door on him, she said, "Get some sleep, Christopher."

Her whole body just wanted to lay down and sleep. And rest. But she was so angry with him right now. _Not only is he doing drugs, but now he has no problem doing them when he's supposed to be watching the kids._ She wanted to scream at him. She wanted to throw him out of the apartment. She wanted to tell him he couldn't see their daughter again. But that was the hard part. _He knows I need him. I have no other place to go._

Sinking to the floor with her back against the bedroom door, she put her head in her hands and tried to think of some way out of this mess. This mess that had been their lives since she had gotten pregnant at sixteen.

Born into prestigious families, when Lorelai had gotten pregnant, the only course was to make her and Chris get married. At least that was the only option that their parents had given them. Christopher was more than willing to go along with the plan – he had proposed three or four times. But Lorelai knew Christopher so much better than even his parents knew him. She knew that he was not a disciplined person – that he only wanted to get married because that was the thing to do – not because it would be best for them or for the baby.

So Lorelai had offered a second solution to Chris. They would leave after the baby was born. He would get a job, and she would take care of the baby. And they would try to live like a family would. They wouldn't take anything from their parents, no money, no support, no control – they would do this on their own. And then after a year or two, they could reconsider marriage.

They had left in the middle of the night, leaving a note explaining what they were going to do – but not where they were going or any way of contacting them.

And those two years had been amazing. Chris had found a job working in a factory, which gave him good hours with good pay. Enough to support taking care of a baby and paying for a small apartment in a good part of the city. Lorelai had learned to stretch what they had, but they never went without food and Rory never lacked anything that she needed. They had been happy. She smiled as she remembered the day they went down to the courthouse, Rory walking along holding both their hands, and they had been married – and it had been just as magical as having a huge wedding that their parents planned.

It was about one year later when things started to fall apart. But slowly. Nothing drastic. It started when Christopher met one of his friends from high school in the city. He brought the friend by the apartment to see Lorelai and Rory, where she had made them dinner and they had talked about how things were. Something happened when Chris' friend said, "I mean, think about everything you could have if you weren't straddled to a wife and child, Chris. You could be traveling the world. Partying in college. Head of your father's law firm. But I'm glad you are happy here in a small apartment going to work hard every day."

Something had changed that day. Lorelai watched as her husband would come home from work later and later on the weekends. Less and less paycheck had come home, until Lorelai had confronted him on the fact that she didn't have enough money to buy groceries. They had fought about the fact that he was making the money – he should get to have a little fun every once in a while.

But after that talk, things had gotten better. He would still go out late, but the money started coming in like normal. And Lorelai had forgotten about how he had been slipping. Until she got the bill. She found out that he had been charging all of his trips to the bar to a credit card. And among other things, he had racked up a huge bill on the credit card. When she confronted him, he had stomped out, and hadn't come back for almost two weeks, leaving Lorelai at home with Rory with no money, no way to get anywhere.

When he got back, he told her that he had been in Vegas, living it up and he had won big – 10,000 dollars. They had used that to pay for the bills that had come up while he was gone, pay off some of the credit card.

He would leave for work in the morning, and come home at nine or ten at night. He took over paying the bills, and for about a year, everything was paid, and Lorelai thought that maybe he had just been discouraged, but that things were getting better.

Until the day that her landlord came to the door and handed her an eviction notice. They had 48 hours to vacate the premises. She had begged and pleaded with the landlord, promising that she would get him the money if he would just give them some time, to which he replied that they were almost four months behind in their rent. And that the utilities would be shut off that night at 9. When Chris came home that night, Lorelai had snuggled Rory up in all the blankets in the house because the temperature would be below freezing that night. She handed Chris the eviction notice, and told him that if he valued his life, he would tell her the truth.

Chris had lost his job when he had gone to Vegas, because he skipped work for two weeks. Instead of looking for another job, he had decided that he would just drink and fool around during the day. He found a gambling ring that operated around the area. He would pay the rent with whatever he had after those games. And he paid for everything else with credit cards. In her name.

She had thrown him out of the house that night. She made him leave, telling him that he needed to realize what he had done – he had left them homeless.

Then she had found an apartment – in a horrible part of town, with only one bedroom, and a combined kitchen living room. Because the apartment was in such a bad place, Lorelai had been able to get them into the place with one-month credit, if she promised to pay double for that month at the end. To her, anything was worth keeping from sleeping on the streets with her four-year-old daughter.

And then someone offered her a job. Offered her something that would pay so well – something that they said they could teach her – something that was easy to learn. But it was operating from eight at night until two or three in the morning. She needed to be with Rory. It was still a year before she could go to kindergarten, and even then, someone would have to be home with her at night while her mother worked.

Then Chris had shown up, having found a job, a legitimate job back at the factory. She didn't trust him, didn't trust that he wouldn't do the same thing to them again. But he told her that he would help her pay off the credit cards, and he would watch Rory while she was at work during the night.

She didn't have any other choice, because she had no job and they didn't have money for food or rent or life. So she had taken him back. And she took the job.

It had only been about four weeks before Chris had lost his job. But she was able to make ends meet because of her work. All she asked was that he keep looking for a job during the day and be home by eight to take care of Rory.

Lorelai startled when she heard rustling from the mattress in the corner. And the little voice of her angel met her ears, "Mommy? Are you here?" The sleepy voice of her eight-year-old brought her out of her reminiscing.

She walked over and curled up beside her little girl, covered in a threadbare blanket. "Honey, Mommy's here." Making sure Rory was covered completely, Lorelai snuggled her little girl up against her, and whispered, "Go back to sleep."

Soon the breathing of the tiny person against her was even, and soft. And innocent. _This is what makes all this worth it._ She told herself. _Making sure she has a roof over her head, food in her stomach, an education, and knows that I love her – that's what makes everything I have to endure worth it._

But as she thought about the fact that Chris had done drugs when he was supposed to be watching the kids – that scared her to death. This was a horrible place to live, and it wasn't safe. To think that he could be passed out on the couch and someone might break in – or the kids could get ahold of the drugs – or if one of the kids got hurt and he couldn't help. _But what choice do you have?_ She asked herself. _If you throw him out, you're leaving the kids with no one to take care of them while you're gone. And you can't take them to work with you._ Her work wasn't fit for upstanding citizens, much less little innocent children.

And those thoughts flooded her mind as sleep overtook her worry. Snuggled up to her daughter, Lorelai faded out into sleep that was still full of worry – just irrational worry.


	2. Chapter 2

**ITS THE BEGINNING OF THE STORY - ANY COMMENTS - CRITICISM - RUDE REMARKS WITH A SMILE - WOULD BE HELPFUL :)**

"Mommy, mommy! Wake up!"

Lorelai cracked her eyes open to find Rory's blue eyes drilling into her face. Blinking a few more times to try and wake herself up, she sat up against the wall and managed to get a few words out, "Rory, what's wrong?"

"It's almost time for school." Rory said, her little voice so excited. "It's almost six, Mommy!"

More than anything she wanted to tell Rory to go back to bed, that it was much too early to get up, that she needed every minute of rest that she could get. But as she watched the excitement in her daughter's eyes, the smile that exploded all over – Lorelai finished pulling herself out of her restless sleep. After all, she didn't get to spend much time with her kids other than helping them with homework before she left for work at night.

Her daughter was already dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, both of which had been bought at the second hand store. The writing on the t-shirt was fading, and her jeans had holes in them. _But it's better than having nothing to wear._ But it still didn't erase the guilt that come when she wanted to give her children more than what she could.

"I'm hungry, Mommy."

Lorelai watched as Rory's eyes watched hers. And Lorelai tried to hide the uncertainty that came with that question each time one of the kids asked for food. So Lorelai smiled instead, and said, "Let's go see what we can find."

Lorelai, still dressed, climbed off of the mattress that was in one corner of the room, she looked over at the mattress on the other side of the curtain that separated the room into two sides, and she looked at the little boy snuggled deep into his blanket on the mattress. She was glad he was sleeping – which was a rare occasion for him.

She closed the door to the bedroom quietly, and turned to find Rory right behind her. And she had a pained look on her face.

"What's wrong, Rory?"

And her heart broke when she heard the little voice say, "My tummy hurts. It's growling and eating my body."

 _What kind of mother lets her daughter physically hurt because she's hungry?_ Lorelai beat herself up. "What did you have for dinner last night, kid?"

Her daughter's puzzled face scared Lorelai. The words that followed did too. "Dad said you were bringing food home after work. He told us that if we came out of our room we wouldn't be able to have anything to eat this morning."

Lorelai glared over at the man passed out on the couch. "So you didn't eat dinner last night?" _That bastard. He can go find drugs but he can't buy food for the kids? And where did the Chinese food come from if he didn't get it for the kids?_

Rory just shook her head. Always the sensitive child who could tell when something was wrong, she said, "I'm sorry, Mommy. Maybe we can wait until lunch at school?"

Deciding to ignore the feelings of anger and hatred at the deadbeat husband she was married to, she crouched down so she was at eye level with her daughter. And she made her voice sound mysterious and excited. "What would you think if we went to the bakery down the street and got some donuts?" Rory's eyes got wide with excitement. "I've heard that this early in the morning, they have some of the best chocolate sprinkled ones in all of New York."

"Really?" Rory's astonished voice brought a smile to Lorelai's face.

Handing Rory's shoes to her, Lorelai said, "But I've heard that the chocolate donuts go the fastest, so we'd better hurry before we have to beat someone up to give us the chocolate ones."

While Rory tied her shoes on, Lorelai picked up the wad of cash from the night before. She knew it was a foolish thing to spend money on. Pastries. The smart choice would be to go and get a thing of oatmeal that would last for a month for the same price of one breakfast at the bakery. But after knowing her children hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday at school, Lorelai had to make up for that somehow. _You'll just have to dance extra hard tonight to make up for this._ She told herself.

Zipping up Rory's coat and pulling on her own thin coat, she made sure to lock the door behind her loudly, hoping it would shake Chris awake. Before she even took a step, she felt a tiny hand find its place in hers. When they had first moved to the building, Lorelai had made Rory hold her hand whenever they came out of the apartment – only because Lorelai didn't trust a single person who seemed to hang out in the halls of the building.

But even when they descended the stairs and hit the cold January air, Rory still held her hand, and chattered on and on about school and friends and a new book she was reading. Lorelai wasn't listening to the words coming from her daughter's mouth, but the happiness and contentment that Rory felt, not having known a different life. A life with brand new clothes, a four course meal every night, the most expensive school – that life, Lorelai knew – and she never remembered walking with her mother hand in hand talking on and on.

 _Where is the line?_ Lorelai wondered as they walked down the street to the bakery on the corner. _Where am I showing them a different life, a life better than being raised with money – and where am I being a neglectful mother?_ And it was when Rory's hand escaped from her hand and her little girl ran ahead and plastered her nose against the warm bakery window and exclaimed, "Mommy! Look at all the food!" That was when Lorelai knew. _Something has to change. A child should not be this excited for food._

Lorelai held the door open and said, "Are you just going to window shop or are we going to walk in there and get your donut before I eat them all?"

A giggling child ran past her, brown hair flying in her excitement. Lorelai walked into the warm bakery, the smell sending her own stomach into fits of hunger, and she tried to remember the last time she ate. _Breakfast yesterday? Dinner the night before?_

Rory had her finger on the glass, pointing to the biggest, most chocolaty pastry in the case. Lorelai looked up at the man in the white hat and white apron, and said, "I guess she's decided on hers." A smile on her face, Lorelai started to look through the case. And she said, "Can I also get one of the vanilla with crème inside?" When he didn't move, she looked up at him to find him staring at her. Right at her face. And then down her body. And then back up. And down to Rory, and then back to her face.

"Where do I know you from?" Realization hit him. Then he said the words Lorelai had hoped to shelter her children from ever hearing, "You're that stripper." Her heart fell, and immediately looked down at Rory, who was looking up at her. "Yeah, I was there last night." Lorelai felt her blood begin to simmer. "I know you wore a wig, but who could forget those eyes?"

She smiled at Rory and said, "Rory, go over and pick out what flavor of milk you want."

She was thankful that her daughter didn't seem to know what this man was talking about. _Not that he should be talking about this._ But she didn't want Rory to find out what her mother did just yet. Rory scurried off, chattering about whether the strawberry or the chocolate would go better with her lips.

And Lorelai turned to the man at the counter, his body echoing that some of the bakery items never made it to the bakery. He was again taking her body in, probably imagining what it had looked like last night with less clothes on. She leaned over the counter and snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Hey! Eyes up here, asshole." She snapped her fingers again and then pointed at her eyes, which he followed. And he was a little bit taken aback. "Seriously?" She sarcastically asked, "Get your mind out of my thong." A blush crept to his face, and she heard the bell to the front door ring as another customer entered, but she wasn't done. "If you're going to eye fuck me, you'd better be willing to pay."

He was looking from her face to the customer that was now standing somewhere behind her. When he didn't say anything, Lorelai continued. "I am with my daughter!" She pointed to where Rory was still chattering on. "What kind of pervert are you to consider fucking me when my daughter is standing right next to me?"

The door behind her again rang. _Either someone new or the other person left._ And she decided to use the loss of business or the gain of embarrassment material to her advantage. And she authoritatively said, "I want two of each of the donuts that we ordered. And two milks. Free."

Looking like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar, so to speak, he quickly found the items she had demanded and handed her the bag in record time. "Here. Now get out." He said, his voice shaking.

"Rory, grab two chocolate milks. We have to get back or we'll be late for school…" Of course that sent Rory scrambling and soon they were outside of the bakery, Lorelai with the same amount of money, more quantities of food, and less pride than when they had gone in.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING THIS - ITS GOOD TO WRITE THIS. THANKS TO THE GUEST WHO SEEMS TO LOVE THIS STORY -THANKS FOR REVIEWING - TELL ME WAHT YOU THINK AT THE END - AND I WOULD LOVE ANY COMMENTS ON THIS!**

Rory just about jumped up into the kitchen chair, holding the bag of donuts in one hand, one of the chocolate milks in the other, and a huge smile on her face. "Mommy, I can't believe we got there in time – I think they were almost out of these really big…" Her eyes got wide as she reached her hand into the bag and pulled out her chocolaty goodness. "… the big chocolate ones."

Lorelai ruffled her hand teasingly through Rory's hair, smiling as her daughter took a big bite, and came away with chocolate lips, chocolate chin, and a tiny dollop of chocolate on her nose. Taking the bag, Lorelai pulled out the vanilla one, and picked up one of the milks and headed into the bedroom, leaving Rory to enjoy her heaven in the kitchen.

She walked past the couch, rolling her eyes as she saw Chris still laying there, oblivious to the world. _Maybe that's his best course of action._ She sarcastically thought.

Opening the door to the bedroom, she walked in quietly and took in the room with the little bit of sunlight crawling through the small window on the wall opposite the door. Two little mattresses in separate corners, partitioned by a shower curtain that was nailed to the ceiling. That had been Chris' idea: make one room into two. It didn't matter that when the sun was up you could see completely through the threadbare second-hand curtain he had picked up for a dollar. It also didn't matter that the curtain was a foot and a half off of the ground. A small box of clothes, one with boy clothes, one with girl clothes, sat at the end of each mattress, mattresses that Lorelai had tried and tried to find cheap sheets for – but she had to use old table cloths that they were throwing out of the club – to cover the dirty mattresses Chris had found on the side of the road.

Her mind told her that it was better that they had something to sleep on. That even though Lorelai's clothes were only three outfits, the one she had on, a nightgown, and another shirt and pants, that they would be ok. Her mind tried to tell her that. But it also tried to confuse her. It told her that the dirt on the floors that wouldn't come up no matter how many times she scrubbed and scrubbed – her mind told her that there was something wrong with this picture – that she was a bad mom for keeping her kids here in this. That the thin blankets that were the only block from the cold when her children were sleeping – what kind of mother was she to cover her children with old flour sacks that came from the shop down the street?

She walked over to the mattress where her little boy was sleeping, and she softly sat down beside his tiny body. Her hand found his thick brown hair, brushing it away from his face. _I need to cut his hair soon._ She thought, adding it to her never ending list of things that she was failing at. _Don't want the school to send him home with another note and him being embarrassed being sent to the principal's office._

He stirred, but didn't wake. Pulling the blanket up over his shoulders. She couldn't believe he had been with them for four years. She still remembered it had only been the second day they had been in the apartment when she heard yelling out in the hallway. A woman's yelling. Very angry. But that hadn't been the part that had gotten Lorelai's attention. But it had been the cry of pain that followed, a tiny cry of fear and pain. She had waited until the yelling stopped before Lorelai had cracked her door to find a little boy, dark curly hair, huddled in the corner of the hallway. He looked up when he heard the door open, and Lorelai's heart had broken. His face was full of bruises, black and blue – so they were old. His face was red, and tears stained his cheeks. His brown eyes held such fear at the sight of her. Lorelai remembered trying to talk to him, but he just looked away, pulled away, and started crying again. But she could tell, just by how skinny he was, how gangly his little fingers were, she knew he needed food. And of course, Lorelai, having just moved to the apartment with no money, she had barely anything to give him. But she had made a small bowl of oatmeal, put it into a small, chipped cup from her cabinet, and slid it out to him. She had then closed the door. When she came back a few minutes later, the boy was gone. And the cup sat there by the door, empty.

Lorelai reached down to shake him awake. "I brought you some food." She simply said, as he stretched and opened his eyes.

She remembered the first time she had held him. She had been feeding him when he was in the hallway, which was once or twice a day. Each time, she would talk to him, trying to get him to talk to her. But even though he barely even looked at her, she knew she was doing the best job that she could, giving him something to eat. The bruises never seemed to fade, and she wondered whether they were just bruises on top of other bruises that made it look like he never healed.

But the breakthrough had come one night when she least expected it. It was in the middle of the night. There was always commotion in the building, from couples fighting to an actual fistfight in the room below theirs – it was always something.

She had gotten home from work, and was unlocking the door to her apartment when she heard a woman yelling in the apartment across from hers. "I can't believe I have to do all of this for you, you ungrateful kid."

And a voice so small, so scared, had come through the thin walls. "Mom, I was just looking for food."

The angry woman. "I'll feed you when you deserve it."

Lorelai had never been so angry, her motherly instincts flaring to the surface.

But it was the sound of flesh hitting flesh that had sent her into overdrive. Even now, Lorelai remembered when the door had opened, and something flew out and hit the wall opposite the door. And the woman screamed, "Go find somewhere else to stay until you can keep your fucking hands off of my things." And the door had slammed shut.

And without thinking, Lorelai had reached down, scooped up the six year old little boy, and carried him into her apartment. He barely moved, but he had snuggled up against her, wrapping his arms around her neck. Shaking. He shook so much.

His first words to her were "thank you for the food."

It was a done deal that night for Lorelai. She later found out that his mother, Liz, was known all over the neighborhood for being a drug addict, doing anything and everything she could do to get her next fix – which never involved taking care of her son. It had been almost three weeks before she heard Liz asking around for Jess. Liz' exact words when Lorelai said he was staying with her was, "Don't expect me to pay you anything."

A few weeks later, Liz had been evicted. And that was the last time Lorelai had seen her – and that was almost four years ago.

Jess had become one of the family, at least in Lorelai's eyes. Rory was happy to have someone to play with, to keep her company. And Jess seemed to take pride in looking after Rory, taking on a big brother role like he had been born into that – making sure her homework was done, that she did her chores, and that she stayed away from Chris when he was drunk – a skill that Lorelai sadly learned that he had grown up with.

But as she looked down into his sleepy brown eyes, Lorelai couldn't imagine their lives without her handsome little boy. She could barely believe that he was ten. Growing up so fast. _Faster than he should have to, but fast nonetheless._ She thought.

Then she held up donut in front of him. "I brought you some food."

He sat up, and she could tell that he really was hungry. He took the donut, and said in between bites, "Thanks for just getting me vanilla, not that chocolate shit Rory likes."

Lorelai cringed to hear the crude word – not that she didn't have a mouth like a sailor after being around the people she worked with and for – but that it came out of her son's mouth – the ten-year-old. He had been just as exposed to it as she had, but she still wanted something of him to be a child.

She knew he knew she wasn't happy with it, and he just mumbled, "Sorry" in between bites. When the frosting was sticking to the roof of his mouth, she held out the chocolate milk. "Sorry it's that chocolate crap Rory likes." He smiled, pulled the cap off of the bottle, and drank it down. The donut was gone within seconds, and Lorelai again felt sad that he had been so hungry.

"How did you sleep?" She asked.

He smiled, "Good." And for him to say that, Lorelai knew that it must have been a better night. He had suffered from nightmares since coming to live with them, crying out in the middle of the night, begging her to come hold him because he was scared. But she hadn't heard him mumbling or thrashing in his sleep last night, so that was a good thing.

Then he looked up at her, his eyes filled with heaviness. And she knew he was about to unload something that no child should have to tell an adult. She had no idea what he was going to tell her, but they had enough experience to know when that was going to happen. Because he took it so seriously looking out for Rory, he was her eyes and ears when she was at work.

"He wouldn't let her have any food last night." His voice was quiet. But a bit angry.

Lorelai nodded, and asked, "Did he have food? Or just didn't want to get stuff for you guys?"

"He had a few people over. They were smoking stuff. And had food all over. But he told us if we got out of our room he…"

 _People? You had a party while I was at work? Taking my clothes off just to make ends meet and you were here taking drugs and threatening our children?_ Her mind went a million miles an hour. And then she said, "I'm trying to think of anything else that's going to make this better."

Jess nodded his head, and then he said, "Don't worry about Rory. I'm taking care of her."

A sad smile came to her face at the brave façade this little boy put on to make her feel better. And she ruffled her hand in his curly hair, and said, "I know you are, Jess. But that's not your job. It's my job to take care of my kids."

Then he said words he had said before. And they made her smile because he accepted them as his family. But they made her sad because it showed just how little of a childhood that her little boy had. "I won't let anything happen to her."

Lorelai had to look away as she whispered, "Jess, I know you won't. But I have to look out for both of you."


	4. Chapter 4

Jess waited outside the elementary school for Rory to come out of her classroom. Like every day. She would come skipping out of her classroom, babbling about what she had learned that day, about a new book they let her borrow, or what she had gotten on one of her tests. Jess realized she very rarely had a bad day at school. Because school was Rory's safe place – the place where she could pull out a book, take in ideas, and feel surrounded by knowledge.

But Jess. He didn't have any safe place. Maybe he had a safe person. But there was never a time that he could just be alone and be happy. It was too scary.

Rory came bounding out of her classroom, today holding a book that looked almost bigger than she was. And she ran out, her dirty backpack clomping behind her because she insisted on bringing so many of her books with her to school. "Jess, look! Mrs. Hampton said that if I could read this book, I would probably be the smartest third grader in the whole wide world."

Jess just smiled at her, loving her for being his little sister. Someone so happy to make him feel just a bit better. They walked out the front of the school to find Chris waiting for them. Rory ran over to her dad, and hugged him. "Daddy, look at this big…"

Not even listening, Chris said, "That's great, kiddo." Almost brushing her off. And he urged the kids to keep up with him as he turned to the subway. "We have to get home. I have a job interview."

Jess wanted to laugh. But that would be ok. They both knew he hated when he had to come pick them up from school. Normally that meant that Mom had some seamstress work she was working on at the house before she had to leave for work. He would take them home, go back out to spend his last free hours before he was stuck at home with the kids while Mom was at work.

Rory just continued to talk, on and on about books and school and tests and what had happened at recess. That is until Chris looked down at her and told her sternly, "Shut the fuck up. I can't take listening to your incessant baby talk." Chris looked away and finished, "Just sit and be quiet until we get home."

Jess watched tears come to Rory's eyes. And he immediately snuggled over to her, and touched her hand and whispered, "So, what's that big book about?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorelai had just finished sewing the hem on the skirt she was making for one of her customers when the door opened to find her two precious babies standing there. Rory's face was alive with excitement as she ran to Lorelai, and exclaimed, "I got a whole big book to read!" And Lorelai found her lap occupied by her eight year old and a huge book.

Rubbing her daughter's back, she said, "Rory, honey, you need to get to your chores. So they get done before Mommy has to leave." With only a bit of reluctance, Rory nodded, taking her book and backpack into her room.

"How was school, Jess?" But she looked at his face as he was taking off his shoes, and he looked like he was in pain. Concerned, "What's wrong?"

Until she looked at his white socks that had blood on them. Both of them. In the toe and in the heel. _His shoes are too small for him._ She got up and walked over to him, picked up one of his worn shoes and said, "Jess, these are too small for you."

He just nodded, and she told him, "Take your socks off, Jess." Her voice was concerned, and her face betrayed her when she saw the sores all over his feet from pressure points in his shoes that were too small. She knelt down by him, and pulled him into a hug, and she asked him, "Why didn't you tell me?"

His little voice tried to sound so grown up, but it came out like a little boy in pain. "New shoes cost money."

All she wanted to do was cry. She just wanted to break down, and let her thoughts take over. _What kind of mother lets her son walk around with bloody feet because his shoes are too small? What kind of mother has a child who won't tell her that he has sores on his feet because he is afraid they don't have enough money? What kind of mother was she really being? How could she think that any of this was working?_ But she couldn't break down. She couldn't go into her mind and check out. Because she had to take care of the kids. She had to make sure they were safe. She had to make sure they had enough food to eat. And she had to make sure they were going to be ok. And her mind comforted her, _That's what a mother does._

She planted a kiss on Jess' curly hair, and said, "Jess, honey, that's what Mom is for. To make sure her little boy has shoes that fit him."

His chocolate eyes met hers, and he said, "I just want you to be happy, Mom." He touched her face, brushing away a stray tear that ran down her cheek. His soft fingers on her face, dirty fingernails not mattering – it made her heart melt even more, and he said, "Money makes Mom sad."

She touched his nose, and said, "You, little man, are much more grown up than you need to be." When he finally smiled, she told him, "Go into the bathroom. I think there's some batman bandaids in there for your feet."

He hobbled off, and she let her head fall to her chest in defeat. _Something has got to change._

And then Christopher walked into the house, with a cigarette in his mouth, beer in his hand. _How does he get money for beer and cigarettes when I don't have enough money to buy shoes for the kids?_ Irritation and anger started to unleash.

She stood to her feet, picking up the bloody socks and shoes and setting them on the table. And she addressed her husband. "Chris, we need to talk."

And he stood there, looking at her. His grey eyes finding hers, something he hadn't done in such a long time. In a serious voice, he agreed, "We do."


	5. Chapter 5

Lorelai didn't know what to do. She had been so used to being the adult. To correcting him when he did stupid stuff. And telling him that he had to be home to take care of the kids when she had to go to work. To pressuring him to get a job. It had always been her initiating the talks.

But he leaned against the kitchen door frame, very confident. Something that didn't sit well with Lorelai. And he let smoke out of his mouth, and said, "My dad offered me a job at his firm."

Nothing could have prepared her for that. Her voice must have betrayed her, "What? Back in Hartford? With your dad?" She was trying to wrap her mind around all of that.

Chris nodded, and said, "He told me that he's been saving a spot for me when I came to my senses." She opened her mouth to ask more questions when he continued, "I know we agreed to never go to our parents again, but…" he looked around the room and said, "… I don't know how much longer I can do this, Lor."

"You don't know how much longer you can do this?" She asked incredulously. "What exactly can't you do anymore?" She was getting fired up. Because this was the talk that she was going to have with him. The fact that this couldn't keep going on like this. "You sit at home all day, drinking, smoking. Then you go out when the kids get home until I have to leave."

He was just looking at her. She didn't know if he was actually listening to her. Or just letting her go on and on. But she went. "You put the kids into their room without giving them anything to eat, and then tell them if they come out they won't get breakfast?"

His face got red. And she could tell he was angry when he snapped, "I can't believe he would rat me out."

Lorelai started yelling, "Rat you out? You had a fucking party here last night, did drugs, spent God knows how much money on both of those things and you're mad because your son told me this?"

"He's not my son." Was the first thing that he said.

"Chris, please…" She rolled her eyes, knowing this was going to go nowhere.

He stopped leaning on the doorway, and walked to the kitchen table where he set his bottle of beer down while saying, "No, Lor. That kid is nothing more than another burden that we have to pay for. Food. Clothing. Transportation costs…"

Now she could ramble. Because now she was more than angry. She was furious. "We?" She sarcastically asked. "What the hell do you do around here? The last time I checked, I'm the one who goes to work. I'm the one who brings home the paycheck. I'm the one who has to find a way to pay all the bills. And all the credit cards you fucking racked up." She turned away from him, so angry that she couldn't look at him anymore. "You do nothing around here."

"I watch those kids while you go to work." He yelled back. "I watch them while you go off and pretty much fuck other men for money."

Lorelai couldn't believe what she had just heard. Turning back around, her fists balled in anger, she glared at him and said, "How dare you!" He got a smile on his face, knowing that he had hurt her. "I don't fuck anyone!"

"That's what you say." He muttered.

She still had no idea what to say to the idiot that was her husband. "How on earth do you get to criticize me? I'm doing what I have to do to make sure my kids have food."

His eyes were on fire. He was taking pleasure in watching her be uncomfortable. "Or you do who you have to do…"

"Maybe if you got off your ass and went out there and found a job, I would be able to find a job that isn't so stigmatized." She threw back at him.

He rolled his eyes. "So it's my fault? All of this is my fault?"

She ran her hands through her hair, frustration building. "I didn't say that." She knew that she couldn't blame him for everything. "I know it's been hard, Chris. We knew it would when we left home with Rory."

"I didn't think it could be like this." He said, defeat in his tone.

"I don't think we ever wanted to think it could be this bad." She agreed. Then she put her adult tone on. "But it is like this. And we have to deal with it."

Chris put his cigarette butt out on the kitchem table, leaving ashes all around. She wanted to yell at him and tell him not to do that, that they ate on the table. But she didn't. That wasn't the fight they were fighting.

Chris looked up at her, and said, "I miss my wife."

She didn't understand. "What, Chris? I'm right here."

Then he said something that made her even more angry. "No, here, in this house, with Jess and Rory, with the bills – you're my mother. You're taking care of everything except me."

She tried to say something. But she couldn't get her mind around all of what he had just said. _He said that I was like his mother? And that I don't take care of him?_

He continued. "You're not thinking about what I need as a husband."

So confused but angry, she asked, "What the hell does that mean?"

As she watched his eyes run down the length of her body, she knew. He reached her eyes again, and walked closer to her. "I hate the thought of my wife out there stripping for other men when it's been so long since I've seen her without her clothes on."

Lorelai was pretty sure she had never been so angry in her whole life. She couldn't even form a tanglible sentence. "You…Chris… there's…" And then she just threw her hands up in the air and yelled, "MAN!"

"Do you fucking blame me, Lor?" He said, trying to explain. "I have such a sexy wife with a smoking hot body that everyone but me gets to see."

She wasn't even listening to him anymore. She turned back to the kitchen counter, where she had made oatmeal for the kids for dinner. She put both her hands on the counter, trying to support her because she was so angry she didn't know if she could hold herself up. Her head down on her chest, she just said, "This isn't about sex, Chris."

He walked closer to her. "But it is to me."

She shook her head. "You don't have a job. I have a job. A job that pays enough to keep the creditors off our back for the horrible credit card debt you put into my name."

He was right behind her.

"If you touch me, I will rip your hand off of your arm." She hissed at him, and he took a step back. Giving her time to think. "I come home every night to find you either drunk, high, or passed out on that couch."

His excuse helped nothing. "If I thought there was a chance for something, I would make sure I was awake…"

She shook her head in amazement. Amazement that he was still focused on sex. He must have noticed because he asked, "Well, can you blame me, Lor?"

With that she turned around so fast Chris took another step back. "Holy fucking mother of god yes I fucking can!" That was the last straw. "I blame you for not being able to keep a job. I blame you for taking out credit cards in my name. I blame you for judging how I have to make money to provide for my family."

He must have seen that she wasn't going to let anything happen – that he wasn't going to get lucky that day. Because he reached out and grabbed her arm. And he held it very tight. She pulled away, but he wouldn't let go.

"Christopher, let go. Now." She told him firmly.

He just shook his head, and said, "I want to be with you. I want to touch you again." His tone was sweet. Something that Lorelai hadn't heard from him in a long time. She stopped pulling away from him because it was hurting her. And she didn't want there to be any bruises for work tonight. He reached out and touched her face, "There's nothing I want more than to hold you in my arms, Lor. You're the love of my life."

 _Maybe he really want to change. Maybe…_ She knew her heart was getting involved. And she knew that he had done all of this before. But as she looked up into his troubled eyes, eyes that searched through hers, she wondered if maybe this job offer from his father might just be the break they needed.

He brought his head down so their foreheads were touching. And he whispered, "I'm sorry I've failed so much. It was never my intention to hurt you." His lips were close to hers. And he leaned farther down, and his lips met hers.

And she pulled away so violently that he let go of her arm.

"I can't…" She said, trying to hold herself from shaking. "I can't do it, Chris." She started busying herself by cleaning up her sewing stuff from the table, putting fabric into a box, sewing pins into their container…

"I'm your husband. What can't you do with me?"

She looked up at him and said, "I can't trust you again." She hated herself for getting close to him again. For letting him manipulate her like that. For letting him make her feel like she was less than a person because of what she did. That she was a bad wife for not having sex with him. Because she was doing something that she hated each and every day so she could take care of him because he wouldn't get off his ass and do something. "I just can't, Chris. It's been too long. Too many times. And it all ends up the same. It ends with you losing your job, starting to drink and do drugs again. And my heart ends up broken yet again."

His voice was tense, not yelling, but controlled anger. "Then what are we doing? Why are we trying so hard to make this work?"

She rolled her eyes yet again. "I'm doing it for those kids in there." She pointed at the bedroom. "Those kids are the reason I get up every day. That I bust my ass trying to make sure they have everything they need. That I go to a job that I hate. That I put up with their deadbeat father. It's because of them."

And now there was no controlled anger. It was all anger. His words cut deep as he said, "You think I'm a deadbeat? I have to go to sleep acting as the stupid babysitter, knowing my wife is out there on some pole making other men happy. Knowing that I have a perfectly good job offer with my father."

"Then take the damn job, Chris! Move us home! I won't have to work. You would have a job. The kids could go to school at a decent school. They could sleep in actual beds!" She exclaimed, realizing that maybe this was his way of telling her that they needed a change. And he had a solution. "Why didn't you tell me about this job? I've been waiting and waiting for you to find something. And this? It would be…"

"My father won't hire me if you come home with me."

The room was silent.

Only for a second.

"What do you mean?" She couldn't comprehend what he said. "You mean your dad told you to leave your wife and kids?"

Chris just nodded.

"Who the hell does that? They pressured us to get married! And now he won't hire you because of us being a family?" She had no thoughts. Nothing. She could not wrap her mind around this. "Why?"

He waited a few seconds before answering, "He says that the job represents a fresh start. And that I need a fresh start from everything in the past."

She felt like she had just been punched in the stomach. Her hands were shaking as she brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes. And said, "Is that why you didn't tell me about it?"

A nod. And then an explanation. "I didn't want to hurt you, Lor." He started to move towards her, but she held up a hand that caused him to back up. "I don't know what to do. You said yourself that this is not working between us. You and me."

"It would work if you would try." That was all she could think to say.

Chris picked up his beer from the table, and tipped his head back, chugging the rest of it down. And then he said, "Try for what? You're never going to trust me again. You just said so."

And she looked at him and said, "Give me a reason to trust you, Chris. Don't make me feel bad that I can't trust you. Go out and get a job, make money, pay off the credit cards, be involved in your children's lives. Stop drinking. Stop doing drugs." Part of her was begging him to please just change. She knew if he would try, maybe it would get better.

He just shook his head. "I'm tired of trying for this family." He quietly said. "I want a clean start."

Part of her wanted to scream and yell and tell him what a horrible person that he was. That he couldn't stick to anything. That he would never do anything with his life. That part of her was angry.

Another part of her was absolutely crushed. She had tried so hard to make this family thing work. She had three jobs at one time, making sure that the kids left him alone so he could get sleep to go looking for a job. She had let him run all over her in her defense of being a family. She had tried so hard to be a good wife. And he was fine with just leaving her here, in this hell-hole, with two children to support, to go start a life with a great job, house, family, money?

Her mouth fell open, her eyes filled with tears, and she just couldn't believe that he could give up so easily. "You don't get to make a clean start from your family." She said, trying to make it a statement but it came out like it was a question. Something she thought he knew the answer to, but now wasn't sure.

He ran his hands through his hair, "Lor, it's not like this is an easy decision." He gestured to the bedroom, "It's hard to leave my daughter, here, in this horrible place. To know that she won't have a good life. You think that's easy?"

She still had a hard time understanding what he was saying. But anger was beginning to make up for it. "Then don't." But she watched him shake his head, knowing that he had already decided. "We're here in this horrible place because you can't get your act together and go get a job. Change that. Don't just leave your daughter and son here to go start something new."

He turned to walk out the door. And now she knew that she should be quiet. That she should just let him walk away. But she didn't. "Chris, are you ok with walking away from me?" Her voice was very quiet, because she hated the words she said. _It sounds so needy._ And she was the last person in this room to be needy. "You said it wasn't going to be easy leaving your daughter. What about me?" He turned around so she could look him straight in the eyes. "You're fine with throwing away our marriage?"

She didn't know what she wanted him to say. Maybe that leaving her would be the hardest part of the whole thing. Maybe that he thought leaving would be better that she wouldn't have to put up with him. Maybe that it was unbearable to look at her and know he wouldn't be around to be with her. Maybe that all he wanted to do was make her life easier and that him leaving might do that for her. Maybe that he loved her and hated himself for what he had to do.

But she knew she didn't want him to say what he did.

"I'll find someone else."

Her heart was breaking. This was the man that she had left home with. That she had her daughter with. That had braved this whole world with her. That had made her feel loved and protected when she was missing her bed and home and family when they had left right away. He was also the man that she begged to stop using drugs, to be more involved in Rory's life, to be a good father. And the man that had spiraled out of control, but still held a part of her heart that she didn't think anyone else could fill.

She looked at him, her very facial expression questioning everything about him right now. And she saw something that sent red flags to her. Something dishonest. He couldn't look her in the eye when he talked. And she knew. And she voiced her knowledge. "You've already found someone, haven't you?" She could barely say the words.

He didn't even answer her. And his silence on the issue was enough of a confession. He just said, "I'll be by to pick up my stuff in the morning."

And he tried to walk away. He tried to leave her there, in the city, with no money, no one to watch her children, no one and nothing.

And she let him have it. "You were cheating on me while I was out working to pay for the roof over your head? While I was degrading myself in front of men who just wanted to get off to the movement of my body – all because I needed money to pay the bills - you're here fucking some other woman?" Even as she said it, it seemed to become more real. Then it hit her. "You were seeing someone here with our kids in the other room?" His eyes gave him away. "You son of a bitch." And she thought about their whole conversation. "And you had the nerve to sit here and make me feel like a whore, a slut who only wants attention from men other than my husband!"

"Lor, that's not what…"

"Fuck you, Christopher." She said so loud she was sure the drunk two floors down heard her. And she wasn't done. "You'd better be making so much money at this new job of yours. Because I am filing a lawsuit against you."

He almost laughed at her. "For what? Having an affair?" His eyes again scanned her body, this time in disgust. "You're just a slut. It's not like anyone would blame me."

She walked so she was only inches from his face. And she spat the words out at him. "I'm reporting you for credit card fraud."

His face got white. And she knew she had won. "I'm gonna prove that it was you who gambled all this money away in Vegas in my name. And you and I both know your father won't be able to hire you with that kind of criminal background." He opened his mouth, but she wasn't finished. "You think you can just saddle me with a total of 350,000 dollars in credit for the rest of my life?"

She looked at the clock. It was 6:30. She had to leave. She sneered as she watched fear take over his face. "You walk out of that door, I'll go down to the courthouse in the morning and file charges."

"You wouldn't." He tried to sound confident, but it came out as a question.

She looked away and said, "Look at what I've had to do in order to keep my children safe."

If it wasn't something so horrible that he was thinking about doing, she would have laughed at his absolutely terrified face. And terrified voice when he asked, "Can I take time to think about it?"

She had no choice but to make him think he had the upper hand – to make him think he had the choice in the matter. Because she would not let him treat her like had. She would not let him do this to her family.

"You stay here, watch the kids, and think about what you want to be doing for the next few years of your life. Sitting in jail for credit card fraud or being with your family."

She went into the kid's room and kissed them goodbye, told them that dinner was on the counter. And that they were to be in bed at 9. She grabbed her coat, walked back into the kitchen to find Chris standing in the same place with the same fearful look on his horrible face.

And she put her coat on, pulled her hair out from the collar, and sent him a look of hatred. And said, "If you let her in this apartment tonight while I'm gone, I will kill you." And she slammed the door behind her.


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n - thanks so much for the reviews! I'm so happy with them! Please review this one - and it's about to get interesting! :)**

Lorelai arrived a t the club earlier than normal. _Must walk faster when I'm angry._ She thought as she walked down the alley at the back of the club. She held her breath as she walked past the dumpsters, having learned from experience that even in the cold, the smell could make anyone's gag reflex kick in. Stepping over a few puddles of who knows what, Lorelai reached the door, where she used her key to unlock the paint-chipped door. She remembered the night that some drunk had stumbled into the dressing room downstairs after having found his way through the back door. After that, the girls were given a key to unlock the door from the outside. Lorelai pulled the door behind her, again locking it from the inside, and turned to walk down the stairs into the basement of the building.

She remembered the first few months she had worked at this particular club, she had about killed herself a few times when she tried to walk down the rickety staircase. With little to no light, the uneven steps took a while to get used to. Her feet that hadn't been used to her work shoes weren't in the best condition to navigate the stairwell for a while.

But she reached the concrete floor of the basement with ease and walked down the hallway towards the women's laughter and light coming out of the dressing room. She walked in to find the ladies who had been there during the day shift pulling their everyday shoes and coats. Lorelai stepped aside to let one of them pass. She tried to remember the girl's name, Mary. Or Maria… the day and night strippers never really interacted much because they were always leaving when Lorelai got to work. But there was a unspoken rule. And Maria or Mary leaned over and whispered, "Watch out for Oscar. He's on the hunt."

Lorelai didn't even look or sound surprised when she said, "Thanks." She always knew there was this possibility.

Oscar was the owner of the club. Unlike most strip clubs, Oscar was involved in every aspect of operations in the club. From the bar to the girls, he made it his business to be there and control what needed to be controlled. Most clubs had someone who watched out for the girls, someone who was there if things got carried away with customers, or to schedule who was up next for dances and who was in the VIP room, and all the other things that were so logistical in nature that someone who was profiting on the sales of alcohol and door fees wouldn't normally concern himself with. But not Oscar.

Lorelai walked over to her locker, used her second key on her keychain to unlock the padlock on the small square space where she kept everything she needed to don her other personality.

She heard some of the other girls, Rose and Crystal, talking at the long counter with everything they needed to get ready. "I heard he fired someone this morning."

The other girl asked, "What for?"

Lorelai turned to see Rose finish putting her eyeliner on, and then Rose said, "It's all just gossip, but I heard she turned someone down for a dance."

Crystal voiced the thoughts in Lorelai's mind. "Who would do that? Especially during the day, when customers are so rare." Everyone knew that the girls during the day had to work so much harder to get tips and dances. That was why Lorelai knew she couldn't afford to work during the day. She had started out as a day time dancer, but she had barely made enough to cover the fees Oscar charged the girls to use his strip club to dance. Which then forced her to work at night, creating the problem of having someone to stay with the kids.

Rose continued her story, "Apparently he was her ex-boyfriend or something…" They were on to the next subject, which was boyfriends, "If my man came in here, I think I would end it with him right there."

"And Oscar fired her? For that?" Lorelai had their attention.

Rose just nodded. "He said that she was there to give the man what he wanted. And if she couldn't do her job, she wouldn't have one."

Shaking her head in disbelief, Lorelai just said, "It's going to be a fun night tonight, huh?" The girls turned back to their conversation about what they would do if their ex boyfriend came into the club. Lorelai, on the other hand, knew she had a few minutes before she needed to get ready, so she locked her locker back up and walked back out into the hallway, turning the opposite way that she had come in. Instead she went up some other stairs, not so old, but not so nice.

She walked up into the back of the club area. Still a place where no customers were allowed, which had many times been a safe place when Lorelai had first started and needed a break from the men that seemed to suffocate her. _But now, you're used to it._ She thought to herself, making her hurry even more to find what she was looking for. Something to calm her nerves.

Pushing the swinging door to the kitchen open, she walked into the small, cramped kitchen, with smells that both made Lorelai's stomach churn with confusion – tacos, lobster, and something unidentifiable to Lorelai's nose – but her stomach also growled with hunger, probably at the point that it would take absolutely anything she put into it.

"Please tell me you still have coffee on?" Lorelai asked, knowing that the person she was looking for was in there because that's just how it worked.

The sweet but exhausted voice of her friend called out to her from somewhere underneath some cardboard boxes by the door that lead outside. "I washed the pot already."

Lorelai whined. "Sookie! Today of all days." She leaned against the counter, and watched as the pile of cardboard moved, and her friend's head poked out.

"I just thought that because…" She fell backwards into the cardboard, and Lorelai walked over and held out her hand. To which Sookie grabbed it and Lorelai helped her up to her feet. "I think they had a meeting to talk about getting rid of me." Sookie said, and Lorelai sent her a confused look, and Sookie explained, "The boxes. I've been trying to get them out of the door for almost an hour."

Lorelai just shook her head and smiled at her friend. "How long are you going to let them keep you here, Sookei?" She asked, "I know you hate working here just as much as I do."

Sookie walked over to the sink and started washing the dishes, not before she said, "Ow. There was a knife in that water."

Lorelai had met Sookie the first night she had started working here. And the thing that brought them together was Lorelai's need for coffee. She had come into the kitchen, hobbling on her high heels that she wasn't completely comfortable in yet, and she had begged the person with her hands in dishwater to give her some coffee. Lorelai smiled as she remembered the shocked look on Sookie's face that night at a dancer coming in looking for coffee instead of at the bar looking for some alcohol.

Sookie was putting herself through culinary school, and worked here in the sad little kitchen to pay her bills after her classes were done. One of the most accident prone people that Lorelai had ever met before in her entire life. But Sookie was also one of the best listeners that Lorelai had in her life right now. So she came for the coffee but the conversation was a nice break from being the mommy in charge at home with a drug addict for a husband.

"How on earth can you not have coffee?" She asked needing something.

Sookie turned from the sink and smiled at her, and pointed a sudsy hand toward the corner of the food prep table. "It's not hot, but it's…"

Lorelai already had the coffee in her hand and finished her friend's sentence, "…coffee, coffee, coffee." Taking a sip of the lukewarm drink, she knew she had to get back downstairs and get ready. But she needed just a bit of venting time.

Sookie was in the middle of telling her about some kind of dish that she had made that day in culinary school. "It was the best pork chops I have ever…"

"My husband is cheating on me." Lorelai said, her face watching Sookie's, watching for her reaction.

Water went everywhere as she turned around, sending bubbles flying everywhere. "What? When?" Lorelai gestured to the room, and Sookie's mouth fell open, "You mean he's…" Lorelai nodded her head. "When you're…" Lorelai nodded again. "With the kids in the…"

Lorelai took another sip of coffee then said, "My reaction exactly." Finishing her cup, she looked down at her shoes and said, "And he is going to leave. His dad offered him a job back home."

"Oh, honey." Sookie said, drying her hands off and walking over to Lorelai.

Lorelai took a deep breath and said, "I don't know what I'm going to do, Sookie. He's going to leave and I'm going to have all the bills to pay. And I'm going to have to get a new job because I can't leave the kids at home alone."

She put her head in her hands, and for the first time that day, she felt tears come to her face. And then she voiced the hardest part of it all. "I'm failing." She felt Sookie's hand on her shoulder. "I can't give my kids clothes that don't have holes in them." More tears. "Jess has sores on his feet because his shoes are too small."

The hand on her shoulder left, and Lorelai looked up to find Sookie rummaging through the bottom drawer in the prep table. Brushing her tears off of her cheeks, Lorelai asked, "What are…"

And then she saw what Sookie was looking for. In her hand she held a bottle of tequila. And she said, "Sometimes it gets boring back here during the day." And she pulled out a shot glass.

Lorelai shook her head, "I have to go to work. I can't be…"

She was shut up when Sookie handed her the shot glass filled with tequila. "You need something to take your edge off."

Lorelai stared at the brown liquid. _It's not like I'm going to get drunk._ Then she smiled. _Is there ever a night where there isn't at least one of the girls who is completely drunk?_ She held the glass to her lips, and then her mind went to where her husband probably was. Sitting on the couch. Either high or drunk. And she realized that her kids were probably sitting in their room with their substance abusing father in the living room.

And she set the tequila shot down on the counter behind her and said, "Sookie, I'm sorry. I just have to be the sober parent."

Sookie nodded and said, "Well…" and she reached over and picked up the glass and threw it back, grimacing as she swallowed. Lorelai looked at her, realizing that she had never seen her friend drink before. _Oh, the irony because we both work in a place with a huge bar._ "… I guess it's just more for me."

Concerned about her friend, Lorelai said, "Oh, Sookie, is something wrong?" She felt like a bad friend, "I just came in here and unloaded. I didn't ask how you were…"

Pouring herself another drink, Sookie just said, "My roommate gave me four days to find a new place because she got married and doesn't want me there with her and her new husband." She tipped back the drink, and said, "So now I don't have a place to live."

Lorelai watched as her friend stood there in front of her. Stood there being the answer to all of the problems that were her life right now. Lorelai would have laughed if she hadn't have been so absolutely relieved. "Sookie! You can come live with me."

"What?' Surprise overtook the chef's face, and she set the liquor down on the table and asked, "Huh?"

Lorelai grabbed her and hugged her so tight. Then she let go and looked into her eyes and said, "Sookie. I need someone to be with the kids while I'm here at work. You get done at 7:30 here. You need somewhere to live. You can stay with me and then someone will be at the house with the kids while…"

Sookie started jumping up and down. "Oh, my! This is going to be great! I don't have to sleep in the boxes." She gestured to the boxes on the ground.

Lorelai could just see it in her mind. She could finally kick Christopher out. She could show him that she didn't need him with her. This was the last night she would have to worry about him not taking care of the kids while she was at…

"Holy shit!" She exclaimed, looking at the clock on the wall. "Work!" It was 7:40, and she had to be on the floor at 8. She gave Sookie one last hug and said, "I'll call you tomorrow, ok?" And then rushed off, down the stairs, into the dressing room, her heart just a little bit lighter.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - It's about to get real. I really hope to show through this chapter the deep hurt but deep love that Lorelai experiences. I love hearing and getting suggestions from people in the reviews - i do look at them and take them very seriously - so if you ever have any ideas or want to chat - review or more importantly send me a message! I would love to talk through things so I can become a better writer! Thanks so much!**

Lorelai wrapped her hair into a tight knot, tied it, and put her wig on. It was completely black, came down just to her shoulders, and had streaks of green throughout it. Making sure it was secure, Lorelai quickly moved to her makeup, and she watched as she was turned from clean-faced Lorelai to her work persona, Jade.

Where Lorelai was plain, Jade was ornate. Lorelai wore a long sleeved shirt that was usually a solid color, jeans, and brown boots – that was just what she wore. But Jade – that was a whole other story. It started out with a sequined crop top that reached just underneath her black lacy bra. Her stomach was bare, her thin waist accentuated by the neon green leather mini skirt that rested so low on her hips that the strip from her thong could be seen peeking over the waistband. Her platform heels, which pushed four and a half inches high, drew the eyes up her soft and long legs to the hem of her skirt, that barely covered her ass.

Stage makeup was old hat for Lorelai now. The extra blush, the thick eyeliner, the glitter eye shadow. The dark red lip stain. The only thing that Lorelai recognized in the mirror was the one thing that if she met someone on the street – the one identifying feature of her face. Her eyes. Their deep blue seemed to imprint on other people, her one mark.

She was just checking to make sure her wig was completely secure when she heard his voice in the doorway.

"Thinking about doing your job tonight, Jade?"

She cringed at his voice, but she was in character. She just looked at him, and said, "Sorry, Oscar. I just wanted to make sure…" She was walking towards the door of the dressing room, the click of her heels on the concrete floor echoing throughout the now empty room. She could tell that he was angry that she was a few minutes late. His lips were drawn into a tight line, his eyes hastily looking her over to make sure she was approved for the floor. In one hand, he held what Lorelai had learned was a Cuban cigar, the scent that she now associated with Oscar. His other hand was extended out, where she laid the sixty dollar dancing fee that he required for the girls to pay him.

"You're up first for the stage." His Brooklyn accent hit her ears, and she just nodded, starting to walk past him, but he grabbed her arm and made her stop. His hand on her skin sent goosebumps up her bare arm. Not from excitement. But from fear – he was her boss. He could take her job away with the snap of his fingers.

She ran her gaze from his hand on her arm to his face. Hardened and wrinkled, he looked to be somewhere between sixty and seventy years old, but it wasn't his age that was intimidating. It was his clipped tones that gave no room for questioning in his club. "Don't ever be late again, Lorelai, do you understand me?"

She just slightly moved her head up and down. And then suddenly, his face changed from serious and almost angry to that of a grandfather, and his words followed that change when he asked, "Everything going ok?" Like he was interested in her life. That was the confusing part about Oscar. He could be one of the nicest, most caring men in the world, and then the next minute, he made others feel like he could kill them and get away with it completely.

She plastered her smile on her face – well, not her smile, but Jade's smile – and nodded and said, "Life's going, you know?"

He let go of her arm and smiled, gesturing for her to walk out of the room in front of him. Lorelai walked down the hallway, up the stairs, knowing he was following her. Both because she could hear his boots on the wooden steps behind her and because he was complementing her.

"You have a gorgeous ass." If it had been anyone else, she would have turned around and roundhouse kicked him down the stairs. But this was her boss. And this wasn't something that he was saying to be lewd. He told the girls when they started working at the club, "I am an expert in this business. I've seen some of the best women in the industry. So when I say something about your body, I'm validating that you have enough talent and the physique to be successful." So, when Lorelai reached the top of the stairs, she didn't feel self-conscience about the fact that he had said that to her. Then she felt guilty that she didn't feel conflicted at those words. _Look at how accustomed you've gotten, Lorelai._

She walked up a few more stairs, which led to the backstage entrance to the stage. She gave her list of songs to the DJ, the ones she always used.

And now, in the few seconds before it was her turn to go out there on the stage, out there with the men leering at her, with their eyes that would follow her every move, their hands playing with themselves, their tongues licking their lips while she would dance out there for them. But now she took the time to file that away. She set aside the lights that would be trained on her, putting her in the spotlight in comparison to the dark club. She wouldn't let their comments they would call out to her, their whistling, and all other forms of putting her down – she mentally blocked them out. All thoughts of how drunk so many of them would be, which brought down their inhibitions – she wouldn't think about that. She refused to cringe at how by the time she was done taking her clothes off, one or more of the men would have reached up and tried to take away some of her clothing that would be littered on the stage, leaving her at the end of the dance to try and find each article of clothing – it wasn't uncommon for them to put her bra into their mouths and make her pull it out before they would give it back to her. She refused to think about how so many of them would wave their dollar bills in the air, thinking that entitled them to her attention – and she pushed the guilt away that she felt because she knew that was what she would do. But most of all, she pushed away the memory of the words that her husband had thrown at her that night. She woulnd't thin about how he had called her a slut, said that she went there to prostitution herself to other men, or how she was a bad wife for not letting him fuck her. She cleared all of those thoughts out of her mind and focused on the reason she was there. _Reasons._

 _Jess._ He tried to be so strong for her, but Lorelai could see the fear in his eyes each night that she kissed him goodnight before leaving for work. His chin would go out, his rough act coming out when he would say, "I'll make sure Rory is ok." But there were those nights where he didn't want to be strong. Those nights just about made her stay home with him in her arms. He would wrap his arms around her neck and snuggled his little nose into the nape of her neck and his little boyish voice would whisper, "I love you, Mommy."

 _Rory._ Part of Lorelai was thankful that Rory seemed to be in her own little world – a wonderful world – instead of the world that kind of had handed her a horrible hand. She was always so happy, a smile on her face pretty much even when she was sleeping. Her eyes were always the brightest when she was reading the next book that was interesting her. The little fingers that wriggled themselves into Lorelai's anytime that they were together, their laughter when Lorelai would start to tickle her – all made Lorelai hurt more when she would say goodbye to her little Rory.

Those were her reasons. She had to go out there and make money – not to please those animals out there – not to make herself feel more empowered as a dancer or woman – but because of the two innocent reasons that were waiting for her at home. The reasons that needed to eat – that needed a roof over their heads – that needed to be loved and cared for. She took one more deep breath, her mind looking at her memory of their beautiful faces, and she pushed open the heavy curtain.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry this took so long to get out - it was quite the feat of research, my first scene to write a stripping scene - so it was a first on many levels. Let me know what you think - if you think this is good or not. Also just a fair warning - this is a stripping scene - so it is for mature audiences.**

 **ALSO just one more thing - please please please let me know if you have any comments about why i picked a profession like this for her - I would love to explain that - just message me! I would love to hear from you!**

The whistling and clapping as she walked out onto the stage did nothing but make her annoyed at these men. But she couldn't let them see that, so she plastered her fake smile on her face and walked out to the pole. Placing both hands stretched above her on the cold steel, she waited for the music to start before she began to move her hips, teasing those watching her. She had picked the song, "Gimme More" by Britney Spears. She never picked songs that she actually liked – she didn't want anything she liked to remind her of what she did during those dances.

Taking the first few seconds of the song, she scoped out her victims here at the front of the stage. One of the men was a regular, who tipped pretty well enough. _Enough to do a little bit more in front of him to get something out of him._ She thought as she looked a few seats down to find a greasy haired, long bearded man who looked to be around fifty or sixty years old. _Awkward to dance for someone who could be my father, but most old men tip rather well._ She hoped he didn't smell. A few seats over sat a group of young guys. From the blank look on their face, Lorelai could tell that this was probably a first time in a strip club. _They could go either way – they'll think it's so amazing that they'll over-tip or they don't know the acceptable way to pay a dancer for her time, and they could not tip at all. But judging from the stack of dollar bills in each of their hands, she knew to make them a priority._

The lyrics started.

And so did she.

Pushing her body flush with the pole, she let her hips begin rotating up and down, bringing her body down and back up with her movements. Her body moved in a memorized pattern, enticing those men here at the bar, but allowing her mind to be far away. After a few times up and down, she turned so her ass was facing the pole, and she crossed her arms across her body, running her hands down the opposite arm, then across her crop top, stopping her hands right under the seam. _How are you going to tell Chris that you don't need him anymore? Or should I just throw his stuff out of the apartment window until he gets the idea and leaves?_ Starting to pull the shirt up to reveal her lacy black bra, she pulled her hands away, a teasing look on her face as she watched the young boys jump at her sudden movement. _He didn't deserve any explanation after what he had done to her! Cheating on her in her own home! With their children in the next room._ She then ran her hands down her ribs, resting on her hips as she followed the pole down to the ground with her ass almost touching the ground, then shimmied back up again. _How dare he accuse her of being a whore when he was out screwing another woman._ Finding the zipper at the front of the leather skirt, she slowly unzipped it, then pulled the two flaps open, her hips still rotating her back against the pole. Stepping away from the pole, she took long, elongated steps over so she was right in front of the group of young guys. Turning so her back was to them, she ran her hands down her body until they again came to the top of her skirt. She turned her head backwards, and waited until she met the eyes of the youngest looking man, gave him her most depraved sexy look, and began to wriggle her skirt up and over her ass, down past her barely visible black thong, down past her knees, and only when her head was right by her feet did she step out of her skirt, making sure to keep her backside towards the viewers, she threw her skirt over towards the back of the stage. Slowly she twerked her way back into standing position, knowing every man's eyes in the room were right on her ass. She could see the young guys setting a stack of dollar bills on the stage, and she knew how to get the rest out of their hands. And with one last shake of her hips, she gently slapped her hand against her bare ass, watching the rest of the money hit the stage. She made sure that when she bent over to pick up the money that her shirt fell open and gave them a clear view down her cleavage, which would soon be completely exposed. Folding the bills over the left side of her thong, she made her way back to the pole.

Her mind went back to thinking while she began the last part of her dance. _What kind of man tells his son to leave his wife and children to take a job?_ Running her hands from the wad of cash on her hips up her ribs, she fiddled with the lace on her bra underneath the shirt that was about to come off.

She sent a sexy smile to the old man who waved a few dollar bills in her direction. And she thought maybe he was one of the nice guys until she heard him call out, "Show me your titties, bitch." She knew better than to cringe, which would only be a turn off to the other men watching the show. She just focused her mind on getting through this dance. Crossing her hands in front of her, she never stopped moving her body in a figure eight form as she pulled her shirt up and over her shoulders. Keeping her hands raised above her head, she began to bounce her chest as she moved her hips down into a squat, her feet spread apart giving everyone a clear shot of her thin black thong that barely left much to the imagination.

The surly man yelled something again, but Lorelai ignored it, knowing she was almost done and had to make the last few moves count. Staying in the open squat for a second longer until the man closest to her looked at her and grinned, she tossed her shirt behind her, and then ran her hands through her hair as she stood straight up again. Turning again so her back was facing her audience, she knew they were waiting for the last unveiling. From experience, she knew that drawing it out as long as possible made for the best tips and best call for lap dances after she got off of the stage – because men wanted their lap dance to last as long as possible if they were paying twenty dollars per dance.

Letting her hands crawl from her hair to her neck, she rotated her shoulders back and forth, to make them think about how her breasts were pushing against each other. And then she brought her hands to the back of her bra, carefully fiddling with the clasp, snapping the bra against her skin a few times before she unclasped it. She just looked behind her, finding them all sitting forward in their chairs, somehow more and more money on the stage. Sliding the bra strap off of each shoulder, she didn't turn around but bent over, still looking behind her. From where they sat down below the stage, she knew that between her spread out legs they could see the cups of her lacy bra still covering her breasts. And she teased them for a minute just gyrating her hips which made her ass cover and uncover her breasts from where she leaned forward. Then she let the black covering fall to the ground in front of her. She heard whistles as she knew they could see just a little bit of her because her back was still to them. As naked as she was going to be, she started to stand straight up again; her hands came up the sides of each of her breasts, and she pushed them together, knowing it was driving them nuts behind her because they could only see the outline of what she was doing to herself. Then moved her hands from her chest up her neck to her hair. And now she was back into her hip movement, her whole body flowing without inhibition from clothing. She let her hands escape her hair and free themselves into the air, and that was when she stopped moving so slowly and she started dancing – the dancing that really drove the men crazy.

Grabbing the pole with her left hand, she whirled herself around, facing her audience full frontal, putting on the face that said she was happy with the clapping and hooting and hollering that followed their first view of her exposed chest. She grabbed the pole with both hands and started thrusting her hips into the air, simulating what every man was fanaticizing doing to her right at that moment. The utterly animalistic movement from her hips threw her chest bouncing, and she pushed her whole body into the pole. The thrusting from her hips snaked the pole against her body and between her breasts, then backed away again as her hips again met the pole. Twisting one of her legs around the pole, she twisted expertly so her back was to the pole, and she started writhing up and down the pole, giving the allusion of utter lack of control that she seemed to have over her body as the dance came to a close. Her ass almost touched the floor, and she set her hands on her ankles, her back pressed into the pole. Her last move was always a killer for these men out there. _Gotta give them something to remember me by._ As she rotated her body up the pole, her hands followed her body as she straightened up, all the way up her soft legs, caught a little bit on the strap on her thong, up her ribs, around her breasts where she pushed them up a bit, around her neck, into her hair and finally found the pole, and she stretched her arms as long as they would go. Her body was fully flush against the pole completely exposed except her tiny thong. As much skin as they would see. And as the last note of the song hit, she did the one thing that drove the audience crazy. She closed her eyes in a look of complete satisfaction, set her teeth on her bottom lip. And just before the lights on the stage went off, she let a loud, longing moan escape her mouth.


	9. Chapter 9

The reviews aren't showing up - if you left one on the last two chapters - sen me a pm of what it was!


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: REVIEWS ARE VISIBLE AGAIN! PLEASE COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK - I WONDER WHAT YOU THINK IS GOING ON BETWEEN THE TWO IN THIS SCENE - AND IF YOU CAN SEE THE FORESHADOWING HERE SOON. WHO KNOWS - BUT I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM ALL OF MY READERS! THANKS SO MUCH!**

She didn't take time to enjoy the clapping and whistling that followed the lights going off. Expertly grabbing her bra from the ground, she clasped it on just as the lights came on. And they clapped even more when she bent down to collect her stacks of tips from the stage. Making sure to sway her hips as much as possible, she made her way to the back stage where she grabbed the rest of her clothing and walked out of the light on the stage to the dark in the back, which she was glad for. Walking down the stairs from the stage, Lorelai made her way donw the basement stairs to the dressing room.

She wasn't even close to being done with her shift, but she needed to put her clothes away – the shirt and skirt, and make sure her money was in a safe place. She passed a few of the girl who had done the same thing, but her mind was in counting just how much she had made in her first dance of the evening.

She finished looking through the stack of green, and muttered to herself, "Six hundred." _Pretty good for the first dance._ She thought. _Must have been those young boys trying to act like men –their first time watching a stripper really thrills them._ Unlocking her locker, she put her cash into her purse and pulled out her phone. As a mother, she would try and check her phone whenever possible just to make sure that there hadn't been any emergency or problem at the house. _Not that Chris would give you a call if there was._ Jess always promised that if something happened, he would get the phone from Chris and call her. She hated how much of a little man her ten year old had to be compared to Chris.

When she was sure her phone was clear, she locked her belongings in the locker again, and turned to the mirror. Making sure her wig was still secure and her makeup hadn't smudged while she had been dancing, she was startled when she heard his voice at the door yet again.

"How much did you make with that one?" Oscar asked.

Lorelai smiled, and said, "Six."

"Damn." The old man shook his head in disbelief. "I almost threw down a few bills myself."

She knew she should be proud of herself – this man knew the business. He had been in the business for a long time – he had owned almost every club here in Brooklyn. So Lorelai knew she should take the compliment and appreciate the attention he was giving her.

But there was something else here. The second time he had come to the dressing room in one night. And asking her how much money she had made – it was kind of known among the whole staff that you just didn't ask that – because money was not the way to measure success, because some nights she could do that same dance and make fifty dollars.

She just nodded, "New blood in the audience." Which they both knew was the contributing factor to her making that much money.

"Someone asked for a lap dance." Not unusual. "Asked for you specifically." Again, after she had danced, that wasn't uncommon at all. It meant she had done her job correctly – making them want more of her. "He paid ahead of time."

Oscar held his cigar in his mouth, and reached into the back pocket of his pants, pulling out a stack of bills that looked very similar to the wad in her purse. But as he flipped his fingers through the cold hard cash, she noticed that where her bills were either ones or fives, this was full of twenties and fifties. Her eyes grew wide and she looked back up into his eyes, that were watching her. "Fifteen hundred." His said simply.

"Who would pay that much for a dance when the price is twenty?" Alarm bells were going off in her head. Because although Oscar took care of the women who worked for him, everyone knew that his first priority revolved around profit. And someone offering that much money was suspicious to Lorelai. Because at least three or four times a night, the man she was dancing for would lean up and whisper into her ear some amount of money that they would pay her to have sex with them. They just assumed that a woman who was comfortable taking off her clothes in front of people would have no reservations about fucking men for money. But she was also not stupid enough to know that some of girls even who worked here probably took some of them up on their offer, if the offer was good enough.

And as Lorelai looked at that stack of bills and the look in Oscar's eyes, she was afraid of what he was going to ask her to do.

"He said there was something about you." Oscar explained. "Something that made him know he had to have you."

A pit formed in her stomach. And she shook her head. "I am not…"

A look of understanding came to his eyes, and he looked shocked, "No, Lorelai, it's not like that." He looked so concerned for her, and he moved over and put his hand on her bare arm. "I would never ask you to do that, honey."

Relief began to flood over her and she let out the breath she had been holding. "Oh, thank god. I didn't know what I was going to do if you asked me to…"

He pulled her into a hug, something that Lorelai didn't think she was comfortable with. One of his hands wrapped around her bare back and the other pulled her head into his chest as he set his head on hers. And he said, "Never would I let someone do that to my girl."

A hug from an old man that she knew so well would not have felt so intimate and frightening. But the fact that she only had a bra and thong on her body made her feel even more uncomfortable. He rubbed her back with his hand, rough against her soft skin. She could feel his warm breath in her hair as he breathed, and she told herself that he was just trying to make sure she knew he cared about her.

But as uncomfortable as she felt, she didn't pull away. And she didn't know why she didn't. Maybe because he still hadn't explained the reason why the bills were so huge. Or because his hand around her back held on tight, or because he was her boss and could make her life miserable. _It was only a hug._ She told herself.

After a few uncomfortable seconds, he moved his hands to her shoulders, and pulled her away from him and looked into her eyes. A genuine smile came to his mouth, and he started to explain. "The man just wants a lap dance with you. One where he can touch you."

Lorelai still was surprised. Every dance she gave, she always warned the men that they could watch her and she could touch them, which was the point of the dance, but they were not allowed to feel her up, hold her hands, or anything else while she danced. Because men were creeps, some would argue with her, offering her more tip money if she would let them hold her breasts or her ass. Others would agree, and then when she started, they would try to feel her up without her knowledge, which always made her mad that they thought she wouldn't feel them. When that happened, she normally would just use her hands and set their hands above their head against the wall, and keep dancing, hoping that they would get the cue.

The first few nights she had worked, if they tried to push past that, she would call security and have them removed because it was against her rights as a dancer to have them groping her. And the club did have a no touching policy.

But after the first week or so, she realized that the other dancers let the men lightly hold them while they danced. And usually, the men would tip even better after that dance. One of the girls even told them that she charged fifteen dollars extra to allow contact – so she made almost the same amount as two dances in one.

So as much as Lorelai hadn't liked it, and she did warn them about not touching her, she eventually just used it to her advantage to make more money. As long as it was just light touching, she was fine. A couple times a man had slapped her ass or one asshole had dug too hard into her breasts, leaving her with marks on her body for a few days. When she had a guy who wanted to hurt her, she still called security, because she couldn't have them marking up her body that she had to use to make money.

She realized that she hadn't said anything while she was thinking through this. Oscar hadn't said anything. Just looked at her. All of her. A smile on his face.

Her voice held the confusion she still felt, "I still don't understand." She wanted to cross her arms in front of her lacy bra, but he was still holding her shoulders with his large hands. "Why would he pay that much money…"

"Does it really matter?" Oscar asked. "I'm willing to pay you one grand of this money."

The figure floated through her head, something that normally took at least three or four nights to make. _You could buy groceries. And new clothes for Rory. And shoes for Jess. Two pairs even._ And she could maybe pay some of the bills for the next month so it wouldn't be so when the rent had to come out of the paycheck next week.

But something inside of her was screaming that something was up. _No one pays that much…_

One of his hands made its way to her cheek, and he brushed his fingers right along her jawbone. And he said, "You deserve this break, Lorelai." She was feeling so exposed. Tearing her eyes from his, she looked down. She hated feeling vulnerable, but Oscar seemed to know how to make her feel that way and make her feel special and cared for at the same time. He moved her chin so she had to look at him and he said, "It's just three minutes, baby doll." His new York accent wrapped its way around his nick name for her. "I'll be right there. Just three minutes."

Somehow looking up into the eyes of this man who seemed to care about her, something told her that she could do this. And then a thought entered her head that comforted her for a second before is scared her half to death. _You can endure anything for three minutes._


	11. Chapter 11

He threw another shot back, savoring the burning of the tequila down his throat. It matched the burning in his whole body. Burning for her. Setting the shot glass on the bar, he called to the bar tender, "Another." Leaning against the counter, he could feel the last three shots starting to tingle throughout his body, throughout his conscience, causing him to wonder what feeling he had left. Grabbing the shot glass again, he tipped his head back, and swallowed all inhibitions he had about what he was about to do.

He would have done anything for that woman.

He remembered back to the first time he realized that he loved her, back in high school. They were on vacation with their parents, and they had heard about a college party going on at the beach that night at midnight. He remembered how she had begged him to go with her, explaining just how much she needed to get out and blow some steam after being stuck on vacation with her parents for three weeks.

They met on the beach that night, and he would never forget what she had looked like that night when she had danced with him out there with the moonlight as their spotlight and the waves as their audience. Her bathing suit, a small two piece, was black, contrasting with her pale skin, had driven him wild that night. Her hips moved to the music, her arms up over her head with her brown hair cascading over her shoulders. She had grabbed him and pulled her along with her in the dance, her breath on his neck as she whispered, "Dance with me." Her eyes sparkled, he didn't know if it was from the alcohol or the moon, but he didn't care as they had rocked that beach together. He had felt so wonderful as he could see college guys checking her out, watching her move her body against his. And he had felt so much power as he had pulled her even closer against him just to drive everyone watching crazy. They drank as much as they could handle, and when they could barely stand up, he had found a secluded part of the beach.

Another shot back.

He remembered how he had cradled her underneath him, the feeling of her skin against him electrifying every nerve in his body. An amateur, his hands had fumbled with her swimsuit bottom as she kissed him with such fury and desire as her fingers ran through his hair. Her lips only moved from his when she leaned her head back and moaned as his fingers found their mark. He could feel her breathing change as he kissed her exposed neck, his tongue running circles on her skin that matched his fingers. He remembered how powerful he felt when she had moaned his name before searching for his lips again.

But as he moved his fingers down lower, he remembered how her eyes had flown open, her hips had bucked, and slurred words came from her mouth, "I don't want…"

He moved his lips to hers, covering her hesitant tone. But her hands moved from his hair to his chest, and she turned her head away from his mouth. Pushing against him, she whined, "Not here." His hand felt her thighs close, and she started to wriggle against his body weight on top of her.

Being the caring little child he was that night, he had rolled off of her and asked her if she was ok, to which she had responded that she was fine but it just wasn't the time. They had both agreed that they were both so drunk that this wasn't the way that they wanted it to happen. Instead, they had just cuddled there on the beach, her head resting on his chest, his arm around her waist as they waited for the sun to come up, listening to the waves in the darkness.

It had been at that very moment. Lying there with her snuggled up against him, the smell of coconuts coming from her hair, feeling her every breath as she drifted off to sleep, it had been then and there that he knew he was in love. That he just wanted to wake up every morning like that, snuggled up together.

Another shot back.

Because although he had been the sweet gentleman on the beach, he was no longer that sixteen-year-old boy who wanted to make sure that his girlfriend was happy and comfortable. He was no longer the kind kid who waited until his girlfriend was completely ready before having sex with her. He wasn't the boy who gave up his dreams of going to college to provide for the mother of his child. Nor was he the boy who worked multiple jobs, putting up with shit that all his bosses put him through, only to come home to his wife having taken in another child to feed. No, he was no longer that boy.

Another shot as he turned around to face the club.

He was a man. And as that man, he was about to show her that he got what he wanted.

Especially from her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorelai could feel Oscar's hand on the back of her arm as he led her to where the guy was in the dark club. Normally, she would have felt that to be something controlling, but he wasn't pulling her. He wasn't forcing her into anything. He was just showing her where she needed to go. And, maybe after how he had comforted her downstairs, maybe this was his way of trying to calm her down before whatever was going to happen happened.

He looked down at her, and said, "Three minutes, honey."

She just smiled and said, "You'll stay the whole time, right? If he gets too violent you'll…"

Oscar interrupted her, "I'll beat the shit outta him."

She smiled at that thought, the thought of this sweet old guy watching out for her – it was way more than even Chris, her own husband, would do.

"He's right over here at the bar." Oscar said, letting go of her arm and walking in front of her. Lorelai calmed herself, knowing she had to go into this dance with a confident head on her shoulders. Taking a deep breath, she told herself, _Just three minutes. And all that money for Rory. And Jess._ A thought came to her. _Maybe we could get the car fixed, so you don't have to take the train to work._ And that was enough so she could look up and walked behind the old man to stand in front of the man at the bar. He was facing away from them. The room was dark. She watched his head go back as he tipped a shot down, and set the glass down hard on the wood bar.

She fought to keep calm as she realized that he was going to be drunk. And drunks could get dangerous. _Oscar is going to be there. Right there._

And she thought she had herself under control.

Until the man turned around. And she saw him.

Chris.

"Lor. You look…" She watched his eyes assault her body. "… beautiful."

She was frozen in place. She couldn't move. She couldn't yell. She couldn't do anything. Except stand there looking at him.

 _What is he doing here?_ Flew through her mind a few hundred times before her mind moved on to a new question. _Where are the kids? Did he leave them at home alone?_

She heard a voice. _Oscar._

"This is the dancer you requested."

Still unable to move her body, she finally found words. "What the hell are you doing here?" Her words came out in clipped, short tones. Her eyes found his. And she just stared into his drunken, cloudy soul. She would not break contact. He would have to look away first.

She felt Oscar's hand on her arm, but she didn't turn away from Chris. The old Brooklyn accent met her ears, "Do you know this man, dollface?"

She nodded, just that movement feeling overwhelming for her body. "He's my husband."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chris stared into her deep blue eyes, that were filled with a combination of confusion and anger. The confusion because her brow was furrowed like it always did when she was thinking. And the anger because her eyes seemed to burn into him, and her lips were pursed in a tight line that he was sure she was going to use to skewer him.

Her lips moved. A stain of dark red on her lips as she said, "He's my husband." All he wanted to do was put his lips on hers. To drink the stain that might as well be her blood off of her lips. To send his tongue to find hers. It had been so long since he had kissed her.

The old man reached down and whispered something in her ear. _Remember that spot right behind her ear that drives her wild everytime you kiss it._

Lorelai broke contact with him to look up at the old man and said, "I don't think I can… He's…"

All the man had to do was reach back into his pocket and pull out the money. Chris watched as she looked at it, and then she looked at him. "Where the hell did you get this much money, Christopher?"

But he didn't want to discuss this. He stood up from his barstool and walked over to the owner of the bar, and he said, "Sir, I didn't pay to come into this establishment, get drunk, and be insulted and interrogated by your…" he hesitated just to make Lorelai angry with his loss of words… "… employees." He gestured to his wife as if she was nothing more than a piece of furniture, and said, "If you could kindly tell your help to do her job, I would be most appreciative."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorelai was pretty sure she had never been so angry in her life. Just the fact that Chris would show up here was beyond her ability to understand. And after their conversation about what he thought of her and her work – she just clenched her fists at her side, the only way she could get out her anger. All she wanted to do was start cussing him out, scream at the top of her lungs at him, tell him how much he had hurt her by cheating.

But she couldn't do any of those things.

She was at work, where a crazy stripper yelling at a customer would sentence her to a fate she didn't want to think about. She would be fired, especially after Chris had paid Oscar the money, and then her mind fled to the story about the girl that morning who had refused to serve her boyfriend – Lorelai knew she couldn't do what she wanted to do. She had to think about what her job was. And why she was here at her job. For her kids. For her ability to be free from the monster that was her husband.

Chris walked over to one of the chairs at one of the tables. And he sat down, spread his legs, and looked at her with lust that she hadn't seen before. Her stomach churned. She knew what she was supposed to do. She knew her job was to get between his legs and simulate him having sex with her. And from the evil look in his eyes, he knew what her job was too.

She felt Oscar behind her now, and he whispered into her ear, "Three minutes, Lorelai. Three minutes or your whole job?" _There it was. You're going to lose your job if you don't do your job._

And she knew what she had to do. She stepped forward. She was standing right at his knees, where they were spread open for her.

And she knew what she wanted to do. _This is the last time he's going to see me. I'm kicking him out tomorrow. And this is the last thing he's ever going to get from me._ She looked down at her high heels, an ashamed look on her face, making him think that she was humiliated at what she was going to do.

The music started. And her eyes flew up to his. Her lips puckered up into a kiss. _The thing about the lap dance is that it's just a tease. Every man wants more._ And this was where Lorelai's revenge would come. _He's never getting any more from me. Make him know what he's missing._

Bending over so her head was at crotch level, she set each hand on his knees, curling her fingers around his kneecaps that were covered by his jeans. Still staring into his eyes, she began to sway her body to the music, starting with her hips, and she let her ass cascade to just above the dirty ground. In a squat position right in front of her customer, she slowly slid her arms forward on his thighs, letting her fingers round as they went forward, stopping only centimeters away from where Lorelai knew something was about to grow. Her hands were out in front of her, and she pulled her body along the inside of this legs, making sure her hips ground against the his jean walls just a little bit with each inch that she lifted from the ground.

Her head was now right by where his would soon be. Biting her bottom lip, she guiltily looked up into his eyes, which were glazed over – all the sign of power that he had earlier was now overtaken with complete astonishment. A look that Lorelai had seen from almost every man she had ever danced for. She let her eyes again obviously look at his growing bulge in his pants, and then back up into his eyes, but this time, she licked her lips and watched as his mouth fell open. _Like taking candy from a baby. This was her place. Her work. She knew what she was doing. Who did he think he was coming in here and trying to make her feel bad about herself? She would show him._

Using her hands to create pressure against his dick and to balance her body from the inside of his thighs, she pushed her lace bra up against his lower abdomen, slowly slithering her body up his, making sure to take her time and drive him insane. When her face came into contact with his neck, she set her chin into the crook of his neck. Nuzzling him, she let a very soft moan escape her lips, making sure let her breath tickle his skin. Now it was his turn to groan as he moved his head to rest against her face. And she just pushed herself up a little bit farther, and extended her neck, and breathed into his ear, "Fuck" right before she let her tongue graze his earlobe. She smirked when her hands felt something pushing against where they were resting on his crotch. _It's just too easy._

Taking her hands up and over him, she ran her hands up his lower abdomen up to his chest. Her knee was now up against his crotch, and as she danced her way into a complete standing position, she made sure that her kneecap ran along his covered dick almost constantly. Moving her hands up his neck to his jawbone, she brought his face to directly look at her breasts that were right in front of his eyes. When she was sure he was focused, she placed her hands on each shoulder, and then she skillfully lifted her legs up and on each side of the chair, so she was straddling his waist, his jeans and her small thong the only thing separating them.

Using her hands on his shoulders to raise her up, she would then thrust her hips down, causing his covered dick to fit perfectly against her crotch. Over and over again, each time going down farther. She watched as his eyes started to close in ecstasy, but she wasn't going to let him out of this with only that. Grabbing his hands from where they were holding the chair, she placed each one on her breasts, and his eyes opened wide and found her chest right in front of him. Because she was thrusting up and down, he got the feeling of her tits bounding along with the flow of her body.

It took all of her strength to keep from mocking his lack of control when his hips would thrust up against her, and she could tell from his face that he was pretty close to finishing this off here soon. But she wasn't finished.

Taking one of his wrists in each of her hands, she lifted his hands off of her, and then she quickly let go of his hands, and turned, so now her ass was up against his cock. Then she reached behind her and set his hands on her hips. And then she started to shake her hips at him all the while grinding down against his dick. Up and down. Side to side. Turning her head so she was looking back at him, she caught his gaze and held it while she went up and down. She lifted her eyebrows up just as she pushed her ass down, feeling cock against her, and she held it down there, swaying her hips side to side. Another moan escaped his lips, this time her name was on his tongue.

Knowing she had only a few more seconds before her allotted three minutes were up, she wanted to take her revenge. And by take her revenge, she meant to make him want her so much more than he already did. And what she was about to do was not something she would normally do with a customer. No, this was reserved for the asshole who would soon be her ex-husband. This was going to drive him insane. And she was excited to see what he did at the end of this next trick.

Stepping her legs back between his, she crouched down one more time to the ground, and she maintained eye contact with him as she brought her head closer and closer to his what was probably very uncomfortable bulge in his pants. He was looking at her with eyes wide, unsure of what she could do to him now after pretty much humping him. But she watched as his eyes got even wider and his mouth dropped open as she opened her mouth and let her tongue come out, hanging out over her bottom lip. Both of his hands grabbed onto the sides of the chair, almost anchoring him in as she moved her head closer and closer to him. And his hips physically jumped toward her face when her tongue made contact with his jean covered cock. Just the little touch made him moan and cry out her name yet again. But she didn't stop there. She traced her tongue all over his dick, feeling the pulsing through his jeans. Just as the time she knew went off, she pulled her tongue in, turned her head to the side, and ran her open lips along the length of the bulge – and she knew if she went more more inch he would come right there in his pants.

And that was her revenge. The one inch.

Because she stopped, before the inch, and stood to her feet, now standing above him looking down at his closed eyes and pained face. A face that was in need of such release. A release that he would have to find somewhere else because he wasn't getting anything more from her. Ever.

And she waited until his eyes searched for and found hers, looking up at her with begging eyes. "Lorelai, I…"

She leaned down so her mouth was right by his ear, and she breathed quietly, "Go fuck yourself, Christopher."

He just pleaded, "Please just…" She knew he wanted to ask her to finish with him, to go somewhere and let him fuck her one more time, or even just suck his dick for him. "One last time?" He breathed out.

She actually laughed. Out loud. In his face. Then she stood up and said, "You're moving out." Confusion spread on his face, and she said, "You didn't think I would let you stay in my apartment that I pay rent for – you didn't think I would be ok with you fucking other women in my house, did you?"

His mind was nowhere on their living situation. His mind was in his pants. And she knew it was torturing him to sit there and listen to her after what she had just done to him. And that made it even better as she said, "If I were you, I would get your dick taken care of here soon because when I get home, anything of yours that is still in my apartment is getting thrown out the window or burned." The thought of him with another woman on their couch with her husband made her add, "Burning the stuff would clear the house of germs from your whore you had in the house."

And then he found his voice, "Lor, I'm not going to leave you. I am going to try and be a good husband and…"

"If you are in the apartment when I get there…" she looked down at his crotch and said, "… you won't have to worry about condoms with your new lover." Fear flew to his face, and he looked down at his dick too. she continued, "In fact, you probably won't have to worry about a lover at all. There will be no dick left for them to love on."

And with that, she turned and walked away with such sexiness, that she had three men from surrounding tables call to her and ask for her to come over to them and give them a dance. She just nodded, telling them that she would be right with them after her break. Then she walked over to Oscar, who also had his mouth open in amazement and amusement.

She held out her hand, and he set the money in her hand. She looked back at Chris, and made sure he was looking at her as she puckered her lips up, and blew him a kiss. And then she gave him the finger. And she walked away. And never looked back.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: VERY EMOTIONAL SCENE HERE BEFORE US. I HOPE THAT YOU WILL REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FELT AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER - ONLY BECAUSE I CRIED WHILE I WROTE THIS - SO SHARING IN THAT EMOTION MIGHT JUST MAKE ME LOVE MY READERS EVEN MORE?!**

 **ALSO, TO ALL OF YOU LUKE FANS OUT THERE (THAT INCLUDES ME TOO!) HE WILL BE HERE SOON - IM THINKING A FEW MORE CHAPTERS - I KNOW HE IS SUPER IMPORTANT - BUT WE HAVE TO GET THIS LITTLE FAMILY INTO THEIR PLACES SO THEY ARE READY TO EXPERIENCE ALL OF THE GREATNESS THAT WE HAVE COME TO KNOW TO BE LUKE.**

Lorelai stood on the outside of the apartment holding her purse against her body. The wooden door that had so many times offered her comfort to lock out the horrible things that seemed to go on outside in the world. She could come home from work, close the door behind her, and climb into bed. She could leave the horrible customers, the degrading job, her feelings of failure – that door let her leave that behind.

It had also been pretty predictable what she would find on the other side of that wooden door. She would find her children, either sleeping or tossing and turning waiting for her to get home. Chris would be there, high or drunk on the couch. And that was her life. It was predictable.

But now she knew she was walking into just another place that she didn't know what she would find. _What would Chris have moved out? Would he have moved out?_

And now she realized that everything was up to her. There was no room for error. There was no one to blame if she screwed things up. She threw Chris out, so if she couldn't make it on her own, if she couldn't take care of her children, if this didn't work – Lorelai would be the one to blame.

And she was fine with that. The anger still burned down deep in her at the thought of what he had put her through. All the shit he had pulled. It wasn't enough that he couldn't get a job. It wasn't enough that he started doing drugs, blowing his mind each night, promising the next day that he was going to change. It wasn't enough that she worried about coming home to see him overdosed right there in the living room. It wasn't enough that he spent most of their money on alcohol and drugs, leaving her scrambling to feed her children with the little that was left over. It wasn't enough that he had done all that shit despite all the things that he needed to do as a husband and a father.

No, that wasn't enough.

He had to screw everything up even more by fucking another woman. He went out and found some bimbo to bring into their house. Because he was bored sitting at home with their kids. And that was the line. That was the last straw.

All of that realization happened on the outside of the door. All of those thoughts running through her mind as she pulled out her key. All of her emotions so high as she turned the knob into the dark room.

Flipping on the light, she walked in. Into her apartment. Not his. Not theirs. But hers.

She didn't notice much of anything different. Not right away. She noticed that there was nothing on the couch. She saw that his shoes weren't sitting by the door.

And she noticed something on the table. Setting her purse down beside the piece of paper, she picked up the two keys that were on top of the letter – the key to the apartment and the key to the car.

And then she started to read the letter, his voice echoing through her head as she read his words.

 _Dearest Lor,_

 _I wanted to let you know that I didn't leave the children here alone at all tonight. While I was at the club, Sherry came over and sat with them until I got back. I knew you would be home around three, so I stayed at the apartment until a quarter to three so they wouldn't be by themselves very long._

 _As far as the bills, I will try and send money each month to cover the expenses that those cost. I hope that you do not report me, only because an investigation would show them what you do as a profession, and you and I both know that apartment is no place that DSS would let the kids stay. Those social workers would rip those kids away from you without batting an eye. And even as mad at you as I am, I know how much those kids mean to you, and I wouldn't want that to happen._

 _If only I knew how to express how much this hurts me, Lor. Maybe then you would be able to understand what I'm going through. Because you're the only woman that I've ever loved, my heart broke when you said the things that you did tonight. Just knowing that you didn't want me in your life felt like a knife to the heart._

 _But I know I deserve some of this. I know I haven't been the husband that I should have been, what with the drinking and drugs. I shouldn't have let you get the job at the club. I shouldn't have let you leave the kids with me every night. I should have told you that I missed you being next to me when I woke up._

 _Some of me wonders whether this marriage was destined to fail from the beginning. We didn't really marry under the best of circumstances, what with having a little toddler and having bills to pay at such a young age. We made it six years married, eight years together total. I almost think that perhaps there was no better way for this to end._

 _It hurts me so much to remember all the wonderful times that we had. Rory's first steps, her first words, our wedding day – all of those things will hold a special place in my heart. Because I love you. And I have since that night on the beach, when we woke up to the sunrise. And part of me wonders whether I will ever stop loving you, Lor. You were the love of my life. And I don't think someone gets over that._

 _Right now I need to get my life together, to get clean, to become the right kind of father. But I beg of you not to poison Rory against me, because being her father really is important to me. That is why I have to get away and take this job. I'll be able to help pay for her school, help put her through college – I'm thinking about the long run. Please give me a chance to change before unloading all of your emotional feelings against me onto her. I love her more than my own life. Please let me be a father when I can._

 _You're a wonderful mother to those kids, one of whom you have taken in and loved as your own. You are strong and if anyone can take this horrible situation and make the best of it, I know it's you. Because once you get something in your head, there is nothing you can't do._

 _Please know I never meant to hurt you. I think I will always love you in some sense of the word. We have shared so many things between us. Nothing can take that away from us. I love you, Lor. I hope that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me._

 _All my love,_

 _Christopher_

Lorelai finished reading the letter with tears rolling down her face. She held the emotion-filled piece of paper, letting her fingers wrap around edge of the wood to hold herself up.

Suddenly the anger that had been swirling around her began to give way to something else. Something that she hadn't felt in a long time – or that she hadn't allowed herself to feel – in a long time. Standing there with this letter in front of her, the letter that put everything from their marriage into writing – the failure of everything that she had tried so hard to salvage. She felt her strength give way, as her knees fell to the ground, her hands still holding on to the edge of the table. Her hair fell around her face as her chin hung down onto her chest.

And she cried. Because she felt it. The anger had just been a mask. A mask to cover her feeling of abandonment. A mask to cover her feelings of insecurities and absolute degradation. She had been angry that he had slept with another woman. But she also felt like she hadn't been enough to him, that she hadn't been good enough for him to love – for him to stay with. She felt the look of scorn that he had for her when he looked at her and called her a slut – and she had been angry – but as the tears rolled down, she realized that the hardest part of it had been knowing that he hadn't wanted her. Someone else had been better than she had been.

She cried. Because she was all alone. Sure, he hadn't been the best person to have around. And he hadn't helped at all as the time had gone by, but he had still been there. Especially at the beginning – their first night in their first apartment - they had curled up on the couch, snuggled up against each other – Lorelai remembered as her whole body shook in pain at her emptiness – Chris had whispered into her ear, _At least we have each other. We can make this place a home, as long as we have each other_ – it seemed so long ago. And so different from her life now – empty and abandoned.

But mostly she cried because she loved him. She loved hearing the sound of his voice. She loved knowing that he had been there with her. She loved the memories they had together. She loved the way his eyes would light up when she would walk into the room. She loved the way that he would pull her close to him and place a kiss on her forehead. She loved him. Just because he had changed, just because he had made mistakes, just because he had slept with someone else, just because he had broken her heart into a million pieces – that didn't change the fact that she loved him.

And because she loved him, she cried. Because before there had been hope. Hope that he could change, hope that if he got a job, things would get better, hope that if he could just catch a break, maybe he would go back to the man that she had married – the father that her daughter should have – the husband that she missed.

But now, as the letter was at her fingers, she knew it was over. There was no hope that her love would ever change him. And that was why she cried.

Tears fell, bringing all her emotions out onto her face, down her neck, dripped away into her clothes. But the pain didn't go away. It didn't stop. It just kept flowing. And she wondered if the pain would ever go away. And part of her wondered whether she wanted the pain to go away – if the pain went away, then that meant that maybe she didn't love him anymore. And if she didn't love him, she didn't know what she would have left for her – because she didn't love herself – and she knew she never would.


	13. Liz and Luke

TWO WEEKS LATER – IN STARS HOLLOW

"Big Brother!"

He cringed the minute he heard her voice. If only he would have let the phone keep ringing. It was after closing time anyway.

"Liz." He said with little enthusiasm as possible.

"Mom said you would still be there, so I wanted to talk to you." She sounded super anxious, and her voice was shaking.

Luke didn't say anything, knowing she would tell him whatever she needed to tell him when she wanted to tell him. He continued to wipe down the counter, the cord from the phone stretching around as he made sure all the tables in the diner were free of crumb and stickiness. He hated sticky things – jam, syrup, sugar. It all was just too much for him. So he always made sure everything was clean before leaving for the night.

Liz' voice echoed over the phone. "How's business?"

He rolled his eyes, and decided to cut the crap. "Liz, don't even ask." He was a man of little words. Very little words. He tried to pick only the words that were necessary – words that would convey his message without the hassle of using extra words.

"What? A sister can't ask how her brother's business is going?" She acted incredulous, but Luke knew what he had meant.

This wasn't the first time she had called out of the blue. In fact, it was right on time. Almost every five years, he would get a call from Liz, who pretended to be interested in life back in Stars Hollow. She would say that she missed the town, the people, her parents, and even him. And then she would mention something that would hint that she needed money.

Somehow she would convince him that she really would use the money for her good. She would say something about rent being due and she was going to be evicted if he didn't send her the money. She would say that she needed money for a doctor's visit. The ones that hurt Luke the most were the ones that involved her little boy. His nephew. The one last time was that Jess had to have clothes for school, and she didn't have enough money after buying groceries for his school lunches.

And all the times before, he had sent her money. He would write out a check for a little bit more than what she asked for. And he remembered writing those checks, he didn't think about the fact that she could be using it for something like drugs, alcohol, or other unnecessary items. He just told himself that he had to help out his family. You do what you have to do for family, that was what he had been taught as a child.

But when his parents had found about how he had been sending her money, they sat down with him and they talked about what they would do the next time she called. Because his parents had gone to visit Liz a few years back – five or six, Luke couldn't remember. But they said she was living in a horrible place, with horrible neighbors. And that her little boy was living a horrible life with Liz. And she wasn't even trying to find a job, to get back on her feet. After that, his parents, Zeke and Camille, had made him promise that they would stick together on the whole Liz thing. They would make her come home, bring the child, and they would make sure that Liz got back on the right path. Otherwise they wouldn't send her any more money.

And Luke knew this was going to be hard, but he had promised. And he knew that this would be the way to really bring Liz back to the person he knew before she got hooked into drugs and alcohol and men.

"I'm with mom and dad on this one." He said simply.

And he heard her exhale on the other end. "Luke, you don't understand. This is my life here. I can't move back there to the small town again. It's…"

He interrupted her, "You're not going to talk me out of this, Liz." He liked being stubborn. It suited him. "Bring Jess and come home. That's the stipulation."

He heard the line go dead. And he wondered whether he would see her this week or next. Because Liz would do anything for money. Something that always made him cringe knowing that she was someone who didn't think about the consequences. And that was a dangerous place to be in. But Luke knew he would see her soon.


	14. Sookie and Family

"Mommy! Mommy!" Lorelai woke to her little girl's voice calling her from her restless sleep. "Mommy! Come see! Aunt Sookie cooked breakfast!"

A tug on her arm pulled her even more out of her sleep, the little hands wrapped into her own. Then she heard Jess' voice too. "Aunt Sookie says we have to wait for you to wake up to eat."

And then it wasn't just the children that were waking her up. The smell of deliciousness greeted her senses as she felt her stomach growl, almost so hard it felt like her stomach was eating itself. Sitting up on the bed, she realized she fell asleep in her clothes yet again. And she looked up into the excited faces of her children. Once they saw her sit up, they both ran out of the room, yelling, "Aunt Sookie! She's awake! Can we eat now?"

A smile came to her face as she walked out of the bedroom to find glowing faces as the children sat in their seats looking longingly down at their plates, that steamed with hot food. From pancakes dripping with butter to bacon that sizzled, the table was adorned in food that it hadn't seen in a long time.

Rory called out, patting the empty chair beside her, "Come sit, Mommy. We're hungry."

As she slid into her designated chair, she said, "Sookie, you don't have to cook for us!" She looked up to take the steaming hot cup of coffee her friend handed her. "That wasn't why I wanted you to come stay with us…" She took a sip of the glorious liquid that would get her through the day.

Sookie looked so happy, her eyes bright and her cheeks were a rosy red. "Oh, it's no problem at all!" She then took Lorelai's plate and heaped eggs, bacon, hash-browns, pancakes, poured syrup over the whole plate, all the while talking. "I thought that since I don't have classes this morning, I would practice on the kids."

Lorelai looked at Rory, who was inhaling her pancakes, which were her absolutely favorite food. And Jess, well, he had mixed everything together on his plate, and was shoveling food into his mouth like it was the last time he would eat in a very long time. Which he has reason to think. Lorelai thought. She looked up at Sookie again, and said, "I think they'll give you a good grade, honey."

"Well, eat up." Sookie gestured to Lorelai's plate. And then she reached for Jess' plate, and started giving him even more food.

Lorelai picked up a piece of bacon and put it into her mouth, and she actually thought her mouth might be having an orgasm. And then she took another bite. And another. Until she was halfway through her place. "Oh my god, Sookie! This is amazing!"

"I tried a new recipe for the pancakes. Trying an apple butter topping with cinnamon roasted apple filling." She said, taking a bite of her own creation. "Do you think there's too much nutmeg in there? Or maybe the apple slices need to be simmered in the sauce a bit more?"

Lorelai's mouth fell open, and she just said, "Sookie, the only thing I taste is perfection. Don't be so hard on yourself." She took another bite, and said, "I can't remember the last time I had a meal that tasted this good."

"More bacon?" Sookie asked, offering her a few more pieces.

Lorelai nodded her head, and then realization hit her. "Sookie, you didn't buy all of this food for us, did you?"

"I bought it to practice my cooking, Lorelai." And then she tried to change the subject, "Now, what do we have going on today?"

But Lorelai could have none of that. "Sookie, I love that you cook for us. But I can't let you buy all this food to feed us. The deal is that you get to stay here as long as you take care of the kids at night." Lorelai was afraid that Sookie was going to start feeling sorry for her and the kids. She knew she could afford groceries now that Chris was gone. And she intended on doing that. "I don't want you to feel like you have to cook for us."

Jess interjected, "But I like Sookie's cooking better than…"

Lorelai held her hand up and said in a mock serious voice that she knew he would laugh at. "You finish that sentence I'll eat your food." And he was quiet with a smile on his face.

Lorelai turned to Sookie and finished, "I don't want you to feel like you have to work when you're here at home."

"Lorelai, you know that's not how I see it." Sookie said, taking a bite, closing her eyes in happiness, and then remembering that she was in the middle of a conversation. "I love cooking. And I love cooking for people I love." She smiled at each of the kids, and then said, "Please let me buy the groceries? I want to be able to cook, but oatmeal and peanut butter sandwiches don't leave me with many options."

"Sookie…" Lorelai argued.

Her friend interrupted, "I mean it. I want to." Lorelai tried to argue. But Sookie cut her off yet again. Her eyes met Lorelai's, and Lorelai could tell that the argument was over. Caring and stubbornness in the chef's face sealed the deal. "Let me do this."

Lorelai hesitated and then said, "Ok."

Jess said something unintelligible because his mouth was full. Lorelai corrected, "Jess, we don't talk with…" And she realized that she was talking with food in her mouth. And Sookie just sent her a funny look, and Lorelai decided that one of the first big meals the kids got to eat should be void of any and all table manner lessons.

Rory piped up. "I love Aunt Sookie living with us. She makes the best food ever."

Lorelai vehemently agreed. "It's the best, isn't it?"

And Jess added, his mouth was semi-void of food. "I like Sookie much better than dad." Sookie and Lorelai stopped eating, Sookie looking immediately at Lorelai's face. And Lorelai looked down at her food, trying to avoid the thoughts about Chris. But being the ten-year-old that he was, Jess just continued. "She tucks us into bed at night, and she makes sure we have the nightlight on, and she will make me warm milk if I can't sleep."

Lorelai hated the thoughts about Chris. The pain was still there, and she was normally able to disguise it as sleep-deprivation and overworking herself, but the mention of his name made her lose her appetite, and she set her fork down on her plate. She tried to keep it together for the kids, and she managed to get a few words out. "Sookie is such a great help around her, isn't she?"

Sookie noticed. Lorelai could tell. And she changed the subject. "So, what are we doing with our Saturday off, kiddos?"

Jess' eyes got really big, and he looked at Lorelai, and said, "Mommy said we might go shopping for a new backpack."

Lorelai had forgotten that last night he had come home with his backpack in his hands because the straps had broken yet again. After having used it for the last three years, Lorelai had tried and tried to mend it, sewing up the lining when it ripped, adjusting the straps when he got bigger, supergluing the handle back on three times. But the damage to the backpack was done when the entire back had come off, spilling his books and papers all over.

"Yeah, buddy, it is time to get you a new one." Of course, that was only a new-to-them used backpack. "And maybe while we're at the store, we can look for some shoes."

Rory chimed in. "But Mommy, you said we could go to the library today!"

"Uhoh." Lorelai thought out loud. She still had to finish up some seamstress work that she needed to drop off today. That would take a few hours. And the store to get the things for Jess was on the opposite side of town from the library. She had a sinking feeling that she just might have overbooked their Saturday.

Looking down into her daughter's eyes, she said, "Honey, I have to get the backpack for Jess. He needs it before school on Monday. I don't think we'll…"

"Rory, you want to go with me to the library?" Sookie interrupted Lorelai's bad news. Lorelai looked at Sookie and shook her head, that she didn't have to do that, but Sookie just said, "I've been wanting to look at a cookbook at the library. Do you think you would go with me?"

Lorelai opened her mouth to tell Sookie that it was her day off, and that she didn't have to spend it babysitting her child, but Rory jumped out of her seat, excitement all over her face. "Oh, Aunt Sookie! You'll take me? I love going to the library. It's my favorite place in the whole wide world!"

Sookie smiled in victory, and Lorelai just cracked a smile back at her friend. But then mommy-mode kicked in and she said, "Well, before we can go anywhere, you both need to help Aunt Sookie clean up the table and the dishes." Jess's face started to fall, but Lorelai sent him the mommy-look and said, "Good attitudes or nobody is going anywhere."

Both of the kids jumped up, grabbing their plates, and started to clear the table. Lorelai went back into her room to grab the rest of the sewing she had to do before they could leave.

Sookie, of course, stayed in the kitchen to help the kids clean up. And as Lorelai sat on the new couch that Sookie had brought with her, Lorelai was hit by the fact that their life had changed so drastically in the last two weeks.

The living room had been turned into a smaller living room with a bedroom behind some very thick curtains. Lorelai had insisted that Sookie take the back bedroom, and her and the kids would sleep out in the living room bedroom. But Sookie had won that argument saying that the bedroom was bigger and the kids were already used to that. So Sookie and Lorelai had strung up super thick curtains that went from floor to ceiling and all the way across the back half of the living room. Sookie had a small bed, dresser, and cute lamp back there.

Sookie had also brought some of her furniture, the couch, some end tables, and a few lamps to make the living room look much less horrible. Lorelai had been more than happy to throw out the old couch, thankful to be rid of one more reminder of Chris.

And Sookie had also brought all of her cooking utensils. Suddenly the cabinets in the kitchen were full of pots and pans, cooking spoons and wisks, bowls and cutting boards – all of the unique items that a superior chef could have. A nice table cloth now hid the scratches on the old table, although Lorelai knew that with kids, that tablecloth was probably covered with syrup and other food particles.

But Lorelai no longer had to worry about the kids while she was at work. She remembered how great of a review the kids had given Sookie after their first night. They had been so excited that Sookie had made them a nice dinner, played Uno with them, and had tucked them into bed, making them say their prayers. Jess had said he could do without the kiss on the cheek from Aunt Sookie, but Rory had said it was great.

And now, when Lorelai got home, she would come in to find a plate of leftovers in the fridge with a note, like, "Heat in mircrowave." Or "eat me." Or "hope you had a good night."

During the week, Sookie left the house at the same time as Lorelai left to take the kids to school. Going to culinary school, she was gone until about 2, when she went straight to the club to prep foods for that night. And then Sookie got home at seven, when Lorelai would leave and go to work. It was like clockwork. And Lorelai realized just how much she had been taking care of everything with the kids, the food, the cleaning – while Chris did nothing. So having Sookie there took so much weight off of her shoulders.

She was jolted out of her thoughts when Jess ran over to her and said, "Mommy, can we go now? We finished helping Aunt Sookie clean up."

Lorelai looked down at the hem she was just about to finish. And she nodded, "Get your shoes on and help your sister get all of her library books together before we leave."

Jess ran off obediently and Lorelai put the last stitch in. She looked up to see Sookie send Rory into her room to get dressed for the day while Sookie walked over to the sofa.

"Sookie, I feel like you're doing too much around here." Lorelai said as she gathered her material up. "You know you don't have to take Rory."

"I know I don't." Sookie said, a smile coming to her already smiling face. "I want to. Those kids are the sweetest."

Still not convinced that her friend wasn't doing this because she felt sorry for the kids, Lorelai argued, "But you know you don't have to."

Nodding her head, Sookie said, "I know I don't have to." She walked over to her room and said, "But I sure as hell love being in thls little family we have here."

And Lorelai loved it just as much.

W


	15. Chapter 15

"I can't believe you found a batman backpack for me!" Her son's voice sounded so excited while he held his new treasure close to his chest. His brown curls blew in the cold February wind, and Lorelai reached down and pulled his coat hood over his head. He handed her the backpack and asked, "Can I wear it, Mommy?"

She nodded, a smile on her face seeing him so excited to get a second hand school bag. Adjusting the straps that appeared to have little wear on them, she stepped back and said, "My word, don't you look like a very smart little superhero."

The smile that met her eyes warmed her heart. She was amazing at how he was so grateful for the little things. She had found him a pair of used shoes that fit him so much better than the ones he had been wearing, which helped her mother's conscience just a little.

He slipped his hand into her, the mittens that she had made him from old scraps of material from her sewing jobs warming her bare hands. She marveled in the amazing present that walked at her side. This little boy brought so much joy to her life. His humor that made her laugh, his sarcasm that rivaled her own, and his love to protect her – as a mother, she knew that her little man belonged in her life.

They walked down the street, and made a turn off the main road to deliver the seamstress work, enjoying the sunshine despite the cold weather. His little hand in hers, his empty backpack that he was so proud of, and his new light-up shoes – Lorelai realized that those things didn't make him happy. He just was happy. And for Jess, that meant that he felt safe. Because at night when he didn't feel safe, he wasn't this person. But today, walking with her, he was happy. And that made her happy.

"Well, buddy, I guess it's time to head home and have some leftovers for dinner." She said, standing in front of the subway station. "You think they'll make us pay extra for the extra cool backpack you're sporting?" He laughed just a little at her funny joke, but she wanted a real laugh, so she rambled on, "I mean, it probably weighs enough to be counted as an extra person, so it might just be double what we would normally pay. I mean if we have to pay that we might as well put a little cat or baby in there to make the…" And he laughed, his eyes sparkling, and Lorelai leaned down and tickled his little belly.

But something jingled in his pockets, and Lorelai put on a confused and interested face. His eyes widened, and he grabbed his pocket, like he didn't want to her to hear what he had in there.

"Are you hiding something from me, Jess?" Her mom voice taking over, in a mock serious tone.

He shook his head, "It's a surprise, Mommy."

She crouched down so she was at eye level and genuinely asked, "What kind of a surprise?" When he just shook his head that he wasn't going to answer her, Lorelai asked, "Who is the surprise for? Rory?" He shook his head again, "Aunt Sookie?" She guessed again. Another negative. "Someone at school?" She was running out of ideas when he shook his head yet again.

It was almost as if when she stopped asking he just had to tell her. And his voice came out quiet and sweet. "It's for you, Mommy."

She didn't know what to think. She must have looked surprised, because his face lit up again, "Are you surprised?"

She said, "Yes, Jess, I am." Then she let curiosity take over as she asked, "What's the surprise?"

Already spilled the beans, he reached into his pocket, and he pulled out a handful of coins, mostly pennies, nickles, and dimes. And bright eyed, he started to explain. "I pick up every piece of money from the street when we're walking, or when we're on the way to school, or on the subway."

Realization hit her. He would always seem preoccupied whenever they were out together. He continued, "I saved up enough to buy something."

"What are you going to buy, honey?" She asked, smiling at his frugalness to search and save. But her heart broke when he told her what he had been planning.

"I saved up enough to buy an ice cream cone." His face was so happy. And he looked right into her eyes and said, "for you, mommy."

Her face must have again seemed so surprised, but her mind was thinking. That she had the sweetest little boy. And that he would be diligent enough to save up money he had found around, to save it to buy something for her? It just was almost too much. She looked at him and asked, "Why don't you buy ice cream for yourself, Jess?"

His face fell, and he quickly asked, "Do you not like ice cream? I promise I didn't steal the money, Mommy. I just wanted you to have a special thing. Because you got us donuts, and you bought me a backpack, and new shoes, and you got Rory that new book she wanted." Then she saw a tear fall out of his eye as he said, "But you never have something that's fun for you."

Lorelai couldn't say anything except, "Oh, Jess." And she pulled him into a hug, right there in front of the subway tunnel, with people swirling all around them. The many smells of the city wafting through the air. Someone a few feet away was yelling at someone else. Someone was playing some musical instrument in the background. But Lorelai didn't hear any of those things.

She only heard the sweet words of her little boy. Who could see so much more than she thought he could. And who wanted to do something for his mommy. Something so special and big for him that he wanted it to be a surprise. And that made her hold him even tighter. And she whispered into his ear, "Can we share the ice cream?"

And a few minutes later, they watched the doors to the subway close from their seat on the subway. Lorelai was holding a small cone of chocolate ice cream in one hand, and the hand of her son in the other. She took a lick of the cone, her already cold body shivering just a little at the icy dessert. But she didn't let that stop her from enjoying the love behind the gift. And then she handed the cone to the little man sitting next to her, who took a lick of his own, chocolate covering his lips. And they shared that ice cream the whole way home. And Lorelai knew that even though she was cold all the way through her body, her heart was warmed at the gesture of her little boy.


	16. Chapter 16

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT Y'ALL THINK OF THE ENDING OF THIS CHAPTER.

"Darling, let me buy you another drink." Her already drunk customer slurred, the smell of alcohol assaulting her nose just like he had just finished doing to her body. Her hips hurt from where his claws had dug into her exposed skin. He had given her a hundred for three lap dances, so she didn't have him thrown out, but she knew she had to extricate herself from the situation.

Pulling her legs off out of his hands, she politely said, "Oh, I really would honey, except I have to drive home in a few minutes." Her skin scratched against his rough fingernails.

This wasn't an unusual occurrence at closing time, when the men who couldn't hold their alcohol knew they were about ready to be forced out of the club, which left them with the prospective of going home, either to an empty house or an angry wife. Lorelai had wrestled herself away from many men who just couldn't face the prospect that her job was just to make them feel good for a short amount of time – when they realized that reality was still out there, it made them try to hold onto as much of that night as possible.

But this old, strong man wasn't normal. He was drunk, of course, who wasn't at a strip club at two in the morning. But he had a look in his eye that was not clouded by the alcohol. It was something violent. Something really scared her about this.

And she was right to feel that. Because as she tried to get his hands off of her thighs, he reached up with his free hand and grabbed her around the arm, and pulled her back down towards him. "I paid for you. You don't leave until I say so."

Struggling to pull away, she whimpered out in pain when his hand dug even harder into her soft arm. Using her free hand, she reached over and tried to pry his hands off of her arm, but he just grabbed her, now holding both of her hands. Pulling against him, she put all her weight leaning backwards away from him.

"Let go of me, you asshole." She cried out, looking around for one of the security guards or someone to help get him off of her. But everyone was cleaning up, back, away from the place out here with the customers. There were a few other guys with the man who was holding her, but they were just looking on with lewd sneers on their faces.

He seemed to take pleasure in her struggling, his dirty teeth showing when he laughed at her. Being stronger than she was, he pulled her around to him, so her face was only inches away from his. His breath smelled not only of alcohol but of cigarette smoke as he put his mouth close to hers. And laughed while saying, "Kiss me, baby."

Lorelai was freaking out. Because sure, she could stand up in front of men just like him and pretty much strip down to her underwear. She could flirt with them to make them think she was interested in their lives. She could give them a lap dance, gladly indulging them in the façade of having her. She could do all of those things because she chose to. It was her choice to strip, and flirt, and dance.

But as he held her hands, pulled her close, and tried to kiss her, she felt helpless and utter degradation at the thought of what he was going to do to her. She closed her eyes and screamed for someone to come help, but his mouth covered her screams.

And then she felt another hand from what must have been one of his friends found its way into her thong. She tried to kick the hand away but the man who was holding her and kissing her closed his legs on hers, making it impossible for her to move. All the while, she was being assaulted by rough hands. Another hand found its way under her lacy bra.

Still wriggling to get away, she knew she just needed someone to come out of that backroom and see what was going on. Or for one the men watching what was happening to stop it. She watched that door so hard, trying to ignore their roving hands and rough pinching and grabbing. And then she saw him.

Walking through the door, his eyes got wide as hers met his. And he was in a full run over to her, all the while screaming, "Let her go, you son of a bitch."

Startled, the man bit into her lip, but she didn't notice as she used the moment to pull away from him, and she fell to the floor, her hands burning against the carpet. Lorelai watched as Oscar pulled the man up by the shirt collar. The man's eyes were wide, a look of fear on his face that only gave Lorelai comfort. And Oscar yelled, "You think you can come in here and do that to one of my girls?"

The man stuttered, "She… was…." Lorelai looked horrified as she knew what he was going to say. "She wanted it…" He finished, his voice shaking. Then he seemed to gain confidence and said, "Yeah, she was asking for it, the slut wanted what a slut wants."

Oscar didn't hesitate. And he hauled back and sent his fist through the man's face, letting him go just at the last minute, sending the man flying across the room into table. Then Oscar's angry face turned to the other men in the room, the one's who had their hands all over her, and the ones who had just been watching the whole scene, he yelled at them, "Get the hell out of my club." When only a few of them moved, he yelled out louder, and said, "Get the hell out." And they all moved, two of the men grabbing their dazed punching bag friend who had blood coming out of his nose and busted lip. Just as they rounded the corner out of the door, Oscar yelled at them once more, "You come back, and you'll leave with more than a broken nose."

Then Lorelai watched as Oscar raced over to her, stumbling over chairs and a table to get to her laying there on the ground. And his gruff voice now held only care as she asked her, "Lorelai, are you alright?"

She didn't know how to answer that. She felt so violated. Nothing had happened, in the sense of going too far, but she had known that it could have gone that far if Oscar hadn't come in. Her lip was bleeding, her breast hurt from the fingernail scratching. The place on her arm that he had held her would hurt tomorrow, but other than that, she was alright. Physically.

Oscar looked deep into her eyes, and he said, "I'm so sorry, Lorelai." He helped her sit up on the ground, and looked at her hand when she grimaced at his touch. The burn marks from the carpet were red and raw. And he held her hand in his, and whispered again, "I'm so sorry."

Lorelai tried to act like she had it together. Like she hadn't felt so overpowered. And she tried to say, "It wasn't your fault." But at the end, she broke down, the adrenaline rush falling, leaving her knowing that it could have gotten so much worse. That if he hadn't come when he did, something else…

He just pulled her into his arms, her head against his cigar-smelling shirt, and she cried. Sobbed, and he just held her shoulders and said, "I know, honey. It's ok. You're ok." She just cried from the fear of what could have happened. And from relief of what didn't happen.

She didn't know how long he held her, but he didn't let her go until she sat up on her own. She saw the teardrops on his shirt, and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry."

He just smiled at her as she pulled the hair away from her face. "Don't worry. It will wash."

Then Lorelai just said, "I never thought that would happen." Then she added, "To me."

"Guys get frisky with strippers all the time, hon." She nodded in understanding, something she knew happened. "It's almost a miracle you've gotten this far without it happening."

Sarcastically, Lorelai said, "How lucky I was." Then she allowed him to help her to her feet, her hand again burning. "I need to get some gel on that."

He nodded. He pulled a cigar out of the pocket in his shirt, and a lighter. "I'll have a talk with the security people. They should have been in here until the customers were completely cleared out."

She remembered how she had frantically looked for them. Someone.

Then Oscar started walking with her to the backroom. And he said, "It's assholes like this that put a bad name on this business." He put his hand protectively on the small of her back as she walked ahead of him. Once they were in the dressing room, the other girls having left already, he turned her so she was facing him.

"I hate to ask you think right now." He started, and then added, "I just know you're struggling, what with your husband having left and everything."

Lorelai had come to work and told him after that night at the club, that Chris was gone and she was doing this all on her own. He had said if she ever needed anything, to let him know.

She listened as he continued, "I just watched how you were with your husband that night, how you could turn it on and off very quickly."

Embarrassed, Lorelai said, "I know that was bad, I just…"

Oscar put his hand up, and said, "I was complimenting you." She was surprised. She had been so ashamed when got home that night. "You know the job when you can come, do what you have to do, and leave work at work."

She had no idea where he was going with this, but she listened as she put her clothes on over her underwear, anxious to get home.

"I just think you might be a good candidate for another job position I'm looking for. With a raise." She looked up at him as she pulled her boots on. She was always up for making more money. "Less hours."

It was sounding too good to be true. Pulling her thin coat over her arms, she pulled her hair back into a braid and tied it off, listening still intently as he explained the side business he ran from the club. And she was speechless.

She was still speechless when she pulled the car into the parking spot outside of the apartment. She couldn't believe what he had told her. And what he had asked her to do. Of course she would never do that. She would never get paid to get into a limo had have sex with a man. She could never justify it. No matter how much money Oscar flashing in front of her face. He thought she would be perfect for the job. But she wouldn't take it. Ever.

She was still trying to process it when she quietly walked into the apartment. Normally, she walked into a dark apartment, where she would try to be quiet and grab something to eat before heading off to bed. The kids would have been in bed since nine, and Sookie didn't make it much past eleven.

But this time, she walked into find the lights all on in the whole apartment. And the minute the door opened, Rory ran at her from where she had been sitting on the couch. She grabbed her around the legs, and started crying. "Mommy. Mommy."

Lorelai found Sookie. Sitting at the table, with her head in her hands. Crouching down next to her little girl, she asked concerned, "Rory, what's wrong, honey? Did you have another nightmare?"

The little girl shook her brown hair.

Sookie stood up, and looked at Lorelai with tears on her face. "Lorelai…"

And it was Rory who broke the news to her mother. It was her little girl's voice, overwhelmed with sadness, that said, "A lady came and took Jess away."


	17. Chapter 17

"What?" Lorelai yelled, standing up despite Rory's hands around her. "Sookie, what the hell?" She couldn't think. She couldn't get it through her head.

Rory's crying drew her down to her little girl. Lorelai couldn't deal with this right now. She had to figure out where Jess was. _Find out where my son is? What happened?_ She thought.

"Rory, I want you to go and wait on the couch while I talk with Aunt Sookie." She tried to keep her voice calm, but she could hear the fear in her own words.

Her little girl shook her head. "I don't want to leave you, Mommy." And she wrapped her arms even tighter around Lorelai's legs.

Normally, Lorelai would have thought that it was a sweet gesture. She would have seen it as a need her daughter had to be close to her. She would have seen it as a bonding moment to be together. She would have realized that she was gone from her little girl so much that Rory was comforted by her mother with her.

But that was under normal circumstances.

This was anything but normal. Coming home to find out that someone had come and taken her little boy away – that threw all sense of normalcy out of the picture. No, Lorelai needed to talk to Sookie, and she couldn't have Rory right there underfoot to hear what was going on.

So she pulled Rory away from her legs. And looked down into her little girl's eyes, and with a voice so firm that Lorelai was sure she had never used with her children before, she said, "Rory. I said go to the couch."

Tears came to Rory's eyes. And she opened her mouth to say something. But Lorelai just held up her hand and said, "Do not argue with me. Go to the couch. Now."

It would have broken Lorelai's heart anytime other than this, but as she watched her barefoot little girl run across the kitchen and vault into the couch, Lorelai felt nothing other than sheer panic at the thought of her little boy being gone.

Turning to Sookie, Lorelai put on her take-no-shit face and said, "What the hell happened?"

Her friend's face was covered in tears and she started to break down yet again. "I didn't know … she said that… and then…"

Lorelai couldn't understand anything in between the blubbering and rambling words that came out of this distressed woman's mouth. And the normally understanding and patient person that before would have let Sookie take a minute and compose herself – Lorelai couldn't be that person right now. She had to know what had happened. Her hands reached over and grabbed Sookie's shoulders. Shaking them, she said, "Damn it, Sookie. Get yourself together. I have to know."

Sniffing, Sookie wiped the tears from her face away with her shaking hands. Taking a deep breath, she began. Thankfully a bit more coherently.

"It was about one, and I woke up when someone was pounding on the door." Lorelai began to follow with her thoughts. _One. That was about two and a half hours ago._ "I opened the door, and found this crazy looking woman standing there. She told me that she was looking for Jess. That she was his mother." _Liz._ She physically cringed. _She has quite the nerve. After four years._ "Then she told me that she was here to get him."

 _To get him and take him where? What right does she have to come after all this time and…_ Sookie continued. "I told her that she would have to wait until you got home. That I couldn't give him to her."

Lorelai had to speed this up. "What did she say?"

Sookie's face was so pale as she said, "She pushed past me. I tried to keep her out." Lorelai could tell that her friend was getting off track.

"Sookie…" She growled, and Sookie snapped back into her telling mode.

"She pushed past me. She walked back into the bedroom, and then pulled Jess out of bed."

Lorelai clenched her fists at her side. The thought of that woman holding Jess again made her want to beat the shit out of that woman. After what she had done to Jess, for her to come back and think she could just take…

"He was asleep when she grabbed him, so he didn't fight."

Lorelai asked, fear in her heart as she imagined her little boy pulled out of his bed by that woman. "Was he scared?" Her voice was so soft.

Sookie just nodded, and then looked at her hands. They both just stood there, Lorelai's mind filled with the fear that she had seen on Jess' face that night she had brought him into the house for the first time. How she had tucked him into bed. How he hadn't let her go. How he had cried and whimpered in his sleep that night, pulling her closer when he was terrorized by his little six-year-old nightmares.

Her friend continued. "She said she didn't need any of his things. She told him they were going to see his grandparents and uncle."

Lorelai interrupted her, "Did she say where?" If she knew where the woman had taken her son, she could…

Sookie's face scrunched up, and Lorelai wanted nothing more than to again shake the information out of the scatterbrained woman. But she knew that this piece of information was important enough to sit and wait for. After a few seconds, she said, "A small town… something like Stars Hollow?"

Lorelai's face widened in recognition. Not that she had ever been there before. But growing up in Hartford, she had heard of the little towns surrounding the big town, and that was a name she recognized.

Then she asked Sookie, "Did she say anything else?"

Sookie shook her head, "She just got mad when Jess woke up enough to start fighting against her." She paused, again looking up at Lorelai, and she hesitated before she said, "She slapped him to get him to come with her."

She grabbed the edge of the table to keep her from falling. Because she couldn't think about that. She couldn't think that the woman who had abused Jess now had him again. That this child abuser was legally the guardian over her little boy. She didn't want to think about how scared Jess must be, with that woman again. That any sense of security he had begun feeling here at home with her and Rory and Sookie – that they were gone. She could only imagine how his brown eyes must be so terrified, that he was probably curled up in the back of a car right now, not knowing where he was going or what was going to happen to him. Feeling so alone and scared right now.

And Lorelai grabbed her keys off of the table. And she told Sookie, "I'm going to get him."

Sookie just apologized. "Lorelai, I tried to stop her. I tried to get him away from her. I didn't…"

Lorelai just shook her head, "It's not your fault Sookie." She remembered how absolutely crazy that Liz had been. "She is scary to deal with."

Then she looked at his little backpack up hanging on the hook where the kids' school things were. She remembered how happy he had been, so proud of his new bag. His laugh as she suggested that they put a cat into his bag before going on the subway. The light in his eyes as they shared the chocolate ice cream. And she knew. She whispered, more to herself than to Sookie, "I can't let her hurt him again."

Then she saw Rory's school bag right next to Jess', and she realized just how scared Rory must be, having her brother yanked out of her room in the middle of the night by some stranger. And then Sookie must have freaked out until Lorelai got home. Lorelai's conscience smacked her in the face, and she looked over at the couch to find her little girl curled up, her thin blanket pulled around her for comfort. Lorelai walked over to her, seeing tears on her tiny cheeks. Kneeling down by the couch, Lorelai let her hand run through her little girl's hair. "Rory, it's going to be ok." _How do you know that?_ But she had to say something to comfort her daughter. "I'm sorry you're scared."

Rory piped up, and said, "I miss my Jess." And then more tears came from her tiny eyes.

And Lorelai choked back tears as she said, "Me too, baby, me too."

Rory looked at the keys in her hand, and her eyes widened in fear. "Mommy, don't leave me again. I don't want you to go." Her hands reached up and circled around Lorelai's neck, and Lorelai was glad that Rory couldn't see the tears that escaped her wet eyes. "Maybe someone will come and take me away too."

Time was ticking. She needed to go. She couldn't leave him with that woman any longer than she had to. So she took a deep breath, cleared her throat, and said, "Rory, Mommy's going to look for Jess."

Rory jumped back, her face a bit brighter. "You're going to bring him back here?" The hope in her eyes made Lorelai's mission even more important. She had to bring Rory's brother back here. They couldn't be separated.

Standing to her feet, she nodded her head. "I'm gonna try, kid." Then she said, "I need you to try and get some sleep. Maybe Aunt Sookie will read you a book, ok?"

Rory jumped to her feet. "Can I color a picture for Jess? Something about batman? He would love that!"

Lorelai smiled and nodded her head, glad that Rory ran into her room to grab her coloring things. Turning to Sookie, she let the smile fall off of her face, not having to be strong for her little girl. "I'll call you when I hear anything."

Sookie nodded, and then handed her a paper bag, and said, "Just something for the trip back." Then her voice caught as she added, "For Jess." Then her rambling started, "I've heard that stress can make you hungry, and that poor little kid doesn't need to be hungry too."

Lorelai just pulled Sookie into a hug. She didn't have to say anything. Because she was out of words. But she felt comfort from their despair cross into each other, friends because of the pain they had suffered.


	18. Chapter 18

TRIGGER WARNING - CHILD ABUSE. please review - this one was hard to write!

It was so dark outside. He couldn't see out of the car window all the way, because he wasn't tall enough. But he could see the lack of streetlights, the lack of traffic on the dark road – he knew they weren't in the city anymore.

And that scared him.

Because Mommy was in the city. And Rory was there too.

And if they were driving out of the city, he was leaving them behind.

And he started to cry. He just wanted his Mommy to hold him. Like she did when he would cry. She would let him lay his head on her lap while they sat on the couch; she always put her arm around him. And he loved it when she would play with his hair. She always said that his curls made her smile.

But he wasn't smiling now. He laid his head against the car door and he cried. He just wanted his Mommy.

The yelling from the front of the car made him jump and pull his legs up to his chest to protect himself. "Why the hell are you crying?"

He didn't say anything. He was scared that he would say the wrong thing and make her more mad. He remembered her. He didn't know what to call her. Because she wasn't his Mommy. Because his Mommy was kind and gentle, not mean and hurtful. This woman had been his mom, but she had never been like Mommy. His arm still hurt from where she had pulled him from bed out to the car.

"I asked you a question, kid."

Mommy always called him kid. But she always called him that when she was happy. Thinking about his Mommy made him cry even more. He felt his body shaking as he cried, little wails of sound coming out of his mouth as he just wished someone would take him out of this car and bring him home again. So he could get into bed. And see his sister. And Aunt Sookie. And Mommy could hold him.

Suddenly the car jolted to a stop. He looked up from where his head had been buried in his knees. The woman turned around, so her body was between the front and back seats. She was angry. Jess could tell when her hand reached out and smacked the side of his head right by his ear. His head slammed against the door of the car, and he whimpered out of surprise and pain. But he was remembering. All the times that she used to hit him. And kick him.

She was yelling at him again. "Why the fuck..." she hit him again "…are you crying."

He just pulled away as far as he could, but the seat behind him held him captive to the reach of her hands. And he opened his mouth and answered with a shaky voice, "I want my mommy."

He didn't look at her, only because seeing her angry eyes made him even more scared. He buried his head into his knees. But he could tell by her voice that she was even more angry after he answered her. He didn't know how to make her happy. How to make her stop and take him home. If he didn't answer her, she hit him. When he answered her, she got angry and yelled even more. "I'm your mom. So shut the hell up and stop distracting me."

He didn't look up as the car started driving. He just listened as she ranted on and on. But the words hurt. Because she was talking about his Mommy.

"She didn't want you anymore, Jess. She didn't have enough money to keep you anymore."

He didn't know what to think. Because the Mommy he knew would always want him. She told him that she loved him so many times. But he also knew that she didn't have much money anymore.

"When I told her that I could take you, she told me to come get you so you wouldn't be a bother anymore." The woman laughed, and Jess remembered that laugh again. And remembered when she would take something, like pills or smoke something. She would laugh like that. Or when a man was over in her bed. It wasn't a nice laugh. "So now you're going to be with me. She doesn't care what happens to you, so you need to shut up and think about how you're going to be well behaved when we get to your grandparent's house."

Jess didn't think that Mommy would ever say anything like that. But he knew that the backpack she had bought him had been really expensive. Maybe she realized that he was costing her so much money. And she needed to spend the money on Rory. And to help the car run better.

He wasn't crying like he had been crying. He was just crying quietly. He felt the tears tickle his face as they ran down onto his pajama pants. Then he shivered. He was so cold. The air conditioning in the car was running. His bare feet curled up underneath his body, and his teeth started chattering.

It seemed like forever until the car stopped again. And he watched the blond head in front of him, waiting to see if she was going to come back here again and hit him. But she just leaned her head back against the headrest and said something about there not being any turning back or something that Jess couldn't understand.

Then she said, louder so he could understand, "You're going to be a good boy when we go into this house, do you hear me."

He nodded.

"I asked you a question. Do you hear me?" Her voice started to get angry again.

He nodded again, and then realized that she couldn't see him moving his head. And if she couldn't' see him then she was going to think he wasn't listening, and then she might hit him again. So he quickly said, "Yes. I hear."

She laughed, and said, "Good. Now when we go in here, you're not going to tell them about where you lived before this. Understand?"

Out of habit, he nodded, but then said, "Yes." He didn't know why he couldn't tell them about his Mommy and his Rory, but he didn't want her to hurt him again so he would do what she wanted him to do.

And she gave him more instructions. "You will not cry. You will not whine. You will answer questions when you are asked."

He just wanted his Mommy. But he couldn't have her. So he said, "Yes."

Then she turned around like she had before when she hit him. He cowered again, but she didn't hit him again. She just looked at him and then raised her hand, like she was going to hit him. And then she said, "If you don't listen to me, and obey what I just told you, you're going to get it."

He just wanted to cry. So much. Because he didn't like this lady at all. He was so afraid. He just wanted…

But he couldn't finish his thought because she had gotten out of the car, and opened his car door. He tried to get out, but he must not have moved fast enough, because her shaking hand reached over and grabbed his arm, pulling him out, his bare feet skinning along the pavement. He whimpered in pain, and felt her hand squeeze hard into his arm. And he was quiet. Because he knew that telling her it hurt would only make things worse.

He was cold. His feet hurt. And were bleeding. His arm hurt so bad from where she was holding him. He wanted to cry.

Because he wanted his Mommy. And he didn't know if she wanted him.


	19. Chapter 19

**IT'S FINALLY HERE - THEY MEET - BUT PLEASE RESTRAIN YOURSELVES FROM THE NASTY COMMENTS - I KNOW THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE THE EXTENT OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP - YOU MUST GIVE IT TIME. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK**

Lorelai drive down the empty highway at a speed she was sure would cost her hundreds of dollars in a driving ticket if she was caught. At 5:30 on a Sunday morning, there were very few cars on the road. So she sped down the highway, the exits looking more and more familiar as she drew closer and closer to Hartford. Time flew by and before long she saw the sign for the exit to Stars Hollow.

Turning off onto an old country road, Lorelai followed the signs to the little town. But her mind was a mess of worry at that moment.

She was worried about what Jess was feeling. What he has going through right now. That no matter why Liz wanted him back, there could be no good intention. Because no good mother, or even a recovering mother, would come and rip her son out of bed in the middle of the night. And Lorelai cringed when she imagined Liz hitting Jess when he got scared and pulled away from her dragging him out of the apartment. Her hands tightened around the steering wheel as anger flooded through her body towards that woman who had the audacity to call herself Jess' mother.

She worried about what she would find when she got to wherever she was going. She had to find Jess, and she hoped that the town was small enough that anyone would know about the drug addict and son that came into town only hours earlier. And it was the middle of the morning. Not many people would be awake when she arrived at six am on a Sunday morning. But she couldn't leave him with that woman any longer.

She also worried about what she would do when Liz claimed that she had the rights to keep her son with her. Lorelai had never had anything official signed when Jess came to stay with her. Because of how Liz just left, Lorelai figured that Liz was just glad to be rid of her son that caused problems like asking for food. Lorelai had never thought about what would happen if Liz wanted Jess back. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of that. Because if she had, maybe they wouldn't be in this situation.

But as she pulled into town, she knew that no matter what her worries, she would find her son. And she would hurt Liz if she had laid a hand on her little boy. Because it had taken Jess so long to open up, to start being a kid instead of a mouse, cowering at any sudden movements or loud noises. He had started eating, gained some weight to make him not look like he was starving. The nightmares had taken so long for him to overcome, but the past few weeks, with the help of a loving Sookie, things had started to calm down. He was doing well in school, not at the top of his class, but Lorelai never expected that from Jess. He just did his best, and actually loved his reading, and that was enough for Lorelai.

The whole town was dark, only one streetlight on in the whole town square. From a small café over on one black, Lorelai drove down past a grocery store, and then she came to the one light on in the whole town. She saw someone moving around inside. Parking the car, she took only a second to gather herself, knowing that she was in for a long fight to try and find Liz and Jess. But she had to do it. As she walked toward the storefront, she wondered what she was looking at. The sign above the building said it was a hardware store. But on the inside, there were tables, and a counter, and a cash register – from what she could tell through the blinds, Lorelai could see all the makings of a small home diner. She saw they were open, and she walked in, the bell above the door alerting someone about her presence in the building.

The whole room was empty. Tables were clean, old, but clean. And the old cash register gave it an antique feel. But Lorelai stopped looking around the diner when she found a man walk out of a backroom.

He was dressed very… the only word Lorelai could think of was comfortable. He was dressed in worn jeans. And a very faded flannel shirt. His face was full of scruff, and she wondered when he had showered last. The backwards baseball cap completed his ensemble. And she realized that he matched his diner. Casual, laid back, and rather sloppy.

"What can I get for you?" He asked, sounding surprised. And, Lorelai thought, _Rather rude._

She took a deep breath, a picture of Jess in her mind, walked closer to the counter, and said, "I'm actually looking for someone."

His eyes seemed to put a wall up. "Someone around here at six in the morning?" He sounded incredulous. Then he smirked at her. "You're not from around here, are you?"

She didn't need the small town mentality about outsiders to already be biting her in the ass. She just ignored the question and got to her own question. "I'm looking for a woman who came into town just a few hours before I did."

Something flickered across his face. But his stone cold expression seemed to take over again. But she just continued. "A woman with a little boy." She wanted to cry starting to describe her little boy. "He has shaggy brown hair, brown eyes. He's ten." Then she remembered that he had been in his pajamas. "He has on batman pants and a black tshirt."

And as she looked at his face, she knew he had seen him. He was looking at her and his face told her before his words did. "Why are you looking for them?"

 _He knows where they are._ She thought, as she watched an even bigger wall come up. His hands rounded the counter, and his knuckles were white. He was staring right at her, like he was trying to get her to back down.

But it was her son. And she asked him again. "Have you seen him?" Her voice was clipped, unwilling to play games with this man. When he didn't answer, she explained, "He's my son and I have to find him."

Surprise crossed his eyes, and he stepped back. "He's your son?" When she nodded, he shook his head, "That boy is Liz' son."

Lorelai argued, "He lived with me for the…"

But he interrupted her, his gruff voice escalating in volume. "She came back here to start new. Go back to the big city and leave her the hell alone."

She felt attacked. Something she didn't like to feel. And she didn't like to feel that way when it was her life that had just been ripped from her hands. That was her little boy. Her little boy in the hands of a person who had abused him so much before. And she would not let some asshole in some stupid little town tell her to just go back and leave him here to live with that abuse. Now she was yelling, "Where is he? You know where he is."

He just nodded and smugly yelled, "Oh, I know. And you don't." He pointed his finger out the window and said, "So you'd better just get back in your car and …"

She interrupted him. She had her hands on the counter, leaning over so she was close to his face, and she yelled at him, her voice so desperate to find him. "That little boy is more my son than his deadbeat druggie of a …"

Then she heard it.

She heard the voice.

A tiny voice.

Calling from far away.

But she heard him.

"Mommy?" Came the faint call from somewhere in the back of the store.

She started to go crazy. Her eyes wide, she started walking around the counter to the open doorway to a back storage room. She called out as loud as possible, "Jess!" The man behind the counter rushed over to her, but she pushed him away, and kept yelling, "Jess! Answer Mommy! Jess!"

She heard his voice coming from up the rickety stairs, "In here, Mommy!" The sound of his voice drove her adrenaline to push the man's hands off of her arm, and she took the stairs two at a time, all the while frantically yelling, "Jess!" She was so close to him. She just had to make sure he was ok. She arrived at the top of the stairs to find a hallway of doors. She called once again, calling above the pounding of the man behind her as he came up the stairs too. "Jess, answer me now!"

"Mommy!" And she followed his voice to a door with a window on it. She turned the handle and threw the door open.

The man yelled behind her, "Hey! Get out of here! I'll call the police and have you arrested for breaking and…"

But she didn't hear him. She didn't care anything about him right now. Because she had to find her son.

She opened the door into what appeared to be some makeshift apartment. Her eyes frantically searched the room for him. And she called once again, "Jess?"

And then she heard him call her from so close. She turned to find him cowering from a small mattress in the corner of the room. "Mommy!" And he flew across the room to meet her, where she ran to meet him. He threw his arms around her neck as she got down on her knees and wrapped her arms around him protectively. His head went to her shoulder, and he started crying. "Mommy. Mommy. You came!"

Lorelai held him so tight she was sure he was going to complain about her hurting him. She had one hand on his head, and the other wrapped around his little body. Holding him close, she had to tell herself that it was Jess. Right there, in her arms, it was Jess. And she had him. That he wasn't with that woman anymore. She had him. And she wasn't going to let anyone take him away from her.

"Oh, honey, of course I came." She whispered, her voice not steady enough to talk in a normal tone of voice. She ran her hand through his hair as she comforted, "Sh… It's ok. Mommy's here." She tried to comfort him as his body shook as he cried into her shoulder.

His body shuddered as he gasped for breath in between crying. "I was so scared." His little voice choked on tears as he tried to tell her everything, "She said you didn't want me…"

Lorelai's eyes closed in sadness as she imagined how horrible that would have sounded to this fragile child. She opened her mouth to comfort him when he said, "She said she would hit me again if I cried."

Her body stiffened at the word "again." She extricated her neck from his arms, and set him so he was looking at her, his tear-stained face breaking her heart. And she looked at him and asked, "Jess," he looked up at her. "Did she hit you?"

He didn't say a word.

But he nodded.

Her hands started to shake, not from fear or nerves, but from anger. She tried to keep her voice calmer than what she was feeling inside of her when she asked, "Did she do anything else to hurt you?"

His eyes fell to the ground, and he pointed at his feet. Lorelai's eyes flew down, where she found hit little feet scraped and bloodied. And he said, "She pulled me out of the car and my feet got hurt." And then his arms moved, and Lorelai realized he was pulling up his sleeves. "And she hurt my arm when she pulled me." She could see purple marks in the shape of a hand forming all around her son's arm.

Then she looked back at his face, and she saw more tears running down his face. But she saw fear too. And fear in his voice when he said so quietly that Lorelai could barely hear him, "She said she would hit me again if I told."

She reached her hand up to brush the tears from his cheeks. His eyes flinched, and Lorelai could barely contain her anger at the woman who had brought the frightened boy back. But she just pulled him back into her arms and she said, "Jess, I won't let her hurt you."

The voice that met her ears solidified the statement. "Promise?"

Lorelai knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that getting him out of this house with that crazy man downstairs was going to be hard. And Liz was around here somewhere, and who knows why that bitch wanted him in the first place, but she knew it would be a fight. But there was one thing that she knew for certain. That she wasn't leaving without her little boy. And she wouldn't let him be hurt by that woman any more. And she nodded her head, and said, "I promise."

She heard the voice behind her. A woman.

"What the hell are you doing here?"


	20. Chapter 20

She heard the voice behind her. A woman.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Jess stiffened in her arms. And started to shake. But Lorelai just gave him one more hug, and said, "Mommy's here." She stood to her feet, turning and keeping Jess behind her, but never letting go of his hand.

She found the horrible woman standing there, a towel around her naked body, a comb running through her hair. Lorelai held Jess' hand, which was one of the only things that kept her from lunging at the bitch who had hurt her little boy. Liz' eyes were wide, Lorelai expected both from surprise and anger. Then the woman's eyes went from Lorelai to the man standing in the doorway.

His face was still focused on the little boy behind Lorelai. And he looked speechless.

Lorelai steeled herself for the fight that was coming.

Liz spoke first, but to the man. "Luke, why would you let her up here?"

The man, Luke, still looking at Jess, returned her question with a question. "Liz, did you hurt the boy?"

Lorelai watched as Liz turned her fighting stance from Lorelai to Luke. Like the two of them were going to fight it out.

Liz hesitated, which gave Luke the time to ask again, in a much louder tone, "I asked you a question. Did you or did you not hurt Jess?"

"No, Luke, I didn't." Liz lied. "I would never hurt my little Jess." She looked over behind Lorelai, and said, "Would I, little guy?" Her voice was fake, like she didn't know how to talk to a little child – because she never had unless she was yelling. Lorelai shifted so Liz couldn't make contact with Jess, who upon being addressed from Liz, clung harder to her legs.

Luke, still facing Liz, crossed his arms in front of his body, and asked, "Then why would he tell this woman…" he pointed at Lorelai. "…who he calls 'Mommy' that you hit him?"

The façade started to fade from Liz' face as she realized that she had missed quite a bit of the interaction between Lorelai and Jess. She stuttered, "She.. she told him to call… and I just had to make him come with…" Now she turned to Lorelai, her eyes on fire knowing that she wasn't going to convince Luke. Her words came shooting out, like bullets, "I want you to get away from my son, you bitch. You can't just stalk me and come try to take him away from me when I try to start and get my life together."

Lorelai had waited long enough. She had held her tongue when that woman had thrown her son out into the hallway. She had made herself be quiet when Liz had told her not to expect to get paid for taking care of Jess. She had even sat there and been quiet while these two strangers duked the situation out. But the minute she heard Liz refer to Jess as "her son" – that was the last straw. And she was ready for this.

"How dare you call him your son!" She started out yelling. Her hands were shaking. Her voice, on the other hand, was strong. "You hit him, starved him, threw him out – and he was only six." Liz had crossed her arms in front of her, pretending not to be concerned about what Lorelai was yelling about, but Lorelai watched as Liz' eyes went to Luke every once in a while. But Lorelai didn't care. Because now was her chance to speak her mind. "I took him in. He became part of our family. I fed him. I bought him clothes. I sat up with him night after night while he had nightmares of the HELL you put him through. I put him in school. I let him into my heart."

Lorelai glanced at Luke, who was looking at her with mouth wide open. But Lorelai didn't linger there. Back to Liz, she started reviewing what had happened that night. "Then tonight, I get home from work to find that you've come and ripped him out of his sleep, out of his bed, out of his life. With no warning, no call, no nothing you just come in and take MY SON away from me…"

Liz started screaming back, "Your son? How dare you call him your son when I gave birth to him!"

Lorelai stepped closer only to have Jess weigh her down in fear. But she was still screaming, "That's all you gave him." Liz started to talk but Lorelai wouldn't give her the chance. "My little girl was distraught knowing that 'her Jess' was gone, and she was afraid someone was going to come in and take her away in the middle of the night." Liz rolled her eyes. Lorelai didn't stop. "I drive two hours in the middle of the night, and I find my son scared and crying because you've hit him, hurt his feet, and bruised his arms."

Now Liz couldn't make eye contact with her.

And Luke said, "We need to sit down and talk…"

"No." Lorelai said adamantly, looking at him now. "He is coming home with me. I will not leave MY SON here to be abused and mistreated. I could never live with myself."

It started to get heated when Liz said, "You have no right to him. You take him out of this house and I'll have you arrested for kidnapping." It was then that Lorelai noticed something she recognized from Christopher. And she put the pieces together. It all made sense. The middle of the night dragging Jess out of his room. The insistence that Lorelai leave Jess here. The stubbornness of the man there in front of her.

And she started to voice what she knew. "How many days?" She asked Liz.

Confusion on the woman's face. "What?"

Lorelai gestured to the woman's hands. "How many days since your last fix?" Confusion changed to uncertainty. _Yeah, bitch, I know exactly why you wanted my son._ "Your hands, they're shaking."

"I have low blood sugar." Liz responded defensively.

But the Lorelai looked at Luke. And she asked, "How much money did you tell her you would give her if she came back here?" The man just stood there, again, speechless. His mouth moved, but nothing came out. And Lorelai continued, turning a little to indicate Jess. "And, let me guess, you told her she had to bring her son back here in order to get the money…" Luke looked down at his shoes, and Lorelai knew that she hit the nail right on the head. "She hasn't been involved in his life for four years. So how about you just give the drug addict her money and let me have my son back."

Luke looked up at her. And his gruff voice spoke with a little bit more gravity. "I don't understand how you think it's ok to keep calling him your son. He is my sister's son. And my nephew."

"What more do you want me to say to you?" Lorelai yelled in frustration at the stubbornness of this man. "She hurt him. Not just four years ago. But tonight."

Luke's voice still stayed quiet, but clipped. "But he is family. We will take care of him. His grandparents and I will look after him until Liz gets things under control."

Liz, who now knew that her brother was on her side, started to look confident again, and walked over to Lorelai and reached out to touch Jess.

And that was when the adults in the room were confronted with just how hurt and traumatized the little boy had been. Because just the act of Liz getting close to him, reaching her hand out to him, caused him to cry out, "NO! Mommy, don't let her hurt me." And he buried his face into her leg, cries of terror flying from his mouth. "Please, Mommy, I told you she would hurt me if I told you."

But Lorelai would have none of it. Again shifting, she put her body in between Liz and Jess.

And then she let her gaze find Luke's. And she watched as his stance on the whole issue changed. She saw pity for the little boy finally take root.

Liz again reached around Lorelai, this time saying, "Jess, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

But Jess just continued to shriek, "Mommy. Make her go away! MOMMY!"

Lorelai growled at Liz, "Step back. Now." Her hands were ready to push the woman away, willing to hold up her promise to Jess that she wouldn't let Liz hurt him.

But she didn't have to.

Because a deep voice from Luke caused Liz to step back. "Get away from the boy, Liz."

Lorelai looked up in surprise at the tone he used with his sister.

And Liz was just as surprised. She jumped back, and then walked over to Luke. "Big brother, I promise you, I never hurt him before…"

Luke just shook his head in amazement. And then he held his hand out to gesture to Jess. And his voice was soft. But grave. "Children don't react that way to someone who hasn't hurt them."

"He's just scared of the new place, Luke." Liz was desperate. She knew if she couldn't convince Luke that she was a good mother, that he might not give her the money. "He just needs time to get used to the place here."

Lorelai had now again crouched down to pull Jess, who was shaking uncontrollably, into her arms. She held him so she could still see Luke and Liz. But she just cooed to her little boy, "Jess. It's ok."

His little voice was the only voice of reason in the whole room. "It won't be ok until we are going home."

Luke's eyes immediately met hers. And she noticed there were tears in his eyes. And then the most subtle of things happened. He nodded his head. And Lorelai knew exactly what he meant. Liz was still prattling on about how she really was a good mother and just needed a chance to change, something about having the money to make a life for her son.

Lorelai whispered into her son's ear, "Let's go home, kid." And she stood up, holding his hand in hers, so he was on the opposite side where they would walk past Luke and Liz. His hand was still shaking. But he was ready.

Liz saw them start towards the door, and jumped in front of the door, and said, "You're not going anywhere." Then she looked at Luke. "Right? You're not going to let her take your nephew. You can't just let her…"

Luke grabbed her around the waist and pulled her away from the doorway. And then quietly said to Lorelai over Liz' screams, "Go. Now."

And Lorelai didn't need to be told twice. Despite the yelling from the addict behind them, before she knew it, she was down the stairs, out the diner, and to her car with her precious little boy with her. As she set him in the backseat and helped him buckle up, he again hugged her neck, and he said, "You saved me, Mommy."


	21. Chapter 21

Lorelai banged on the apartment door with her foot, both of her hands holding the sleeping boy. His little face against her shoulder, he had succumbed to sleep about an hour into the drive home. She, on the other hand, hadn't started to fade at all, even though she had been up for almost twenty-six straight hours. _Must be the adrenaline hasn't come down yet._ She wondered as she softly banged her foot again against the door. _Come on, Sookie, open up the…_

The door slowly opened, to find a wild-eyed woman standing there, and then a smile came to her face as she looked at the sleeping child in Lorelai's arms. Then she whispered, "You found him."

Lorelai just nodded as she walked into the apartment. He was getting heavy in her arms, so she made her way to the bedroom, her boots echoing on the wood floor. The door was open, and she walked in to find Rory curled up on Jess' bed, holding his blanket close to her.

She heard Sookie's quiet voice behind her. "She just fell asleep about an hour ago."

 _About the same time that Jess did._ Lorelai thought. _These kids are something else, that's for sure._ To think that someone wanted to separate this brother and sister duo.

She walked over to where Rory was laying and leaned down and gently set Jess next to his sister. He stirred just a bit, but then turned and found the sleeping form next to him. Still asleep, he curled up next to Rory, his little head buried in her hair. Grabbing Rory's blanket from her bed, Lorelai carefully covered the two little ones up.

And as she stood there, watching her little girl and her little boy breathe, she realized just how lucky she was. Crouching down, she let her fingers softly brush over Jess' face, the skin to skin contact solidifying in her mind that her little boy was safe. She had brought him back, back home where he belonged. She watched Rory stir, and she burrowed her head down into the space between her and Jess. She watched as they subconsciously found security and safety from each other. And that gave her some comfort. Lorelai stood up, knowing that it was a miracle that she had Jess here with her again.

She heard Sookie's voice behind her, and she turned to find her, teary-eyed. "They need each other."

Lorelai nodded, and then walked out of the room and collapsed on the couch. Sitting up against the side of the armrest, she pulled her knees up to her chest, and buried her head in her hands. Everything seemed like such a blur. Leaving and frantically driving to Stars Hollow. Yelling at that man. Hearing Jess calling out to her. Running to find him. Holding him in her arms. Fighting for the man to understand that she wasn't leaving him there. Driving back with him. And through all of that, there was one thing that Lorelai had not allowed herself to do. She had been strong, holding it together for most of the time. Fighting for her son required her to be the calm and coherent force for Jess.

But here, on the couch, with both of her children sleeping peacefully in the next room, she didn't have to be strong. And the tears began to flow. _The feeling of emptiness knowing that Jess wasn't in his bed. Fear of what Liz would do to him. Terror that she wouldn't find him._ Her chest heaved as she gasped for breath. _Pain from what her little boy had endured. Failure as a mother to protect him._ She could taste salty tears that touched her lips as they flew from her face to soak the sleeves of her coat where her head rested.

She felt a hand on her shoulder. And Sookie softly said, "Lorelai, he's safe. You brought him home."

That didn't help her stop her sobbing. She just cried harder, all of her body moving with each gasp for breath as she wailed quietly about the fear she had the entire night. When she could finally speak, as her body started to calm down, the only words she could say were, "Sookie, I almost lost him."

Sookie rubbed her back. And she just cried. She didn't know when she fell asleep, but she knew it was while she was crying. But as her head rested against the couch, she remembered hearing her friend's comforting voice, "You're a great mother, Lorelai."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Two weeks later

Lorelai balanced the box full of material for sewing on her hip while she tried to find the key to the mailbox on her keyring. The box started to slip, and she grabbed it, losing her place on the keyring. "Shit." She mumbled under her breath as she started again thumbing through her keys. She found it, thankfully, before the box started to slip. She unlocked the mailbox, pulled the stack of bills, letters, and catalogues and set them in the open box, so it would be easier to carry.

She walked up the three flights of stairs, past a group of teenagers doing what smelled like dope. There was one spot on the long climb up to her apartment that always made Lorelai want to throw up, with the smell of mold growing through the torn wallpaper mixed with a puddle of what Lorelai didn't even want to think about. Her shoes brushed against old newspapers, and she remembered that just last week there had been a homeless man staying there, keeping warm with the newspapers. Of course, other trash from people who didn't want to take their garbage down to the dumpster littered the ground, cigarette butts and old beer cans. And it was just normal to Lorelai.

She reached the door to her apartment, and again, balancing the box on her hip, she unlocked the deadbolt and the regular lock. The apartment was quiet when she walked in, which was to be expected at lunch time on a Monday afternoon. The kids were in school. Sookie was at one of her culinary classes. Just a normal day at the house. Lorelai could sit down and finish some of her sewing jobs that she had before she would go and pick up the kids from school in three hours.

Setting her keys and the box on the table, she walked over to the coffee pot and pressed the button for the wonderful machine to start making her favorite liquid in the world. It was so simple since Sookie had finally learned the correct Gilmore ratio of coffee to water. So after Lorelai's first cup of coffee, Sookie would make sure to have the pot ready for when Lorelai needed her next cup. Lorelai pulled the fridge door open, and pulled out a piece of some kind of fancy named chicken, which was supposed to be eaten cold. But Lorelai thought it tasted just as good cold as warm, as she took a bite of the cold chicken.

Turning back to the mail, she thumbed through, setting the credit card bills to the side. She smirked at the many ads and catalogues that they kept sending them. There was no way that she could buy herself even used clothes, much less the designer clothes from the advertisements. Her fingers brushed across one really beautiful picture of a gorgeous dress, one that she knew would have been on her wish list if she had been back home. She could almost feel the soft material against her body, and she remembered the wonderful feeling of getting new clothes back when her parents paid for everything for her. Of course, her mother would always give her opinion about everything. But still, the clothes had been so wonderful.

But she didn't let her mind linger on selfish things like clothes that would cost more than four sets of clothes for the kids. She then came across a personal letter with the return address in Boston. She ran her thumb along the seam, opening the envelope to reveal a small note.

 _The first payments of many toward the debt I can never fully repay. - Chris_

Then she pulled out a check that matched the balance for the credit card payments for that month. She stood there, in shock. Because never in her wildest dreams would she have ever thought that he would actually send the money. The check felt heavy in her hand, as she realized how much weight that piece of paper took off of her shoulders for the month. Being able to keep almost twenty-five hundred dollars of the money she made that would normally go to pay the bills – she didn't know what to think.

Then she remembered who the check was from, and she realized that although she was holding one check in her hands, there was no guarantee that another one would come next month. It was Chris, after all.

Her hands separated the bills again until she came to the last piece of mail. And her hands started shaking as she read the return address.

 _Camille Danes_

 _Stars Hollow, CT._


	22. The letter

_Camille Danes_

 _Stars Hollow, CT._

The events from two weeks ago came flooding back. The fear. The terror. The desperation. She stared at the elegant handwriting on the letter, her eyes hardly able to focus from her mind's panic mode.  
style="font-family: '.SFUIText-Italic'; font-style: italic; font-size: 17pt;"What would they possibly want? Who the hell was this woman? Did the man change his mind? Did they want Jess back?

She was afraid to open that letter. But she was afraid not to. She pulled out one of the kitchen table chairs, and sat down, holding the letter in front of her on the table. She turned the letter over. And then over again. And then back to the back again. Her hands, still shaking, couldn't seem to make up their minds. Of course, it was her fear that was causing such hesitancy.

Taking a deep breath, she wanted to know more than not know. So she slowly ripped the envelope open. And pulled out a thick set of handwritten pages.

And she opened the flowery stationary, to find more beautiful handwriting flowing through the pages and pages of the letter.

Lorelai forced her eyes to read.

 _Dear Lorelai,_

 _I feel I must begin this letter with the outpouring of my gratitude to you. I do not know how to thank you for the sacrifices that you have made to care for my grandson. To take in a child to which you have no relation with no promise of monetary benefits – I can only thank you for everything you've done to take care of Jess._

 _Please let me sincerely apologize for the ramifications that our ultimatum to Liz caused you. We didn't know the extent of Liz' relationship with her son, and if we would have known that he wasn't living with her, we would have never included his return in our stipulations for her._

 _I hope you will give me just a few moments of your time to let me tell you a little bit about this family that we have here in the little town of Stars Hollow. My husband, Zeke, and I raised our two children here in this town. Zeke owns the hardware store here in town, which provided us with the funds to comfortably retire a few years ago. Luke, the oldest, owns the diner in the town, which, I heard, you came into. He decided to take the cooking talents that he had mastered over the years to start a business in his hometown. Luke was always a good kid, not at the top of his class in school, but very smart in regards to money and running a business._

 _Liz, on the other hand, struggled to keep good friends in school, and we found out, much to our dismay, that she started using drugs early in high school. Trying our best, we attempted to keep her away from the friends, grounding her, and even sending her to a youth rehab center. But the minute she turned eighteen, she left town, and we didn't see her again for two years._

 _When she returned home, it was only because she had found out she was pregnant and needed a place to stay. Being what we thought to be good parents, we kept her there with us at home, thankful for the ability to keep her from using drugs while she was pregnant. She had a hard few months, but she stayed clean and sober._

 _I will never forget the feeling of holding my little grandson in my arms. He had a full head of hair, dark and curly from the beginning. He came out crying, loudly wailing and alerting the world of his presence. I fell in love almost instantly. And I don't think I've ever seen my husband, a very gruff man, cry when he held little Jess._

 _Liz lived at home with us for about a year, so we were able to see Jess take his first steps, help him eat his first foods, and love on our little grandchild for as long as possible. He was precious especially to his Uncle Luke, who didn't really know how to handle a little baby, but he sure did try._

 _We started to see that Liz was getting antsy to get out of the town, to go back to the big city. All of us tried our hardest to keep her there, with us, if only for her son's sake. But it always was impossible to keep Liz somewhere she didn't want to be._

 _She left in the middle of the night. The only thing she left us was a letter telling us that she hated being at home, she felt stifled in a little town, and that she would contact us when she felt like it. We waited for five years before we heard anything else again._

 _That was the first time she asked for money, saying she was going to be evicted. That started our long, never ending cycle of her coming into our lives only asking for money. At first, we would send it without question, wanting to do our part to make sure she was taken care of. But time after time, we started to realize the gravity of our mistake, which was pretty much giving her spending money on whatever she wanted to do with it._

 _And that was the ultimatum that we told her. If she came home, brought Jess, we would give her money to start back out fresh. It sounded like a good idea at the time. She would be close to home. We would get to make sure our grandson was doing alright, and she wouldn't have such free reign to spend the money on whatever she wanted. In our minds, it was a win-win situation._

 _My heart breaks as I think about what our ultimatum almost ended up costing you. Luke told my husband and I what happened in the apartment at the diner. He said that Liz had ripped Jess out of his bed. That you arrived home to find your son vanished into thin air. Tears are rolling down my face as I struggle to pen these words to you. And I again beg for your forgiveness for what pain we caused you that night._

 _You see, we didn't know that Jess was no longer at home with his mother. We had no idea, otherwise, we would not have insisted she bring him home._

 _And now my pen writes with grieved anger at what Luke told us Liz has done to that child. To think that my daughter hurt her own son – it is almost too much for my heart to bear. If we would have known, we would have brought him back home with us. But we didn't. And, deep in our hearts, we know we should have tried._

 _But to hear that you took him in, as your own son, when his mother didn't want him – it is the only thing that somewhat comforts this grandmother's heart. To know that her grandson had a family. Luke tells me you also have a daughter, and I am glad that Jess was able to have a sister growing up._

 _The one thing that Luke told us about you, Lorelai, is that he has never seen a person fight so vehemently for something. He said that you never backed down from your goal of taking Jess back with you to your home. He smiled when he told me about how you pushed him away to get to Jess upstairs. I think you confused my son, which is hard to do, my dear Lorelai._

 _Because I never had the chance to see Jess when he was here for the few hours he was here, I asked Luke to tell me about him. He said he still has curly brown hair, brown eyes, and that he had the Danes' chin. He said that when Liz arrived with the boy, that Jess was so quiet and shy. He didn't give Luke a hug, and didn't want anything to eat or drink. He didn't say one word to his Uncle Luke._

 _But Luke told me that when you got there, when he saw the little boy wrap his arms around you, he said he's never seen love and adoration in a child as much as he saw in Jess for you. The cries from the boy calling for his "mommy" really struck a chord in my son's hard heart. He told me the heartbreaking things that Jess told you that Liz had done to him._

 _And he said that he had never seen a mother so in love with her child as you had been that night. I asked him whether he had any doubt about letting you leave with my grandson that night. Because that was a bold move, to let his nephew leave with someone that Luke had never met before. Luke shook his head and said, "Mom, that woman was Jess' mother. There was no doubt about it."_

 _Thus I reach the end of my letter. And the reason for the pages that you hold in your hands. I only wanted to pour out my thankfulness to you for cherishing Jess as you have. No child should have experienced what Jess has, and to know that someone took him in, loved him, and made him a part of their family – I can do nothing but offer you my gratitude._

 _After the scare that you had with Jess being brought here to Stars Hollow, I know that it will be a long time before you even consider the request that I am going to make. Understanding is there with whatever decision that you make, because you owe me nothing after what you've done for my family. But I only ask that perhaps, in time, we might have the privilege to interact with our grandson. Not a big part, not even something that would be a big deal. But maybe just to come and see him for an hour or so. The last time I held him in my arms was when he was one-year-old. Again, you owe this family nothing. In fact, we are forever in your debt. I just wonder if in a few years, Jess would want to know about his extended family. I leave it completely up to your discretion and judgment as Jess' mother for what would be best for him._

 _I also want to assure you that this is in no wise a way that we want to try and get Jess away from you. Luke convinced us that Jess is in a loving relationship with you as his mother. And to rip that away from such a sweet boy would be too cruel an act to complete for our selfish desire to see our grandchild. Please know that his living with you is not in question at all in our minds._

 _Finally, my husband and I wish to open our wallet to you. The financial burden of caring for an extra child, one that is not biologically yours, must have been a struggle. And we can understand that, and we want you to know that if you ever need anything, money for food, bills, or anything for your children – please let us know and it is yours. It is only a small sacrifice that we can make for a woman who has done something we could never repay you for._

 _I am smiling to myself as I look at the many pages of this letter. A grandmother's heart was full, and I hope that this will open your eyes to the people that this family really is. Our door is always open. If you ever need a place to stay, you are welcome anytime. And if you ever need anything, do not hesitate to ask._

 _If you are ever interested in meeting with us, even without Jess, to get to know us better to make an informed decision about whether we are right for Jess or not, I would love to meet you. I would be honored to hug the woman that Jess calls Mommy._

 _All our love,_

 _Zeke and Camille Danes_


	23. Chapter 23

She set the letter down on the table. And then she looked at it with her eyes swimming in tears. Because this letter was so heartfelt. There was a deepness to the writing, not as if they were just words on a page. The emotions flowed through the curves of the letters, pulling her along with the empathy that this woman had for her and lifting her up with her encouragement.

The way that this woman had described her sadness at how Liz had acted towards Jess – that touched Lorelai's heart. Her words that didn't excuse Liz' actions had acknowledged that Lorelai had been the one trying to do the best for Jess.

Lorelai wiped tears away from her face as she thought about how horrified Camille must have been to find out about how Jess had lived for the first few years of his life, how guilty she must have felt knowing that they hadn't done anything to try and make sure Jess was being taken care of, and how helpless she now felt to take care of Jess.

The idea of Jess being a baby had made Lorelai smile. Thinking about his curly hair on a little baby warmed her heart, and although she hadn't been his mother at the time, it warmed her heart to know that for the first year of her little boy's life, he had been taken care of and loved. That he had been sheltered from the effects of an addict being pregnant. That he had been part of a loving family, even if only for a little time. With grandparents and an uncle that cared for him. That made her feel just a bit better about Jess' past. It didn't negate her hatred of Liz for how she treated her little boy after that. But the idea that he had been cuddled, maybe rocked to sleep in the middle of the night, talked to with love – Lorelai was thankful for the input that these strangers had put into her son.

These people were real people. They had children. One of whom seemed to have made something of his life, with running his own business. But they must have been devastated when their daughter turned to drugs and alcohol, leaving their family to go and find her next high. And then to have not only their daughter leave them, but take the little boy that probably brought such joy to their lives. The pain that Lorelai had felt that night she came home and Jess was gone – they would have felt that helpless and broken feeling of wondering whether they would ever see his sweet face ever again.

She didn't know what to do with their openness and willingness to help her. To offer her a place to stay if she ever needed somewhere – she was a complete and utter stranger. They didn't know anything about her, her life, her work, her past. They didn't know what life she led, the horrible place that she worked. They only saw that she had taken their grandson in, and that, apparently, was enough. She couldn't imagine a family sending money to a woman they had no knowledge of, but they said that anything they could do for her, they would.

Lorelai put her arms on the table and cradled her head in them, unsure of what to do with this trust that they had for her. It had been so long since someone had wanted to show her such kindness, looked at her as someone to be valued. Chris had taken advantage of her, using her need to make sure her children were taken care of to get her to go to work and provide for his family. He had taken it just a bit farther by using her money to provide for his own drug problem, taking money that had been needed to buy the kids things like shoes and food, and used it to please himself. Even Chris' father hadn't wanted Chris to have anything to do with her, telling him that he needed to leave Lorelai and the children to come and start a new life. He left her stranded in the big city, with no support and no one else to relieve the burden of providing for the children.

Her parents hadn't even wanted that much to do with their granddaughter. When Lorelai left home, it had been the line in the sand. If she wasn't going to do things their way, marry Christopher, live in the high society life, dress Rory how they wanted, and anything else that would make them look like a better family – then they wanted nothing to do with Rory. Lorelai could only imagine what her parents would do if she called them and asked for money. There would be many "I told you so" and "you'll have to come home."

Not this utter openness and willingness to help that came from grandparents who hadn't seen their grandson since he was only a toddler. She just didn't know what to do with this kindness that seemed to emanate from the very essence of this letter. Because she didn't think that she deserved such trust and gratitude. She had only taken in a little boy in need – wouldn't anyone in her position have done the same thing? Who could leave an abused child out in that hallway that night? She didn't think she was anything special. She was just caring. And now, she was just his caring mother who could barely provide him with shoes that didn't cut into his feet. No, Camille must have idolized Lorelai in her mind, because she sure wasn't a good mother. She tried, but she looked around at the sad excuse for a home she could provide for her children, and she felt so inadequate.

She didn't know what to do about the request that Camille had made. She didn't even know how she felt at the prospect of Jess' grandparents getting to know him. It was a fair request, after almost getting to see the grandson they had lost nine years before. And Lorelai could understand that they just wanted the chance to meet and interact with Jess – anyone would because he was such a sweet little kid.

But the fear from that night seemed to halt any thoughts of what they wanted. Because she never wanted to feel that pain again. The excruciating fear the gripped her not knowing where Jess was – she could never do that again. And although Camille promised that they weren't trying to get him away from her, she didn't trust easily. Not after her parents had treated her the way they had. Not after Chris had promised to love and cherish her but abandoned her for a better life and another woman. Not after those men in the club had hurt her the way they had. Not after Liz had ripped her little boy away from her. Lorelai sat up and wiped the tears away from her eyes. No, she could not just blindly trust these people, no matter how sweet and genuine they sounded.

She needed time to think about if and how she wanted them in his life. She knew she could go meet them and talk with them, but even that scared her. Just the fact that they could take him away from her scared her to death. She wanted to believe them. She wanted to take the sweet words from the pages and pages in front of her at face value. But she needed time. Time to think about if she would want them in his life. Time to process the many words on the page. Time to feel secure in her role as Jess' mother.

But she would think about it. Think about perhaps setting up a meeting with them to see what they were like. To ask them what they wanted from a relationship with their grandson. And she could try and be open to the possibility.

But it took her a while.

It took her past the next day when Jess jumped into her lap and told her that he loved her. It took her three days later when he ran home waving his report card that he got an A+ in his math class. It took her three weeks later when he couldn't sleep until Lorelai got home from work and could cuddle with him. It took her three months later when it was his birthday, and she watched him blow out is eleven candles out of a beautiful cake decorated by Sookie. And it was that night, after his birthday, that she sat there looking at the pictures they had taken of him opening his one present, a new set of pencils for school – it was then that she pulled her phone out.

And she dialed the number that had been on the bottom of the letter.

She dialed it by memory. From looking at it so much while she thought about it.

"Hello?" A sweet voice echoed over the line.

It took her just a few seconds longer before she said, "This is Lorelai. I'm looking for Camille."


	24. Chapter 24

Lorelai pulled her coat closed, buttoning the two buttons that were left on the old thing. But it was the best she had right now. Thankfully, her jeans didn't have holes in them, only because she wasn't like her children who seemed to sit, walk, and even dance on their knees until the material frayed apart, revealing bare knees and her lack of money. She had curled soft curls into her brown hair, and used some of her normal makeup from work to hide the dark circles under her eyes and make her look just a little bit less an insane and worn down mother.

Because today she was meeting Camille for coffee.

And she never had regretted making a decision as much as she did that phone call. The woman had sounded so sweet and nice. And she had been so excited that Lorelai had called.

But what if Camille didn't like her? What if she thought that Lorelai wasn't fit to be Jess' mother? And what if Camille could see just how bad things were at home, just by looking at how much of a mess Lorelai was? There were very few people who could make Lorelai feel like she was feeling right now, and as she fiddled with the sleeves of her coat, she wondered why on earth she had done this voluntarily.

Looking around at the coffee shop she had picked, Lorelai wondered what she had been thinking. The high tables and stools of an expensive coffeehouse seemed to overpower her small and insignificant person. Even the clientele seemed to know that she didn't belong here, with their glances down at her worn out boots and threadbare coat in comparison to their business suits and leather coats. Lorelai stopped looking at their faces, knowing that they were just going to judge her anyway. She tapped her fingers nervously on the table, wishing that she could just get this over with. Of course, she had been thinking that if she could make Camille think that she had the money to go to a place like this, maybe Lorelai could keep their situation away from Jess' grandmother. Because no one from a small town where they owned their own business with enough money to offer a stranger anything – those people would never look at Lorelai's living conditions and think that she was doing a good job caring for her children. Lorelai even knew she was doing a horrible time as a mother. Of course a stranger would look at it and see failure and pretty close to child neglect. She huddled up against the back of the chair, trying to hide her broken self from these put-together people.

So Lorelai knew that this whole meeting had to come across that she had her life together. That she knew what she was doing as a mother. That she could come and drink coffee at a well-to-do coffee place and be fine. She had decided on this place not only because it was very prestigious, but because of where it was located. In the rich part of town had been Lorelai's idea of giving Camille the idea that she lived close to here, because going anywhere close to the apartment would have been so embarrassing and actually dangerous. It hadn't been until Lorelai was sitting there at the table watching people outside the window carrying bags from designer shops and hailing taxis – it wasn't until that moment that Lorelai remembered the letter had been delivered to their address. So Camille would know that this part of town wasn't where Lorelai and the kids lived. She wanted to stand up and leave at that thought, feeling like there was no way she could pull this off.

But just then, she felt a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump. Turning, she was immediately drawn to the smile on this woman's face.

"Lorelai?" The woman asked. Her curly blond hair hugged her face, a face with a smile that warmed even Lorelai's heart. Brown eyes were alive from the electricity of her smile.

Taking a deep breath, Lorelai put on as happy of a face as she nodded and then said, "Camille?"

And she didn't have time to formulate another thought before she was surrounded by Camille's arms, enveloping her in a hug so deep Lorelai didn't know what to do. She just sat there while the woman's hands held her tight. She smelled of peppermint and coconut oil, kind of like a grandmother should be like, or what Lorelai imagined a grandmother to be like. Lorelai didn't move to reciprocate the hug, only because she was so startled by a woman who barely knew her showing her such affection. Then she felt warm breath on her neck as the woman said to her, "It's so good to meet you, thanks for calling."

And then the woman pulled away, but now held Lorelai's shoulders as she held her out to look at her. "So this is the woman who raised my grandson!"

Lorelai felt like she was on trial at that moment. With this woman standing there, in the middle of this café. She waited for the woman's eyes to scan down her body and see her worn clothes. But as she watched, Camille just looked at her face, and when Lorelai finally met her gaze, she found some tears on her cheek.

"I don't know how to thank you for everything." Were the words that came from this woman's mouth.

Lorelai was speechless at how unconcerned Camille seemed with actually looking at Lorelai – at judging her character – at taking in how much of a mess that Lorelai was trying to hide.

Finally, Lorelai found her words. "I'm not a saint, ma'am. Just a mother."

Camille let go of her shoulders, and walked over to the seat across from Lorelai. And she said, "If you call me ma'am again, you're going to make me feel old." She sat down, and picked up her menu and said, "And making me feel old might be a problem." Then she sent Lorelai a sly grin.

As Camille looked at the menu, Lorelai took a second to really look at the grandmother of her son. Very decorative earrings hung from her ears, obscured only a bit by her curly hair. She had on a bright colored sweater, with a whimsical necklace decorating her plain shirt under her sweater.

"This looks like a nice place. What's good here?" Camille asked, her face obscured by the menu.

Lorelai picked up her menu, her hands shaking just a little, but from what, she didn't know. She didn't know if it was from being in a place she felt so uncomfortable it. Or if it was from finally meeting the woman that she knew could take Jess away from her legally. Or if her hands were shaking because of the enthusiastic greeting, very abnormal for Lorelai. Or if she now had to pretend that she came to this place on a regular basis. Or that she now had to come face to face with the prices in the menu.

But she kept her voice calm when she cryptically said, "It just depends what you like." She would have rolled her eyes at how stupid that sounded if she had been in any other situation. But she was now distracted by the prices in the small café menu. It was the end of the month. And only a week ago, she had spent the last of the extra money for the month to buy Jess his birthday present. So she thought she could come have just a simple cup of coffee for a dollar or two.

"I think their coffee is really good." She fibbed, wanting to validate her choice of meeting place.

"Hmmm…" Camille muttered, "I'm more of a tea person myself." She flipped the menu over, and said, "I think I'm going to do a vegetarian wrap. My husband would roll his eyes and my son would be proud."

"Why is that?" She asked, trying to be interested, when her mind was elsewhere.

Lorelai was still trying to go through the menu, not looking at what the item was, but looking at the prices, trying to find something under seven dollars, which was the lowest priced item she found. And it was for a cup of sparkling water. She found a cup of coffee that was $7.50. Just a cup of coffee. She could buy two canisters of coffee for that price. Scratch that, she could buy Jess three new cases of pencils for that. She could buy Rory a pair of cheap shoes at the store for that.

And if Camille was eating, Lorelai realizes she should eat too. Or it might be rude not to. But as she turned her menu over and saw the prices in the of everything, she realized that she would just have to lie and say she had already eaten. Because not only could she not justify paying fifteen dollars for a sandwich, she had only brought eight dollars with her. And then she realized that she would have to leave a tip, which would make her coffee too much. She would have to get the sparkling water, and just leave a dollar tip.

Camille was answering her question about her family. "See, my husband is a macho, hamburger and fries kind of guy. He has a stomach made of steel, and he can eat almost anything in the weirdest combination, and he doesn't mind. So when I chose to eat something healthy, he just doesn't understand, and says that we're all going to die anyway."

Lorelai smiled, putting her menu down and focusing on the woman sitting across from her. "And your son?" She remembered the gruff man in the diner that night. She didn't know how she felt about him. But she listened as his mother talked.

"My son, Luke," she gestured to Lorelai, "who you met the other night, anyway, he is a bit of a health nut. And it has kind of rubbed off on me."

Lorelai opened her mouth to ask her if the diner that her son ran fit into that healthy mindset, but she was interrupted by the waiter coming over to them.

"What can I get for you, lovely lady?" He said, his smug little face ignoring Lorelai and focusing only on Camille. His white shirt black pants uniform was highlighted by the small towel over his arm, which Lorelai personally thought was totally something that stereotyped waiters and waitresses. Of course, who was she to look down on someone for their job choice, with the job she had. Talk about stereotypes. She worked as a woman fulfilling men's fantasies. That was such a locked in stereotype.

Camille cleared her throat, and asked, "Is your tea made from a tea bag or is it loose leaf?"

The waiter replied, "We have both, but the tea that we have is in sachets, not just regular bags."

Nodding, Camille said, "I'll have the peppermint tea then. And then I'll take your vegetarian wrap please." She handed him the menu when he finished writing her order down.

He then turned to Lorelai, and his sweet voice changed so she could tell that he knew she didn't belong here. And he asked, "And you?"

She took a deep breath, trying to ignore his rude behavior, and said, "I'm just going to take a glass of the sparkling water please."

He wrote it down. And then clipped out, "And to eat?"

She handed him her menu, and said, "I'm just going to take the water."

She heard Camille say, "Oh, honey, don't make me eat all alone."

"I've got an upset stomach, so I'm just going to stick with the water right now." She lied, hoping that it sounded believable. She would hate to have to explain that she didn't have enough money for anything else. Although the way that the waiter ripped the menu out of her hands and held it like it was contaminated, Lorelai regretted not getting the coffee and not leaving him a tip. But what was done was done.

He said, sweetly to Camille, "I'll be right out with your tea…" and turning to Lorelai with a disgusted look on his face, "… and your water." And then he left.

Lorelai refused to let the asshole of a waiter throw her off of her game. She had to be a good person right now, someone who came across like she could handle life.

And so she crossed her arms on the table in front of her, and said, "Well, I guess you want to know about Jess." Camille folded her hands on top of the table, and nodded. Then Lorelai took a deep breath and asked, "What do you want to know?" She was afraid of what the woman would ask her. She just wanted to talk about her son. Not about where they lived. Or what Lorelai did for a living. Or anything else that would make her look like that bad mom that she was.

Camille bit her bottom lip and looked down at her hands for a minute before she asked, "What is he like?" She waited for a second, then clarified, "I mean, what kind of a kid is he? Does he like school? What kind of TV shows does he like?"

Lorelai smiled as she started talking about her little boy. This was a safe topic. "Jess is a really good kid. He is one of the most sensitive kids I have ever seen." She watched as Camille listened intently, almost hanging onto her every word. "If I am having a bad day, he's the first to notice. He'll climb up on the couch and lay his head on my lap, and rub my knee and say, 'It's ok, Mommy. I love you.' He's just that kind of kid." Lorelai watched as a small tear came to the woman's face. And she continued, "But he is also very smart. He loves his books, as long as he isn't forced to read."

Camille smiled, and Lorelai laughed when she said, "Getting him to do his school reading is a chore, but if he picks up a book that he wants to read, there's no getting that out of his hands until he finishes it."

"Boys." Camille said.

Just then their order came. Camille's was set down nicely in front of her. Lorelai's was shoved at her with a loud thud as he slid the glass of water across the table, a little water spilling on the table. But Lorelai just ignored it as he set Camille's wrap down, making sure she had silverware and a napkin and told her if she needed anything to let her know. Needless to say, Lorelai was glad when he walked away. Taking a sip of her water, Lorelai realized that she didn't really like sparkling water.

But that wasn't why she was here.


	25. Chapter 25

Camille cut into her wrap and asked before taking a bite, "Does he still have curly hair?" Then, like she thought it was a stupid question, she apologized, "I'm sorry, I've just always wondered. His hair was so curly as a little baby."

"His hair is so curly." Lorelai cringed as she said, "It's curly and thick and it grows so fast! It grows so fast I forget to cut it so often."

Camille swallowed her bite before saying, "Luke's hair is so thick too. I remember when he was little, I would forget to cut it, and he would get in trouble at school…"

"That has happened many times with Jess too." And they both laughed together.

Then Camille asked, "Is he funny?"

Lorelai sobered up, and shook her head. "He's my little serious guy." She took another sip and tried not to show on her face how much she didn't like it. "Jess looks very skeptically at things." This was getting serious, but Lorelai felt comfortable talking about it because it was still about Jess. "I have to try and make him laugh, if that helps answer your question."

Camille's face dropped as she said, "I can only imagine how scary life must have looked to him, being with Liz at such a young age."

Lorelai watched this woman, her son's grandmother, acknowledge to her face that things that happened with Liz had really affected such a little boy. Camille continued, "I kick myself every time I think about him. I wish that we had gone looking for Liz. Maybe this wouldn't have happened to him." And then she looked up at Lorelai with a horrified face, holding her hand up in surrender and said, "I mean, the stuff with Liz. Not that you wouldn't have happened to him."

The way that she had jumped to clarify herself – it made Lorelai feel something. It made her feel that just maybe this woman was really here to learn about her grandson. And not here to prove that Lorelai was not a good mom. But Lorelai couldn't be sure. It also made Lorelai feel that something in Camille knew that Lorelai had done the right thing with Jess.

"Jess is a strong little boy." Lorelai said, unwilling to placate Camille's feeling of failure to remove Jess from that situation. Because Lorelai hated that her little boy had been in that situation, and yes, if his grandparents had come to find him when he was just a baby, maybe he wouldn't have gone through what he went through. But that was beside the point now.

Camille composed herself, and asked, "Luke said you had a daughter. Do they get along well? Her and Jess?"

Lorelai paused at the thought. The idea of talking about anything outside of Jess made her feel uncomfortable here. This woman wasn't Rory's grandmother. Lorelai inwardly laughed at the situation. Of course this wasn't Rory's grandmother. Because Rory's grandmother would never have asked to have lunch with her. Rory's grandmother would never have sent a letter like the one Camille had sent. No, this woman wasn't Rory's grandmother. But maybe as long as she kept talk of Rory to a minimum, it would be fine.

"I do have a daughter. She's eight, and they get along very well." Lorelai remembered how they had snuggled together that night Jess had been taken. "Jess has a real protective streak in him, and he takes his job as a big brother very seriously."

"So they are close, then?"

Lorelai smiled, "They do everything together." She paused, then added, "Even when I pick them up from school, Jess always waits by Rory's classroom for her, and then they walk out together."

Finished with her lunch, Camille put her fork down and looked at Lorelai, "Does Jess have a father?" Lorelai looked confused, and Camille clarified, "I mean, are you married?"

Immediately Chris' face came to mind. So many things came to mind.

Jess being left with Lorelai because Chris wouldn't bring him along when Chris took Rory to the zoo.

The eye-rolls from Chris when Jess would run and show him a paper he did in school right after Chris had praised Rory's schoolwork.

Chris screaming obscenities at Jess when he accidentally knocked one of his big liquor bottles off of the table to the floor where it shattered in pieces.

Trying to get the kids back to sleep while their father's voice in the background was screaming something in his drunken stupor.

Lorelai startled back into reality, realizing that she would have to tell Camille something. Tell her something about the husband that she had. Tell her something about the father that had been around for Jess. Looking at her hand where the ring wasn't, she moved her arm to pull the sleeve of her coat over her bare finger. But her sudden movements were choppy and in reaction to her thoughts, that she wasn't paying attention. And her elbow hit her glass, sending water flying off the table to the floor.

Lorelai wanted to cry right then and there. But her stubborn streak took over, and she jumped out of the raised chair, pulling the napkin with her. On her hands and knees, she started to apologize to Camille while attempting to surround the small pool of water with the red checkered napkin. "I'm such a klutz lately." She cringed at how absolutely spastic she must seem. Then, when the napkin was completely soaked, she looked around and asked, "Where's that waiter? I think I'm going to need more napkins."

What happened next was so foreign to Lorelai that she didn't know what to think or what to do. Because what happened next was so unprecedented, at least in the world that Lorelai had grown up in. The times that Lorelai, even when she was just a young kid, had spilled something at the dinner table, or, heaven forbid, while they were eating at a restaurant, all hell broke loose. Her mother had been mortified, not wanting to make a scene as she skillfully called the waiter over and pointed to the mess on the floor. And then, while they were mopping up the mess, her mother would lean over to her and hiss into her ear something about how if Lorelai couldn't act like a human being and eat like she lived in a cave, then she wouldn't be allowed to eat with anyone else around for a long time. That she was going to eat meals in her room for a week, or, if it was a special occasion that the accident happened, a month. Emily would have thanked the waiters who cleaned up the mess, never lifting a finger to help, never making Lorelai help clean up her mess. But Lorelai would hear all about how little of a young lady that she was for a very long time.

So as Lorelai watched Camille get down from the chair, kneel with her on the ground, and use her own napkin to help clean up the rest of the water on the ground, Lorelai could do nothing but look at this woman with astonishment. And the girl inside of Lorelai that worked hard and needed to do things for herself – that girl looked upon Camille with adoration.

Lorelai heard the snotty waiter before she saw him. Towering above her, his words seemed even more condescending, even as he asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Camille looked at Lorelai, a smile on her face, and then stood up and spoke to the waiter, "I think we've got the situation pretty handled." And then she gestured to the empty water glass, "But you could get my friend here another glass of water."

Lorelai stood up, sopping wet napkins in her hands. Not knowing what else to do, she handed them to the waiter, who almost made her laugh at the way he wrinkled is nose at the mess in his hands. Or at the napkins that she had touched. Either way, his face looked funny. It was easier to see the humor in things than to take it personal.

Then, in response to Camille's request, he glared at Lorelai and said, "I would be happy to bring another water. It will just cost extra."

Lorelai, still trying to look at the humor, was losing her ability to see the funny, because of what she had to say next. Taking a deep breath, she said, "That won't be necessary. I was almost done with it anyway."

"Oh, nonsense, Lorelai, let him bring you another." Camille sat down in her chair. "That way you have something to sip on while I finish my tea."

She just wanted to ask fate for just one break. One chance that she wouldn't have to feel like such a second class human being. One time that she didn't have to admit how horrible of a person she felt like. What kind of person has to refuse a refill because she doesn't have enough money to pay for a glass of water? And couldn't it just be that she could squeeze by without everyone in her vicinity knowing just how much of a screw-up she was with life.

But she knew it was better to refuse now than to not have enough money to pay her bill at the end of the meal. And she took a deep breath, looked at the waiter, and said, "I'm fine, thank you. No refill for me." And then, after wishing she could wipe the smug smile off of his skinny-ass face, she turned to Camille and sat down in her chair and said, "I am not feeling super well anyway, so there's no reason to pay for another when I probably won't drink hardly any of it." And there was the first reference to her money problems that Lorelai felt was pretty obvious.

Camille just took a sip of her tea, and then called to the waiter, "Could you bring me another tea cup?" The confusion on the waiter's face made her add, "Just an empty tea cup please."

Lorelai was also confused. But the waited hurried back with an empty cup, which Camille set in front of her. When the waiter was still standing there, watching, Camille turned, and with a smile on her face, she dismissed him politely but pointedly, "That will be all, thank you very much."

And Lorelai watched as she poured half of her tea into the empty cup. And then she slid it across the table to sit in front of Lorelai. The steam rising from the hot liquid in the semi-filled cup distorted Lorelai's vision as she looked at Camille, absolutely speechless. And Camille broke the silence. "I've heard tea is really quite good for an upset stomach."

Lorelai knew she should be feeling embarrassed. Because this woman now knew that there was something wrong with how Lorelai handled money. No grown woman should have trouble paying for a cup of water. And Camille saw that. She should be feeling scared. Scared that Camille would see how bad finances were, and she would think twice about how great of a mother Lorelai was to Jess.

But she felt none of that.

Instead, she felt utterly grateful. Camille didn't make her feel second rate, didn't berate her. She didn't even ignore the situation and continue sipping on her tea while Lorelai looked on with nothing to drink. No, she had done something that neither made Lorelai feel bad about not having money nor left out of the lunch date.

All Lorelai could say was, "Thank you." And Lorelai hoped that Camille knew that the thank-you was for much more than just the tea.

Lorelai remembered what had gotten her into the mess without her disgusting water. And she realized she hadn't answered the question. With any other person, Lorelai would have used that chance to change the subject and keep the topic very far away from the issue of her husband. But after what this woman had showed her, Lorelai felt she deserved a straight answer. As much of an answer as Lorelai could muster.

Picking up the warm cup of tea, she allowed her hands to surround the mug, warming her always cold hands. And she looked at Camille and said, "About Jess having a father."

Camille nodded, taking a sip of her tea, waiting patiently with a comforting face.

Lorelai couldn't look at this wonderful woman in front of her while she told her something that was so very hard for her to voice. So she stared down into the steam coming off of the peppermint tea. And she said the words that she had not yet spoken to anyone. "My husband." No, wait, he wasn't her husband. She struggled with the words, "I mean, my ex-husband." Well, they weren't divorced yet. "I mean…" She wanted to cry so badly just trying to figure out what to call Chris. So she just said, "We are recently separated."

And that was all she could say for a while. Just staring down into the tea. Breathing deeply as she felt how alone she felt sometimes. How she couldn't believe her husband, the man she had left home with at 16, the one person who knew more about her than any other single person in the world – she felt how rejected she felt with him gone. How absolutely terrified she was that she would mess things up with the kids, that she wouldn't make the payments on time, that someone would come and take her children away…

The only thing that pulled her out of her thoughts was a soft hand around her own. As she looked up to meet the woman's eyes, Lorelai realized her eyes were swimming with tears, and a few fell down her cheek.

"Oh, honey." Camille's soft words seemed to drown out everything else in the world for that moment. The words of comfort. Soft. Sweet. Something Lorelai hadn't heard much of in the last few weeks. Or months. Or maybe even years. But Camille held her hand, her thumb massaging into Lorelai's palm.

Using her other hand, Lorelai wiped the tears away from her cheeks, wanting to hide the evidence of her unstable emotions. She wasn't doing that good of a job of coming across as a strong, confident woman. Sniffing, she said, "Sorry, that was totally inappropriate… you didn't come here to hear about my problems." Swallowing hard against the lump in her throat, Lorelai looked up, to find a few tears coming down Camille's face.

And her sweet words again comforted Lorelai, "Darling, you're part of my grandson's life. That means you're part of my family." And then she gave Lorelai's hand a tender squeeze, and said, "That means I get to hear about your problems too."

Lorelai felt so overwhelmed. And she didn't know what to do, with this show of emotion when she had come here only to be a strong person in this woman's eyes. To have Camille express such care for Lorelai, it made her feel something. Something she had never felt before. But she didn't want to think about how she was feeling right now. Because feelings led to tears. And tears weren't going to be portraying the persona she wanted.

So she used her humor to lighten the mood. "I'm sorry, but I think the only thing that will cheer me up will be to hand that waiter a few more wet napkins." She plastered a smile on, and watched as Camille did the same thing. They both knew they were avoiding the same issue. But Lorelai was thankful that Camille followed her lead.

"I'm completely out of napkins, so I guess we'll have to find a different way to entertain ourselves." Camille said, a sly smile on her face

Taking a deep breath, Lorelai said the words she had been questioning since the moment she had received that letter. She had been afraid from not knowing who these people were that wanted to get to know her son. That she might regret allowing them into Jess' life. And she wasn't sure that she wasn't afraid of that. But there was a bigger fear in regards to Jess and his relationship with his grandparents. After having sat across from this wonderful lady that cared deeply about her grandson, who had gotten down on her hands and knees to help clean up a spill, who had comforted Lorelai like no one had done in a long time – the new fear was almost stronger than the other one.

She was afraid that if she kept Jess from these wonderful people, her son might never be the man he was meant to be. Because if she didn't allow them to see their grandson, Lorelai wondered what Jess would miss out on. He would maybe miss out on someone who loved him, he would miss out on the love that a grandmother might have for him. And he would miss out on the overwhelming character traits of an admirable woman.

So she asked the question.

"Would you like to meet Jess sometime soon?"


	26. Chapter 26

"Rory, what did I tell your right before we came into this store?"

Her daughter dropped the t-shirt with the sparkly kitty cat on the front of it. She ran over to her mother with a guilty look on her face. "No touching." And she looked down at her hands, sliding her feet back and forth along the dark carpet.

Lorelai had her hands full. Literally. She had two different outfits for Jess in her hands, comparing the prices and the clearance. Then Jess was in the dressing room trying the other possible outfit on, while she was trying to then find a simple outfit for Rory. Being a girl, Rory had much more vocal ideas on what she wanted to get, something bright and pink. Jess didn't care what he wore, hating that he had to try on outfit after outfit while Lorelai tried mixing and matching to see what she could buy at the lowest prices that looked put together for the visit with his grandparents.

She heard his voice calling to her from the dressing rooms a few feet away. "Mommy! I'm done."

Still holding what was now four outfits in her hands, she walked over to the dressing room door that he was in and said, "Ok, come on out, honey." The door opened slowly and he came out, looking around to see if anyone was around to see his humiliation at having to show his mother his clothes.

The outfit she had him in was a collared shirt with a sweater vest and dark jeans. The hunter green in the sweater vest brought out his brown eyes, which was a plus. But the biggest thing was how his clothes fit. If she was going to pay for new clothes, she wanted them to fit right and last for a while. Setting her load of clothes on the cart that was right by the dressing room, Lorelai leaned down and asked, "How do the pants feel in the waist?" She didn't even wait for his answer, but reached down and felt how snug the waistband was around his skinny body. He was so short for his age, but skinny, so the pants they would find at the thrift stores would either be too short and fit around the waist, or would be just the right length and falling off his little butt.

"These feel like they're not too tight." She wanted to see what they looked like in the back. "Turn around and let…" He shuffled around, and she could see that they weren't sagging in the butt area, which was the other problem she found with the pants at the thrift store. It was almost impossible to find jeans for boys that weren't full of holes or worn out. She had looked and looked before realizing that this was a big enough moment that she had to bite the bullet and go buy him some clothes that would look good on him. She turned him back around and asked him, "What do you think? Do you like these pants?"

He shrugged his little shoulders. "I like the other ones better."

Lorelai tried to remember the last few pants he had tried on. None of them had fit him this good, but she asked, "Which ones? The blue ones? The black ones?"

He shook his head and pointed behind him in the dressing room to where his clothes were laying. "Those ones."

"Jess, you can keep those. But I want you to look nice when you meet your grandparents, ok?" She didn't want to make him nervous, because heaven knows she was nervous enough for the both of them. But there was no way she was going to let him wear his almost white jeans with holes all over.

Jess looked up at her and said, "But they are my favorite." Then he wrinkled his little nose and looked back at the jeans he had on, his fingers finding the price tag on the side, and said, "And you don't have to buy my favorite ones."

Ignoring the twinge of guilt that her eleven-year-old son knew how tight money was, Lorelai stood up and said, "I think these jeans will be perfect." Now she tried to see what she thought about his shirt ensemble. Wanting to see how it really fit, she gently tugged on his shoulders and said, "Stand up straight, bud." She looked at how well the clothes in the department store fit so much better than any of the thrift-store things she had made him try on. His little body tended to swim in most of the stretched out things from the second hand shop, but this made even his small frame look put together and cute in the little boy sense of the word.

She reached for his hand, where the tag hung from his sleeve. She cringed at the fifteen dollar plus tax label. And she started doing math in her head even as she gestured for him to take one more outfit from her hands and try that on. She smiled just a little at the bored and annoyed face he gave her as the door shut.

If the jeans were on sale, for a huge price of twenty dollars, and then the shirt combination was fifteen, she was already at thirty-five dollars just for his clothes. The shirt she had just handed him was a little cheaper, at ten-fifty, so that would save a little that she could justify paying twenty dollars for the new pair of shoes in the cart. She hoped that shirt he was trying on would fit, leaving her with a working total of almost fifty-one dollars.

A working total because that was just the amount with the one child.

When Sookie told her that she would be in a cooking class that Saturday, Lorelai realized she couldn't have Jess looking all dressed up and bring Rory in her daughter's sad excuse for a wardrobe. It wouldn't do to have any of her children looking less than perfect for this time.

So Lorelai picked up the pink dress that she had decided on for Rory. It was a summer dress, still on clearance from last year, so it was a steal for only seven dollars. And she had picked out a pair of black leggings to go underneath the dress, so it could go as a spring dress too. With the leggings and a simple pair of shoes, she added to her total what would be around thirty-four dollars.

Jess came out, and the shirt looked just about the same as the more expensive one. When she told him to go change but didn't hand him any other clothes, his face became hopeful as he asked, "Does that mean we're done and can go home now?"

Lorelai nodded her head and laughed as she saw only the back of his head as he hurried into the stall to change and be done with trying clothes on. She then looked around for Rory, who she found over at the girl's hair supplies trying on different headbands in her hair.

"Rory." She said in a short tone. Lorelai actually thought it was adorable watching Rory put one in her hair, make a little pose in front of the mirror, and hurry over and try another on one. But Lorelai knew that she had told the little girl that she wasn't allowed to touch anything in the store. And although she wanted to just overlook it, chalk it up to the fact that they had been shopping for quite a long time, Lorelai knew that would be the irresponsible thing to do as a parent. So she said Rory's name again, watching her daughter turn around. "Rory, are you touching something?"

Rory's eyes widened, and she shoved the headband back onto the rack before she walked over to Lorelai. "I wasn't touching that much, Mommy."

Shaking her head, Lorelai squatted down so she was in front of her daughter, level with her blue eyes. "Touching at all is not listening to mommy." She reasoned her child through what she had done wrong. "Did Mommy tell you that you weren't supposed to touch?"

Her little head bobbed up and down without her mouth saying anything.

Lorelai hated punishing her children. She hated it. And she never was ever physical with her children. She never spanked them, never ever would she think of raising her hand to her children. That was something her and Chris had disagreed on, especially with Jess. But she would punish them, because otherwise they would never grow up to be people who could operate in society. If they didn't learn to follow the rules that she set up for them, they would never be able to abide by laws, or social rules, or rules at their jobs when they were adults. Lorelai had seen where just letting children do whatever they wanted would lead – many of the children that she had grown up with, the rich, entitled children, they had no respect for rules anywhere. And Lorelai would not let her children grow up to be like that.

So she said, "Rory, you didn't do what was right."

Rory got tears in her eyes. And she said, "I'm sorry, Mommy."

Lorelai pulled her close for a hug, and said, "I forgive you, Rory baby." And then she said, "You're going to lose your reading time tonight." It had become a regular occurrence that the kids would get tucked into bed, and they would have a half-hour to read their books quietly in their beds. It was a time for them to wind down, and to keep Jess' mind off of having nightmares. And it was a calming exercise that helped them fall asleep easier. But it was an easy, and rather painless thing that could be revoked without disturbing their routine or hurting them too much.

And instead of screaming and yelling, kicking and screaming, Rory nodded her head, and said again, "I'm sorry, Mommy. I won't do it again."

Lorelai placed a kiss on the top of her daughter's head, thankful that she had very receptive children. This little kid was more concerned about Lorelai knowing she was sorry that she had disobeyed than she was about losing her reading at night. And that warmed Lorelai's heart, knowing that as long as that remained to be the case, her children would not need much punishing at all.

Then, ready to forget the incident, Lorelai stood up, offered her hand to her daughter, and said, "Are you ready to get out of this place and get home for some wonderful dinner with Aunt Sookie?" Rory's hand flew to hers, and her little head nodded. Lorelai loud whispered like it was a special secret, "I heard she's making something very special."

Jess came flying out of the dressing room, his t-shirt and worn jeans on his body. Throwing the clothes they had picked out into the cart, he raced over to Lorelai and Rory. "What is she making? Is she making hot dogs and macaroni?"

Lorelai pulled his curly head against her as she laughed and said, "I think it's something even more exciting than that!" The thought of such a meal being the best thing in the world would have irked Sookie. And that made her smile even more.

Grabbing the cart, Lorelai said, "And now we go pay for these and get home because shopping sure makes me hungry."

Rory skipped ahead of the cart, her little legs excited to go home and eat, thankfully not concentrating on her punishment. And that made Lorelai happy that she had handled it the way she had, not hurting her kids, just wanting to make them better people in the long run.

Jess had his hand on the cart handle, his little fingers very close and sometimes touching her hand as she pushed the cart towards the cash registers. He was so much more comfortable now that they were on their way out of the store, Lorelai could see just by the smile on his face as he looked around at all the things in the store as they passed.

But suddenly, his hand left its position, and she heard him exclaim, "Mommy! Look!" And he ran excitedly over to a mannequin sporting what Lorelai thought to be a very beautiful black dress. He grabbed the hem on the mannequin, and turned, his eyes bright with excitement, "You would look so good in this dress!"

She smiled at how sweet his gesture was, but she kept walking, "Thanks, buddy, it really is a nice dress." But as she walked by and he didn't move, she turned and said, "You coming?"

He shook his head, pulled on the dress again and said, "Try it on." She opened her mouth to tell him that they needed to go, but he interrupted her, "You made me try on all those clothes. It's your turn."

It was always hard to say no to her kids. And she had to do it so much. "No" to them wanting seconds at dinner. "No" to them pointing at a toy in the windows as they walked to school. "No" to any extra school field trips that costed money.

So maybe it was the fact that indulging Jess in something he wanted that wasn't going to cost her money – maybe that was the reason she found herself in a dressing room, with her clothes on the ground, stepping into the black lacy dress. The material felt so soft against her skin as she pulled it up over her body, in contrast to her normally rough clothing of long sleeved shirts and jeans. Zipping up the back, she turned to look at herself in the mirror. Beautifully embroidered lace framed around the base of her neck, which contrasted against her ivory skin where the seams left off from the sleeveless dress. Lace all the way down hugged her chest and hips, giving her a very nice but not overtly sexy hourglass shape. The dress came a few inches above her knees, making her legs look very lean and long. Brushing her hands down her sides, she let her fingers take in the exquisite make of the expensive dress, and for just a second, she wondered what it would be like to have a dress like this. Even though she had nowhere to wear it, the way this dress made her feel confident but clothed triggered some emotion at not being able to keep it.

But she pushed those aside as she heard her children's voices calling outside of the dressing rooms.

"Does it fit, Mommy?" Jess asked.

Rory, not to be left out of the conversation said, "Hurry up, Mommy! I want to see!"

Not sure why this was such a big deal to her son, she decided to put on a show for him – to make it special. So as she opened the door, she struck a dramatic pose with the back of her hand on her forehead and the other on her hip. Giggles from her daughter told her she scored with the joke. And Lorelai said with a higher than normal voice, "Tell me, my little fashion team, do you think this dress matches my hair?"

She looked out to find two different reactions from her children. Rory was jumping up and down, giggling, her hands clapping together as she said, "You look like a movie star!" The grin on her face touched Lorelai's heart.

But Jess' reaction was completely different. He stood there, staring intently at her, his mouth open. It took a few seconds before he found her eyes and then said in an astonished voice, "You look so beautiful." He then walked over to her and ran his hands along the outside of her thigh, feeling the material. Then he ran his hand along her waist and asked in a very serious voice, "Does it fit you in the waistband?"

She tried to keep a straight face at how he was mimicking her, but in a serious way. Playing along, she put her hands on her hips and said, "I think so, what do you think?"

His little tongue found his top lip, a concentrated look on his face, and he stood there, thinking about it. Then he nodded his head like a decision had been made. "Yes, I think this one will be good." Then he said, "My grandparents will think you look wonderful in this dress."

And it was then that she understood where he was coming from. Where this whole "try on the dress, Mommy" this was stemming from. And she put her hands on his shoulders and said, "Jess, this dress is much too fancy to wear to the park to see your grandparents."

It broke her heart as her sweet boy then turned and ran to the closest rack of clothing and started shuffling through them, while saying, "Then we have to find you one that will be not too fancy but will look as good as that one." Because now she would have to tell him that she wasn't getting any new clothes. She wanted them, as bad as she could want clothes when she was now wondering whether she would have enough money to pay the water bill that month after she got done at the register in the store. Which wasn't much. But what girl would turn down new clothes? And she knew she was going to feel self-conscious in her clothes when she met Camille again, with her husband there. But it was either get the kids new clothes or get her new clothes, and she would never buy clothes when the children needed anything else.

And now to break it to her son. How to tell him that she couldn't afford to buy both. That was her dilemma as he frantically tried to find her a dress.

She walked over, in her bare feet, and said, "Jess."

He was so intent on finding her something that he didn't hear her. Or wasn't listening. "I think there's something right…"

Touching his shoulder, she again said his name, "Jess." And this time he turned around and looked up at her with tears in his eyes. And she knew he knew.

He just stood there, his eyes filling with moisture that found its way down his face. His lip quivered as he tried his best not to cry.

And she soon found her face to be matching his, tears falling down her cheeks as she got down to his level. She hated how intuitive he was. How he could see things that a child his age shouldn't see – shouldn't read into. But he did. Leaving her to deal with the task of making him feel better when he knew that she was trying to do that.

She hesitated over what words to use as she talked to this very sensitive child. Brushing the tears from his face, she just said softly, "Jess," And she searched for the right thing to say. "Mommy has plenty of clothes at home to wear, ok?"

He just shook his head, more tears spiiling out. "No, Mommy, you don't."

"Oh, honey." She whispered, his words like a knife to her protective nature. She just wanted to make him oblivious to the way that they were struggling. To hide how bad things were. But as she looked at her son who was crying because she wouldn't buy herself some clothes, she realized she would just shoot straight with the kid. And she said, "Mommy doesn't get paid until tomorrow. And we have to buy your clothes today. And there's only enough money to buy yours and Rory's clothes."

He sniffed, nodding like he was finally glad she was telling him the truth. Wiping his face on his sleeve, he asked, "When you get paid, will you come buy the dress?" His little fingers reached out to touch the lace on her shoulder.

She wanted to calm his fears. To tell him that she would come the minute she got paid and buy the dress that was upwards of seventy-five dollars. But she knew he would be able to tell if she was lying. And she hated lying to her children. So she took a deep breath and said, "Jess, I don't know when I will have enough money to come and buy this dress. But when I do have the money, I promise I will come here and you and I can pick out the best dress ever, ok?"

Instead of smiling and agreeing with her, he did something that was so beyond his years. So much more than any eleven-year-old would do. But he reached up, and with his little fingers, he brushed the tears away from her face, which only made them run more freely. And he whispered to her, "You're beautiful even without this dress, Mommy."

And those words stuck with her far longer than just those few seconds it took for her to stop crying.

They stayed with her while the cashier at the store asked her whether she had anything other than one-dollar-bills to pay her almost one-hundred-dollar total.

They stayed with her later that night at work when a man got mad because she wouldn't have sex with him and threw his full glass of beer on her, leaving her sticky and glistening.

They stayed with her when one man tried to lick the beer off of her half-naked body while she gave him a lap-dance.

They stayed with her when a man in their hallway whistled and said he could do her if she was lonely.

They stayed with her through her shower that night as she cried while she scrubbed the horribly sticky and gross feelings off of her body.

They stayed with her as she climbed onto the mattress that night, pulling the thin covers over Rory, while reaching for her coat because that was the only thing she could think to keep her warm.

They stayed with her while she drifted off to sleep, his little words that meant so much to her. They seemed to rock her to sleep, assuring her that no matter what happened out there in the world, her children were her life. And what her little boy said about her – it really mattered.


	27. Chapter 27

"Zeke, will you please slow down? It isn't a race. We want to get there in one piece." Camille asked her husband right after he swerved the car so hard she almost hit her head on the passenger side window.

His gruff voice replied, "Can you blame me, Millie?" His big hand squeezed hers excitedly, "I'm going to see my only grandson for the first time in almost ten years." The joy in his voice brought joy to Camille's heart.

That little baby had been her husband's pride and joy from the day he was born. The fact that Liz' baby had been a boy had thrilled her husband's heart, and the same day they found out it was going to be a boy, he had started renovation on the nursery. Blue walls, sport wallpaper, a handcrafted crib and changing table – that little boy had been given the best from his grandfather. Even after he was born, Zeke would be the first one up in the middle of the night to go and hold his grandson, and Camille would stand in the doorway listening while Zeke rocked the baby to sleep with stories of fishing, camping, hiking, war stories, and anything he could think of that was manly and brave.

And in the weeks after Liz left, Camille would wake up to find the bed beside her empty. Padding to the baby's room, she would find him sitting there in that rocking chair holding one of Jess' blankets. Just rocking in the chair. And staring at the empty crib.

There had been such a void in their lives. Such a horrendous hole that the giggling, bubbly little boy had left. Most of her day had been helping Liz with baby tasks, changing him, feeding him, burping him, entertaining him, that when those were suddenly gone, Camille didn't know what do to with herself other that clean the house, cook meals, and worry herself sick about where that little boy and his mother were at. And whether he was safe. And cared for.

But as they drove farther into the city, Camille started to realize that she was going to see him. That she was going to get to hold him in her arms again. And she looked up at her husband and squeezed his hand, and said, "I'm excited too."

Then her son asked from the backseat, "So where are we meeting them?"

She smiled at the fact that Luke had wanted to come along with her and Zeke. He was not someone who liked to get out of his routine. His routine of getting up at the crack of dawn to open the diner, making and serving coffee and food to the people of the town, closing up at night, and then going to his apartment to have a beer and go to sleep. So for him to have asked to come with, Camille had been surprised. And remembered how absolutely unnerved he had been that morning he called and told them about Liz bringing Jess. He said that a woman had barged into his diner, demanding to know if he had seen a little boy. After telling them the details of what had happened, Camille remembered his face that was full of confusion when he said, "I couldn't believe I let a stranger take my nephew away from Liz, Mom." He had just looked out the window in confusion and said, "There was just something about her. Something that made me know I could trust her. Jess wanted her, and there was no stopping her." He shook his head again and said, "There was just something about her."

And, after meeting Lorelai, Camille agreed with her son. There was something about her that came across as being trustworthy, someone who would take care of their grandson.

Maybe it was the way that she had talked about Jess. The light in her eyes as she talked about him in school, about how he was with his little sister, about how caring and sensitive he was with her. A smile on her face, Lorelai had seemed so comfortable talking about her son, and that had warmed the grandmother in Camille.

It wasn't hard to look at Lorelai and realize that she was having a hard time here lately. Her eyes looked so tired, exhausted even. Camille knew that being a newly single mom, it must be rough trying to balance work and the children, school events, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, and everything else that came with being both parents to her children. And from the threadbare clothes Lorelai had on, and the way she had scoured that menu to find something cheap, Lorelai must be having money struggles, what with being recently separated from her husband. But she looked put together, her hair done so beautifully; she was clean and seemed to have taken time on her appearance. The reaction when Camille asked her about her husband had scared her at first. But then as she watched the emotion on Lorelai's face, Camille knew that it was just a new and fresh hurt. And that given time, Lorelai seemed like a strong woman who would find her footing soon.

As they drove closer and closer to the park that Lorelai had suggested, she knew every person in that truck was excited, knowing that soon they would see the little boy that had been missing from their lives for long enough.

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"Jess, I told you to comb your hair before we left!" Lorelai said as she ran her fingers through his not only curly but also knotted hair. When he winced, she looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, but if you would have listened I wouldn't have to try and…" She looked dejectedly at the hair that seemed to mock her, for in her efforts to make it better, the hair only puffed up more. And she just decided there was nothing else she could do. He looked as good as he was going to get. They were on the subway, and he was sitting there, his hands nervously rubbing up and down the legs of his new jeans.

He looked up at her, like he was just realizing that she had said something to him. Then he looked back at his hands. She could tell that he was nervous, so she pulled him so he was leaning against her, and she said, "It's going to be ok, Jess."

He didn't look up when he asked, "But they know my…" he paused for a moment, and then continued, "… the lady who I used to live with, they know her, right?"

He didn't know what to call Liz. His mom. Because to him, she wasn't his mother. She was just someone he used to live with.

Lorelai just laid her head on his, and said, "They do. But I met with your grandmother the other day, and she is really excited to see you, Jess." She waited to see if he would say anything, and then said, "And your grandfather and your uncle are also going to be there. They remember you when you were just a baby."

At the mention of Luke, the man in the diner that night, Lorelai didn't know what to think. Of course he had made her mad, telling her to get back in her car and leave, refusing to tell her where Jess and Liz were, and then, when she was racing to find Jess, he had grabbed her and tried to keep her away from her son. Of course she knew he was just trying to do what he thought was right, but it still made her mad. But he had also listened to what Lorelai and Jess said about how Liz was, and he had given them the chance to leave. Lorelai had been prepared to fight what looked to be a very strong man, but he had even pulled Liz away from them to let them leave. So, of course her thoughts were confused about that man. And she was a little apprehensive to see him again.

But she was more apprehensive to see how Jess would be received. How would they try and make him feel comfortable around them? How long would it take for him to warm up to them? And would they think he looked like he was being taken care of? That she was doing a good job? She had tried her hardest to make it possible, with the new clothes, making sure he had a good bath the night before, a good breakfast this morning – she was trying. And she hoped they would see how great of a kid that Jess was – see how absolutely wonderful he was to be with.

His hands reached over to her hand in her lap, and he held her hand tight, like he was trying to find the courage for whatever he was going to find. And her eyes met his, fear evident all over his face. And she watched his lips move, the words barely escaping his mouth. "You promise you won't leave me, Mommy?" And his hands tightened around hers, so if she said that she was going to leave him, he could hold on for dear life.

But she just kissed his forehead and rested her head on his and said, "Jess, I will be there the whole time." His hands stopped squeezing, but he still held on, just drawing comfort in her touch. And, in her heart, she knew she was gaining comfort from his touch.

"Mommy, is this our stop?" Rory called out excitedly from where she had been sitting on her knees looking over the back of her seat at the puppy sitting behind her. But she jumped up, holding onto the pole as an expert child from NYC would do as the train ground to a stop. Jumping up and down, she raced over to the doors that started opening.

Lorelai called out, "Rory, come back here and stay with me, please." The problem with having an oblivious child that was in her own little happy world was that she didn't understand that not everyone around her was friendly. And that it was easy to get lost in the sea of people here in the city. And her daughter was oblivious to the fact that Lorelai was worried because Rory was oblivious.

Rory ran back to her, grabbing Lorelai's open hand in hers, and then skipped along as Lorelai and Jess walked out of the station, and up the stairs into the daylight. Lorelai let her hand go, telling her to stay next to her. Her hair, that Lorelai had cut the night before, was now bobbed up around her ears, and it bounced as she skipped and jumped over the cracks on the ground. Lorelai loved how her pink dress and leggings looked so good on Rory, so cute and like a little girl. Her brown shoes clicked against the sidewalk as they walked, the park only a few blocks from the subway station.

Jess was still holding her hand tightly, but he didn't look so scared as he had before. He was laughing at talking about how the other day he saw this pigeon on the sidewalk that looked like his teacher at school. And Rory said something about how she thought her teacher looked like a bunny rabbit, because of these two hairs that stuck out of her bun every day.

Lorelai just half-listened to the sibling's conversation, the other half of her mind occupied with the fact that she really hoped she was doing the right thing. She hoped that this was going to be the right choice for Jess. She hoped that he wouldn't think of these people like he thought of Liz. That he would see how much they really cared about him. And that he wouldn't be traumatized from what Lorelai was putting him through.

Once they reached the park, she sent the kids to play on the empty playground and found a bench close by to sit down. She fiddled her hands in front of her as she watched Jess sweep across the monkey bars with ease, reaching the other side and turning around and encouraging Rory, who was stuck in the middle. Just when Lorelai thought Rory was almost done and going to drop to the ground, she watched as Rory gave one swing, and let go of the bar behind her and swung her hand forward to the next bar. And then the next bar. And the next. And it took much longer than when her older brother had done the same task. But she took her time. One hand in front of the other. And she made it to the other side.

And Lorelai knew that was her life right now. She was just putting one hand in front of the others, desperately trying to keep from falling. But she just had to keep going. And she knew this meeting was one bar.

And as she saw three adults walking to her, she stood up, brushing her hands on her pants, and remembered the callouses she had when she was a little girl from climbing on the monkey bars. They hurt at first, but then were a help in future monkeying endeavors. This was going to be a painful and awkward part of the journey, but this was going to change Jess' life for the better. And that was worth much more than callouses from the jungle gym.


	28. The meeting

Camille saw Lorelai in the distance sitting on the park bench. "Over here, Zeke." She guided her husband. She watched as Lorelai stood up, and called the children over to her. Camille then saw two little kids run from the playground over to where Lorelai was standing.

By this time, they were close enough that Camille could see both children reach for their mother's hands. Lorelai had a smile on her face, and was looking down at one of the children.

And Camille saw him. And she stopped walking, a few feet away from her grandson. Putting her hand over her chest, she had to take a deep breath and calm herself while she looked at the little boy for the first time in almost ten years. His hair was so curly, just like Luke's had been. And he held onto his mother's hand, not cowering behind her, but not standing right out. And Camille knew she would need to take her time so she didn't scare the boy.

Zeke stood back and let her take the lead, something she had asked him to do earlier. Only because Zeke was so tall and could come across very strong and gruff. As could Luke.

So she took a step forward, looking at Lorelai for confirmation that Jess was doing ok. And Lorelai smiled, then got down to Jess' level and said, "Jess, this is Camille, your grandmother."

His brown eyes met hers, and she could have melted right then and there with happiness. He looked confused, and then looked at his mother.

"It's ok, Jess. I'm right here." Lorelai whispered, and Camille knew right then that Jess must have been afraid to meet them. Which was understandable, but that made it Camille's job to make him comfortable.

Then Camille watched as he extended his hand for a handshake. And he smiled just a little, and said, "I'm Jess."

A smile came to her face as her hand met his, small but strong. And she shook it gently and said, "You can call me Grandma if you like?"

His little chin nodded, and his smile got bigger as he said, "Hi, Grandma."

Camille didn't have time to cherish the words that she had so longed to hear for ten years. Because behind her, Zeke cleared his throat, signaling that he wasn't going to wait much longer. Turning to her husband, she said to Jess, "This is your Grandpa Zeke."

Zeke, being so tall, crouched down and extended his hand, and when the little boy shook his hand, Zeke said, "Nice, firm handshake." And Jess nodded, a tough look coming to his face as he was congratulated on his strength. Zeke turned to Lorelai and said, "Takes a good woman to raise a strong man." And Camille watched as they shook hands, Lorelai's face widening in a smile at her husband's words.

Then Zeke noticed someone that Camille had forgotten about in her excitement to meet her grandson. Peering around Lorelai, Zeke asked, "And who is the pretty little lady that's hiding from me?"

Lorelai stood up and held the little girl's hand as she introduced her daughter, "This is Rory." Camille was struck by how much pride this woman took in her children. At their meeting the other day, that had been the thing that stuck out to Camille – how in love Lorelai was with her children as she talked about Jess and mentioned Rory. But with her kids around her, it was even more obvious how much love this woman had in her heart for the boy and girl that crowded around her. The smile that lit up Lorelai's eyes was absolutely gorgeous as she said, "Rory, this is Zeke."

Zeke extended his hand to the shy girl who was still holding onto her mother's hand with both of hers. After just a few seconds, Rory took his hand, and Zeke feigned surprise and looked at Jess and said, "Boy, this girl is giving you a run for your money on the firm handshake thing." He then turned and winked at Rory, bringing a smile that reminded Camille of Lorelai's smile to the face of the little girl.

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Luke didn't know how to take this scene that was unfolding before him. He knew how excited his parents had been to see the little boy, their grandchild. His mother had been talking about it since two weeks ago when she had lunch with Lorelai. And his father had packed the bag of sports equipment that Luke was lugging around the park the same day the visit had been scheduled. So this was so good for his parents.

But part of him was irked that they, Jess' grandparents, had to wait to schedule a meeting to see their grandson until the woman who wasn't even related to them gave them permission. Sure, she had taken Jess in when Liz had been unable to care for him, but that didn't give her the right to completely control all access to the boy from his real family.

He watched as his parents interacted with Jess, their faces full of joy, and Jess' before wary face began to soften. And Luke could see that Jess was so much more relaxed here than he had been that night that Liz had brought him to the diner. Where the scared little kid had been, shaking there in his bare feet, here was a kid who was uncomfortable but not afraid.

And then Luke looked at Lorelai, her eyes following every move Jess made with such motherly concerns as she watched to see how Jess was reacting to everything around him. Her hair fell over her face as she crouched down to introduce what Luke assumed to be her daughter to Zeke. Luke wondered what was wrong with him as he waited for her to brush the hair out of her face so he could see her again.

Because she was so confusing to him. This strong woman had barged into a small town diner, asking if he had seen a little boy. Then, once she had figured out that Luke knew where Jess was, she had taken on what could only be described as a mother bear stance, getting in his face to let Luke know she wasn't going to leave until he told her. And if he thought her glare was intense, when she heard Jess calling out from upstairs, he knew if looks could kill he would have fallen over dead when she pushed his hand away from her to fly up the stairs. He had never seen such a strong woman so sure on what she was going to get.

But then, what confused him, was how she had comforted Jess that night. How she wasn't angry or stubborn, she was there for him. That embrace he had witnessed, how she had held Jess so close to her, whispering that she wasn't going to leave him, that she promised that they were going to go home. Concern about if he was ok, and her tense questioning of what had happened to him – she had seemed just like a mother.

But she wasn't his mother. She was someone that had taken Jess in. And Jess was attached to her, there was no questioning that after the boy had grabbed and hugged her. But that didn't change the fact that Lorelai wasn't part of the family – that she didn't have the right to make decisions that would keep Jess' real family away.

And Luke knew that when he let her take Jess away that night, that he had probably validated her feelings of control in the situation. But when he listened to his mother talk about the lunch date, he realized just how much say that Lorelai felt she had in this – and she didn't. Jess wasn't her son. He was their family – Jess was HIS nephew. And she was going to have to realize that soon.

He realized he was staring at her when she looked up at him with recognition. He nodded his head at her, his way of greeting her without having to utter a word. She nodded back, then looked down to the boy standing next to her, and he heard her voice, so sweet, say, "Jess, do you remember? This is…"

The boy looked at him and nodded, bringing a smile to Luke's face, and said, "Uncle Luke." Jess looked up at Lorelai and said, "I remember him from that night, Mommy."

It was Luke's father who reached over and pulled the sports bag out of Luke's hand, while asking loudly, to change the somberness of the moment into an excited tone. "Jess, what do you say we play some baseball?"

Jess' eyes widened as they went from the bag in his grandfather's hand to his grandfather's face, then to Lorelai. Almost as if he wanted to make sure it was alright for him to play with his grandfather before he did. Which kind of irked Luke.

Once he was satisfied his mother didn't have any objections, Jess said, "Yes." Then his brow wrinkled, and he said, "I don't really know how to play though."

Luke could just about predict the words that were going to come out of Zeke's mouth. And he was word perfect as he listened to his father say, "Well, boy, there's no time like the present to learn to throw a baseball."

And before he knew it, Zeke and Jess were halfway across the field, and Zeke handed Jess a glove perfectly sized for little hands. Luke remembered how Zeke had bought two gloves in preparation for today, one for each hand because he didn't know if Jess was left-handed or right-handed. He watched as Zeke tossed the ball lightly to the kid, but the ball went right under his feet between his legs. Luke knew that if his father was successful, Jess would know how to catch the ball from any direction by the time his father was done playing for the day.

Luke looked around to find his mother and Lorelai sitting there on the bench, laughing as they watched Jess run after another ball that went sailing over his head. Lorelai seemed like such a different person here today. She didn't look so frantic here in the light of day. Luke almost stared again at her as he tried to figure out what drew this mystery woman to take up so much of his thoughts. He wasn't the type that would stare at women, but this wasn't because he was checking her out. Not that she wouldn't be something to be checked. Because in the superficial part of Luke, he knew that she was very attractive. Her hair hanging down and around her face made her skin look almost like a pearl, and the way that her tongue brushed her lips as she talked didn't make her look ugly at all. And even though her clothes weren't trying to draw attention, he could tell that underneath she would have a pretty attractive frame.

He blushed at his thoughts, almost angry at himself for letting his mind go there. Because the thing that drew him in wasn't her body, or her hair, or her skin. It was the confidence that she had. Perhaps the confidence was covering something else. Because that night in the apartment above the diner, he had seen how determined she was to get Jess home safe, but he had also seen her afraid, afraid that she wouldn't be able to take Jess with her, afraid that she wouldn't find him.

And that was how he again found himself staring at this woman, the woman who confused him because of her complexity and intrinsic beauty.

He suddenly felt a tug on the sleeve of his coat. Looking down, he found Lorelai's daughter looking up at him.

Confused, he stared down at her. And she stared up at him. And they held that for a few seconds before he realized that he was going to have to initiate the conversation that she had started with the tug on his sleeve.

"Did you need something?" He knew that sounded so stupid, but he rarely knew how to interact with children, much less a little girl.

She looked over at her mother and then back at him and said, "Do you want to talk to my mommy?" Her voice was not quiet at all, and for some reason he wished that it was. As he tried to form words that would answer her question, she rambled on, "I saw you staring at her, and I thought you might want to talk to her because she's really a great Mommy and she has beautiful hair and she makes the best oatmeal and she said we should be nice to you so I thought you might want to go talk to her."

Blinking his eyes at the amount of information he had just received, he opened his mouth to respond when he heard Lorelai call from where she was sitting with his mother a few feet away, "Rory, what are you doing? Don't bother the poor man."

He looked over to see his mother laugh, and he knew she must know how uncomfortable he was standing there talking with this kid.

He jumped as Rory yelled over to her mother, "I was just asking him if he wanted to meet you because he was staring at you and I think he wants to talk to you." He looked down at her and glared, and then back over where the women were sitting. His mother had her hand over her mouth, and he knew she was trying to hold back a laugh. No thanks to her, he walked over to them, the little girl staying right next to him as he made his way over to the bench.

With no idea how to start this conversation, he stuttered, "I wasn't… i was looking behind at the…" He shuffled his hands that were in his pockets, and he looked at his feet as he tried to say something, "It wasn't what it looked like."

He heard his mother's voice first. "Rory, do you want to come with me and see if we can help those boys out with that baseball out there?"

"Really? Girls can play baseball?" The little girl's voice rang out. "Yes, can we please?"

His mother laughed, extended her hand, and soon the grandmother was walking and little girl was skipping out to where Zeke and Jess were playing. It would have been sweet except that it left him alone with Lorelai.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorelai had no idea how to react to her daughter's declaration that the man had been staring at her. Nor to the sudden departure of Camille with Rory. She was used to men staring at her. It was a normal thing for her. But normally that was when she had her clothes off and was somewhere in the vicinity of a metal pole. And for it to be this man staring at her just made her more confused.

She could see that he was just as uncomfortable as she was when he sat down on the end of the bench, with as much space between them as possible. His hands went to the legs of his jeans, just like Jess had been doing on the subway when he was nervous. Lorelai smiled at the familiar action of the nephew and uncle who had only met for the second time today.

Deciding to break the silence, she said, "I wondered where Jess got that nervous habit." When Luke's blue eyes looked up at her in confusion, she said, "Your hands running up and down on your legs." He looked down, and stopped, but she just said, "Jess was doing that today on the way here. He was so nervous."

Hoping that was a neutral subject, she looked over into the field to see Rory with a baseball glove on her hand, and Jess looked like he was showing her how to catch and throw the ball, a skill he had learned maybe five minutes ago.

"I was nervous too." Luke's words brought her back to the bench they were sitting on. He wasn't looking at her when he said, "After that night in the diner, I didn't know how it would go with you today."

Lorelai's turn for a confession, "I was too." Now he met her gaze with surprise on his face.

"You were? Why?"

It was her turn to be surprised because he should know why she would be nervous to see him again. So she said, "You first, why were you nervous to see me today?"

It was quiet for a few seconds, and Lorelai fiddled with the hem of her sleeve with her fingers, realizing that she would have to sew up the tearing material the next chance she got.

He finally spoke, and said, "I wasn't sure what the crazy woman who came into my diner that morning would be outside of that situation."

And they just sat there for a few seconds while Lorelai attempted to digest what he had just said. He called her a crazy woman. A crazy woman. Sure, she had been intense that night, but that was only to be expected. And he thought she had been crazy? That was where his nervousness came from? She didn't know what it was about this man that made her want to argue with him. Maybe it was the fact that he had pointed out the window of his diner and told her to go back to the city and leave her son there in the hands of strangers. Or that he had dared to grab her arm when she was searching for her son.

Sure, he was good looking, with the dark scruff on his face contrasting the light blue eyes that seemed never to meet her gaze. He looked like he had a strong build, the flannel shirt he wore adding a mountain-man aura to his already gruff attitude.

And she decided to tell him why his reason for being nervous was completely and absolutely a horrible reason. Using her hands while she talked, she started, "I'm the crazy woman? What about the crazy woman you call your sister who stole my son out of my house in the middle of the night?" He opened his mouth but she didn't even give him a chance, "I was just doing what was right for my son and coming to…"

"What gave you the right to think you know what's right for Jess?" He said, his voice escalating.

Her mouth dropped open at the stupid question. Who did this man think he was? "How about the fact that since he was six, I've taken care of Jess? I've done the job of a mother to him." Her hands adamantly waved in front of her as she finished, "So, that pretty much gives me the right!" She could see red as she couldn't believe what she was hearing from him.

"What about my right as his uncle? Huh, what about that?" He was now standing above her in front of the bench.

Not to be outdone, she flew to her feet and she stood so she was looking him straight in the face. And she yelled, "I don't know, I think you gave up that right when you left him with that woman for six years without trying to find her." Her hands on her hips, she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that his guy was mad at her. At her! For what? "I took care of him when you didn't."

"And now, we're ready to take that back. We're ready to be what he needs." Then his eyes narrowed as he hissed at her, "We're his real family." 

Lorelai hated the fact that he deciphered between "real" and her as family. "I'm not saying that you're not his family." She gestured to where the kids were playing in the park. "I wouldn't have brought Jess here if I didn't think that he needed to interact with his family, would I?"

He looked over briefly and then said, "Family doesn't have to wait for permission from a caretaker to be able to see their grandson."

She bit her tongue, but only for a second before she lashed out, "Family has to understand that after another member of that family has hurt Jess so much that the person who looks out for Jess' wellbeing would be stupid to just turn him over to family without thinking and meeting with the family!"

He started pacing back and forth in front of the bench, waving his arms as he said, "You can't judge us based on what Liz did! We never wanted anything like that to happen to Jess."

"I know that…" She tried to interrupt, but he was on a roll.

"You don't know this family, but we are standup people. We have a life, we don't do drugs, we are part of the community, and we really want to be involved in Jess' life." Somewhere along the way, his tone had gone from yelling to just talking loudly. "And to see you standing in the way is just so tough for me. To watch my parents, who are good people, have to jump through your hoops to be able to see their grandson…It's just hard for me to see."

And she understood right then where he was coming from. And she said, "I wasn't doing it to be cruel, Luke." He was still pacing, so she hoped he was listening. "Jess is my son, he thinks of me as his mother…" She knew that was probably a hard one for him to swallow because he had reiterated many times that she wasn't family, so she said, "Either way, Jess depends on me to protect him." She watched him start to pace faster, and she said, "Not that you are something to be protected from, but…" She tried to use the right words to make him understand, "What kind of person would I be if I just let people get close to my son, I mean, Jess without looking them over, making sure that they would be good for him?" Now she was talking more to comfort herself in the decision she had made. "I would do the same with Rory." She thought of her parents and she said, "Rory doesn't see her grandparents because I know that they would hurt more than be there for her."

And the pacing stopped. He looked at her, waiting for her to say something else.

She searched for what she wanted to say, "And please know that when I said I needed to meet your mother before I could let them see Jess, it wasn't to be mean. At all."

He nodded, and then asked, his voice back to a normal tone. "What was it, then? You didn't trust them?" 

She knew that wasn't the reason. But she searched for how to put it into words, her feelings and fears into something that could be understood. She bit her bottom lip as she pulled her coat around her, suddenly feeling vulnerable at what she was going to say. "I just couldn't lose him." She watched as he stared at her, trying to figure out what the hell she was trying to say. And she tried to elaborate, hating how she felt talking about her feelings, but she wanted to communicate this the best way possible. "That feeling I had coming home to find my daughter crying and telling me that Jess was gone, I never want to feel that fear ever again." She swallowed against the hard lump in her throat, "I didn't know if I would see him again, I didn't know if he was safe, if he was scared, if he was even still alive." And then she sat down on the edge of the bench, tired from arguing and digging deep into her emotions. "And I never wanted to feel that way again."

She then looked up at him, and made sure he was looking at her when she said, "I really like your mother, and from the little I've known your father, he seems like he will be really great for Jess."

Luke nodded, and sat down on the bench beside her.

Lorelai finished, "I never wanted to keep Jess from you. It's just that Jess and Rory, they're my whole world." She looked down at her hands and said, "I have trouble trusting people. I'm working on that."

It was quiet between the two of them for a few minutes, Lorelai trying to keep herself together after having said more about her feelings than she had in a very long time. Lorelai was just wondering why Luke hadn't said anything to her when he finally spoke.

In a quiet voice, he asked, "Why were you nervous?" She looked at him, her turn to be confused, and his turn to clarify, "You said you were nervous about today."

She nodded and said, "I didn't know what I was going to say to you."

They sat there again for a minute, and then he chuckled and said, "Well, I guess we both were nervous for no reason."

She smiled as she said, "You mean you don't think I'm a crazy lady?"

His face held a grin as he shook his head and said, "I don't think. I know." Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to get angry with him, when he added, "You're crazy. But in a good way. Crazy for your kids. Crazy with your words."

"Good crazy?" She asked, a smile on her face as she looked out as the kids were running across the field to them, Jess' grandparents walking behind.

His quiet words made her know that even though they had argued, they had come to an understanding. He understood why she had been so afraid to let them in Jess' life. And she understood why he felt uncomfortable with her.

Just before the kids reached them, he said, "Endearing crazy."


	29. Chapter 29

"I don't understand some of these men." Lorelai said to another one of the dancers in the dressing room, "If I get asked out by one more man tonight…"

The other girl nodded and said, "They think they have a chance, those balding, fat old men thinking that we have a thing for them just because we dance for them."

It was halfway through Lorelai's shift, before she was going to get up and striptease for them again. Well, she hoped not again. Because if someone was still in the club after three hours he would be drunk, probably passed out, or just a real creep. But she always came back down a few minutes before she performed to make sure everything was in place. Fixing her wig after pulling her crop top over her hair, she slid into her short skirt again. The other girl left the dressing room because it was her turn to dance before Lorelai did.

Reaching in to put her earnings into her purse, she grabbed her phone out of habit. Opening it she saw she had three missed calls and two new voicemails. Immediately she knew something was wrong. The calls were all from Sookie, and Lorelai's heard pounded as she willed the stupid message to load so she could listen.

"Lorelai. It's Sookie. Um, I think Rory's sick. She's running a fever, says her stomach hurts, and she feels like she might throw up. Um… when you get this, and you have time, give me a call. Rory wanted to talk to you. I was going to give her some children's Tylenol, but I couldn't find any. Ummm… so yeah, give me a call when you get this message, ok? Bye."

Lorelai just wanted to be with Rory right now. Her little energetic baby was so sad when she was sick. She just wanted to cuddle, snuggling up with Lorelai when she was sick.

Lorelai started to call Sookie when she remembered the other voicemail. So she quickly listened to it. And her heart started to pound as she heard Sookie's grave tone.

"Lorelai, we're at the hospital. Rory's fever hit 104.6 and she was crying her stomach hurt so much, and then she threw up, and well… Lorelai I called the ambulance because there was blood in her vomit." Sookie's voice was shaking as badly as Lorelai's hands were as she held the phone listening. "They said her appendix burst. She's in surgery right now. They need you to get down here as fast as possible, to make medical decisions and everything. Lorelai, you need to hurry." And then the voicemail cut off.

Lorelai stood there for about five seconds, her mind trying to process the fact that her little girl was in the hospital. In surgery. A ruptured appendix. Even Lorelai's non-medical brain told her that she needed to hurry, and that it was bad.

And Sookie's voice – so horribly unstable and serious.

Lorelai had never stripped so fast in her life, pulling her shirt and jeans on. Her mind was completely on what Sookie had said, that they needed her to make medical decisions. What did that mean? She pulled her wig off, throwing it into her locker, grabbed her purse, and was pulling her coat on as she walked out of the dressing room only to run into Oscar, who grabbed her arm.

"Lorelai, why aren't you…"

She couldn't take time to explain. "It's my daughter. Rushed to the emergency room. I have to go."

The understanding on his face soon came, and he let go of her arm. "Is there anything I can…"

She was almost out the door, and she said, "No, not now. I am sorry."

"Go be with your kid, Lorelai. We'll be fine here."

She was thankful he hadn't gotten mad. But it wouldn't have changed the fact that she was leaving. Even if he would have fired her, Lorelai would not leave her child in surgery to stand up and strip and dance.

The whole way to the hospital, Lorelai wove in and out of traffic, calling and calling Sookie's phone, only to go straight to voicemail. She honked on her horn more than she had ever done. She couldn't imagine how scared Rory had been. Just the thought of her child in pain made her want to cry, but then to think of being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance without Rory having her mother, it made Lorelai feel like a horrible mother. What mother leaves her children at night anyway? And this happened? And Lorelai knew that Rory would have been terrified being wheeled into surgery alone, surrounded by strangers but not by her mother.

Lorelai cussed someone who pulled out in front of her speeding by, causing her to slam on her brakes. Swerving around them, she sped into the hospital parking lot. She almost forgot to put the car into park before she was running into the emergency room. Practically falling onto the receptionist counter, she started talking, only to hear Sookie's voice behind her.

"Lorelai, over here." Turning around, she found a frantic Sookie pacing back and forth, and a scared Jess sitting in the char watching the frantic Sookie.

"Sookie, I came as soon as I heard." She ran over to her friend, who pulled her close into a hug.

Her voice was going a million miles an hour, and Lorelai tried to get some semblance of real information from the long strings of words. "I checked her temperature before I put her to bed. It was only 101.5, which is a fever, but the books say that it isn't a high-grade fever. She said her stomach was hurting, but I thought it might have been something she ate, because the food at that school is atrocious…"

Lorelai had to keep her somewhat on track. It only took one "Sookie!" to get her talking again.

"Sorry. She went to sleep around ten, but then woke up about an hour later, screaming that her stomach hurt so bad. And then I took her temp again and as I watched the numbers go up and up until it reached 104, I knew something was wrong. And then she threw up, and it was all really dark blood in it. I called the ambulance right away."

Lorelai was breathing hard and asked, "What did the doctors say? Where is she? Did they tell you what they thought she…"

"Her appendix burst, and they said that they were taking her to surgery to try and keep her from getting… oh, what was the word" Sookie stopped to think, but Lorelai knew.

"Keep her from getting sepsis?" She asked, praying that wasn't what they had said. but she watched Sookie's head nod, Lorelai put her hands on her head, pacing through the waiting room as she tried to wrap her mind around this. "Did they say when they would be done in surgery?"

Sookie just shook her head, and sat down in the chair next to Jess. "She's been in there for two hours." The number flashed through her mind. Two hours. Two hours that Lorelai had been at work while her daughter had been in surgery. Two hours that her little girl was laying there on the table fighting for her life. Two hours that Sookie had been pacing this hospital waiting room. Two hours that Jess had sat there wondering what was going on with his little sister.

Jess. His face was pale, and he didn't look at her, he just stared off into space.

Lorelai went over to him and pulled his little body to hers. His head buried itself into her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Honey, are you doing ok?" She asked. He just nodded. She knew he wasn't.

Him watching his sister taken away in an ambulance, in the middle of the night, in such pain – Lorelai knew that he was just trying to protect her by being brave. But he was probably just as scared as she was.

She tried to file things away in her mind as she ran her fingers through her son's hair. Rory was in surgery because her appendix burst. The doctors were rushing to keep her from getting sepsis. Sepsis, something Lorelai only knew a little bit about, was when the body became toxic. And it was not good. So what if Rory had that? Would they be able to take care of it? Would they be able to give her medication to help it? And if she didn't, was everything else going to be ok? And was there a chance that Rory wouldn't make it? Lorelai couldn't sit anymore.

"Jess, you sit here with Aunt Sookie, ok? Mommy's going to go see if there's any word on Rory, ok?"

He nodded. His lack of speech would have concerned her at any other moment, but right now she was focused on finding out what she needed to know about her daughter.

Walking to the receptionist's desk, she said, "I need to see if there's any information about my daughter, Rory, I mean Lorelai Hayden?"

The receptionist didn't even look at her computer, didn't even rifle through some papers, didn't even pick up the phone to make a call. She just looked at Lorelai and said, "I'm sorry ma'am. I am not the one that gets the updates on patients. I just check them in."

"Well could you find me someone who can tell me?" She asked, the fear of not knowing overriding any inhibitions about what words were going to come next. Tears were rolling down her face as she allowed the fear to take over.

The receptionist shook her head, and said, "I'm sorry ma'am. When the doctor has news, he will come out and give it to you."

Something snapped in Lorelai's mind. She knew that this woman probably had no idea what was going on with her daughter, much less had new information to give. She knew that the doctor wouldn't intentionally leave her in the dark. That there would be information given to her when it was given to her. But something snapped. And she started yelling.

"If you 'I'm sorry, ma'am," me one more time, you're going to wish you hadn't. I need to see my daughter. I need to hear from someone's mouth what is going on here. And if you can't seem to find that for me, you should be able to find someone who can. And if you can't you should try and find a new job because you sure as hell aren't doing a good job with…"

"Lorelai?"

She turned around and through the tears she saw Camille. A tired Camille. A worried Camille. But Camille. And behind her, Zeke. Lorelai had no idea what they were doing here. They both looked extremely tired, Camille's hair a curly mess and Zeke had what looked to be sweatpants.

Confusion must have shown on her face, because the woman came running over to her, and pulled her into a hug.

"How, what?" Lorelai stumbled with the words. These were the last people she thought would show up here at the hospital. In the middle of the night. When Lorelai had just gotten there.

Camille just rubbed her back and said, "Sh… Jess called us." And then this wonderful woman whispered, "We're here. It's going to be ok."

And at that moment, Lorelai had never felt so weak. So vulnerable. She couldn't hold back the tears any longer and sobs shook her body in Camille's arms and she choked out, "My baby girl… she's…" Lorelai couldn't finish her sentence as she pictured Rory laying on a stretcher, her face so scared, calling to her, but Lorelai hadn't been there. Camille just held her tight, and let her cry.

Lorelai didn't understand how she had gone from scheduling a lunch with this woman, so scared about what Camille was going to think of her – to falling into her arms and sobbing about her daughter being in the hospital, drawing comfort from this woman. Since that day in the park eight months ago, Jess' grandparents had come to see him at least twice a month, taking him and Rory out to different sites around the city, to the zoo, taken a picnic to a park, to the statue of liberty, and, Rory's favorite, the library. They had become a regular part of Jess' life, much to Lorelai's excitement. They still hadn't been to the apartment, and Lorelai was keeping it that way for a reason. But still, it made Lorelai happy to see Jess and Rory waiting for them to come, sitting outside on the steps to the apartment, waiting and watching for what next adventure they would have that day.

Lorelai knew that they had been there, had wanted to get involved, for Jess, to see Jess. And Lorelai could see the love that they had for their grandson every time they were around the boy. He loved them, loved throwing the baseball around with his Grandpa and Uncle Luke. He also loved sitting and watching his Grandma knitting, talking with her about anything and everything that would come to his mind. It had brought out a whole new side to her little boy – he felt loved by someone other than just his mother. And that was perfectly fine with Lorelai.

But they had also taken and interest in Rory, the little noise bucket that they always asked to tag along on their adventures. Lorelai had pulled Camille aside one day and told her that they didn't have to take Rory with them when they were going shopping with Jess. But Camille had assured her that they loved taking Rory with them, that she kept things interesting, and that she was very special to them too.

And as Lorelai felt another hand resting on her shoulder and looked up to find Zeke with tears in his eyes, she knew that they must really love her little girl. To drive two and a half hours to come see a girl that was no relation to them – it warmed her heart so much to think that they would do something like that for Rory.

"She's strong, Lorelai." Zeke's gruff voice was full of emotion. "She's gonna pull through." Camille let her go, and she soon found herself engulfed in Zeke's arms. He was so tall, she was up against his chest, and he just rubbed her shoulders while she continued to cry. She didn't know how long she stood there.

She heard Jess' voice through her tears. "Grandma, Grandpa!" And he ran into his grandmother's arms. "You came!"

Knowing she had to be strong for her son, she pulled away gently from Zeke's hug, and wiped her eyes before talking to Jess, "How on earth did you know your grandparent's phone number, buddy?" She was still amazed that they were here. That they would come. And that Jess would have the wherewithal to call them.

Busy getting a hug from his grandma, it took him a minute to answer her. His eyes met hers just for a second before he ran over to hug his grandpa, and he said, "I memorized it in case of an accident."

That cleared nothing up, in Lorelai's mind. And she asked him, "Why did you think to do that?"

He just shrugged his shoulders like it wasn't a big deal. "If something happened to you, I wanted them to be able to come and help me."

It was just too much right now. Too much to think that her eleven-year-old boy was memorizing emergency phone numbers in case something happened to her and he was left alone. Too much to think that her little girl was laying on some operating table, cold, scared, alone. Too much to think that Zeke and Camille had gotten up in the middle of the night to drive almost three hours to come be with her in the hospital.

But it wasn't too much to have someone around her when the doctor came out and called, "Mrs. Hayden?"

She practically ran to stand in front of him, so he would see her and not leave without giving her information. Ignoring the name slip up that had come from assuming that Rory's last name and her last name were the same, Lorelai tried to focus on what he was going to tell her. Tried to steel herself for what was coming. Nervous, she pulled the sleeves of her coat down over her hands and wrapped her arms around her chest. She asked, "How is she?"

The doctor just looked at her and said, "We're still working on her." His voice sounded defeated, "There were some complications with the removal of the appendix."

And all that Lorelai heard was the defeat in his voice. Her hand went up to cover her mouth, trying to keep the tears from blocking her view of the doctor. She wanted to ask questions, wanted to know. But she couldn't get over the fact that something was going wrong in there and Lorelai couldn't be there with her baby.

"Because of the rupture, there were fluids displaced throughout her body cavity. In order to keep her from going into sepsis, we have to remove all of those fluids so they do not contaminate anything else." He looked down at his clipboard in his hands.

Trying to find the words to say, she could barely utter, "So is she going to be ok?" And she willed with all her might that he would say that it was just going to take longer, that she would be fine it just would be more time. That there was no added danger, just that Lorelai would have to wait longer to see her little girl.

But his eyes found hers, almost in a practiced way, and he said the least comforting words that could have come at that moment. "We are doing everything we can." And then he looked down at his feet and said, "But we do need you to be prepared."

She gasped as she realized what he meant. He was saying there was a possibility that her baby wasn't going to be ok. That she might never get to see her little girl again. That he was saying that something had gone wrong and if they couldn't fix it – she couldn't finish her thoughts as she sank to the ground on her knees. And she cried. Not a soft, quiet, lovely cry. But a gut-wrenching tearing of her soul as she realized what could happen. Her head fell to her chest as she wailed, the silence of the waiting room pierced through with the cries of this mother in distress. Because there was nothing she could do. She couldn't go into that operating room and fix the problem. She couldn't make everything better by talking her way out of the situation. She could do nothing, and the helplessness seemed to rip her apart, and her cries were the only thing that showed just how broken she felt at the thought of what could happen.

She heard, somewhere in the distance, the doctor's voice say, "I will let you know as things progress." And then he walked away.

Leaving her there, on the floor of the waiting room, still reeling from what he had left her with.

But someone hadn't left her. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn't even look up to try and find out who it was. Because her fear would not be stopped by anything anyone said or did. That nothing could change how she was feeling until that doctor walked back through that door and told her that Rory was going to be fine, that she was going to recover, that she could go see Rory. Until that came, she would not feel any comfort from anyone.

"Lorelai." But it was the way he said her name. The word, something she heard so many times during the day, it was her name. Yet, as her name met her ears, she heard the pain she felt, she heard devastation, confusion, fear, apprehension – she heard it all in there. And the hand went from her shoulder and wrapped around her arm as she fell into his arms. Flannel engulfed her, as she buried her sobbing face into his chest. Strength that she didn't have surrounded her. And she didn't know how long they sat there on the ground, her entire body shaking with her sobs as she just wanted to hold her little girl. And his head resting on her hair, his breathing the one thing that started to calm her down, as she struggled to find the breath torn out of her by the news of Rory.


	30. Chapter 30

Jess watched his mother pace around the room. He had never seen her look so worried, so scared. She was chewing on her fingernails, pacing back and forth. Back and forth.

He wanted to make it better. Like she would make him feel better when he was sad. She would let him put his head on her lap, and she would play with his hair. It made him feel so much better. Sometimes she would lean down and kiss his cheek, and tell him that it was going to be ok.

When he would have his nightmares, she was always there. He loved when she would crawl into bed with him, her head above his on the pillow. And she would just rub his arm, and she would remind him that she was right there, and that nothing could hurt him when she was with him. And he would fall asleep, listening to her comforting voice.

But as paced back and forth, he knew that none of that would help his mom now. Because she wanted Rory, just like he wanted his Rory. Watching her cry as she walked let him know that something was really wrong. She wasn't just in the doctor's office getting shots. His little sister wasn't just sick, because Rory had been sick before. He remembered the one night she had stood above his bed and told him she felt sick, and then threw up all over him. She wasn't sick like that right now. Something else was wrong.

And his mother, back and forth, wasn't going to be alright until Rory was fine.

But he wanted to do something to make her feel better.

So he turned to Grandma, who was sitting right next to him, and said, "Can we go get some coffee?"

The worried look that matched Uncle Luke, Grandpa, and Aunt Sookie – it was written deep into Grandma's face, her normally happy smile that twinkled from her eyes now only seemed to be her mouth smiling. "Jess, do you drink coffee?" She whispered, and Jess realized that the hospital was supposed to be a quiet place. He wondered if Mommy remembered that when she had cried so loud after the doctor came out and talked to her.

He shook his head, and leaned up to whisper in her ear, "Sh… it's a secret. Mommy loves coffee."

He must not have whispered quietly enough, because Uncle Luke stood up and said, "Come on, buddy. Let's go take a walk." Jess jumped from the chair where he had been sitting and ran over to his uncle. Luke said as they walked down the hallway, "I thought if I was getting antsy, you would be too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorelai paced back and forth along the tiled floor of the waiting room.

Back and Forth.

If only she had been there. Maybe she would have been able to get Rory into the doctor right away.

The sounds of the automatic door opening fell on deaf ears as someone was raced into the ER, screaming in pain as blood flew everywhere. But still she just paced.

Back and forth.

Even if she couldn't have stopped anything, she would have at least been there when Rory must have been so scared. What kind of a mother isn't there when her daughter was so sick?

She saw Luke and Jess get up and walk down the hallway, probably to the vending machines around the corner. The mother side of her was thankful that Luke held the boy's hand, especially in such a busy place with so many people around.

Back and forth.

What if when Lorelai kissed Rory goodbye before leaving for work was the last time she saw her little girl? What if the last words that Lorelai ever said to her daughter were that she would see her in the morning?

A baby cried in the corner, a woman moaned in pain towards the middle of the room. A couple was fighting over by the magazine rack.

Back and forth. Chewing on her fingernails.

It had been only an hour since that doctor had come out and told her that there was a chance that Rory might not make it. It felt like a lifetime.

She heard sirens outside, and watched as a man was wheeled in on a stretcher, the EMT's yelling for people to move out of the way.

Back and forth. Biting her bottom lip.

She knew she should be thanking Camille and Zeke for coming, for getting up in the middle of the night and coming to be here for Rory. And Luke – she didn't know what to think about Luke, such a comfort to her… so she paced.

Back and Forth. Pulling her phone out of her pocket.

Her fingers shook as she scrolled to find the number in her contacts. Once she found it, her fingers hovered over the call button, her mind giving her reason after reason why she shouldn't push it.

He didn't want to be in their lives once already. What would make him want to come and be a dad now? When it was such a bad situation? He wanted a new life, away from them. And as she looked around at the waiting room, at her chewed fingernails, she knew this was what he wanted to escape from. And why would she want him around right now, anyway? After he had left with that woman, she didn't want the drama.

But something inside of her told her that he needed to be here. Rory was his daughter too. He deserved to know that she was sick. That there was a chance that…

She pushed the thought of what could happen out of her mind by pressing the call button, a tense fear took over the feeling of dread that had occupied her entire body.

And it rang a few times. Well, more like seven or eight times before a sleepy Chris answered.

"Hello?"

She opened her mouth to say the words. She wanted them to come out, but she just stood there, silence coming from her stunned mouth.

"Lor? Hello?" He sounded just a bit more alert and a bit more annoyed. "Are you there?"

Taking a deep breath, she managed to force the words out. "Chris, it's Rory."

He must have been able to sense the tone she had – because he seemed to wake all the way him his voice holding something close to fear. "Is she alright?"

She didn't know how to answer that without breaking down, so she just gave him the facts. "She's in surgery. Ruptured appendix." Then she swallowed hard and said, "The doctor says it's very dangerous."

Something inside her knew he would know what she meant. He would sense how horribly distraught she was. He could read her.

She knew that because of his words, "What hospital are you at?"

"New York Presbyterian."

Then something comforted her with his next words, "I'm on my way, Lor."


	31. Chapter 31

**LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE HERE TO MAKE UP FOR THE ABSENCE OF THEM FROM THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS.**

 **1\. Thanks to everyone for reviewing! It means a lot! Keep it up!**

 **2\. I have based some of my characters on characters from Parenthood - only because I loved how Lauren Graham and them interacted - and her having a real mother figure in another show was a big help for me. So let me just state that i OWN nothing from any show referenced.**

 **3\. I do not own gilmore girls - or any characters. The only character i own is Oscar :)**

 **4\. Thanks for sticking with me - as I've promised, there is some very amazing and even sometimes dirty sex coming up - you just have to be patient. It might seem like I'm taking a long time to get there, but it will be worth it, and all of this plot is important in the story!**

"Mommy, look what I brought you!" Through the noise in the emergency room and in her mind, the voice of her son rang through, pulling her morbid thoughts away from her little girl in surgery to the little face running towards her. A small smile found the corners of her mouth as she watched him trying to be careful with the cup in his hands but still tried to hurry over to her. He looked so conflicted, trying to get to her, but trying not to spill – it was a lose-lose battle. When he saw her looking at him, the smile on his face grew, and he held his arms up, extending the coffee up to her while he said, "Uncle Luke bought it, but it was my idea."

She took the cup from him, ruffled her hand through his hair, and then looked at Luke and mouthed "Thank you" to the man.

"Drink it!" Jess said, "It will make you feel better. Coffee always makes you feel better."

Taking a sip from the cup, she swallowed and nodded her head, "It sure does make me feel better." She knew this was his little way of trying to take care of her. So, wanting to make him feel better, she said, "But you know what I think would make me feel even better?" He shook his head, but the willingness to do anything she wanted was there. "One of your big hugs would probably help me so much."

Before she knew it, her legs were embraced in her son's arms, and she just held him against her, hoping that letting him comfort her would comfort him. That's just how Jess works, he makes himself feel better by helping others.

She looked over at Camille and Zeke, who were watching with tears in their eyes. She was so thankful that they had come – having someone to be there for her, for Jess – to take care of Jess while she freaked out, it was important. And very needed. And just seeing the concern and worry on their faces, Lorelai knew that they weren't just here for Jess. And that made her feel just a bit more loved.

Her eyes then found Luke, who was standing off to the side. She had been amazed at how his arm around her after the doctor had come out – how desperately needy she had been – and he had been just what she needed. A strong person to cry against – someone she knew her grief wouldn't hurt. Unlike Chris, he didn't seem fragile – he didn't need to be handled with care. He had just held her, letting her cry until she stopped. And held her even after that, just sitting there on the hospital floor with her. And when she tried to stand up, he had helped her to her feet, and made sure she found a seat before he sat next to her. As she looked at his face, full of worry, she knew he cared. And she realized that she cared that he cared. Because she wondered whether Chris would have cared at all how she was doing? He wouldn't have sat there on the hospital floor with her. Sure, he would have hugged her when she was sitting on a chair, or standing, but sitting for who knows how long on the dirty floor? Not something Chris would have done.

Suddenly, she realized that she was comparing her ex-husband to a man she had only known for a few months. And it scared her that she was making such a comparison. What on earth was wrong with her? Emotions from the day must just be making her crazy.

Lorelai always wondered what happened in someone's mind when they were presented with life and death. What would she say standing there waiting for such life altering news? Would she cry? Would she almost attack the doctor? Would the world stop turning? Would adrenaline kick in so she could stand there quietly and listen? Would she tap her foot impatiently waiting for him to tell her?

She was presented with the situation about a minute after the coffee was put into her hands.

She watched the doors to the restricted area open, and the doctor walk out, pulling a surgical mask off of his face. His scrubs were covered in blood, and she refused to look at the stains that could mean something horrible. Each step that he took towards her, she experienced something happening around her. First, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Camille and Zeke stand to their feet and walk over to her. Luke made his way to her. She heard Camille call Jess over to her. Zeke took the coffee out of her hands. Luke stood beside her, his hand on the small of her back. Blood rushed through her ears as her heart sped up. Bile crept to the back of her throat as the butterflies in her stomach took off.

She crossed her arms in front of her, and, out of nervous habit, she started biting her nails again.

The doctor met her eyes. And she watched his mouth move. And she tried to register the words. Tried. Because somewhere in her mind, she heard the horrible words, "We did everything we could. But we couldn't save her. I'm so sorry."

But it took her just a minute to realize that those were the words that had been flowing through her mind since the doctor had said there was a chance Rory wouldn't make it. Those weren't the words that she actually heard.

"She made it through."

She let out the breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. Taking deep breaths, she was able to push the vision of her little girl on a cold table, her face pale and translucent. She didn't have to think about a while sheet being pulled up over Rory's body. There was no reason to think of funeral arrangements, what she should be buried in, flowers, food, or anything else for burying her little girl.

Her first words were, "Can I see her?" All she wanted to do was see for herself that her little girl was going to be ok. She just had to hold her. Tell her that her mommy was here. She couldn't be alone again. Lorelai couldn't let her lay there in a hospital bed in a big room without being in there with her.

"She's sedated, so she won't know you're there."

Lorelai shook her head, "I don't care. I want to see her." And the doctor nodded for her to follow him. She turned, and Camille said, "We'll stay here with Jess. Go see her."

Then Zeke said, "Let us know when we can come see her."

But Luke, hand still on her back, asked, "Do you want me to…"

Lorelai didn't have to think about it at all before she nodded her head, "I don't want to go alone."

His face looked relieved, which, for some reason, made her feel better. She didn't know what it was about this man, but of everyone in her life right now, she wanted him to be there with her when she saw Rory. Because she was afraid she was going to break down. And he was so good with her, so she just wanted someone she felt comfortable with to be there. And he was.

They followed the doctor down the hallway to a curtained door. And she walked in and found her little girl, looking so small in the big hospital bed. Her short hair was the only thing of color around her very pale face. Her right hand had an IV in it, so Lorelai held onto the other hand. Brushing her daughter's face, Lorelai just was thankful that Rory was breathing. That she was still alive. That Lorelai was holding her hand.

Just seeing her little girl was both a relief and a horrible struggle. Because she could see that Rory was ok, that she was breathing. And she was relieved. But as she looked at her beautiful daughter, she saw what she almost lost. What, only a few minutes ago, had been almost taken away from her. And with that, Lorelai broke down, holding Rory's hand up against her cheek.

Luke sat down in a chair against the wall, and she knew how awkward this must be – for a man who she didn't even know that much to see her such a wreck. But she couldn't think about that. She just held her daughter's hand, crying, and listening to the monitor on Rory's chest beeping with each beat of her heart.

Once she could talk, she said something. She wasn't sure to whom she was saying it to. Maybe it was to Rory, who, although she was sedated, might be comforted hearing her mother's voice. Maybe it was to Luke, who she wanted to make feel a bit more comfortable here in such a weird position. But, and Lorelai knew this was the most likely candidate, it was to herself. Just being about to talk about it – she needed that.

Her voice was shaking as she didn't take her eyes off of Rory's pale face. "The last time she was in the hospital was when she was born." She could see the little bassinet, looking through the window into the nursery. "Even though I was only sixteen, I remember thinking that she would never be this small again." She rubbed her hand up and down Rory's arm, and took a deep breath as she said, "I was wrong." Her voice cracked as she broke down again, "Because she's never looked so small and frail as right this minute."

She heard footsteps, and then felt Luke's hand on her shoulder. And he just stood there, holding her shoulder, while she put her head down on the bed and sobbed. Thankful that Rory was safe, broken because of what could have been.

It was a few hours before Rory woke up. Camille, Zeke, and Sookie came in to see her before she woke up. Luke offered to take Jess home, but Sookie said she was going home anyway, so she would just take the sleepy boy home with her. Luke insisted that Sookie let him take her home so she didn't have to take the subway with Jess barely awake. Zeke had found some kind of coffee, him and Camille coming and sitting with her in Rory's room while they waited for her to wake up.

When Lorelai saw Rory's eyelids fluttering open, she sat up in her chair, and held Rory's hand.

"Mommy?" Came the quiet whisper that seemed like a huge scream in the silent room. Both of the grandparents sat up in their chairs.

Lorelai held Rory's hand with one of hers, and then let her fingers brush against her hair as she comforted, "Rory, honey, Mommy's here."

Zeke stood up and said, "I'm going to get a nurse and tell them she's awake."

"Thank you." Lorelai said.

Camille leaned up and said to Rory, "Grandpa and I are here too, Rory."

The little girl's eyes closed in pain, and she said, "Mommy, my tummy…"

Looking behind her, Lorelai saw a nurse coming in and said, "Someone is going to give you some medicine to make it feel better." She stood up and let go of Rory's hand to move and let the nurse get closer. But Rory's heart machine started beeping, and the little girl's voice said, "No, Mommy, don't leave me."

Grabbing her hand back up, Lorelai said, "Rory, I'm not going to leave you, baby." The nurse just walked to the other side of the bed to check her medication orders. She gave Rory something that soon helped her calm down. And Rory was soon again fast asleep.

Lorelai leaned back in her chair as she watched Rory peacefully sleep. Relief swept through her at the sound of her child's voice, Rory calling for her Mommy. It was just what Lorelai needed to be reassured that her little girl was going to be ok, that she hadn't lost Rory. Running her hand through her hair, Lorelai looked over at Camille and Zeke, who were also smiling.

Lorelai let her relief speak through her words, telling them but really telling herself, "She woke up." They nodded, and Lorelai turned to her little girl and said, "She's going to be alright. She woke up." And she knew that the horrible feeling of almost losing her was fading with each moment that Rory kept breathing.


	32. Chapter 32

"It's this building right here, Luke"

Luke pulled the truck into a parking spot right next to the dilapidated building that Sookie pointed out to him. The old brick loomed in the darkness, the shadows around it looking to be a refuge for anyone wishing to stay out of the light. Tiny windows all in a row ran up what looked to be four stories, some of them covered completely with what looked to be blackout paper. A few lights were still on in some of them, and, even in the chilly October weather, were open, and at one window, he could see someone smoking, flicking the cigarette out into the dark night.

Looking in his rearview window to the small backseat of his truck, he saw Jess, curled up and asleep. He glanced at the clock on the dash before turning the truck off and putting the keys in his pocket. Sookie turned to wake up Jess, but Luke touched her arm and said, "I'll take him up. So he can stay asleep."

Luke had just met this woman tonight, but he could see that she didn't like his suggestion. "Um, I think he will be fine to just wake…"

But Luke was going to hear nothing of this. It had taken so long to get him to sleep, the poor boy having been so worried about his sister that he had been wide awake in the waiting room the whole time. And Luke knew that if they woke him up now, he would probably lay in his bed, waiting for his sister to come home or hear more from the hospital. And even being the awkward uncle who knew so little about kids, Luke knew that Jess needed to sleep.

He carefully picked the little boy up in his arms, and Jess snuggled up against him in his sleep. It was cold, so Luke hurried to follow Sookie down the dark pathway to the door, trying to keep the kid sleeping. Yes, he wanted Jess to sleep, but as they got closer to the building, Luke had this feeling that he had to see where Lorelai had her home. Where his nephew lived. He only hoped that it was better on the inside than it looked on the outside. But he immediately craved the outdoors when they walked in.

The minute they entered the dark building, the smell was the first thing that assaulted him. Something must have been rotting in that pile of trash over in the corner that they walked past to get to the stairs. And the smell of vomit wafted stronger as they made their way to the top of the first floor. He found the source, a balding old man passed out against one of the doors, a bottle of vodka dripping out beside him while he lay covered in his own puke. But as they climbed, he almost wished for the vomit smell as the unmistakable stink of urine stood out from the cigarette smoke coming down from the third floor, and he noticed in yet another corner, a puddle of something he tried to stay as far away from as he could. The smoke got heavier, and he knew the minute he walked by the group of what looked to be young adults with smoke coming out of their mouth – he knew they were smoking dope. A smell he would never forget from when his younger sister would walk by him back in high-school.

They stopped at the next landing, Sookie walking down towards the end of the hallway. She reached into her left coat pocket, and her eyes got wide as she tried juggling her purse to her other arm and reached into her other pocket, still to come up empty. "They're here somewhere."

Luke started to say, "Sookie, they're…"

"They're probably in my purse," and she shifted the keys in her hand to her other hand to begin rifling through her purse, looking for the keys she was holding. After rifling through the purse, she looks at Luke and says, "I think I might have left them in the truck…"

Luke just gestures to her hand and she looks down. "Oh! Here they are!" Like she had just found them under a table or in a drawer. Not that she had been looking for them while they were right there in her hand.

He gently shifted Jess in his arms to get through the door that Sookie held open for him. The apartment was still dark, and Luke didn't know what he expected when the lights came on. Because if this place was at all like the trip he had taken up the stairs, he was not going to leave Jess here. There was no way that he could justify leaving his nephew here in this hellhole. With homeless men sleeping outside the door. And that he had ever let the boy come back with Lorelai – he had been so trusting, thinking that the only thing a kid really needed was to be loved. But he couldn't believe he had sent his nephew back here.

But as the soft lamp from the living room came into view, the bit of anger that she would think this place was fine to live in – that anger started to dissipate. Because he could see in this little room – this living room and kitchen area, that it was completely different than the palce he had just walked through. Of course, it looked nothing like his parent's house back home. In fact, even his living room at the apartment looked better than this. But it looked better because he had more furniture. The couch and end-tables were the only thing in the small living room area, with a curtain that Luke watched Sookie go behind, revealing a small bedroom area. The kitchen was small, with just the table and stove, fridge, and a countertop.

Luke could see Lorelai's touch throughout this place. What looked to be handmade red and white checkered curtains hung in the small window above the sink, a matching tablecloth on the table. A small vase of what looked to be dandelions, probably picked by Rory, sat on the table. In the living room, the lamps on the end tables cast a very homey feeling. And with that feeling, Luke could see that Lorelai had tried. His place didn't even have that feeling.

Sookie directed him to the bedroom to put Jess down. And he saw the mattresses on the ground, the curtain separating the two. Setting Jess down on the bed Sookie told him was Jess', he looked down at the floor. The paint on the wooden floors was chipping, but he ran his finger along the ground. And it was clean. She was clean. The dated wallpaper might be falling off of the wall, but there was no dust to be found on the small windowsill. The kids' beds were made nicely and neatly, and their clothes folded at the end of their bed. He peeked in the closet after Sookie left the room, to find a shirt and jeans on the top of the shelf. Looking around, he couldn't find any of Lorelai's things – and with that thought, he wondered where she slept. If Rory had one mattress and Jess had the other – he just stood there looking until he heard the little boy's voice coming from where Luke had wrapped him up.

"I like being here with Mommy, Uncle Luke." He looked down to see Jess' eyes were barely open.

"Go back to sleep, ok? Everything's going to…"

But he was interrupted by Jess' heartfelt words, "She works so hard, Uncle Luke. She's the best Mommy ever."

And Luke, as Lorelai had told him about Jess, was amazed at how perceptive this kid was. The fact that Jess knew that Luke was evaluating the apartment made Luke understand how sensitive he was.

"Uncle Luke?" Jess asked, his little hand reaching up for Luke to hold.

Luke crouched down beside the bed, and took his nephew's hand in his. And said, "Yes, Jess?" He had no idea what this insightful kid was going to say. What was on his mind at four in the morning.

Jess said quietly, "The woman I used to live with," Luke's heart hurt at how horrible Liz would have had to be to this kid when her own son referred to her like that. "… she lived right across the hall." And his little finger pointed at the opposite wall to where the apartment would have been. "But I was not happy there. And right here, with Mommy. I'm happy. And I want her to be happy too."

And something clicked for Luke with that reference. There was so much of a difference between the two women. Two different ways that Jess responded to them. And although they had lived in the same building, Lorelai had made this different. And as he tucked Jess back into the bed, he said, "Your Mommy loves you very much, Jess."

His little head just nodded as he slipped back off to sleep. And Luke left the room, and he felt that in his heart, Jess was in the best place for him to be.

Luke went over to tell Sookie he was going, and maybe ask a few questions about if they needed anything, if he could bring anything to them, if Lorelai had mentioned that there was something she thought could make life better here. Because he would try to help out. After all Lorelai had done for his family, taking care of Jess when she was struggling with life so much, with her divorce, Rory being sick, and everything else – after that – he could do nothing but try and help as much as possible.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sookie, she woke up!" Lorelai said ecstatically into the phone. She had excused herself from the room after Rory fell back asleep, thankful to have Camille and Zeke to sit with her daughter while she went and made a phone call. Knowing Sookie would want her to call right away, that was the first call she made.

A sigh of relief came from the other end of the conversation. "Oh, Lorelai. I'm so glad."

Lorelai knew the feeling. She had never been so relieved in her whole life. Her daughter was going to be ok. Rory would be fine. It would be a painful recovery, the doctor said, but she would recover with the only side effect being a scar across her stomach to make all her friends at school jealous.

Now she had to worry about her other child. "How is Jess?" She knew how scared he had been that Rory wouldn't be ok. He had stayed awake the whole time with her, watching Lorelai pace back and forth. She had noticed. And she knew that he would feel better once he got some sleep and heard that Rory was going to be alright. Lorelai could almost predict what Sookie was going to say, that Jess had refused to go to sleep until he knew how his sister was doing.

But that wasn't what met her ears. "He's sleeping."

"Sleeping?" She asked, "He went to sleep after the ride home?" Lorelai was so confused, because she just couldn't see Jess climbing into bed and falling asleep voluntarily. Not without knowing about Rory.

Sookie's voice fell and she said, "Yeah, he fell asleep in the truck, and Luke carried him up to his bed."

All of the relief that she had been feeling, all of the joy that Rory was going to be alright, all of the ways that she felt free and able to be happy – it was all ripped apart from her when Sookie told her that Luke had seen the apartment. And with the absence of those feelings, others came to take their place. Shame at the fact he had seen the place that she lived, the place that she raised her children in. She knew it was a horrible place, and if she could choose to live somewhere else, she would have. The feeling of fear was the greatest, with the fear of what he would be thinking about her. What he would be thinking he needed to do to keep Jess safe. Because if she was looking at it as an unbiased person seeing this apartment – she would feel bad about having any children living there. With only one bedroom, in the neighborhood that it was, with the clientele that littered the hallways – she would feel the same way. And Luke, after being so trusting of her…

"What… did he say anything?" Were the only words she could get out..

Sookie started to talk, but she heard someone behind her clear their throat and she turned around to find Luke standing there. His hands in his pockets, he stood there, looking awkward, like he had heard some of her conversation with Sookie.

She inwardly cringed as she told Sookie, "I have to go. I'll call you later."

Putting her phone in her pocket, she nervously looked down at her shoes. Embarrassed, she asked, "How much of that did you hear?"

He chuckled, and said, "Just the part about 'he' saying anything."

She would have smiled if the topic that was about to come up wouldn't have been so uncomfortable. But she looked up at him, and he said, "I'm guessing I was the 'he' you were referring to." His face was amiable enough, although she knew he was about to go off on her soon when they addressed the topic at hand. The topic being her apartment. And his role in the conversation would be telling her how horrible of a person she was for expecting her children to live there.

Taking a deep breath, she started. "Look, I know you're probably angry."

"About what?"

His face was a stone tablet – she couldn't read anything from his facial expressions. So she didn't know if he was being sarcastic or just stupid. "Sookie told me you went up to our apartment." She tried to keep her voice steady as she waited for him to go off on her.

Now she watched as his face sobered up, as if he knew this was going to be a deep conversation. "I did." He took a step closer to her. "I can see this is making you uncomfortable."

She grimaced at his avoidance, rolling her eyes just a bit at his obvious statement of how she should feel, curling one side of her mouth up in a sarcastic smile. "Of course it is." She didn't know how to word it, but her mind was so tired that she just said what she was feeling, "I just know you're not okay with what you saw… and I,"

"Hey, wait a minute." She looked up at his interruption, and she saw he was standing right above her. "You don't get to put words into my mouth." His words came out sweet and kind. Confusing Lorelai even more.

He was so close, she could smell the diner on him, but he also smelled of coffee, something Lorelai could smell for miles around. His frame towered above her, but not in a threatening way. Just like his words as he softly said, "I didn't see anything to be ashamed of, Lorelai." He said her name again. Something about the way he said her name always made her want him to say it again. And she didn't know why. But as she looked up into his light blue eyes, she listened to the tone of his voice, to the way he said his words, she listened to him say, "I saw a home, small and not in a great neighborhood, but a home."

She interrupted, "I am just trying to get back on my feet." It came out defensive. As it was supposed to. She had to stay strong. Had to show him that she was not going to stay there. That he didn't have to expect that level of living from them for long. "It's just been so hard here lately, what with the whole thing with Jess and Liz, and then just a few weeks before that my…"

His finger reached out and lightly pressed on her lips, causing her to stop talking and find a small grin on his face. "Shhh... God, you don't know how to take a compliment."

She was stunned. First off, that he touched her lips, just the feeling of his rough fingers against her soft skin made her quiet down in shock. A good shock, she told herself, it was good. She wasn't scared. It was just confusing. And secondly, because he was saying that she should learn to take a compliment. A compliment? After he saw where she lived? How could that be? Was he just mocking her?

"And now your mind is working through how to take what I just said as a slight."

How did he know how to read her so well? She tilted her head to look up as he again started talking, saying things that she never would have dreamed could be said of her. She was, of course, failing right now as a mother and a person in general. She could barely feed her children. She could barely keep them clothed. And the place they were living in was not the ideal place to live. She knew this. And anyone looking in should have seen that. A man who went to her apartment should have seen that, should have been confronted with that the moment he walked in.

But instead, this man that was staring deep into her eyes, he started saying things. In a tone of voice so sweet and caring, like he really meant them. Like there was caring behind them. And she listened. Drinking in whatever little bit of comfort she could derive from his speech.

"Lorelai, those children love you." Her mind went to Jess, her little boy with such a big heart. Rory, her little ball of energy. "You give them so much. After seeing what you've done for them, I don't know how you are still standing." Her eyes flitted back and forth between his eyes, unable to comprehend the wonderful things he was saying, "You work so hard, I can see it on your face. You're tired. And still you manage to show those children the love that they feel from their mother." Tears came to her eyes, and she felt weak as she felt her guard being let down in front of this man yet again. And now, not only had he seen her cry more than once, but now he saw into her home, the second to last thing she ever wanted someone to see. And yet he still was showing her care and compassion as he continued, "I don't know how you do it, Lorelai." Again, the sound of her name from his lips brought chills to her spine. Now the tears were flowing freely, and she felt her body start to shake as her emotions of fear and shame at the thought of him seeing her home – as those fell away. And she couldn't describe the emotion that took their place. But before she knew what she was doing, she laid her head on his chest. And she just cried. A quiet cry. A relieved cry. But she still couldn't place that emotion.

Even as she tilted her head, still against his chest, upwards. She felt goosebumps down her spine when he laid his head on her forehead, his calming breath cascading down her face. She couldn't place the emotion as her heart sped up a bit as he spoke again, "You're doing a great job at this whole mothering thing." And she then felt his head lift off of hers just a bit, so he could look into her eyes. "You're a great mother, Lorelai." And at the sound of her name from his lips that were so close to hers, she could place the feeling. It was belonging. He made her feel like she was home. Safe. Secured.

Her eyes drifted from his eyes to his lips, the lips that had just uttered words she never thought she would hear. And before she could fully think it through, she tilted her head just a bit more, and her lips brushed against his.

And before she knew it, they were more than brushing. He opened his lips, surrounding hers, and she drank in the sweet taste of his warm mouth. She felt a hand on the back of her head gently pushing her mouth even farther into his. And she couldn't breathe but she was fine with that as her lips, still wet with the tears that had fallen in happiness at his sweet words, left saltiness all over his lips which then again met her taste buds as her tongue caressed the inside of his mouth. She didn't know what it was about his kiss, but it wasn't sparks flying, fireworks going off inside her head – it wasn't that. It was a feeling like watching the sunrise. A quiet brightening that snuck up on you, that going from darkness to light, but softly. And you didn't even realize that the world around you had emerged from the darkness. It was so quiet, it was magical. That was what Lorelai felt as they kissed, a magical quietness that comforted her deeper than she thought she ever could be.

"Lor?"


	33. Chapter 33

Lorelai literally jumped out of her skin when she heard Christopher's voice. Her lips ripped away from Luke's so fast that she was sure the sound of the broken kiss shattered down the hospital hallway. Wiping her mouth, she turned to find Chris standing there with anger flashing across his eyes as confusion left the moment he saw her guilty face.

She didn't know why she felt guilty. Or awkward. Maybe it was because it was with Luke, Jess' uncle. Maybe it was because she knew this wasn't the best place for a first kiss… Oh, the thought of having another first kiss – it made it sound so romantic, when Lorelai really didn't know how she felt about it. Her mind ran in circles as her mouth tried to find something, anything to say to make the situation with her standing in a hospital corridor with her ex-husband who saw her kissing another man that was standing next to her. So, what did she do to fill the awkwardness?

"Chris!" She exclaimed, her fake happy voice on as she tried to keep the situation happy. "Rory will be so happy to see you." She was trying to catch her breath from the desperately intimate moment she had just had. Her best plan of attack with Chris was to move on like this never happened. Because with Chris, she knew if he got fixated on something, all hell would break loose until he got what he wanted or said what he thought he needed to say.

But Luke didn't seem to have gotten the memo about the avoidance part. The polite man that Lorelai had come to know offered his hand in a handshake to Chris, and said, "Hi, I'm Luke Danes." When no recognition came, he clarified, "I'm Jess' uncle."

At the sound of Jess' name, Lorelai watched Chris' face take on a disgusted look, but only for a second, and she was pretty sure an untrained eye like Luke's wouldn't have noticed anything at all.

She waited for Chris to take Luke's hand. To tell Luke that he was Rory's father. To be a polite human being. But the anger that hid behind his eyes had to flare its head soon. But he was trying to keep it under wraps, she could tell by his clenched fists. She shuddered inwardly at the thought of his fists.

But Chris just looked at Luke's hand, then turned to Lorelai and asked, "Where is Rory?" And he said it in a calm voice. But she could tell that his teeth were gritted – that he was angry. And she thought she knew why. She thought it had something to do with the slight guilt that she felt for some reason unknown to her.

"She's right down this hallway." Lorelai gestured. Chris walked ahead of her, and Lorelai turned and sent Luke an apologetic look as she walked down the hallway with her ex-husband. But she had to turn her attention to the reason that Chris was here. "She woke up about a half-hour ago." Her hands were shaking as she tried to calm herself down from the whole thing that happened a few feet behind them only a few seconds before.

"Surgery went well then?" He asked, concern in his voice masking the anger. She stopped at the door of the room, and he looked at her, and said, "I have never been so scared in my life when you said they weren't sure she would make it."

Lorelai nodded, understanding completely what he was saying. "I know. I couldn't stop picturing her covered in a white sheet."

Chris looked into the room, and Lorelai knew he was seeing their little girl, their little Rory, lying there looking so small. And he said, "I don't know what I would have done if I would have lost her, Lor." His eyes turned at met hers, and she saw pain in his eyes. "I haven't been a father to her like I should. I see that now."

She knew that the only thing that would make him feel better would be to go sit with Rory. To touch her hand. Make sure that she was really there, not just an image in his mind that he was conjuring up to make himself feel better. So she nodded into the room and said, "She misses her dad." That made up for everything he said. And he gave her a weak smile and made his way into the room, sitting on the chair beside Rory's bed where Lorelai had sat only a few minutes before.

Lorelai leaned up against the wall on the outside of the room and closed her eyes, her mind flying with so many things that had happened tonight. And she wanted to try and file them away in her mind – to try and make sense of them.

"I think we might head back now, Lorelai." She heard Camille's voice in front of her. She opened her eyes to see Jess' grandparents had come out of the room, giving Chris time to be with Rory alone.

Lorelai smiled a grateful smile at them, and hugged Camille, "Thank you so much for coming." And she looked up at Zeke and said, "I don't know what I would've done without you here tonight."

Zeke nodded, a man of few words. And said, "If you need anything…"

Camille finished her husband's sentence, "… Please let us know." And Lorelai knew they meant it. After driving two hours in the middle of the night to come sit in a hospital waiting for a child that wasn't even related to them to be finished with surgery, then to sit in with Lorelai until she woke up – it was just more than Lorelai could have ever asked for. And she was thankful.

"I will." She said, agreeing with good intentions.

Then she looked down the hallway as Camille and Zeke walked away, and she saw Luke, leaning up against the wall, just as she had been moments earlier. And she thought she should go say goodbye. But as she walked down the hallway, she realized she had nothing that she could think of to undo the awkwardness that was this situation. What could she say that would make the fact that she had, in an emotional wave, kissed him? Should she acknowledge that he kissed her back? She could never tell him that the emotions that kiss had elicited had made her feel happier and more secure than she had in such a long time.

She couldn't tell him any of those things. Because she could barely look him in the eye with his parents standing right there, waiting for either one of them to say something.

So she just said, "Thank you for what you did tonight." She cringed as she thought about what he could take that to mean. So she clarified. "For the coffee and then taking Jess home and then…" She finally dared to look up at him, his face suddenly such a welcoming place for her eyes. His smile seemed to call her to him, his nose that fit perfectly on the side of her face while they kissed, and his gorgeous eyes, that seemed to drown her in complete and utter sense of home. And she said the next words without thinking about who was around to hear them or how they would sound, "… and for being here for me when I needed it."

His mouth moved into a smile as he said, "No, thank you." And Lorelai realized as his sweet words hit her ears that this would seem like the weirdest conversation to have between these two people.

She just looked away, and tried to keep from smiling as she waved goodbye to the people who really had done so much for her, even in the little time she had known them. And tonight had been so needed, and she looked back over the night unable to think about what she would have done without these wonderful people that Jess was among the luckiest people in the world to call them his family.

The automatic doors had barely closed behind them when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Whirling around, she found Chris standing there.

Surprised, she asked, "Are you done already? I thought you would…"

He interrupted her. "She's not going to remember that I was here. And the nurse said they have her pretty doped up on pain medication that she's not going to wake up for a while."

Something inside of Lorelai was telling her that something wasn't right. But then her brain denied that, surmising that he had driven three hours to see his daughter, and that she was out of danger, he had another three hours to get back.

But as a mother, she couldn't imagine leaving her little girl in a hospital alone at all. Or even alone with Chris, if the roles were reversed. She would need to be there. She had to be here with Rory. Because she wouldn't be able to sleep at home while Rory was here in the hospital. No way that she could go on her merry way like everything was fine while her daughter was laying in the hospital bed.

So, again the sense that something else was wrong came to her mind. And when Chris asked, "Hey, can we talk?" Then he looked at a nurse walking by where they were standing in the hallway, he said, "Somewhere private?" She should have known that not all was well with him.

But she just nodded. And, still wearing her coat, gestured to the doors outside, "It's a bit cold, but …"

"It's fine." Short. His words were short with her, and he walked in front of her to go outside.

She followed him, watching his strong frame covered in his usual leather jacket. But this one looked new, the leather almost not worn into his body yet. His hair was cut short, the curls that he used to let grow out were gone, the short, buzz cut in their place. When the cold air hit her, she pulled her coat around her tighter, still feeling the cold through the thin fabric. Stuffing her hands into her pockets to protect them from the wind, she watched Chris turn around to face her, and she felt something crawl up her spine – and she wondered whether the chills she felt was from the cold or from the look of anger he was giving her.

Confused, she started to ask, "Chris, what's…" But she almost drew back as his anger spewed at her.

"Don't play coy with me, Lor." He started, his eyes blazing. "What the hell were you doing in there?"

Trying to shake the astonishment she was feeling, she opened her mouth to reply when he held his hand up in front of her face, causing her to slightly flinch as he gestured for her to be quiet. "On what planet is it appropriate for you to be kissing some guy in the hallway of the hospital where our daughter is lying in a bed recovering from a surgery that could have been so much worse?" The way he said "some guy" made Lorelai bristle. She didn't know if it was in defense of the sweet man that Luke was, or because it insinuated that she just went from guy to guy.

Now she had no words as she listened to her husband, no, her ex-husband, berate her for kissing Luke. She didn't know where the disconnect was. She had to be missing something, because in her mind, there was nothing he had to be angry about. The more she thought about him verbally attacking her, the more she felt indignation rising, flooding her mouth before she could think. "Me? Inappropriate?" She stood her ground as she allowed some of the emotions from the past months begin to take over, "How dare you accuse me of being inappropriate!" She threw her hand towards him, pointing his indiscretion out to him with her body language. "How fucking appropriate was it to sleep with some woman while you were still married to me? We aren't together, Chris!"

"Believe me, Lor, I know that." He shot back. "After what I saw tonight, I'm so fucking thankful we aren't!"

"Then you have no right to judge me!" She countered, "You aren't my husband. I can kiss whomever I want without you coming in and making me feel bad!" The audacity that he had was maddening. More maddening than she could imagine. "At least I waited until the rings were gone, Chris."

His defense came across as another attack. "I know I was wrong, Lor. I know. But what kind of woman leaves her daughter in a hospital bed to go have a hot make-out session right outside the door?"

Her eyes widened in disbelief. And she yelled at him, "You had sex on our couch while I was at work with OUR children in the next room!"

He started to talk but she was on a roll. "And to accuse ME of leaving my daughter alone in her room is absolute insanity! You abandoned your WHOLE family to go off with some woman to take a better job away from your family." She was standing right up against him, screaming in his face. "You have no idea what I've had to go through to take care of this family because you couldn't do the hard thing and fight for your family!" She finished with, "You can get down off of your high-horse because you were a horrible father and an even worse husband."

He looked hurt, but still angry and he yelled down at her, "You take that back, Lorelai."

She shook her head, "Why the hell would I?"

"Because I worked hard at being a good father. And I know I fucked it up. But I tried."

It was the same argument they had time and time again. How he had tried, but it just was never enough to make her happy. And then she would say that he hadn't tried because he couldn't even get a job. And then he would say that he couldn't get a job because he was playing babysitter to their children… and it would go on and on until they stormed off away from each other.

But Chris changed it up. Pointing to the hospital behind him, he said, "Lor, this is a hospital…" He dug the dagger in deep as he said, "… not a strip club."

She closed her eyes unable to even look at him, her eyes so hot with anger as she shook her head in disbelief. There was no answer to that deep wound. She was done with this conversation. Because now he was going to berate her, her career choice, her role as a mother, as a wife – it was going to become him trying to make himself feel better by putting her down. And, Lorelai knew she had plenty to be ashamed of, but she deserved no judgment from this sorry excuse for a man standing in front of her.

Her tone quieted. Icy. "Did you need anything else, Chris?"

"What? You can't just end the conversation with saying that. I have a right…"

She turned away from him, and said, "You gave up every right when you left." Her words were as cold as the weather swirling around her.

"I still have the right to see my daughter."

Lorelai smirked as she turned back around to face him. "You have a right? Chris, you have a duty to see your daughter. But the last eight months have gone on without as much as a single phone call to Rory, without a visit, with no contact from you to her." Pain filled her heart as she thought about him leaving his children. Of him leaving her. Of reading that horrible letter that made her miss him. And that despite all the horrible things he would say about her, the feeling that she still had to want him around. "You don't even try."

Chris nodded, and said, "I was so scared tonight, Lor."

She refused to comfort him again. There was no part of him that deserved for her to hold his hand while he explained what he had been feeling, what thoughts he had on his drive here, on what failure as a father he felt. Because he hadn't been there. He hadn't been there to watch the doctor come out and say there was a possibility that their daughter would die. He didn't pace the floor of the waiting room with her, holding her hand. He hadn't been there. And that had been his choice. The minute he decided to take the job offer from his father, to run off with some bimbo he had been fucking for who knows how long – no, she wasn't going to comfort him. And she remained icy as she said, "You should have been."

Any sort of remorse he had shown was again replaced with anger, "What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't want to get into this now, Chris!" His blue eyes danced with an angry fire as he stepped towards her again. "Stop trying to scare me by towering above me."

"Trying to scare you ceased to be an option long ago." And he reached out and grabbed her arm with a rough grip. "I've learned that there is no way I can talk you into understanding my side of things."

Squirming to get out of his grip, she flung her words at him with such vehemence, "Let me go…"

But she didn't have a chance to finish her sentence before he had wrapped his free arm around her shoulder, pulling her against him. He then grabbed the back of her hair and held her in place while he attacked her lips with his mouth. His teeth bit into her bottom lip, causing her to whine in pain, but he used that opportunity to invade her mouth. She tried to pull away from his ravaging of her mouth, but his hand on the back of her head held her in place, allowing him to thrust his tongue into her mouth.

She didn't know why she stopped fighting him. Maybe it was because it felt so familiar, his mouth on hers, his breathing into her. Maybe it was their bodies pressed up against each other in a way that felt so normal. Maybe it was the perfect fit of their noses together, the perfect tilt from years and years of practice. Or maybe the way he took control over her, the way he didn't hesitate to move his hands from the back of her head to the sides of her face.

But all she knew is that she went from gasping in pain to letting her tongue find his, and a moan from her throat exchanged air between the two of them as he sucked on her tongue that was now far into his mouth. Her heart was racing with excitement as he paused only a second to whisper, "Lor," before he went back to their hungry and mutual attempt to find familiarity between the two of them.

And it wasn't until she felt his hand running from the sides of her face down her neck that reality hit her. And, placing her hands on his chest, she pulled her head back away from him, the taste of him in her mouth still lingering as she felt her cheeks warm. Stepping back away from him, she pushed his hands off of her neck.

Looking down at the ground, she breathlessly stood there, her head spinning from the unexpected turn of events. Only a few seconds before, they had been screaming at each other, and his hateful words still rang in her ears. But such passion, and she had exchanged it with him.

"This is why we aren't good for each other." She whispered, now daring to venture a glance up at him. His eyes were dark with what Lorelai knew from experience to be longing – he wanted more. But she just shook her head at his facial expression and said, "We fight and argue, and then… that happens."

He ran his hands through his hair, looking just as shocked as she was. And the light from the parking lot caught on the shiny thing on his finger. And she felt her stomach tighten as she realized what she had just done. She was the other woman. He wasn't hers anymore. She had kissed a married man. And not just kissed, but really heavily engaged in kissing him.

Tears came to her eyes as she realized that despite how familiar he had been to her, how easy that had been, that she had just crossed a line that she had never wanted to cross.

"I don't know what to say…" He stuttered, "Lor, I'm married…" Then he looked down at her and said, "This is what you do to me. You make me do things I never wanted to."

"No, Chris." She stated, trying to sound confident, but the guilt from her realization took over and she sounded uncertain, "That wasn't just me. You…"

"You kissed me, Lor." He put his hands in his coat pockets, and said, "You make me lose myself…"

She felt tears rising as she listened to him blame this on her. "You grabbed me and…"

"You were asking for it, with your blue eyes and lips that I knew tasted so good. And…" He took a step away from her, "… the thought of you at that strip club just makes me so angry and then seeing you with that man – you have such a hold over me, Lor."

She started to defend herself, "That doesn't give…"

But he dismissed her, "I can't stay here, Lor. I don't know what I'm going to tell Sherry. She… she is going to freak out."

Crossing her arms in front of her, trying to keep her face from crying as she realized that he was taking no responsibility in this kiss that he had forced on her. "Then you should go. Go tell her whatever the hell you want."

"That's all you have to say?" He stared at her in disbelief.

Throwing her hands into the air, she yelled, "What do you want me to say?"

"Oh my god, what is it with us? Why can't we carry on a normal conversation without screaming at each other?" He asked, his voice also raised again. "I come here to see my daughter and I end up kissing my ex-wife. You know you have me wrapped around your little finger – and you know just the right things to say to get to me."

She was so done with this conversation. He was going to let her take all the blame for this, when her arm was still throbbing from his strong grip around it. And she knew there was no changing his mind when he wouldn't see his side in all of this. So she said, "Go home, Chris. This whole conversation is over." Trying to look as in control of the situation as she could, she crossed her arms and said, "I'll tell Rory you came by."

He turned, his face defeated, but then he said, "Please let me know how she's doing."

Lorelai just nodded, not thinking he deserved to hear another word come out of her mouth. She watched him walk away, his shoulders slumped and his walking slower than earlier. She watched him leave her yet again, but this time she wanted him to leave. Because she saw how absolutely horrible they were together. They argued, cussed, screamed, and fought right there in the parking lot. He had used his strength against her yet again to force her into an intimate exchange, and then, when she must have had a brain aneurysm and kissed him back, he used that to blame the whole thing on her. He got into his little grey Volvo, and she watched him drive away. And she knew that their being apart was good. Because he had a way of manipulating her into feeling and doing things she never would do if it wasn't Chris standing right there. The worst part wasn't the fact that he had pushed himself on her. It wasn't even that he blamed her for the entire ordeal. It was what she was feeling as she watched his brake-lights fade into the distance. She felt guilty. He could do all the wrong things, and yet as she turned to walk back into the hospital, the guilt she felt weighed her down even more, adding to the list of things that she was a failure at, both with her children and with her relationships.


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: Just a small bit - but I wanted to give you something to tide you over - Inspiration has hit for things later on in the story - so those are written :) Stay tuned, and, as always, please comment :)

"How much longer, Mommy?" Rory asked from the backseat of the car. It was only the fifth or sixth time the little voice had asked that question in the past hour and a half.

Lorelai tried to be patient, but she was so tired and ready to be done driving. Between the packing for the two-night stay there were having with Jess' grandparents, the longer shift at work the last few nights to make up for the time she would be gone,  
and staying up late to finish her Christmas gifts, Lorelai was about ready to drop right then and there.

"Rory, what did I say about asking that question again?" Her tone was sweet, but she wasn't in the mood to keep answering the same question over and over again for the next half-hour.

It took a minute before Rory responded, "I don't remember."

Rolling her eyes because she knew her daughter was more than able to remember what Lorelai had told her. Rory was smart: she could remember a minute detail in a book that she had checked out at the library a few years ago: this was just a deliberate way  
to avoid having to admit she was wrong.

But leave it to her brother to pipe up and spoil her plans. "I remember." He was so eager to tell Lorelai exactly what Rory had forgotten. "You told her that she wasn't allowed to ask how much longer."

"Hey!" Rory whined, "Stop being a tattletale!"

Lorelai knew that it only escalated from here. And she knew that it had when Jess said, "Don't hit me!" And then the sound of something hitting Rory's winter coat.

And then Rory's cry, "Mommy, Jess hit me!"

"She hit me first!"

"Well, you hit me harder than I hit you!"

"Because the second person has the…"

Now it was Lorelai's turn to talk. "Both of you!" She said in a loud but not yelling voice. Immediately the bickering from the backseat stopped. "That's enough!" She could only think that there was only thirty minutes left until they got to Stars Hollow.  
A pep talk in her mind started about how she could make it thirty more minutes. "Jess, you turn and look out your window. Rory, you look out yours."

The whine from her little girl, "But Jess has his books on my side of the seat…"

And Lorelai added to her command. "And no talking until we get to Grandma and Grandpa's."

She almost smiled when she heard both of her children exhale hard in their little bit of frustration at the new restriction. But as she drives down the streets of Hartford, she watches their eyes light up as they see the houses, all decorated for Christmas.  
The bright lights, the blow-up Santa Clause, the colors flashing – she is thankful that this town is a distraction at least for them.

Because nothing about this place gives her a distraction from thinking about her past life here. The streets seemed so familiar but so small as she drove, seeing the old parking garage that she had Chris used to go to smoke after school. She saw the pizza  
parlor that they had washed dishes in the kitchen because both of them forgot to bring money to pay for the pizza. She saw the little park they had grown up in, playing their together on the slides when they were young children or sitting and aimlessly  
talking about what they were going to do about her having a baby when they were sixteen. Yes, this town brought back so many memories.

Without thinking, she turned down a street, hearing the kids get excited about all the lights that were on the private streets of the town. And as the houses got bigger and more audacious, the lights got louder and more over the top. While the children  
enjoyed the lights, Lorelai watched as the house came into view. Well, as much of the house as could be seen through the brick wall around it and the iron gates.

She realized that there was something she wanted to do. Something that if she was thinking clearly, she would not have even considered. She wanted to pull into the driveway, and see her parents. To just know how they had been doing. She hadn't heard from  
them since Rory was two, when Lorelai had brought Rory to Hartford to see her grandparents for her birthday. It had angered Lorelai to no end when Emily had called Rory by the name of Susan, saying that she must have forgotten her name because it  
had been so long since she saw her grandchild.

That had been the last time. That had been six years ago. She hadn't gone to anything family related after that visit. Not after her mother said the hurtful things she had said. And Lorelai pushed the thoughts out of her mind, not wanting to dampen her  
spirits.

But as she drove off, she realized that she wasn't part of that family anymore. That there was no family connection whatsoever to the people in that house back there. They didn't want to see her, and she didn't want to see them. She wasn't good enough  
for them, and they were much too proud for her.

And she was on to see her children's other family. The family that had invited them to come for Christmas. Lorelai had such mixed feelings about going to see them. She knew the kids would have fun, with what she was sure would be a traditional Christmas,  
with a tree and lights and presents and dinner. Since Rory's hospital stay, Lorelai was left with the hospital bill, leaving her strapped to the brink, as always. But that had meant that Christmas was going to be even less of something she could afford  
than normal. So going away would make it special enough. It would just be fun to watch them Christmas morning. And seeing Camille was always such a joy, to see the kids with their grandparents. But this was the first time she would see where Camille  
and Zeke lived, how different their lives were from the life she was forced to have with the kids. How little that she measured up if they really knew what she did and where they lived.

And Luke.

She cringed as she thought about seeing him for the first time since that night in the hospital. Since their magical kiss. He had called her a few times, leaving messages asking her to call him back, or not call him back, whatever she wanted. But that  
he would love to come and have coffee or get together and talk about things. Each time she picked up the phone to try and call him, she would chicken out, the words she had been thinking just flying out of her brain the minute her finger hovered over  
the "send" button. Because she didn't know how she felt about the whole thing. She did know that it had been such an amazing kiss, and she would snap herself out of thinking about it every once in a while. But there was something else. The adult way  
of thinking about it. He was Jess' uncle. He was in the family that was the only good thing going for her. The family that came to see her daughter in the hospital because they knew she needed someone to be with her. The family that came and took  
Rory and Jess out shopping to get some ideas on Christmas presents for the kids. The family that she was slowly opening up her life to. And she could think only of a few things that would change things stop going in the good direction that they were.  
And the second one was that her and Luke got together, and then it didn't work out, as was usual with her relationships, they would break up, and it would be so much harder for her kids to be part of the family. And she knew looking at the relationship  
that Rory and Jess had with their grandparents and Luke – her happiness wasn't worth hurting her children's interaction with their family.

And it was easier to stop her feelings right then and there then getting farther into a relationship with Luke and having to cut things off. Sure, it would be awkward for a bit between the two of them when she got there, seeing him and then having to  
act like nothing happened – but it would be for the best. And that was what she needed to do for her family.

She didn't realize how deep into her thoughts she had delved until she saw the little sign signaling that she had reached Stars Hollow.

"Look, Mommy!" Rory called out, and Lorelai looked in the rearview mirror to see Rory's hand pointing up at the sign. "We're here! Now we can talk!"

"How about you don't." Jess muttered, as Rory started telling her mother all about the lights that they all had seen on the ride there.

Interrupting Rory's ramblings, Lorelai sent Jessa firm glance through the mirror, "Jess…"

"Sorry." He mumbled.


	35. Christmas Eve

Following the simple directions Camille had given her over the phone, a few minutes later Lorelai turned into a long driveway that meandered around what looked to be a beautiful old farmhouse. The two story house was spilt between a deep cranberry red and a beautiful stone laying over the sides of the first level. Decorated all over with bright white lights, Lorelai heard the kids in the background inhale sharply as they saw the place that they would get to spend Christmas.

"Look at all the lights, Mommy!" Rory exclaimed, and Lorelai could feel her excitement as her daughter pushed her feet into the back of her chair as she tried to take in all of the lights and beauty. The little bit of snow hanging in the pine trees on the driveway made it seem like a magical place. "Do you think they have a real Christmas tree too?"

Smiling, Lorelai said, "Yes I think they probably do." When she put the car into park, she turned to the kids, already trying to unlock their doors and get out, "I want you both to be on your best behavior."

Jess was pulling on his tennis-shoes he had kicked off only minutes after they left the house. Rory scrambled through the many coloring pictures she had drawn on the ride here. Wanting them to listen to her, she told them to look at her. "Your grandparents are being very nice inviting us to spend Christmas with them. I want you to say thank-you for letting us come stay, ok?"

The mumbled affirmation of what she said wasn't very convincing, but Lorelai knew that was all she was going to get from them as they hopped out of the car. Unbuckling her own seat-belt, she looked out of the window to see Camille and Zeke coming to the car. Rory ran into her grandmother's arms, giving her a big hug, and, as was the usual Rory, talking non-stop about something Lorelai couldn't hear because her door was still closed. The bright smile on Camille's face started to reassure Lorelai that maybe this was going to be good for both the kids and the grandparents. Jess, on the other hand, shook hands with Zeke, and Zeke's proud face as he ruffled Jess' curls brought a smile to Lorelai's face.

Getting out of the car, she popped the trunk open to get the luggage out.

"Lorelai!" Came Camille's voice as Lorelai was embraced in a warm hug, full of love and what smelled to be some kind of cookie scent on the woman. "I'm so glad you came!"

Her arms giving the woman just as much of a loving hug, Lorelai said, "I am too!"

Stepping back towards the trunk, Lorelai said, "I hope we're not going to be too much trouble. I know having two kids around can be…"

Camille interrupted her. "Can be magical and wonderful at the holidays." The slight reassuring that they really wanted the kids around took a weight off of how she felt like she might be intruding on their holiday.

Lorelai reached in to grab some of the suitcases, but Zeke had walked around and said, "Now, young lady, what do you think you're doing?"

She looked at him confused, but then saw the smile tugging at his mock serious face.

"Don't you know that the valet and I will carry the bags in for you?" Zeke looked down at his little sidekick, Jess, and said, "Young sir, grab some of these and allow the ladies to go do what all the ladies do – sit in the kitchen and talk."

Lorelai's face brightened as Jess took on an air of importance as he picked up a bag that she was sure was too heavy for him, but he was determined, and he hefted it out, pride filling his entire body as Lorelai watched him follow his grandfather into the house.

Camille's arm around her shoulder brought her out of her mothering mode to a companionship place as the woman said, "I have some tea ready for us." And, as they both watched Rory skip into the house behind her brother, she said, "And some cookies for the kids."

"They'll love this." Lorelai said as they walked into the house. "They're going to be so sugared up and spoiled by the time we leave."

"Isn't that what grandparents are for?"

The house was so warm and welcoming. From the lights and garland strung up the oak banister to the pinecone centerpiece on the table, Lorelai was greeted with not just the holiday spirit, but a genuinely happy spirit. Something she had never experienced at her parent's house. The walls were decorated with pictures, both of what looked to be Luke and Liz and pieces of art that drew her in with their wide brush strokes and wild colors. The smell of cinnamon and peppermint hit her as she walked into the warm kitchen, and Lorelai saw the plate of cookies on the island in the middle of the spacious room. Plants surrounded the countertops, gorgeous decorations along the windowsill that looked out into what Lorelai could only determine to be a winter wonderland of a patio.

Camille walked over to where the kettle was steaming, and asked, "What kind of tea do you like? I have peppermint, chia, mint…"

"Peppermint is perfect." Lorelai said, taking her coat off and setting it over one of the stools at the island. "Festive for the season." Still taking in her surroundings, she complimented, "You have such a beautiful home, Camille."

Setting a steaming cup of tea in front of her and gesturing to one of the stools, she said, "Why, thank you. Zeke had always dreamed of building his own house. It's rather a dream come true for the both of us."

Her eyes wide, she asked, "You mean you built this house? That's incredible."

A smile graced the woman's face as she sat down, her own cup of tea in front of her, "Well, we had some of it done for us, the stuff that was a little out of Zeke's league. But it was a family thing. I was in charge of the paint colors, the types of windows we wanted, and all the other domestic parts." She smiled as if remembering, "Luke was seven when we started, so he learned a lot of his handyman skills from working with his dad."

Lorelai tried to keep her face straight at the mention of the man she had shared such an emotional moment with. Trying to change the subject, she asked, "How long did it take?" Thankfully, Camille took the bait.

"About five years from the time we laid the foundation to the day we moved it." She looked deep in thought, and then said, "Yes, I think Liz was ten when we moved." Snapping out of her reverie, she said, "Seems like just yesterday, but also so long ago."

Lorelai nodded, thinking the same thing about Rory. It seemed like an eternity ago that she had moved out of her parent's house, a very newborn Rory in tow. But when she saw her daughter run into the kitchen and ask if she could please have one of the cookies, she couldn't believe how fast Rory had grown up from that little bundle of hope that Lorelai held in that time.

"Rory, what do you say?" Lorelai prompted after Camille handed the girl a warm cookie.

Absentmindedly, Rory said, "Thank you, Grandma." Then, before hearing Camille's reply, she looked at the fridge and her eyes got wide as she pointed at something hanging there. "Grandma, that's the picture I drew for you after I was in the hospital!" Lorelai looked over to see a colorful drawing of what looked to be two stick figured adults and a little girl with a very pink dress on.

Camille put her hands on her hips and asked, "Why, of course that is!"

A smile flew to Rory's face as she asked, "You kept it?"

Lorelai smiled at the exchange between this grandmother and granddaughter. "Now, what else would I do with it? Of course I kept it! I was going to have it framed, but your grandpa said that it would be much nicer to think of you every time we opened the fridge, which, for him, is quite often throughout the day."

Both women smiled as Rory tore out of the kitchen in search of her brother yelling, "Jess! Grandma saved my picture! She put it on the fridge! And she says Grandpa eats too much!"

Zeke's voice thundered from the distance, "Don't believe anything your grandma says, kid!"

Not thirty seconds later, Jess came pounding into the kitchen, sliding on the wood floors in his socks. "Grandma, Rory said you had cookies in here? Can I have one?"

"Please!" Lorelai reminded.

Quickly, as not to lose his dibs on the snacks, said, "Please?" And when Camille handed him the plate of cookies to take one off, he reached for the plate and said, "I think Grandpa wants some."

Camille, an expert at the ploys little boys try to play, said, "You may have two. And Grandpa can come in here and get some if he wants one."

His face fell just a little, but his fingers still grabbed two cookies off the plate and he was off again, yelling, "Thank you!" as he ran out of the room.

Smiling at Lorelai, Camille said, "I've missed having kids around. They make everything so happy."

Lorelai nodded. "That they do." Then adding a lightweight subject, she added, "They also make things messier." And she gestured to the shoes that had been thrown off in such a haste they were scattered all around the door.

Camille's tone was serious as she said, "Lorelai," causing her to look at the woman to hear what she was going to say. "Lorelai, we want you to feel at home during the time you're here." Taking a sip of her tea, the woman then said, "We haven't had kids in the house since Jess was just a baby, and I don't think we've been so excited about a Christmas since then as we are about this one."

A small smile came to Lorelai's face, and she said, "I guess I'm just nervous once you see how the kids are, you might get tired of them." And, deep down, Lorelai thought they might get tired of her too.

Camille shook her head, and then said, "That's the funny thing about family." And it hit Lorelai at that moment that Camille was referring to her and the kids as family. "They see you at your worst, and they still love having you around." Camille's hand reached across the island and enclosed around Lorelai's. She waited until Lorelai was looking into her eyes before she said, "That's just how we do things around here."

Lorelai tried to think back to a time that she felt that same connection she felt at that very moment – tried to think back to when she had something like that with her own mother. The feeling that no matter what, Camille and Zeke were going to be family for her and the kids. And she tried to think back, maybe after Rory had been born. But that had been a mixture of condemnation for being pregnant in the first place, and frustration for not having gone ahead with the wedding they were planning. Even before she was pregnant, even a Christmas where she had felt warm and loved in her home. Of course, she had everything she wanted from her wish list. There was never something missing. But she remembered her father had worked on some business in his office during Christmas. And her mother paid her nanny extra to be there on that holiday. In fact, as Lorelai tried to think back, she didn't even remember her parents being in the room when she opened her gifts. It had been the nanny in there with her. By their huge Christmas tree.

But here, in this warm kitchen, with Camille's hand on hers, Lorelai felt something she had never felt before. Something about this woman had always intrigued her. And it had been this. This woman not only cared about Jess and Rory, but she cared about Lorelai. And that meant all the world to Lorelai.

She watched the woman's face swim before her as tears came to her eyes, not falling down her cheeks, but still showing how much the words had mean to Lorelai. And she could only say, "Thank you."

Camille just patted her hand before sitting back and saying, "Shall we talk about sleeping arrangements?"

Lorelai nodded, thankful to get off of the emotional wreck she felt like she was coming across as.

"Let me know if you don't think this will work, because you know the kids better than we do." Camille started, covering up the plate of cookies with aluminum foil. "We have two rooms set upstairs for the kids, one for Rory, one for Jess. And then, thinking you might like a little time away from the kids while we are here to watch them, we have a little guesthouse right next to the house, with your own bathroom, and a pull out bed from the couch, but it's really quiet and peaceful out there."

"Oh, Camille, that sounds wonderful." Her own bed to sleep in was probably one of the best Christmas gifts she could expect. But she did need to tell Camille, "I think the kids might sleep better if they're in the same room." She waited for the woman's face to be confused, but it wasn't so Lorelai just clarified, "They're used to sharing a room, and I think it might save you some work of moving Rory into Jess' room in the middle of the night because she can't sleep."

"That's exactly why I asked you, the great mother who knows what works best for her kids." Camille said, and walked out of the kitchen into the living room. Grabbing her coat from the chair, Lorelai followed.

"Zeke, I think it might be time for the kids to get to bed?" Camille said to her husband, who was sitting right next to the Christmas tree with the kids around him, all three of them trying not to look guilty. "And, please. I know you all were sitting there shaking presents trying to guess what you're getting tomorrow."

Lorelai smiled at his response to his wife, "Well of course we were. That's what children do." And then he winked at Rory and Jess, who giggled at the idea of their grandfather being a little kid like them.

Looking at the clock on the wall, Lorelai realized that it was almost eleven, almost three hours past their bedtimes.

"Mommy, I don't wanna go to bed. Can't we stay up and play with Grandpa? He said maybe we could peel the tape off the corners of…" Rory whined to her mother. 

Zeke's voice boomed, "Hey, I thought that was our little secret!" Her eyes got wide until he said, "How about if you both go get ready for bed, and then I'll come up and read you a special Christmas story. How does that sound?"

Lorelai watched as the kids went from disappointed that the night had to end to excitement as they ran over to her. Pointing out which bag was theirs, she watched as Jess helped Rory lug the suitcase up the stairs, following Camille as fast as their little legs could carry them.

She called up after them, "Goodnight! I love you!"

She knew she should be disappointed that they weren't more attached to her, that they could call down distracted, "Goodnight, Mommy!" and be fine. Something inside of her should feel like she was slighted just a little. But instead, it made her smile as she knew they were so comfortable here, with their grandparents, that they didn't need her as their safety blanket.

Zeke had picked up her little duffel bag, and asked, "Shall I show you to your room while they get settled?" Gesturing to the door, he held it open while she walked out. And he said, "It might be a bit messy. Since we don't really have that many guests coming to stay with us old folks, I've been using it as office to work on old paperwork from the hardware store."

"Anything with a bed sounds really wonderful right now." She said, her exhaustion again creeping up on her. "It's been really crazy at work lately and I'm so ready for a few days of vacation." She completely finished her thought before she realized who she was talking to. Even bringing up the subject of work was going to make it difficult if he asked her about what she did. Because there was no way that she would ever tell him what she did, so she would have to lie.

"I remember those days, the waiting and waiting for the weekend or next vacation because things were just so busy." He said, almost reminiscing, and she hoped he was going to forget what she said about her job. They walked through the backyard area, which was very visible because of the amazing Christmas lights that hung all around the area. He walked up to what looked to be a little cottage, with windows all the way around.

"I think Milly said she put new sheets on the bed and pulled it out for you." He chuckled, as he again held the screen door and opened the big door going in. "I have got to start listening to that woman more often." He then gestured to a door at the other side of the big room. "That's the bathroom." He pointed at the bed, and smiled. "That's the bed." Then he looked at her and said, "Any questions?"

"I think I've got it." She said, a small smirk on her face as he gave her a thumbs up before he walked out of the door. Just before he closed the door, she said, "Zeke?" When he looked back at her, she finished, "Thank you for everything."

He just nodded and said, "Thanks for everything you've done for Jess." And then his voice faded off as he walked away, "Goodnight!"

As she snuggled up on the bed that night, comfortable in her nightgown that she bought a few months after she got married, she pulled the blankets up around her chin, wanting to spread out and enjoy the freedom of not sleeping with a little child to be careful of. The smell of the clean sheets – flannel and soft against her skin – it was enough to send her into a peaceful slumber. Her kids were safe with their grandparents, probably listening to "The Night Before Christmas" read to them in Zeke's deep voice, and Lorelai imagined that he was doing all different kind of voices with it. Knowing her kids were happy, she allowed herself to fall asleep, the last few days exhaustion melting off of her with each hour that went by as she slept. She felt like it went by so quickly, and before she knew it, she awoke to warmth on her face as the sun shone into the room.


	36. Chapter 36

She laid there a few minutes before she realized that if the sun was shining, then Jess and Rory were probably up. Kicking herself for not setting an alarm, she reached over and checked the time on her phone. 9am? How could she have slept so late? She couldn't remember a time she had slept past seven in the past year or two. Sleeping with her daughter gave her the obligation to wake up when Rory did.

And then she realized what day it was. Christmas. And she knew the kids must be itching to open their presents. God, she hoped they weren't bothering Camille and Zeke. Throwing her jeans and shirt on from the night before, she quickly pulled her hair back into a ponytail before pulling her coat on as she quickly walked towards the house. Knocking before she entered the kitchen door, she called out as she walked in, "Good morning?"

She found a sweet scene before her. Because there at the island sat Rory and Jess, mouths covered in what she thought to be some kind of frosting.

Rory held her donut up for Lorelai to see, with a smile so wide Lorelai could see the chocolate on her teeth. "Uncle Luke brought us donuts and even hot chocolate for BREAKFAST!"

"I also have a Danish if you'd rather have that instead."

Lorelai's gaze moved from where the kids were sitting on the island to where Luke was by the coffee pot in the corner of the kitchen counter. She had tried to think through this very moment for a very long time in her mind – ever since that night in the hospital. She wondered what she would say to him. She was still wondering as she crossed her arms in front of her.

He looked just as he had every time she had seen him. Flannel shirt. Baseball cap on backwards, which Jess had loved from the moment he had seen his uncle. He looked about as awkward as she felt, pointing to a stack of pastries on the counter. But she was looking at his face, his eyes holding such uncertainty. And she moved down to his lips, and suddenly the memory of them on hers, of the deepness she had found in his deep kiss and…

"Mommy, you have to try the chocolate donuts." Rory called out to her, bringing her back to the present and away from something she knew she shouldn't be thinking about. Not when she was going to have to talk to him.

Turning to her kids, she said, "Jess, what's your vote?"

His mouth was full, his eyes bright as he said something completely indistinguishable through the food in his mouth.

"Honey, try again." Lorelai said.

He took a big gulp and said, "The raspberry one. Oh, it's so good." Then he took another huge bite that, if they had been at home, Lorelai would have told him to take a smaller bite. But, after all, it was Christmas, and she was in one of the most awkward positions she had ever been in. So, she let the child have an extra big bite.

"Do you want coffee?" She heard Luke's sweet voice ask her. She was going to say no, not because she didn't want the coffee, because she always wanted the coffee, but because otherwise she would have to tell him that she just liked it black, and then say something about how wonderful the coffee was, just to be polite, and she just wasn't sure what her next move was, but complimenting him on his coffee might not be the best move but why wouldn't it be and she realized that she was way overthinking it in her head and before she could say something…

Rory piped up. "Mommy always likes coffee, Uncle Luke. When she drinks her first cup of the day, she always says, 'Coffee, coffee, coffee.' And Aunt Sookie says that Mommy's first love is Jess and I, and then coffee is really close behind us."

Turning to Luke, she tried to keep her voice steady before saying, "Coffee would be great!" And she realized she probably sounded way too happy in her attempt not to sound weirdly distant.

He reached into a cabinet and pulled out a big mug, and said to Rory, "Do you think this cup is big enough for your mother to fit three coffees in there?"

Rory only looked up from her feast momentarily, before she said, "Probably just for one of the coffees, but that's ok." And then she was again focused on her food, leaving Lorelai to watch Luke pour her coffee for her.

The steaming hot liquid that Lorelai had almost refused was calling out to her as Luke stretched out the cup towards her. Reaching out to take it, she was looking at his hands around the cup, desperately trying not to let her fingers touch his skin, but he didn't see that she hadn't grabbed it, and he let go before her hands were fully around it. So she had to grab on really quickly, their skin making contact for what seemed like an eternity, but really was only half a second.

"I'm so sorry." She apologized, and, once again, looked up into his eyes, that were right above her. And her mind went to that night yet again, how easily it had been to fall into his arms, how almost perfectly she had fit into his strong chest.

His words were the ones that stirred her out of her thoughts. "I wasn't sure what pastry you would want, so I brought a few…"

It took her a second to think about what he was talking about. He wasn't talking about that night. He was talking about food. Which, of course, she liked. But as she realized her mind had taken her back to their kiss at least twice just in the last five minutes, Lorelai knew she needed to get the talk over with – otherwise, she was afraid she wouldn't be able to stick to what she had decided.

Making sure the kids were absorbed on their food, she said, "Can we talk about what happened the other night?"

The look on Luke's face went from awkward to like a deer in the headlights. But his voice said, "Oh, umm… sure. We can."

Lorelai willed her hands to stop shaking as she felt so horribly awful. "I know I should have called but, it was just, a little bit…" She searched for the words.

But he nodded his head in understanding, "I know it wasn't the best thing… And I should have…"

They both stumbled over their words as the conversation went on.

Lorelai said, not giving into the want she had to look away from him, but she gave him the respect that she would want someone to give her. And she looked him in the eye as she spoke. "I was really emotional that night. And, it wasn't right of me to do that. And I'm sorry …"

Luke nodded again, and said, "No, I shouldn't have let it happen either… I wasn't…"

Lorelai started to find the script that had been floating around in her head since she got his message about wanting to talk. She said the words that she had mulled over and over. "I really want this to work, with Rory and Jess having you and your parents in their lives." She was glad the warm cup of coffee was in her hands otherwise she was sure her fingers would be fiddling with something awkwardly. "I just think getting into anything between you and I, well, I just think it might be something I don't want to chance at the happiness of my children." She could see the pained look on his face that he was trying to hide. And she said, "I'm sorry, Luke. If I could take it back, I just…"

"Let's just be friends? Pretend it didn't happen." Luke sounded like he was fine with that, and, as much as everything in Lorelai was telling her to stop and really think about what she was committing to, Lorelai just nodded her head.

And said, "Yes, please. I think that would be… well, for the kids, and the family… it would be best."

Lorelai was sure that they would have gone back and forth with nodding and smatters of conversation for hours if Camille hadn't have come into the kitchen and said to the kids, "So, I heard there was a little boy and girl who were excited to open presents?" Rory and Jess turned around in their chairs so fast Lorelai thought it was a miracle none of the food or liquids spilled all over the floor. Camille asked, "Have you seen these kids?"

Donuts forgotten, the padding of little stocking feet was overtaken with the cries from Rory and Jess as they ran into the living room and skidded to a stop right in front of the tree. Taking her cup of coffee in with her, Lorelai walked in with Luke right behind her. She was glad that the exchange between them had gone as well as it had, although she knew the awkwardness wasn't going to just go away with that little talk. It would take time. Zeke was already in there, by the tree, having sorted out presents into piles, probably designated for each person that they were for. Finding an open place on the sofa facing the tree, she curled her feet up underneath her and took a sip of the coffee.

It was hard not to feel the joy from the children's faces as they opened one gift after the other. As the wrapping paper came off enough to reveal the gift, the excited squeal from their mouths as they finished ripping the covering off of the present. She was so proud of the kids, who, after each present, ran over and gave their grandparents a hug and a big show of gratitude. That was enough of a present. Just to see this family interacting with such love.

Lorelai also found Camille's eyes and then said, "Thank-you." They had really gone all out with the kids' gifts. Rory had been thrilled to unwrap a few new dresses, a new drawing pad, and books for both her and Jess to share. Jess had gotten the same number of presents as Rory, his being a new baseball cap, a couple of comic books from his uncle, and a new model airplane. Lorelai was glad to see that Zeke had brought the gifts she had in the car into the house. Rory was so excited to get her new snow hat that Lorelai had sewed for her, and Jess jumped up and gave her a hug when he unwrapped his new mittens – free of holes like his other ones.

With his arms wrapped around her, she whispered, "You should give your grandparents their gift." His eyes lit up as he searched the piles for the rectangle shaped present that both him and Rory had helped wrap. Finding it, he ran over to where Zeke and Camille were sitting.

"Grandma! Grandpa! This is from us." And then, thinking he needed to clarify, he turned around and pointed to Rory and then to Lorelai, and said, "Rory, Mom, and I – we made this for you!"

Rory jumped into the excitement, jumping up and down as she said, "Open it. Open it."

Watching her children so excited about giving a gift made Lorelai's heart warm – because although it wasn't that big of a gift, and although it hadn't costed them hardly anything, she was thankful her children enjoyed giving their grandparents something. Lorelai was a little excited to see their faces too.

Camille carefully tore the paper, and when the present came into view, she looked at Lorelai with genuine tears in her eyes. "Oh!" She said, "It's lovely."

Lorelai said, "I thought you might want to see what the kids were like when they were younger." Knowing that there was so much that Camille and Zeke missed with Jess growing up, Lorelai thought they would like a little glimpse of what he had been like when he was younger. She had taken every picture she had of Jess and Rory from the time that Jess came to live with them – she had bought a little photo-book at the dollar store, and had captioned and put the pictures into the photo-book.

Zeke was just as speechless. "It's…."

Rory interrupted them, "There's pictures of US in there!" Her voice so excited to see her grandparents so happy.

"Look at how little you two were!" Camille said as she opened the book and the children crowded around her. Then she again found Lorelai's eyes and said, "I'm going to enjoy this very much! It was the perfect gift!"

Jess, now a sports fanatic since meeting his grandfather, looked at Lorelai and said, "Yay! They liked it! We win!"

Leave it to Jess to make a game out of giving gifts. Lorelai watched as Camille opened her arms to give her grandson, and then, eventually granddaughter, a hug. Lorelai then saw her whisper something into Jess' ear, just like Lorelai had a few minutes ago.

He then ran to the tree, and pulled out a present wrapped in gold wrapping paper – with just a little red bow on the corner. She watched his face, full of excitement and expectancy as he walked over and stretched out his little arms for her to take the laptop sized present from him. "You didn't have to get me anything…"

"It's from Grandma, Grandpa, Rory and me!" He exclaimed, but his voice was just a little bit more somber as she took it out of his hand. "We went shopping and I knew right away what I wanted to get you."

She looked at Camille and said, "You didn't.." She didn't think they should have gotten her anything – but the thought was very sweet.

Camille interrupted her and said, "Honey, just open it."

Turning her attention to the box in front of her, she carefully undid the flaps of wrapping paper while Rory urged her, "Open it! Open it!" But Jess just hushed his sister, "Just let her open it in peace. Shhhh…"

She knew it must be something like clothing or something when she found a white clothing box underneath the wrapping paper. Pulling the top part off, she looked down and with her hand, brushed the tissue paper away to reveal the present. And she gasped in surprise as she realized exactly what it was.

The dress. From the department store.

Her fingers ran along the lace in the box, still remembering how wonderful the material had felt on her body. And how excited that Jess had been for her to try it on. And the tears when she told him that it would be a long time before she could afford to buy it. He remembered.

His quiet voice asked, "Do you like it, Mommy?"

And she looked up through the happy tears in her eyes and could only whisper, "Darling, I love it."

He quickly came to her, a look of fear on his face as he said, "But you're crying! It's not supposed to make you feel sad."

Grinning through the tears, she pulled him to her chest in a hug and said, "These are happy tears." Kissing the top of his head, she laid her cheek on his hair. "You remembered."

His little head moved as he nodded and said, "You said it might be a long time before you could get that beautiful dress that made you look so happy. So when grandma asked what you wanted for Christmas, I knew that the dress would be the perfect thing."


	37. Chapter 37

**FOUR YEARS LATER**

"MOM!" Lorelai heard her daughter call from their bedroom, "Have you seen my pink sweater?"

"Which one?" Lorelai called from the kitchen, where she was trying to make sandwiches for the trip. She had to keep the sandwiches separate. Jess liked ham with mustard. Rory liked ham without mustard but with cheese. And Lorelai just wanted a sandwich. "The one that's too tight and you're not wearing or the one that's mine and you're not wearing?"

Fumbling through the drawers to try and find the little plastic bags to put their lunches into, Lorelai wished that Sookie had given her a map as to where everything in this kitchen was. Since Sookie had taken that cooking job in Stars Hollow after Luke told Lorelai the Independence Inn was looking for a professional chef, Lorelai had been struggling to find everything in this very organized but very confusing kitchen. Of course, that had been about six months ago.

She found them in the drawer with the knives – exactly where she would have thought to look. The door to their bedroom flung open, and Lorelai heard Rory stomp into the kitchen. "Mom, I need my sweater!"

Lorelai rolled her eyes before turning around to face her daughter. Plastering her mother look on her face, she said, "Rory, I've told you. That sweater is much too tight for you."

"Everyone else is wearing them like that."

Lorelai wanted to laugh at the age old "everyone else is, so I should be able to" line. "Well, I'm glad you'll get to start your own group of people who aren't wearing their sweaters so tight they look like girls in a sorority." She wished she could make Rory understand that she would be objectified throughout her life – why push it now when she was only twelve. Changing the subject as she turned back to trying to shove the sandwiches into the baggies. "Are you packed yet?"

Rory let out a frustrated breath, and then said, "I don't see why you're making me go anyway. I want to stay here and spend the summer with my friends, not go to some small town and hang out with people I don't even know."

"We've already talked about this, kid." Lorelai said, turning back around, her hand on her hip and an irritated look on her face. "I'm going to be working a lot, and I don't want to leave you and your brother home alone all the time."

Her daughter rolled her eyes at her. "We're not babies, Mom. We don't have to have a babysitter all the time."

"Your grandparents are excited to see you." Then she narrowed her eyes as she said, "And someone in this room isn't trustworthy enough to be left alone at home."

Lorelai knew what her daughter's response would be. "It was just those two times. And I just wanted to go out and be with my friends."

Shaking her head, Lorelai corrected, "I told you that when I was at work, you weren't allowed to go out. But you decided that you weren't going to listen to me and went gallivanting around the city at ten o'clock at night. "When Jess told her the next morning that Rory had gotten back past midnight, Lorelai could have strangled her daughter for being so naïve. "So, excuse me for not trusting you, Rory."

"If you weren't gone all the time, I would have been…"

Lorelai interrupted Rory. "Nope, you didn't follow the rules. So, no, I can't leave you here all summer to just keep breaking the rules." Knowing her daughter's arguing capabilities, she changed the subject, "Are you finished packing?"

But Rory would have none of the subject change. "God, dad doesn't mind if I go out without asking him."

At the mention of Rory comparing Chris' parenting to Lorelai's, she just turned around and finished the sandwiches. "You spend one weekend a month with your dad. So what you do when you're with him is his problem." That was the only way around that one, but Lorelai made a point in her head that the next time she talked with Chris she needed to mention that Rory was only twelve and still needed to be watched. "But when you're at home, you have to follow what I've set up."

"Why can't I go spend the summer with Dad?"

Lorelai had been prepared for this question since she had set up the kids going to see Camille and Zeke. Rory loved her grandparents, but with the novelty of staying with Chris, Lorelai knew that was going to be an issue. In the last few months, Chris had been more involved in Rory's life, coming to the city a few times a month to take Rory out to dinner, and for about two months, Lorelai had agreed to let Rory spend two weekends in Boston. Never wanting to keep Chris away from Rory without cause, she had watched her daughter blossom with her father. The talkative girl would come home with stories of how Chris had taken her to the theatre, or the movies.

But one weekend a month compared to an entire summer was something Lorelai wasn't willing to gamble with. Because although the visits had been good, Lorelai just wasn't able to trust her daughter with him for a few months. And she knew there was no good way to explain that to her twelve-year-old.

Answering her daughter, Lorelai said, "Because I already set everything up with your grandparents. They're expecting you." Putting the bagged sandwiches into paper sacks along with a few veggies and a granola bar, she finished, "And you will be polite and thankful for them letting you stay with them."

When she didn't hear a sarcastic response from her daughter, Lorelai said, "If you aren't packed in ten minutes, I'm going to pack for you."

Thankful that the only argument that she heard was a "whatever" and then the door to the bedroom slamming – Lorelai washed her hands and then called out as she walked over to Jess' room. "How's the packing going?" Once Sookie moved out, Jess had taken the little room sectioned off in the living room. Lorelai had then taken over Jess' mattress in the room, after having slept on the couch for a few years once the mattress in the room was too small for both her and Rory. She was glad to finally have her own bed, but sharing a room with an attitude-filled teenager was not a piece of cake. Nothing about motherhood was a piece of any sugar filled thing. "Can I come in?"

Sure. I'm done." Was Jess' reply. Where Rory started out her adolescence with blatant disregard for anything Lorelai said, Jess withdrew from the world. He was happy to sit in his room, in the park, or on the couch reading the newest book of the day. If it was up to him, he would sit in his bedroom doing schoolwork and reading without ever interacting with anyone.

Walking into the room, she found his small duffel bag on the end of his nicely made bed, where he was curled up against the wall, a book in his lap. "I should have you pack your sister's things next time."

He smirked up at her and said, "She is in rare form today." He had saved up for a few months all the money from his paper route to buy the black leather jacket he wore as often as possible. He was a simple kid with his clothes. Some kind of band t-shirt, any kind of jeans, and his jacket. She had stopped trying to expand his wardrobe after he exchanged everything and kept his usual clothes.

"I swear, having teenagers is going to either make me crazy or give me so much grey hair people will think I'm a grandma." She exhaled, sitting on the edge of the bed. Gesturing to the small bag, she asked, "Are you sure that's enough to keep you for the summer?"

He didn't have to say anything. He just looked at her like she should know the answer to that question. And she said, "Yeah. Just so you have enough underwear to get through…"

His face reddened in embarrassment at his mother asking him about his underwear. "I think I've got it, Mom."

"Sorry, you're right." She admitted. "I guess you're not the one I have to go and inspect their luggage." She thought of her daughter who had come home with a crop top the other day.

Then trying to address the one thing she needed to with her sensitive child, she seriously said, "Jess, you know I'm not just trying to get rid of you and Rory this summer, right?" With his feelings, she knew that the last thing he needed to feel was that she wasn't abandoning him to have the freedom for the summer.

He just looked at her and nodded his head.

Still unsure if he knew, she started to explain, "I really want to get us into the little house before school starts. If I can pick up a few extra shifts a night at the bar, we should be able to move the last two weeks of the summer."

Again, her somber child nodded, and then looked back at the book in his hand. But it was when he looked down at the pages, he said, "You won't work too hard while we're gone? Because it won't be bad if we move after a few weeks of school."

The thoughts that went through her teenage son's mind blew her mind sometimes. He knew when she was tired, knew when she was sad, knew when she just needed some chocolate ice-cream. And she, again, told him, "It's ok, Jess. I know when too much is too much."

Still looking at his book, he barely moved his head in a nod. "Good."

Their serene moment was interrupted by the yelling from the other room as her daughter's voice screamed, "I'M NOT GOING!"

Jess gave her a "have fun" look before returning to his book.

"Thanks, kid." She said sarcastically, then added as she walked to the curtain door, "Can you take the stuff out to the car? We're going to try and leave as soon as I can tie your sister up and wrangle her to the car."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She would have kicked that step on her landing that was one half a centimeter higher than the others, which, no matter how many times she came up those stairs, she would almost always catch her boot on it, and, unless she was holding onto whatever she was carrying, it would fly out of her hands as she stumbled to catch her balance.

Mumbling under her breath, she cussed at the stair, "Well, fuck you too."

"Well, not exactly the greeting I was expecting."

Her head swiveled towards her apartment at the sound of his voice. She couldn't believe he was there by her door. "Chris?" She managed to croak out.

Leaning against their apartment – no, her apartment – door, he looked up at her with a smirk on his face. "Surprised?" He got to his feet, brushing his hands off on his pants from touching the ground. He looked. Well, she sought for words that would be appropriate for a description of her ex-husband who was married to another woman. She thought he looked good, a little leaner, maybe his leather jacket bulging just a little bit more in the arms. And his hair had grown out, his curls replacing the before buzzed look, making his eyes softer, his blue eyes. And he smiled at her and said, "I thought I would surprise Rory and take her out."

At the sound of her daughter's name, she snapped out of her surveying him, and she walked towards him. "Oh, I wish you would have called." She balanced the casserole pan in one hand as she pulled her keys out of her coat pocket. "I just got back from dropping the her off at her grandparents." Putting the key into the lock and opening the door, she said, "They're going to spend time away from the city this summer."

He followed her into the apartment and said, "Really? I didn't know you were even speaking to your parents." The surprise in his voice was warranted, "When did that happen?"

She could have slapped herself for not catching her mistake, especially in front of him, what with his dislike of anything having to do with Jess. Setting the casserole on the countertop, she turned to him and said, "Sorry, I mean they're staying with Jess' grandparents. In Stars Hollow."

Watching his face cloud over for just a second, she waited for him to ask about it. But he didn't. He just looked at her, nodding.

She explained, "Jess' grandparents wanted to get to know him, which has been the best thing for him."

He stood in front of one of the kitchen chairs, wrapping his hands around the top of it, and said, "That would be good for him. To have his real family in his life."

She was proud of him for saying that without malice and anger. Or resentment. And she nodded, "Anyway, they really have helped, not only with Jess, but also including Rory in their family, which, for her, not having my parents in her life, was so good for her." Still, he wasn't reacting like she thought he would, no anger at her for letting Rory go with people who weren't her family. And she continued, "So for the past few years, they would go spend time with them for a week or so there. But this year, the kids said they had more fun there…" She smiled at the thought of their little apartment compared to the whole town of Stars Hollow, and she said, "…and so they're staying there with them for about two months right now."

Chris just smiled and said, "A small town compared to the city during summer break for two almost teenagers is a wise choice, Lor."

She was amazed at how absolutely calm he was about the situation. After all the pressure he had given her to get rid of Jess, how antagonistic he had been towards anything about Jess – Lorelai was pleasantly surprised.

"So, since when do you drive three hours to see Rory without calling me?" She asked, turning back to put the casserole in the fridge. Camille had made food for Lorelai, so Lorelai could enjoy a little bit of free time from the kids without having to cook. "I'm really sorry she's not here."

There was a pause, and she looked up to see him with a frustrated look as he started to say, "I was in the city for work and just thought that I would…"

He was holding something back. Something in his face showed pain that was probably only discernable by someone who had known him for as long as she had. He looked down at his hands, which were gripping the chair very hard. She put on of her hands on her hip and asked, "Chris, is everything alright?" She could see how tired he looked, the vacant stare on his face told her that he was thinking through things.

He took a breath and said, "Work's just stressful. Dad's, well, he's expecting so much from me right now that I feel like I'm drowning." Running his hand through his hair, his voice sounded a bit lighter as he said, "I just thought seeing Rory might make me feel a bit better. She's always such a happy kid."

Nodding, Lorelai agreed, "She sure is. God, sometimes just a few minutes with her makes whatever I was worrying about disappear." Looking at the clock on the wall, she realized she had to go. "Chris, I wish I could stay and talk, but I have to get to work." Reaching over to grab her purse from the table, she asked, "Are you driving back to Boston tonight?"

The look on his face made her heart break. It was so downcast, like his best friend had died. And he pleaded with her, "Lor, call in sick from work. We can go out on the town."

"Chris…"

She shook her head, but he interrupted her, his voice full of excitement and bargaining. "Just like old times, before life got so complicated. We can just go out, get some drinks, laugh our problems away. And talk like…"

"I can't. First off, I have work." She swung her purse up over her shoulder, and then she, remembering their kiss at the hospital and the guilt that came over her that night, and she said, "And, what would Sherry say if she knew you had drinks with your ex?"

His face fell, and he nodded, "You're right." Then he sent her a puppy dog look and said, "I just miss my friend, Lor."

Walking past him to get to the door, she set her hand on his that was still resting on the chair. Squeezing it just a bit for comfort, she said, "I know, Chris. I do too."


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: I just wanted to leave a friendly author's note to address so many of the comments and messages I have gotten after the last chapter was posted. I know that so many of you were shocked by the time jump. And I knew that this might be a problem. But after making a pro/con list, I really knew that the only way to continue the story where I needed it to go is to skip four years. I'm sorry if that disappoints you – but I beg you to stick with me through this journey that Lorelai is taking. Please know that I still love your honest opinions – and thank you for all of the emotions that you have invested into the story!**

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Jess knew Rory was angry. Angry about coming to Stars Hollow. Angry about being made to leave New York. Angry about not being with her friends this summer.

But he didn't know she was this angry.

He sat, curled up on the sofa in the living room, with an opened but currently unread book in his hand while he watched the exchange between his sister and his grandma.

His grandma's tone was sweet and kind, and Jess couldn't remember a time that she hadn't been like that. "Rory, I didn't mean to upset you. I was just wondering if there was anything you wanted to do over the summer so we can plan…"

Rory's arms were crossed in front of her, and she wasn't yelling but she wasn't talking in a normal voice. "I don't care what we do."

"Your grandfather and I were thinking maybe we could go to a movie here in town with you, or maybe go horseback riding, or maybe even take a weekend trip and go to the cabin…" Jess watched as his grandma tried to gauge Rory's reaction, which Jess had learned long before was completely and absolutely impossible with her. "Does anything like that sound fun…"

Now Rory was yelling as she turned to walk up the stairs, "I don't give a shit, Grandma!"

And now Jess couldn't keep quiet anymore, not after hearing her say that. "Rory! What…"

"Oh, shut up. You don't have any friends." She turned and threw back at him. "You just sit alone in your room for hours. So coming here doesn't really affect you." Then she paused, and added just to hurt him, "But doesn't it bother you that Mom shipped us off for an ENTIRE summer? What kind of mom does that?"

He put his book down and stood up, not able to let her talk about their mother like that, "You know it's…"

She threw her hands into the air and said, "Oh, here it comes! Mom works hard. Mom takes care of us." She rolled her eyes and said, "Mom will be so glad her cheerleading squad is here to save the day!"

Now Grandma's voice was not so sweet anymore. A firm tone made Jess look at her immediately. "Kids, that's enough." Then she said, "Rory, you will not talk like that in this house, do you hear me?"

Crossing her arms defiantly across her chest, Rory wouldn't look at Grandma as she muttered, "Fine." She then stomped up the stairs, and a few seconds later, Jess heard the door to her bedroom slam shut

Jess knew he would have to say something. Something to tell Grandma that this wasn't new with Rory – that Rory wasn't angry with her. That it was a whole lot deeper than that.

Grandma turned to him, her eyes wide in shock as she asked, "Is she like this at home?"

He knew how she was feeling. But he just nodded, and said, "She's been giving Mom a lot of trouble lately." Knowing he was the big brother who should assure Grandma that Rory wasn't a bad kid, he added, "It's been tough at school with her."

He remembered watching kids tease her about almost everything about her as they rode the bus together. Saying that her hair looked stringy, that her clothes must have been from the free bin at a rescue mission, and, to Jess' confusion, that her eyes were too big for her face. She was younger than most of the kids in her class, because she was so smart – but they used that to mock how short she was, or how underdeveloped she was as a girl. Of course, he had started to stand up for her, hating to see kids pick on her. But she had told him early on in the year that if he just left them alone, they would leave her alone. So he had done what she wanted.

He also remembered that there was this one girl, he thought her name was Kelsey, or something – had invited her to go with a few friends to the movies that weekend. He had watched Rory's face fall as she lied and said she had something she had to do that weekend – but they both knew movie tickets were too much of a luxury item in their house.

The sweet Grandma he recognized was back, "What do you mean, 'tough?'" He loved how caring she looked about Rory – even after all the mean things Rory had just done.

Not wanting to rat Rory out, or make Mom seem like she wasn't seeing how bad things were with Rory, Jess just said, "Some of the kids pick on her. Just normal stuff. But Rory takes it to heart a lot." He could tell by how her face would fall every day when one of the girls would get on the bus. "So she's just a little mad about that." Wanting to be completely truthful, he also said, "And she wishes she could spend the summer with her dad."

A light came on in Grandma's eyes, like something made sense. "I see." Was all she said before taking a deep breath and then exhaling. He could tell her mind was going a hundred miles an hour before she said, "I guess this is going to be one long summer, huh, Jess?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"God, I heard you were good, but I never dreamed anyone could be that good!"

She tuned out his praise of her lap dance, just taking the thirty dollars he handed her and wadding it up and putting it into her bra for safe keeping until she could get down to her locker. It was halfway through her shift, and she was due a break anyway soon. Putting on her stripper persona, she turned to the man who looked astounded beyond his mind and she said, "If you come again, you can ask for me."

It astounded her how many of the men that came into the club requested her. She had stood by and watched perfectly good girls standing around with nothing to do while men waited on her to get to them. No longer was she desperately trying to win men over and convince them that she could do a good job, like she had to in the beginning when she was first starting out. Nope, now she was struggling to keep up with the demand that she had. Maybe it was because she had been there for almost eight years, so the customer base was broader, with more men knowing that she did a good job and wanting to stick with what they knew. Or maybe it was because she just knew how to work the pole, having moves the new girls could only dream of doing. Who knew, but now, she had the privilege of picking and choosing the men who would tip her thirty or forty dollars compared to the cheapskate guy who had only tipped her ten.

He reached out and grabbed her arm, not hard, just signaling that he wanted to talk to her more. "How about another one?" And he held up a twenty. The exact amount of a dance. No tip. She looked around and saw three men waiting for her, and she knew even they would tip more than just the cost of the dance.

She pulled her arm away gently, and just said, "I think I'm going to help another gentleman out now." Lorelai tried to be sweet about it, but she could tell the drunk anger in the man's eyes start to come out. He again reached for her arm, but she was faster than that, and pulled away. "Thanks for letting me dance for you." She tried to diffuse the anger, but just loathed men who couldn't see that this wasn't for the attention that the men could give to her – she needed money. And if she could make more money off some old man over in the corner, that's what she was going to do.

He didn't yell at her. He just said, "You're a stuck-up bitch."

If only that had been the first time she had been called names. The Lorelai who had first started out would have been hurt by this. Would have caved and given him another dance for a fraction of what she could make elsewhere. Would have thought in order to not create a scene, she should do whatever not to make him mad.

But, knowing how many eyes were on her, not just the eyes of the customers, but she knew that because of how much money she was bringing in, Oscar had made sure to tell security to keep someone watching her at all times. Knowing this made it all the more fun to throw his dirty comment right back at him. "Well, this 'bitch' is going over to someone else now." Then she sweetly called back as she walked away, "Have a goodnight!"

She could hear him talking with his buddies very loudly at how horrible she had been, how insulting she had been. Because the man who waved a fifty in front of her wasn't too far away, she could hear him lamenting to his friends about how that woman was the only decent one in the whole club. Lorelai could have slapped him right then and there if she had been close enough to him, only because he was fixated on her because she wouldn't have him. Three other girls approached him to ask if he wanted a dance, but he just waved them away. She could feel his stare all along her body as she gyrated up and down her current customer's body; long before she had learned the skill of looking focused on the customer in front of her but her mind could be way off in completely different places.

Finishing up with the old man, she thanked him very kindly for his money, which she also stuck into her bra. Feeling the money building up against her skin, she thought now would be just as good a time as any to go downstairs and take a little break before finishing up her three hours she had left.

The club seemed like that place you wished you didn't have to know, but knew everything about it. Almost like the old uncle's house that everyone knows is creepy, but they also know all the best hiding places because they've been there so long. The long stairs going down into the basement. The clicking of her heels against the concrete. The stench of what must be puke coming from the door that lead outside. It was all there – and it was all old hat – working five nights a week, every week for the last eight years had made Lorelai almost numb to the gross reality of where she worked. It was a job. She came in, found out how terribly men thought about women's bodies, and then left. It was enough to pay the bills.

But it was still enough of a shame that she hadn't told anyone in her life where she worked. Not the kids, not Luke, not Camille or Zeke – no one. They had asked, of course, where she worked. And there had been nothing in her conscience that plagued her when she said she worked at a bar downtown. Bars were open as late as the club was. And she just couldn't bear anyone knowing how low she had sunk – and stayed. It irked her that she was still working as a stripper eight years after starting. But the money was good. And it was enough to save up for the house she wanted to buy. Only a few thousand left to go, and she would be free of that crummy apartment.

She had imagined what she would do with a house she was proud of. The first thing was to invite Camille, Zeke, and Luke to come and visit them. Only Luke had seen their apartment, Lorelai making the effort to take the kids to see their grandparents. She would put flowers on the table in the kitchen that looked out into the small backyard – and the kids would each have their own bedroom – and her bedroom would have a bathroom attached to it. There was nothing bad about the house – this summer was her year – she was going to do this.

Putting her money into her locker, she grabbed her phone out, just to check, but of course, there were no calls from Rory saying that Jess was being too bossy, or asking if she could "please please" go out with a friend. Smiling just a little at the comfort she felt with the kids at their grandparent's house, she turned to straighten out her wig when suddenly there was a man in the doorway of the dressing room. Without really looking, she said, annoyed, "Customers aren't allowed…"

And his voice brought her eyes up, fear lacing through her entire body. It was the pissed off man with the lack of tipping ability. "So you're a bitch everywhere, not just up there." His voice was angry as he clenched his jaw while he spoke to her.

And now, she was scared. Because there were no security guards down here. There was no one else around down here. Because she started early, at six, and ended late, no one else was taking a break at the same time. But she knew they could smell fear – these drunk men – she had dealt with them every night as long as she could remember. So she mustered up the strength it took to look calm and collected and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but…"

But she had no time to finish her sentence before he had grabbed her arms and threw her up against the wall, pushing himself into her. She started to scream, but he clamped his hand over her mouth, the dirt caked on it smearing all over her lips. She was now completely past the point of fear and now she was terrified. She struggled, her arms pinned down by his heavy body that not only pressed against her, but towered above her.

There was no one around. And he was so angry. That was evident by his words.

"I am here to be served, you whore!" He hissed into her ear. The hand that wasn't clamping down on her mouth slid between her bra and her body, causing her to whimper as he violently assaulted her. "Now where is that stuck up slut you were upstairs?" His laugh sickened her. "I'm going to get my money's worth tonight."

And at the thought of what he was going to do, she realized she hadn't utilized any of her lower weapons. This was where revenge came in. As soon as she thought about it, she brought her knee up as hard as she could into his groin, causing him to release her and start to fall to the ground. But she wasn't done. Because sure she had been scared, but now she was angry as she watched his face explode in pain. So before he could make it to the ground, curled over in pain, she put all her weight into the punch she sent flying right into his nose.

He crumpled to her feet, moaning, one hand holding his face, the other cupping his groin. But she didn't notice because her fist was hurting so much, and she hissed "fuck" from the pain shooting through her hand.

"Lorelai, what the hell happened?" She looked up and breathed deeply as she saw it was Oscar. He was holding his cigar in one hand while his mouth hung open, looking down at the big man she had toppled.

So thankful someone was here, she said breathlessly, "He came down here and attacked me." She could only imagine what Oscar was going to do to the man who was moaning on the floor, grasping his groin. Oscar would beat up any man who left any sort of hard handprint on Lorelai, so she was anxious to see exactly what pain this man would be in after a few minutes alone with…

Until, for the second time that night, she looked up to see a man coming at her, and tossing her up against the wall. But this time, it was Oscar. This was so surprising that she couldn't even cry in pain as her bare back smashed into the wall.

And she was even more afraid as she watched this man that thought of her as one of his best workers scream at her, "You just hit a customer!" He didn't move his hands from either side of her shoulders – he wasn't doing it to assault her, but he was so angry. The cigar smell from his mouth hit her nose as he was so close to her. "Do you know what this could do to the club? He could sue us! And even if he didn't, he's going to tell people what happened and they're going to go somewhere else!"

She just whimpered out, "He was going to hurt me."

"Then you call for help!" He let go of her arms, which allowed her body to move away from the wall a few inches. "Haven't you learned anything from being here so long, Lorelai?" She could see the distressed anger in his face as he looked at the guy on the ground, who was completely oblivious to the conversation because of his pain.

"He covered my mouth. I couldn't…" Tears came to her eyes as what could have happened again hit her, and then the fact that this man who had been her protector from the men here at the club was now angry with her. "Please don't be angry with me…" Was all she could squeak out through the lump forming in her throat.

Regret seemed to wash over the old man's face, and he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to him. "Oh, darling…" She leaned into his old suit, crying from the relief of stopping the attack and the shame of Oscar's disappoint

ent. Her entire body shook while Oscar just rubbed her back and said, "I wasn't angry. I think I was just scared for you and I took it out on you, Lorelai." His fingers ran through her hair as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "This is such a horrible place for you."

She pulled away, looking at him with confusion as she asked, "What?"

His wrinkled fingers brushed the tears off of her cheeks as he said, "You're much too beautiful a woman to be dancing for these cheap men who don't value you at all." He gestured to the man on the floor. "I just wonder if there's something that you could do that would lessen your hours and make more money."

She stuttered, "Are… are you firing me?" The idea of not having a job was the most frightening thing she could think of at that moment. So she started to cover her bases, "I didn't mean to hit him! It was just a reflex. And I'll work harder, even more hours, give you more of the cost for the dance. I'll do anything just…"

He stopped her with a finger to her lips. "Hush. I'm not firing you." Relief set in. "I'm offering you a better position."

She tried to think of what that could be. Searching his face, she asked, "What?"

He smiled down at her tenderly, and brushed the hair out of her face, and said, "I know so many men who would pay you so much more for…" He looked off into the distance, like he was searching for the right word, "… a little bit more intimate interaction."

Lorelai's mind tried to wrap around what he was saying. If dancing on someone's body completely naked except for a tiny thong – if there was something more intimate than that – it hit her right then. And she looked up at him in horror as she took a step back. Shaking her head, she pulled her arms around her chest and said, "No… no, I can't do that…"

Oscar took a step towards her, his caring face such an oxymoron to his offer. "It sounds horrible but it's really not. You'd get paid like triple the amount you make, and you wouldn't have to work half as long."

She continued to shake her head, now breaking his gaze to look ashamed at her feet. That he would think she would even think of stooping that low made her feel like something had gone wrong in how people thought about her. She would never sleep with someone for money. All the customers who had offered her hundreds of dollars to "go out to their car" or "come to the bathroom" with them – they could think what they wanted to think. But for Oscar, a man she had known for eight years. For him to even bring up the subject humiliated her. "No. I won't."

"You're just giving them some kind of connection they can't get at home." He reasoned through, still standing above her. "It's not like you're out begging for men to take you to bed. They're coming to you."

Her shoulders actually shuddered as she said, "I can't. I just …."

Suddenly she felt the strong arms around her shoulders again, this time squeezing into her hard. She looked up to see the anger back, so fast. And he shook her and said, "Then you'd better be fine with eventually getting raped by one of these men that you tease upstairs." He yelled even louder, "At least if you considered my offer, it would be your choice compared to being cornered in a room with no control over anything."

Lorelai's heart fell as she knew that there had been some close calls in the last few years. But there had never been something that got this close, the man coming downstairs into her dressing room. But she could draw the line at stripping. That was fine. It was her body to do with what she wanted to – and in order to make the money she needed to support her family, she did what she had to do.

But nowhere in her conscience, was there room to sell her body for sex to make more money. Nowhere.

And apparently, Oscar was getting the message that she would never consider that ever. His eyes pierced into hers as he let go of his vice-grip on her arms. And all he could say was, "Go home. Come back tomorrow. Rest your hand." He gestured to her bruised fist.

"But I have three hours left before…" She needed the money. She had to get the money. "I can still work…"

His voice was clipped as he authoritatively said, "I said go home. After what you did tonight, I don't want to see you right now."

She should be worried about whether he was still angry with her. She should be worried about him grabbing her again, but she wasn't. She just had to know. "You're not firing me because I won't accept your…"

He shook his head. "Either way, you make me more money than all of the other girls combined. I'm not going to fire you…" He stepped over the man on the ground. "…unless you do this again."


	39. Chapter 39

She stumbled up the last step, but this time, she had no words for it. No words left for anything right now. There was nothing she could think to do but get home and crawl into bed. Her feet were sore from her heels at work, and her whole body still smelled of the club, smoke, beer, sweat. Normally, she was used to the smell. The feel on her body. But tonight, after what had happened, the stench seemed to tear into her skin and melt down to her torn soul, mocking what little morality she apparently had left. Telling her that it was part of her – that she wouldn't be different. That she was barely different from the women she drove past on the street corner.

She made it to her apartment door before she noticed someone standing against the wall by her door. Used to second floor homeless man, someone this close to her at four in the morning made her grab for her keys and place them in her fist, ready to gouge the man's eyes out the minute he made a move at her. Her exhaustion and the lighting in the building made it impossible to see who it was.

Until he spoke.

"Lor."

Exhaling hard, unable to fight yet again, she hung her head and said, "Christopher, what are you still doing here?" She didn't have it in her to have to walk on eggshells around him, to be careful of what she said before she tipped off his anger. She didn't even have the strength to help him deal with whatever problems he was having at work, or whatever sadness he had in his eyes when they were talking earlier.

Walking closer to her, he stepped into the light, holding out a bottle of tequila. And he said, "I thought if I couldn't get you to go out and get a drink with me, I would bring the drink to you." He was standing so close to her, she looked up into his blue eyes and was mesmerized by the depth of understanding in his eyes. Not the lustful eyes of the men at the club. Not the controlling eyes of Oscar. But someone who knew her so well. And someone that she thought could be trusted. And she watched as his lips moved, "Looks like you could use some." He must have seen the hesitancy in her eyes because he added, "Just as friends, Lor. I think we both need that right now."

If it weren't for the bottle in his hands, she would have never done the next thing she did. If it hadn't been for the horrible night at work she had, she never would have unlocked the door, letting him walk into the apartment in front of her. If her arm wasn't still throbbing from the vice-grip Oscar had used on her, she would have never walked over to the cabinet and pulled out two shot glasses from the highest shelf out of reach or sight of the kids.

Falling into the kitchen chair across from where Chris plopped down, she loudly set the glasses on the table.

"You are so lucky that the kids aren't here because you know this would never happen if they were." She said to Chris, almost needing to reiterate the fact that she would never drink with the kids around, despite his actions in the past.

Twisting the cap off the bottle, he said, "Trust me, I know." Pouring the liquid into the glasses, he set the bottle down, picked his up, and held it out to her for a toast. "To the children being away."

Smirking, she clinked the glass with his, and then brought the glass to her lips, tilting her head back and cringing as the liquid burned down her throat. Letting out a sigh as she set the glass back on the table, her words came out hoarse. "So, tell me – why you drinking shots with me?" Knocking her glass up against the bottle to signal she wanted more, she added, "I mean, don't you have the perfect life – the good job, the nice wife, and, what was it Rory was telling me, don't you have like a two-year-old?"

He filled up her glass and then filled his as he said, "I have everything but the perfect life, Lor." Pulling his glass toward him, he just looked at the liquid, like his mind was hundreds of miles away. "Gigi, she's the perfect child." The thought of him having another daughter that he thought was perfect, it made her heart hurt as she pictured her little girl just wanting to be with her dad. "My parents love her. They spoil her rotten. It's really sweet to watch them with her."

The thought of Straub and Francine doting on their granddaughter was like a slap in the face to Lorelai. Because they hated her so much that Straub had made one of the stipulations of his job offer to Christopher that he leave his wife and daughter. Never ever had Lorelai or Rory been invited to Christmas dinner with his family – Christopher always got an invitation. But it was always just for him. So to imagine them with Chris' other daughter, it just stung because of how they thought of Lorelai. Lorelai had never been the girl that Chris was supposed to be with. He was supposed to go to Princeton, to be a top lawyer in the company. But, because of Lorelai getting pregnant, they said she had ruined his life.

She tipped her head back and let the again scorching liquid run down her throat. Her head began to swim, even with just two shots. But she looked at Chris and said, "You know how horrible my life is." She gestured around the crummy apartment, and then asked, "So what about your imperfect life will cheer me up?"

He smirked, still holding onto his second shot, and said, "Why? So you can take pleasure in the fact that I'm screwing my life up too?"

"No." She giggled, and then said, "So I can know that maybe I'm not the only person who's fucked up their life." She set her elbows on the table and propped her head in her hands, looking at him as he slightly shook his head back and forth. The pain was evident on his face, something she had learned a long time ago to read. Changing her tone from a fun drinking buddy to someone who cared, she asked, "Chris? What's wrong?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He never imagined life could throw him so many curveballs. His life was falling apart. Like he didn't know how to come back from this one. But then he was sitting across the table from his hot ex-wife. The ex-wife that he couldn't get out of his mind. The ex-wife that was taking shot after shot with very little time in between.

Not a stranger to failure, Chris was used to letting people down. His parents when he had brought home that report card in high school. When he and Lorelai sat down with both their parents and told them that Lorelai was pregnant. His parents had been so disappointed and angry when he told them he was leaving with Lorelai to live with her in the city.

But there was no one that he had let down more than the beautiful woman sitting in front of him. Her blue eyes, starting to get hazy from the alcohol, still could melt his heart whenever he looked at them. But he remembered the hurt that he had seen in them that night that she found out he lost his third job in two months. He remembered the horror in them the first time he had slapped her in a drunken rage. The betrayal when she found out about Sherry. Yes, this woman sitting in front of him, she was the victim of his biggest failures.

But tonight, he just wanted to feel better. Because he knew that after tonight, it was the end of his happiness for a long time. The thug he had borrowed money from during one of his gambling nights in the city – he wanted his money back. But Chris had tried every avenue to get the money. The banks wouldn't give him a loan. His father wasn't willing to dish out twenty grand to his son for some unknown expense. All his friends had learned from his past gambling experiences to stay away from Chris when he was looking for money. The money was due tomorrow night, with the promise that if he didn't pay, there were going to be consequences. And since the guy he owed the money to wasn't worried about being legal, Chris knew he was probably going to suffer very painfully for not bringing the money.

Realizing he was still staring down at his drink, he just said, "Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it Lor?" The liquid barely burned on its way down, his throat completely used to the strong alcohol from years of drinking every night.

The funny thing about sitting here with this woman, the closest that they had sat like this since their divorce, was that he could read her so well. Where he got quieter as he got drunker, Lorelai, already a pretty bubbly talking, just got louder, more open, and a whole lot more talkative.

He could sit and listen to her voice for hours. And she started to ramble on and on. "Life sucks? Trust me, I know." Looking down at her empty glass, she said, "I still can't afford to buy clothes for myself. I've had these clothes I have on for like," She stopped to think, and he could tell that the alcohol was starting to take its effect on her. "Well, for a long time." Then her mind jumped to something else. "But, actually, I'm almost going to get out of this hell hole."

He was immediately interested. Because if she was able to afford something else than here, that means that she must be doing well. But he tried to keep his interest to a minimum as she continued, "I've been saving for almost four years, working towards getting a down-payment for a house." Her face was so bright as she jumped up and walked over to a little cookie jar on top of the fridge. "And, I have the house all picked out." Reaching into the cookie jar, she pulled out a paper with a picture of a little house on it. Her hand reached out and handed it to him. Taking it, he saw a sweet house on it, two stories, small, but not the apartment they were living in how.

"Lor, that's amazing." He looked up to see pride in her face. Something he hadn't seen for a very long time coming from her. Then he added, "I know you've been wanting to get out of this place for such a long time."

The small smile that came to her face took him back to when they stood in that little courthouse and said their vows with little Rory hanging onto Lorelai's cotton white dress. The way she had looked at him then, with such hope and pride – he hated himself for making that the last time he remembered seeing her with such potential in her eyes.

She added as she took the paper back from him. "I'm hoping that with the kids gone this month, I'll be able to work a bit extra to make the last two grand I need to help get us moved in before the school year starts." Looking with longing at the picture one last time before she put it back into the cookie jar, she said, "With a seventeen-thousand-dollar deposit, I'll be able to make the monthly payments on it with the money I make from the club."

And all he heard in his mind was the figure of money that she had in that cookie jar. That was only three thousand less than what he needed to leave the meeting tomorrow night in that back alley with all his limbs intact. His mind began spinning as he watched her set it back up on the fridge.

But he told himself that he couldn't. That there was nothing in him that could justify stealing from Lorelai, the mother of his first child, the one who had tried so hard to make their marriage work. The one who he had left without a penny to her name to go to his father's business with the woman he had cheated on his wife with. No, he wouldn't.

Stumbling to her chair, she now crossed her arms in front of her and leaned on the table, almost like she was leaning towards him, and she said, "But, even though that looks like I just might have my life together…" she pointed her thumb behind her towards the cookie jar, and then said, "… I have such bad credit that I can't even open a bank account without credit card companies trying to take my money." Nodding her head at the bottle beside his arm, she said, "So I'm like a seven-year-old kid with her piggy bank just stashing money in my kitchen."

He watched her face fall as she thought of her inability as an almost 30 year old to open a bank account. And she grabbed her shot glass and looked up at him with an expectant stare. "So, ummmm… drinking buddy, you're not doing your job giving me the needed substance."

This would be her third shot. She was already pretty tipsy, and he knew that he should probably stop there. He knew that almost anything after this was going to lead to her or both of them doing something they would regret tomorrow. He knew her limits.

And he poured her another drink anyway. And he held his shot glass up to toast. "Here's to us. The couple that fails, both together and apart."

It seemed like a very somber toast, but she clinked her glass against his and said, "Here, here!" And down the hatch their respective number of drinks went.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorelai couldn't remember the last time she drank this much. She was pretty sure it was on the other side of Rory's conception, although how much in front, she wasn't in a place to calculate. There had been one time that she could remember drinking when she was married to Chris. But that had only been after a particularly big fight with her mother, and she had come home, made sure that he was sober and staying sober, and tipped back two small glasses of scotch. But this, this was something she hadn't done in so long.

She could almost feel when the alcohol from that third shot hit her bloodstream. The room started spinning, and she tried to keep looking at Chris, although it felt like he maybe had two heads. Blinking a few times trying to get her orientation, she started thinking about Chris.

Until she realized that she was thinking it out loud.

"So do you like being married to Sherry more than you liked being married to me?" As she heard the words come out of her mouth, she knew that it was maybe an inappropriate question coming from his ex-wife. But, her mind excused her, she was just drunk enough for him to think it was just the drink and not something that she had been wondering for such a long time.

When he didn't say anything, she addressed the weirdness of the question. "Come on, Chris, answer the embarrassing question your drunk ex-wife asked you!" She leaned her arm out to touch his hand, but missed, and found her hand lying about a foot away from when his arm was.

Finally, she heard his sweet voice, just like when he was sixteen. Young, youthful, and, in her very intoxicated head, he sounded sexy too. "Well, I'm beginning to think I'm a failure at more than just our marriage."

"Well, you shouldn't feel that way…" She pulled her hand back, looking for her shot glass. But she knocked it over right under her chin, and she scrambled to catch it before it fell off the table. "I mean, why wouldn't that marriage work out?" She knew she was about to say something that might be a little mean, but she said it anyway. "It's not like she's a skank who slept with a man who was married and had kids in the next room." She laughed, a little bit longer than was necessary for that joke, then she said, "What a wonderful woman she must be to be married to." Under her breath, she added, "Wholesome woman that she is."

Finding her shot glass in her hand again, she opened her mouth to ask for yet another round but never got to ask the question before she found more tequila right there in her cup. Then she slurred out as she brought the shot to her lips, "You're getting good at this, Hayden."

The fourth shot really didn't burn as much as the other ones did. She didn't know if she was just getting used to it or if she was just so drunk that she wasn't feeling pain anymore. But she barely had that shot down when she heard Chris' voice again.

"You really shouldn't say those things about Sherry." Her head was swimming, but she still heard him defending that woman to her. "She's been really good for me these last few years."

Still unable to look at him and not see double, Lorelai just looked at the shot glass in her hand while she said in a quiet, almost imploring kind of voice, "What the hell else do you want me to say about the woman who fucked my husband? Who else am I supposed to blame?" And she knew the answer. She knew that it was just as much his choice to cheat on her with that woman as it had been for that woman to sleep with him. And, in her mind, there was no question of who was to blame.

"I know you think this whole thing is all my fault." His voice started to escalate, but the alcohol must have given her nerves extra coating, because she felt no fear or anxiousness at his loud words. "But can't you see that you had a hand in this too? That just because I cheated doesn't let you off the hook?"

Tapping her glass on the table because suddenly she felt so much energy in her body, she looked up at him and said quietly, "No, I don't. I don't think I am to blame for any of this." She gestured between the two of them. "I went to work, and you slept with that slut. That's what happened. End of fucking story."

The talk about their relationship, even with the massive amounts of alcohol in her body, still hurt more than she wanted, and she thrust her glass out for him to pour her more. But when no more came, she looked up at him, and her eyes focused enough to see his face clouding with anger that didn't go away.

She knew she should remember that face. She knew that now she needed to watch what she said. Because that face was one of drunken anger, something that she had felt the wrath of, both emotionally and physically, before. Normally, now would be the time she would apologize, blame the alcohol for her outburst and mean comments, and try to calm him down. Because she should know that was would come after in his drunken anger would only make things worse.

But that was normally.

Tonight was not normal. She didn't normally sit and have a drink with her ex-husband. She didn't normally drink four or five shots of tequila on an empty stomach. She didn't normally say the things about that woman that she had been thinking all along. She didn't normally have the whole house to herself without the children's wellbeing to worry about. This wasn't normal.

So her response wasn't what it should have been.

Her words spoke all the anger she was feeling at that moment, listening to him try and pin the blame on her. And she spat out, "You caused this!"

The entire table shook as his fist came down on it, sending her shot glass flying across the kitchen, and almost knocking over the half empty bottle of tequila. She pulled her arms away from the table in shock as he yelled at her, "Damn it, Lorelai! When will you get it through your head! I didn't have a choice. Sherry wanted me. You didn't!" He violently pushed his chair away from the table and stood up, sending the chair flying to the ground behind him.

Finding guts she didn't know she had, she yelled back at him, "Don't you throw that in my face!" She stood to her feet, and if she thought the world around her had been spinning before, she was now in the middle of a tilt-a-whirl, and she grabbed onto the edge of the table to hold herself up. But the disorientation she was feeling didn't stop her from yelling out, "What part of 'I don't want to have sex tonight' didn't you understand?"

She watched as he walked closer to her, and, his voice still angry, said, "What part of 'I need my wife' didn't you understand?"

A sarcastic chuckle escaped her lips before she said, "Your wife was out bringing in enough money to pay for all the fucking credit cards you took out!" Turning away from him, she stumbled trying to get to the fridge to get some water, but she missed, and ended up standing against the wall of the kitchen. Holding herself up with the wall, she said, "At least you're not my problem anymore. At least when you leave here tonight, I won't have to worry about you using our grocery money to go by more alcohol or drugs."

She heard him walk up behind her, and she turned, amazingly able to stand up on her own without holding onto the wall. He again towered over her, which, in her drunk state, just made her even angrier. "Oh, so now you're Mister Tough Guy." She rambled drunkenly, but almost releasing all the tension she felt towards her ex-husband. "You're going to stand over me to make me back down and stop saying things that are making you mad, aren't you?"

He shook his head, his entire jaw clenched in rage. She looked at his hands, both of them formed into fists, and she couldn't help her mouth. She was so far into her own drunken rage to fear his anymore. There was no fear in her body at all. Only the overwhelming feeling of finally being able to say what she wanted to say. And she yelled at him, throwing her hands up in the air. "You going to hit me again? Slap me around like you did before when you were drunk and angry?" She put both of her hands on his chest and shoved him, which, in her state, wasn't very hard, but almost egging him on. "You going to bloody my nose up a bit? Maybe give me a black eye?" She could feel angry tears running down her face as she screamed even louder at him, "At least leave me with a shiner around the cheekbone area! Those are great at the club. They think they can beat up on a woman who comes in with bruises."

Again she pointed at his hand and screamed, "If you're going to hit me, then fucking hit me, you son of a bitch!"

Expecting him to throw a punch, his next move startled her. She almost jumped away at how loudly he yelled at her as he stood there, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I don't want you hit you, Lorelai!"

Stepping closer to him, leaning her head and upper body to him, she screamed, "Then what the hell are you going to do to me?!"

Suddenly he grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her up against the wall. And he said, "Damn it, Lorelai. I want to fuck you."


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: I just wanted to let the readers know that this is the point where the story might take a little bit of a darker turn. Please bear with me. It is very much a part of the story.**

He wondered if he ever stopped wanting her. Wanting to fuck her. He had wanted it from the moment he saw her that day. He had wanted it from the time she tripped up the staircase and cussed. But of course, he knew there would be no way that would happen.

But the drunker she got, the more the possibility he saw for that chance to happen. He knew that he poured drink after drink, watching her eyes start to cloud over, with the tiniest bit of hope that she would get drunk enough to want him too. When she said what she said about Sherry, he hadn't even waited for her to ask for yet another one after those words.

And as he looked down on her, her blue eyes staring up at him as if he had slapped her. The astonishment all over her face was enough just to turn him on even more than her angry rant about how horrible he had been to her. Watching her fight for herself, it was just enough to send him over the edge, which she had thought of as him wanting to be violent, when all he wanted to do was make love to her.

For the first time all evening, she was speechless. Her mouth was moving, but no words were coming out as she tried to process what he had just said. So he put his finger up to her lips and said, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He then took his finger from her lips and ran it up her jawbone to then cup her neck with his hand. He could see bits of sober Lorelai computing in her mind, but he just said, "We both know we want this."

She took a deep breath in as he felt goosebumps crawl up her neck when he brought his face down to her ear. "Chris…" Her voice dropped off as he used his other hand to move down her side, gently putting pressure on her hip. "Chris…" She said his name, yet again, which was doing nothing but encourage his hard-on that was about to begin pressing on her leg.

He expected her rejection to come from a place of anger. She had been so angry with him that her stubbornness, which had been something that drew him towards her in high-school, might be the thing that pushed her away from him. He hoped that the alcohol would help numb her sense of being the strong-willed one in the situation.

But he didn't hear that rejection come out of her mouth. Instead all he heard through her very slurred words were, "What about Sherry?" Her question wasn't accusatory at all. It was as if she was asking out of obligation before proceeding.

He smiled because If his wife was the only thing keeping Lorelai from having sex with him, he could do something about that. He would lie about his daughter being his if it would mean getting to fuck Lorelai. Leaning his face down to her ear, he gently licked her earlobe and then said, "Sherry moved out last night. That's why I was here." He thought he might have to explain more, because normally Lorelai would require a much more in-depth story to make her believe it.

But he was pleasantly surprised to find that his lack of commitment to Sherry must have broken down the barriers that Lorelai had been feeling. Because not ten seconds later, he felt her body drop down a few inches and her hips thrusted up against his, leaving them there while she looked up at him, with a begging look on her face, and asked, "You wanna fuck me?"

He grabbed her other hip with his hand, and held her up against him, his cock throbbing even through his pants at the thought of Lorelai up against him. In response to her question, he just wrapped his lips around hers, the taste of alcohol unable to hide the familiarity of her mouth. Wasting no time, he felt her not only open up for him, but soon found his own mouth ravished with her tongue, grabbing his bottom lip in between her teeth. It was no longer him on the hunt for her. She was just as hungry as he was. And so began the fight for power between them, each other's need for more causing the flame to grow hotter and hotter with each passing moment.

It felt like it had been so long since he had held her in his arms like this, but it also felt so familiar he had to remind himself that it had been almost six years – her body was like a time machine, transporting him back to the some of the best times he had ever had.

Her arms wrapped around his neck to give her a steadier way to hold herself up as she began to deepen their kiss past what would be considered a kiss and more a show of how much that they both wanted this. He felt her exhale into his mouth when he moved his hands from her hips to her ass cheeks and pushed her even closer against him. She broke their wet kiss as she whispered, "My god, you're hard." And he looked down at her to see her eyes, closed and mouth open in ecstasy as she drew in a deep breath.

Her forwardness came only because of the alcohol – Chris knew from experience. There were very few times she would talk dirty to him, especially when he had wanted her and she had not wanted him so much. But this dirty side of Lorelai made him even bolder, more excited, and even stronger as he wrapped his fingers around her ass and down to her thighs. He then said, "Hop on." Because she was so drunk, her body was very pliable, and it took nothing for him to lift her up against him, her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as she devoured his mouth yet again.

He could tell by her lack of ability to hold herself with her arms around his neck that she was starting to fade into the alcohol. Holding her up by her ass, he frantically made his way into the bedroom, kicking the door open, he set her down on the foot of the mattress. He looked around only for a minute, but in that moment he remembered why the hell he hated living here. The horrible rooms, the darkness, the dingy – if it wasn't for the woman madly fumbling to get naked there on the bed, he would have never come back to this place.

Her fingers had found the hem of her shirt, and but she couldn't figure out how to raise her arms up to get it over her head. Her drunk laugh made his cock push harder against his pants, just wanting to be in this woman. "I seem to have forgotten how to get naked for you." Then she giggled even more as she looked up at his bulging pants. "Are you going to use that?" Which didn't relieve any pressure in his pants. She was so drunk, and he was going to have fun.

He knew he was going to have to help her take her clothes off, which wouldn't bother him one bit. Kneeling down on the floor beside the mattress, he pulled her shirt up over her head, taking in a deep breath at the sight of the body he had missed for so long. Her ivory skin, still glittery from her work at the club, mesmerized him for a second, and he let his hands run down her back to her bra strap, and quickly freed her gorgeous breasts from the black bra. Tossing the bra away by her shirt, he went to cup those familiar mounds in his hands, but her body suddenly tipped backward onto the bed, like she was unable to even hold herself up.

Deciding to utilize her entire body later, he focused on his goal of getting her completely naked before she passed out completely. Her legs were hanging off the end of the mattress onto the floor and, with little care, he unbuttoned her pants, pulling both her pants and thong down in one fell swoop, not wanting to take any extra time to take both off individually. Tossing those behind him, he realized when her ass hit the wood floor that he was going to have to get her into the middle of the mattress. Trying to see if she was still coherent enough, he said, "Lor, move up a bit. You're falling off the bed."

He knew that was the moment he should have left her there to sleep off the booze on her own. Because her head, lying on the bed, just tilted to look at him, her blue eyes completely glazed over. Her hands, lying on the bed above her head, just brushed the hair out of her face and the response to his command was only a drunk smile that came to her lips, and she made no move to get herself up on the bed properly.

It was both a blessing and a curse having her this drunk. Of course with her sober, this would have never happened. She would have never let him carry her to bed or take off her clothes without a fight – which had happened before. But, as he leaned up and grabbed her under the arms, he thought that he wouldn't have to treat her like a rag doll if she was sober. She would just be like a caged animal if she was sober, but he had done that before. Drunk Lorelai was going to be a whole new experience. He grabbed her arms and let out a low groan in exertion as he tossed her up on the bed, her thin frame falling gracefully with only a slight moan coming from her delicate mouth in resistance, much different than her screams in the past.

And now it was his turn.

He stood to his feet, towering above her naked body there on the bed. Always before, getting her into bed had been a struggle, one that he would have to pounce down on her fighting body, using every ounce of his strength to get her to comply to his needs. But now, as he unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants, he looked at her beautiful body, his for the taking. He could tell that she hadn't yet passed out because her eyes were just looking at him, barely open, but still there. No words came out of her mouth as his pants dropped to the ground, and his boxers right after them. She was his. It had taken so much work to get her here, all the tequila, all the talking and screaming about their past, the lying about his wife. Sherry deserved to be cheated on, in his opinion. A woman who married a man who cheated on his first wife with her – she should know that this was just going to happen. And, as he stood above his perfect, naked prey there on the bed – the first woman that he had loved – he knew that this was going to be something he would remember for a very long time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Heaviness.

That's all she could feel over her.

And everything was almost dark. She could see only a little out of her drooping eyelids, but even those were slowly giving way to darkness. She could see movement. If that was possible. But a dark figure moved over her, cloudy and indistinguishable from any of the other shapes around her. But with this figure came something else she felt.

Pressure.

Everywhere. On her back. Between her legs. On her chest. Like a heavy weight settling everywhere. She tried to move her hands to feel what was sitting on top of her, but her hands – they felt like lead, too heavy to even lift off of …

She didn't even know where she was. It was somewhere soft. Underneath her back was soft. Everywhere else was rough.

And she felt movement. Like she was moving. But not like walking or even running away from the horrible feelings. It was something else. Something she had experienced before. At least, that's what she thought. The movement felt familiar. And rhythmic.

She felt something else.

Pain. On her hips, on her breasts, between her legs. On her face. It was everywhere. She opened her mouth to beg whatever was happening to stop – but no words came out. She couldn't form the words. And she thought she heard a small cry, but she didn't know if that was just in her head. If this was all in her head. But the pain, it felt real. Or at least, she thought it did.

Finally, she heard something. Or she thought she heard something. A voice. And her name. Or part…

"Lor." She knew that voice. She desperately tried to open her eyes more, but her eyelids were so heavy.

It was like the voice was in the distance. Like someone was yelling at her from miles away. So quiet, so hard to understand, foggy almost.

"No one can fuck you like I can."

She couldn't even discern what the words meant. The words just floated in her mind, over and over.

Until she heard the voice again.

"I'll fuck you like the slut you are." And then there was more pain. Between her legs especially. A burning pain – and she felt her body move again, over and over, the same backwards and forwards motion – her skin on her back rubbing against the soft underneath it again and again.

The voice started fading in and out again. "You like that, don't you." And that she understood. The voice was asking her if what was happening to her body felt good. Whether she wanted it or not. She tried to open her mouth, to say something. To will the words to come out. To inform the voice that she didn't like it. That whatever was happening to her body – that she wanted it to stop. But no words came. The only thing she could do was shake her head from side to side. She hoped it was enough for whatever to understand her.

And then there was more pain. But this time shattering across her face, sending her limp head to the side. And now she could taste something. Taste. It tasted like metal. But what that meant, she didn't know.

Over and over that happened. She tried to say no, that she didn't want this. And her head would only move just a little to show her saying no, and again, pain and the taste of metal.

Finally, she stopped trying to tell the voice what she was feeling. She just laid there, where, she didn't know. Doing what, she didn't know. Experiencing horrible pain from what, she didn't know. And listening to someone she couldn't place – she felt like she knew this person – but she couldn't think that deeply before pain would explode all over her body in other places.

If only the pain stopped altogether. But only in bits and pieces did she start to feel relief. First, she felt the pressure almost pulled out from between her legs, and the feeling of heaviness from her hands was released. She felt something then covering her mouth – and she couldn't breathe as she felt like the air was sucked right out of her mouth – but only for what seemed to be a few seconds.

And that was when the real relief came. The weight she had felt holding her down lifted off of her as whatever she was lying on moved a bit with the weight taken off. Now her eyelids, completely shut, swallowed her in darkness. But the relief that came from the heaviness being gone allowed her to bask in the stillness of her body. She wasn't moving. And she felt a numbing force come over her.

But the voice shattered any sense of numbing as she just about fell asleep. Instead of not feeling anything, she felt fear and anxiety creep up her spine at the words whispered so close to her ear, "And that's what it feels like to be fucked by a real man."

And with that she laid there, for how long, she didn't know. Listening to those words over and over in her head. Fearful images crept to her mind, pulling her into her nightmare that awaited her as she finally could resist sleep no more.


	41. Chapter 41

She had never thought the window in the bedroom to be all that big. She had never thought that it let in that much light.

But as she opened her eyes, squinting from the brightness, she vowed to get heavier curtains. Her head was pounding, like tiny little elves with tiny little hammers were whittling out the inside of her skull. And the thought of tiny little elves with tiny little hammers made her head ache. Still squinting, she tried to get her bearings. She didn't understand why she was on Jess' bed. She never slept here. This wasn't where she would fall…

It was warm in the room, but she didn't have any blankets on. Reaching to pull the sheet around her, she realized that she didn't have any clothes on.

It was at that moment that flashes of things from the night before came flooding back. The liquor. Christopher.

Slowly rolling to her side, she saw her clothes scattered across the bedroom floor. Pulling the sheet from the bed around her naked body, she tried to stand up, but must have stood up too fast as her temples throbbed with the rush of blood from her head. Her legs, feeling wobbly, almost without thought, walked out of the room and into the kitchen to get her coffee.

While she padded into the kitchen, she racked her brain trying to figure out why the hell she was naked in bed. Not in just any bed. But in Jess' bed.

She walked in to see the table, a half-empty bottle of tequila sitting opened on the table with one shot glass knocked over on the table. One of the chairs was lying halfway into the living room.

She remembered drinking. Christopher had been there. He had taken shots with her. Where was he?

"Chris?" She called out, wincing at the pain the loud noise created. She must have sent him home last night. She hoped he took a cab back and didn't try and drive. Or had she sent him home? Was he in the bathroom? Once more, she called out, "Chris?" But, once she was sure he wasn't in the apartment, she tied the sheet around her and then she filled up the coffee pot with water.

It was then that she noticed the bruises all over her wrists.

 _She couldn't move her hands. She couldn't even lift them up to beg for him to stop._

She dropped the pot into the sink, unable to even register the pain the noise caused because of the overwhelming dread of what she wasn't remembering. She then noticed the shot glass that had fallen under the fridge. And she remembered the loud noise as he shoved away from the table.

All the yelling. And the screaming.

Her heart was pounding against her chest as she tried to remember what happened after the yelling and screaming.

 _I wanna fuck you._

"Oh my god…" She whispered, leaning with her arms on the counter and her head in her hands. She remembered jutting her hips out, the only thought in her mind was that she wanted him to fuck her as much as he wanted to.

"Oh my god…" She said as she found the chair to sit in. Her whole body was so sore, and as she went to sit down, she felt something between her legs – sticky – and crusted.

She remembered him setting her on the bed. Taking her clothes off. And something about moving up on the bed. But then she remembered him throwing her up farther onto the bed. She remembered giggling a lot. But then she remembered watching him take off his pants, and stare down at her. And then…

Nothing.

Black.

But something had happened for her to be feeling what she was feeling.

Then she knew.

Pain. Everywhere.

The pain on her body.

And she looked down at the sheet that was wrapped around her body. And she was afraid to take it off. Afraid of what marks her body would hold from what he had done to her.

But she untied the sheet, looking down at the claw marks all over her breasts – and that was enough to sicken her, to make her skin crawl. Red lines spaced apart like fingernails all down her chest – like markings on her body – markings of things happening that she couldn't remember.

Damn that tequila.

And then for him to leave in the morning – without even being here to tell her what happened – she didn't know. She remembered telling him that she wanted him to fuck her. And wrapping her legs around him – so why didn't he stay? Or leave a note?

Maybe he did.

She looked around the kitchen, on the table, and on the counter by the fridge when she noticed it.

"No." She whispered as she about fell out of her chair scrambling to get to the counter. "Chris. No. You…"

It was the cookie jar. The one with all her savings. Her way out of here. Her new home. For the kids. With a better school district. It was her one hope of feeling like a good mother.

And it was empty.

All those extra hours dancing. All that shit she put up with from the men at work. The degradation. The humiliation. The time spent away from her kids.

Empty.

Not completely empty.

Tears started streaming down her shocked face as she unfolded the paper. With the little red house with the white trim – the little tree in the yard – a beautiful sidewalk lined with little flowers – the house she had wanted so badly to move her kids away from this crowded, dirty apartment building.

As she stared at the picture, the life she wanted seem to crumble out of reach. Not only was she a bad mother, keeping her kids here, in a one-bedroom apartment with people doing drugs in the hallways – she was now a marked woman – used yet again by a man she thought loved her. She felt so empty – just like that cookie jar.

Something always kept her dreams from coming true. She had wanted a happy family – but Chris had gone and lost his job. She had just wanted to provide for her family, and Chris had taken advantage and started using drugs and drinking all the time. She had tried to keep her family out of debt, from losing their shitty apartment, all the while Chris did drugs and fucked women while she was working. She had let him go, learning to make it on her own, working herself to the bone to provide for her children – and he had the audacity to come back here, completely destroy her physically, and leave her with nothing. Not one chance to escape here.

Her hands were shaking. The paper in her hands – the house, the life, the happiness – seemed to mock her as she stood there wrapped in a sheet to cover her marred body. All of the endings of her dreams – all of the failures that she felt – it all started with Chris.

She screamed as she tore the picture in half. "How could you!" She was angry, and her hands moved faster as she shredded it with each sentence she screamed. "I trusted you." Shred. "I thought you cared for me." Shred. "I fucking hate you!" And with that she threw the tiny pieces of paper into the air as she fell to her knees on the kitchen floor. Tears rolled down her face – of anger – and of disappointment – and of humiliation. And she could barely speak the words through the crying as she said, "You're not going to get away with this."

With strength she knew was fueled by anger, she stood up and grabbed her phone out of her purse. Dialing immediately despite her hands shaking, she listened as it rang and rang until it hit the voicemail.

"This is Christopher Hayden. I'm sorry I can't get to the phone right now. If you'll leave your name and number and a brief message, I'll get back with you as soon as I can." Beep.

Her voice shook with anger as she said, "You son of a bitch. Do you have no shame? I don't know what to say to you, but you will call me back." And she hung up, still shaking with anger.

She knew he always had his phone on him. So she knew he was going to ignore her calls. Of course he would. No sane person would answer a call from someone they had just robbed. But she was going to make him call her back.

So she dialed again. This time, it went straight to voicemail, which made her even angrier that he was literally ignoring her call. So when the time came to leave her message, she said something she knew he wasn't going to be able to ignore. "If you don't call me back within the next five minutes, I'm calling the police." She paused, and then added just to be sure, "And then I'm calling your parents to find out where the hell you are so I can come and tear you limb to limb, you bastard."

It wasn't thirty seconds later, just enough time for him to listen to her voicemail and hit send to call her, that her phone rang. It was him.

"How could you, Chris?" She yelled at him. She didn't give him a chance to explain himself before she demanded, "You will bring that money back. Right away."

The chuckle on the other end was maddening for Lorelai to listen to him almost mocking her anger. But his words were even worse. "I don't have your money, Lorelai."

She yelled, "Like hell you don't. You were the last one in this apartment last night. I showed you where it was. And I wake up this morning, and you and the money are gone. I'm not stupid!"

"You're right, I did take it." Then he laughed again, "I thought I would try and see if you were still as gullible as you were last night."

He remembered. He hadn't been as drunk as she had. The feeling of him standing over her on the bed made more sense now. And she said, "What do you mean, gullible?" She was anxious to find out what happened.

He sarcastically said, "You mean you don't remember? After I poured you five shots of tequila, which you gladly downed, you don't remember?"

She cringed at the memory of the shots burning her throat, throwing her head back time after time, more alcohol than she had thrown back in her life.

He continued, "And then, I got you to agree to sleep with me. Me, a married man!"

"What?" Because that was one thing that she did remember. "You told me you and Sherry were signing…"

"What guy doesn't lie to get a girl into bed with him?" His voice turned serious, not mocking now, and he said, "You should have looked closer. I still had my ring on, you idiot."

Her anger was fueled by his confession of lying to her. "So you lied to me, slept with me while you were married and…"

His voice sounded so cocky and proud as he interrupted her to clarify, "Lor, I didn't just sleep with you. I would have hoped you could see by now that there was much more than the normal idea of 'sleeping' with you." She cringed as she remembered the claw marks on her body – the bruises on her wrist. "I fucked you so hard if you could have talked you would have been begging me to stop."

She remembered. She remembered the pain. And shaking her head that she didn't like it. And the pain across her face. Her hand jumped to her lip, and then she let out a small cry of pain as her lip stung at her touch.

He went on. "I have never seen you so drunk, Lor. It was magical – I didn't have to hold you down. To tell you I would hurt the kids. I didn't even have to knock you out to fuck you. You just laid there, while I used you like the whore you are."

She was reeling from all the hurtful things he was saying to her, but she managed to say, "So you fucked me while I was too drunk to even speak?" As the words came out of her mouth, she realized just how horrible he was being to her – and how horrible he had been the night before. "You know that's rape, Chris. You know that you…"

"It's not rape when you told me to fuck you" His calloused response almost made her drop the phone right out of her hand. And she was speechless. "You pretty much begged me to take you to bed." He laughed, "And I was more than happy to do that."

She tried to protest, but even her voice showed that she knew he had her on that. If she asked him to, what could she say? That she changed her mind? But she still tried to fight for herself. "But if I couldn't say I wanted you to stop, then…"

"Like anyone would believe you."

"Hey…" She interrupted him, but he just continued.

"Who's going to believe a down on her luck stripper who gladly hopped in bed with a married man?" He acted like every word that came out of his mouth wasn't meant to put her down – but was just common knowledge.

And she had enough. "Christopher!" She screamed into the phone, putting an end to his bashing of her. "You are the one who stole my money. You are the one who is going to be arrested unless you bring it back. So you can stop putting me down, because nothing I did was illegal. And no matter what you say, you will not get away with this."

He laughed and said, "I beg to differ."

Speechless yet again at his audacity, it took her a minute to find words. "I won't let you get away…"

"There's no proof you had that money."

"What?" She had earned that money. She had it right there in her house. She remembered how hard she had to work to get that.

It began to dawn on her as he started explaining it. "You have no pay stubs, no record that you earned that money." She could predict what he was going to say. "I'm an established man with a prestigious job and wonderful character references. You're a stripper – not much more than a whore. Who the hell you think they're going to believe? That I came there and stole your money? Or that you saw the chance to seduce me and then claim all these horrible things to get money out of me?"

Defeat began to take over her entire body. Sinking into the kitchen chair, she just sat there. Unable to move her mouth, she just sat there. Because she knew he was right. Who would believe her over him? She couldn't even open up a bank account. He managed an entire office. Of course they would look at her and her accusations as being just to get money out of him.

The only thing she could say was, "Chris, please." She hated herself for what she was about to say, "I need that money. I don't know why you would take it, but that's the only thing that's going to get your daughter out of this place." Her voice was clipped but quiet.

"She can always come live with me, Lor."

Rory? Her daughter? Go live with this horrible man? "Never, Chris." She said decidedly. "Not after this."

"Well, you can't say that I didn't offer." Then his tone changed to a very serious tone instead of the mocking voice he had been using. "You know you can't keep my daughter from seeing me, right?"

The thought of Rory going to stay for the weekends like she had been, or going out to dinner with Chris – it was enough to sicken her even more. And she said, "What do you mean? You practically raped me last night, Chris. Of course you're not going to see my daughter after that."

"Again, think about the custody battle. Who would they want her to be with? Where would they want her? The hell-hole you live in? Or my town house?" Then his evil voice added, "And, not that I care about him, but I'm sure if there was an investigation, they wouldn't even let Jess stay with you either."

Her children were her whole life. The thought that he would try and take them away from her – it not only made her mad – but she watched any power in the situation crumble away from her. Because she would live in hell itself to make sure her children were safe. She would give up millions of dollars to ensure her children's wellbeing.

Chris seemed to know he had won. And he said, "Also, if you tell anyone about what happened, I sure would hate to be the one to tell your parents what career choice you've made."

It was the last twist of the knife in her back. And she just sat there, as he said, "Thanks for last night, Lor. I'll never forget that."

And the line went dead.

She laid her head down on the table against her arms, her cheek aching from the pressure against whatever bruise had formed on her face. And she broke.


	42. Authors note

Just a note for everyone who's reading. The story is not halfway done yet. So don't freak out that it's not how you want it to be yet because it's going to get there. Enjoy the story enjoy the journey to enjoy the happiness.


	43. Chapter 43

I just wanted to give everyone a heads up: I've been researching to get this story as close to life as possible. With Lorelai in these situations, I wanted to do justice to other who have found themselves also here. That is why it might take me a few days to update the next chapter, only because I'm getting the facts before I try and write the feelings - so I can attempt to portray the depth of her emotion in these situations. Thanks so much for reading! And review!

 **Lorelai was startled awake by the sound of her phone ringing on the table in front of her. Groaning from soreness, she sat up and looked at her phone, and answered immediately.**

Knowing from the contact information, she bypassed the normal formalities and said, "Camille, is something wrong?" Her head was still pounding and she laid her head in her free hand while she waited to hear from the woman on the other end.

"Lorelai, do you think the only thing I would call for would be if something bad happened?" The chuckle on the other line eased Lorelai's fear of something happening with one of her kids.

"It's just been one of those days." Lorelai said, shaking her head just a little in disbelief at everything that had happened. "One of those days you just wait for the next bad thing."

The concern in Camille's voice was comforting to Lorelai, "Is everything alright? You're doing ok?"

Lorelai wanted to tell her everything. Wanted to tell her that the hangover she had right now was right up there with what she thought it would feel like to have a stroke. Wanted to tell her that her ex-husband had done things even Lorelai couldn't remember – but she knew it was bad. Wanted to tell her that her entire life savings had been stolen with no possibility to recover it.

But she didn't.

Because despite how close they were, Lorelai just couldn't speak about how much she had failed yet again. Just voicing the words seemed impossible.

So she just said, "I just had a hard time sleeping last night." A fake laugh and then, "Must be not having to worry about the kids, and my mind just doesn't shut off." She hoped Camille would buy her lie. Because she didn't know if she had the strength to come up with something else.

It seemed to fly with Camille, because she said, "Well, the kids are doing pretty well."

Lorelai could tell there was a catch. And she could bet who the catch was. Going into her mother mode, she asked, "What did Rory do?" With the attitude her daughter had when she dropped her off, Lorelai knew if there was going to be any problems, it would be with Rory.

A pause on the other end as Camille took a breath was enough of an answer. "I'm just getting the sense that she really doesn't want to be here."

Lorelai didn't know what she was feeling. She knew that Rory had thrown a fit about going to Stars Hollow when she was here. The stalling while packing – the yelling – the whining about going to stay with Chris instead.

She cringed at that thought. But she didn't let her mind go there.

Lorelai knew that Rory wasn't happy about going. But she never thought her daughter would continue her attitude once she got to her grandparent's house. Rory knew better than that.

Camille continued, "She just seems so different since we saw her at Christmas. It's almost like she's a different person."

"I've been trying to understand that with school being hard and me working a lot, that she has a lot on her plate." Lorelai said, but then clarified, "But there's no excuse for a bad attitude. Especially when you and Zeke are letting them stay with you this summer. She should be so grateful." Then she asked, "What did she do?" Because with Rory, it wasn't just an attitude. There would have to be something that happened because if Rory was upset, everyone knew about it.

"Well…" Camille said, hesitantly, "It was just that she made it pretty clear she doesn't want to be here."

Lorelai laid her sore head down on the table as she asked, "Did she yell?" If she wasn't down enough right now, sitting in her kitchen, a sheet wrapped around her naked and bruised body, her life savings gone – if that wasn't enough, her daughter couldn't have the decency to at least pretend to be thankful for what her grandparents were doing for her.

"Just a little bit." Camille said.

Apologetic, Lorelai said, "I'm so sorry, Camille. I am so ashamed that she…"

Interrupting her, the sweet woman's voice came over the phone, "This is normal. It's fine. Don't worry."

The reassurance that this was normal calmed Lorelai in no way. Because although this was normal, she raised her daughter to be a better person than this. "Well, I'm still sorry." Then she knew what she had to do. "Is Rory there? Can I talk to her?"

Camille resisted, "I didn't call to make you feel badly. Or to make you angry with Rory."

Taking a deep breath that hurt her stomach, she said, "Camille, I can't let her get away with treating others like that. I wouldn't be doing my job as a mother if I did."

"Ok, let me get her." She said, then added, "Don't be too hard on her, Lorelai. I think she might be missing you, and thinking about it for the whole summer is making that hard."

Lorelai could hear Camille calling for Rory, and she took the time sit up and feel confident because this was going to be a bumpy ride. She knew she was at the end of her rope. Actually, she was pretty sure she was freefalling with the rope hundreds of feet above her. But she knew that even though things here were hell, she had to be the right kind of mother. Which was going to be tough.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, kid, what's going on?" She tried to sound upbeat and not antagonistic at the sound of her daughter's voice.

Rory blankly said, "It's boring here. I want to go home."

Lorelai thought that maybe Camille was right. Maybe her twelve-year-old was just homesick. So she sympathetically said, "Hon, you can't. I'm so busy right now, and you'll have so much more fun there."

"So you just drop us off here in this measly old town because you're too busy for your own kids?"

It was as if Lorelai couldn't get away from people making her feel guilty for every single choice she had to make. "Rory, we talked about this already. I'm only trying to get enough money so we can…"

Anger spewed through the phone as Rory started to yell. "Work was always more important than we are." Lorelai tried to interrupt, but Rory just went on. "So just ship your kids off to their grandparents for three months. Who cares what happens to them!"

She felt like she had been punched in her already bruised gut. Trying to keep her anger back, she said, "You know that's not the case."

"Then let me come home!" She yelled, and Lorelai could hear her foot stomp on the other end.

And now Lorelai could hold it back no longer. "Rory, you are not coming home until the end of the summer. I am going to come visit in a few weeks, so you'll get to see me then."

Rory's voice was hateful as she said, "I don't want to fucking see you."

"Lorelai Leigh, you will watch your mouth right now!" Lorelai said back in a firm tone. "And you will stop this attitude you have right now."

Rory shot back, "Come and make me!"

Lorelai wanted to grab her daughter and shake her, she was so mad. "If I hear one more report from your grandmother that you even appear to be unhappy in any way…"

Rory interrupted, "What? What are you going to do? Ground me? Make me stay home in this stupid little town? Come and put me in time-out? What on earth could be worse than you sending me away, to live here, without my friends!"

"Stop!" Lorelai yelled, "Why can't you just do what I need you to do for ONCE?" And now Lorelai just rambled from her heart which, she was certain, was shattered all over the floor. "Do you think it's easy for me to spend weeks without seeing my kids? Do you think I like having to pull extra shifts at work to make ends meet? Do you think there's any part of me that likes getting a call from your grandmother saying you've been acting up?" Her voice had escalated, and she yelled, "NO! But I do what I have to do because that's what's best for you and your brother."

She wished she would have thought before she said the next words, "So could you please just for once do something besides thinking about what you want, and what you feel, and what you think you deserve and just do what I need you to do?"

She couldn't tell if Rory was still there until she heard a soft, "Fine."

Still coming down from her rant, Lorelai stated, "Thank you." Which sounded anything but thankful and sounded very close to the end of a command.

"Do you want to talk to grandma?" Rory asked, her voice short and clipped.

Lorelai wondered if anything she had just said had gotten through to her teenage-daughter. "If she's there, then I…"

She didn't even get to finish her sentence before Camille answered, "She threw that phone at me like it had the plague." The grandmother chuckled, but Lorelai just cringed thinking about how much of a problem Rory could be if she wanted to. "I just hope you weren't too…"

"Camille, I really hope this helped a little." She said, her voice exuding the exhaustion her entire body was feeling. "Please let me know if anything else happens."

The woman on the other line agreed. "I will." And then added, "Lorelai, you sound so tired. Are you sure you're…"

She had no more strength for lies. No strength for truth. She just said, "I have to get ready for work." And as she almost hung up, she added, "Thank you so much for keeping the kids. It means a lot to me."


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: OK. so. this next scene is really emotional. For Lorelai. It's her breaking point. It's where she is given a choice. A choice that she feels is between two horrible possibilities.**

 **I know that some of you might not enjoy where this is going. But please know that there is redemption. That the next scene includes the Diner Guy. And that this is a LL story. So you're just going to give me some time to get them there. The more broken that they are when they finally get together gives so much more of a meaning to them feeling complete and happy going through their lives together. So please, don't shoot me after this scene. More Rory, Jess, and Luke in the next one. I hope you like it. And please know that there are some very adult themes here. Enjoy!**

As she sat down at the dressing table that night, she could feel everyone's stare on her. And, looking in the mirror, she knew why.

In the business of stripping and entertaining, her body was everything. And her face was the prize possession of that. No man really wanted to look at someone who looked like they had just gotten into a bar fight. They wanted the face of beauty that they could long for even after they had gone home. Nope, perfection in beauty was a key to the job.

And after what Chris had done to her, Lorelai wondered if she would be able to make any money that night. But she dared not skip work – not after what happened with the customer she punched the night before. All she wanted to do was curl up at home and sleep, the headache still lingering from her hangover the night before. But she had driven here and came in. Got dressed. And now sat looking at herself – wondering how the hell she was going to pull this off.

Grabbing her foundation – she smoothed the blemish cover all over the bruise on her jaw, the slice that extended down her chin from her split lip, and along the dark circles under her eyes. She looked again, and applied another layer along her lips and jaw, trying as hard as possible to hide the marks from the night before.

One of the girls called to her from the table next to her, "What did you do? Fall down three flights of stairs?"

Lorelai just shook her head, and replied, "Fight with an ex." They didn't know Chris. They didn't know anything about her life. It didn't scare her that they knew. "You should see him."

A few of the girls chuckled, then one said, "Why, he look pretty good? Like my boyfriend that hits me every once in a while?"

Lorelai just nodded. And then, applying her eye makeup, she asked, "So what do you do to cover up when they get a little rough with you?"

"Just what you're doing, honey." And one handed her a tube of a little bit lighter foundation. "For your body."

She knew there were scratch marks all over her breasts, but the bruising along her hips – that was one part that she wasn't sure she could cover-up with this stuff. The girls filed out, and she knew she might be a bit late, but it was better to be a bit late and have her body ready to go than to have marks from something she didn't want to explain.

Pulling her short skirt down over her hips, she dotted the foundation along where Chris had left his handprints, still unable to fathom that she had let him in, yet again, to ruin her. And she cursed the stupidity she had that night – as she had been since the time she found not only her money missing from the jar, but also all the money from her purse from the past week of dancing. So there was no way she was letting him take all of her money AND her ability to make more money.

She looked at herself in the mirror one last time. There was still a blue tint to all the bruises she had tried to cover up, but she hoped that maybe she was just looking closer than most people would. She shoved the thoughts that the men studied her body more than she ever would want to – she wouldn't think about that as she pulled her heels on and walked out of the door, going up the stairs to where she was about to turn to go to the stage.

"LORELAI!"

She turned around, and found Oscar walking towards her.

He wasn't a scary person. He had almost always been nice to her – and when he got stern or angry, like after last night, it was only because he wanted her to do well there at the club. And, of course, last night, she had been out of line punching the guy in the face. She hadn't thought through what her actions could cost her and Oscar before she had physically assaulted the customer.

But the way he had sent her home early, and said that he didn't want to see her anymore that night – it made her heart beat fast when he started to walk towards her. She wondered if he was still tired of seeing her still and if he would send her home again. Because with no money at home, she still didn't know whether she would be able to pay her bills that were due at the end of the week. So she couldn't stand to miss one night of work.

She didn't have time to think about her bills very long when Oscar was standing in front of her. "What the hell happened to you?" His voice was concerned as he reached out to touch the side of her face that had the bruise along the jaw.

Bristling at his touch after what Chris had done to her, she said, "Just a little tussle with…"

He had glanced down over her body, stopping momentarily on the scratch marks coming from the top of her bra line and on her hips before he said, "That was no 'little tussle,' Lorelai." Studying her face, he cocked his head back as if he knew she wasn't telling him the whole truth. "Who hurt you?"

She opened her mouth to try to say something, but she couldn't. Saying it to the girls downstairs had been one thing – she knew that most of them had the same experience with their significant other, only from hearing them talk throughout the years. But admitting that she, the strong, take no shit girl, that she had been so drunk that she had let Chris do all of these things to her – it was too shameful to admit to another man. A man she believed cared about her.

So she stood there, stuttering over her own words. "Um… it was just a little… something happened and I …"

He just stepped away from her, shaking his head. Like he was disappointed in her. "Well, you can't perform like that."

"No, Oscar…" She exclaimed. "I have to." Stepping towards him, her mind was going a million miles an hour. She had to make money. Tonight. She had to pay rent at the end of the week. That was eight hundred dollars. More than she had ever made in a night. She had to pay the electricity bill. And the water bill. And put gas in her car. She couldn't do that if he sent her home. Her heart was pounding as she said, "I need the money."

He turned up his nose at her, and turned to walk away. "Take a few days. Come back once you look less like a punching bag."

She hated herself for what she did next. Because she was the strong woman. Who didn't need a man to take care of her. Who had made it on her own – doing something she hated – but she had done it. Especially in the club, she was a strong person who didn't look like she had any problems.

But she reached out and grabbed his arm, and pleaded, "Oscar. You can't send me home. I need…"

Turning around swiftly, he said, "You need? I need the stripper who brings in more money and more men than all of the others combined." His voice was short and angry. "But that girl…" He pushed his index finger against her chest. "That girl seems to have more problems than she's worth."

Shaking her head quickly, she held onto his arm as he tried to turn away again. "You know I work hard. I'll do whatever you want me to do." She hated the tears that started to come down her face.

He turned, violently pulling his arm away from her. "Go home, Lorelai."

She had been trying to hold onto him – because that was the one way that she would be able to hold onto the one shred of life that she had left – this job was her life. But as he pulled away from her, she sank to her knees, all hope gone. If she couldn't make money tonight, it was all over. Not only was she beaten and scarred and broken, but now she was without any money and without the way to make money. There, on the ground, she called after him once more, her voice breaking with emotion, "Please, Oscar." She choked out, "I have nothing else."

Her hands rested on her knees, her head in her hands, tears falling into her palms as she knew he had made up his mind. This was not a display of emotion for Oscar. This was her breaking. All of her dreams of having a house, of having her children safe, with a roof over their heads… it was gone. Shattered as he walked away.

She sat there for a minute, until she heard something above her. Looking up through tear-stained eyes, she saw Oscar. Towering above her.

"Then tell me, Lorelai." He said, his tone matter of fact. "Tell me what happened."

Her heart jumped as she thought that maybe he was going to give her another chance. Another chance to prove herself to him. It was hard to put what had happened into words, and she stumbled through it as she cried into her hands. "My ex-husband came over. Got me really drunk…" She remembered him pouring her drink after drink. Tears ran down her face as she said, "And I don't remember what he did to me." The horrors of waking up completely naked and scarred as she was. "But he did all of this…" She gestured to her face and body. The tears started to flow and she could barely speak. "I have… to work." She choked, "Took all my money… savings…" The reminder of the bills she had to pay – the envelopes she had to fill with money to pay for electricity, rent, water… she felt her chest heaving as she cried, "I'm going to lose… everything…"

His voice had softened a bit, but still was not friendly as he asked, "How much do you have to make to pay your bills?"

She knew the number like the back of her hand. With the letter from Chris with his check for the credit card bills – with that having not arrived, the number had been flowing through her head. She had to pay for his bill too, otherwise the credit card company was going to come after her. And impossibility came out of her mouth as she said, "Forty-five hundred."

"Due by when?" He asked, incredulous.

Her head fell back into her hands, as the words cut into reality as she spoke. "Two days."

He said her name with such disbelief. "Lorelai." And they both knew that she was done. There was no coming back from this. There was nothing else. No way that she could make that much in two days. She was lucky if she made seven hundred in one night.

She hated herself for letting it get this far. Now she was finished. She was now at the mercy of anyone who could offer her money. Anything.

And she watched as Oscar struck.

"You know there's one way that you can make money like that."

All she wanted to do was shout her resistance at the top of her lungs. Shake the walls with her desperate denial of that line of work. Scream bloody murder at the disgusting proposition.

With hesitancy, she still resisted. Fought it. Shook her head. That was still buried in her hands.

He said. "You have no other option." He still towered above her. And could feel his stare down deep into her soul – the stare the tried to rip at her very soul, clawing at the only decency she had left.

Her shoulder shook as she cried, listening to him.

"Do you want to be homeless? Sleeping underneath the overpass?" He hissed. "What about your children? Will you let them lay there with you, struggling to keep warm, because you have some sense of decency left in you? How about when people find out you're without a job and place to live?" She could no longer hold her hands up to rest her head. Placing her hands on the ground in front of her, she felt her very darkest fears being voiced as the darkness towered all around her. One attack after the other. "And I hope you're not too attached to your children, because they will be taken away from you in the blink of an eye." The entirety of her being – ripped apart – shreds of empty dreams, shattered ideals, and broken hopes – all bare for the world to see.

All of her worth bled out onto the carpet. She wondered if this is what it felt to die. If it was this painful when someone drowned. Or had a heart attack. Or drew that knife deep into their wrists – was it this painful? Did it feel as if everything had been sucked right out of you? As if you were an empty shell, just waiting for the last attack to come and shatter that shell to pieces? As if you were the ashes blowing in the wind after the wildfire came through?

The words she heard just reinstated her desperate state. "It's your choice, Lorelai." His voice seemed distant, almost like he was holding the last piece of meat. And she was that dog, ribs evident as starvation had all but killed the poor animal. She was that animal. Looking up at him, she realized she was at his mercy. Waiting for him to drop that disgusting carcass of filth and blood. But not only was he dangling it above her.

He was making her beg for it.

She tried to just nod. Her head barely moving.

Maybe he didn't see it. Maybe he didn't watch her head nod in acceptance.

Or maybe he wasn't going to just accept that.

Maybe he needed to hear it. To beg for the rotting piece of flesh that he dangled in front of her face. The money. The failure that came if she didn't take it. The starvation that would surely kill her.

But he just asked her again, "You know what you have to do, Lorelai." And now he outright said, "Tell me what you are going to do."

Her throat was raw from crying. That morning. That afternoon. And now.

The words clung like barbed wire to her tongue, begging her mind to reconsider. Giving her a last chance to think it through again. To save her dignity and starve, asking her whether she would rather just give up and die than utter those words. But she felt her tongue rip as the terrible words were forced out of her mouth. Crossing her lips – her ears couldn't believe what she had decided.

"Please." She started. More barbed wire wounds. "Let me…" She didn't know how to say it. Her tongue was in shreds.

He knew he held all of the power. The only food in the whole world was right there in his hands. And his tone showed how much control he had. "Say it." Her survival was in his hands. "Tell me that you want to make money by selling yourself."

He must have found the only piece of her that was whole. And she spoke the words that tore herself completely apart. She begged. "Please…" tears rolled out of her eyes. Her neck hurt from looking up at him. She felt so degraded there, on her hands and knees, looking up at him like he was her master and she was his animal. But she remembered how much she needed that food. And she choked out, "Let me make money by…" Her voice died and her shoulders shook as she knew she had cut the vein. "… selling myself."

And she collapsed right there on the carpet of the club. Her hands couldn't hold her up. She rolled to her side, unable to breathe as waves of emotion overwhelmed her. Every few seconds she tried to gasp for air, but the dam breaking threatened her very existence as she sobbed like never before. It was as if the walls of her broken soul crushed her. And she had begged for that to happen.

It was then that he gave her the food. Her reward.

She felt his hand on her shoulder as he whispered, "I know, darling. God, I hate seeing you like this." He sat down beside her, lifting her head to set it in his lap. Brushing his fingers through her hair, he just barely said, "It's going to get better than this." Her whole body was shaking from her crying, gasps for air mixed with wails of torment filled the now empty room. But he just continued to comfort her. "I'm right here, honey. Nothing bad is going to happen to you now."

She felt him rub her arm as she slowly started to stop crying. And he said, "Just admitting when you've failed is when someone like me can come and help you." So soft. And sweet. Even though she was such a failure. She knew she was. But maybe he could at least get her through it.

Stopping crying, she sat up, still on the floor, with her knees underneath her. Wiping her eyes, she watched mascara and the foundation she had applied leave a trail across the back of her hand. It was only then that she looked over and found Oscar with a wad of cash in his hand. She turned her head to his face, where he was looking at her with kind smile, a protecting smile.

"Here. Take this." And he took her small hand in his, and placed the money in it, curling her fingers up around it. She looked into his dark eyes, and listened to him say, "Pay the important bills."

Speechless, she just sat there, staring at the cash.

Again, his sweet words calmed her torn heart. "I'll take it as a down payment on what I know is going to be a good business venture." And he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

All she could say. All the words she could get out as she clutched the cash in her hands. "Thank you."

He smiled down on her, and stood up and helped her to her feet. Grazing his hand against her bruised jaw, he said, "And if anyone hurts you again, they're going to have me to answer to."

The idea of him protecting her – of looking out for her – someone who just might care about her despite her failures – it warmed her heart. And she gave him a small smile, to which he said, "There's my smile." Then he looked at his watch and said, "Now go home, take a few days and rest. Come back on Monday and we'll make sure everything's ready for you."


	45. Rory's Rage

**A/N: A little Stars Hollow action here for everyone. I wish I could say that this might make things better after the last chapter, but I'm very very sure that I will never be able to make many readers understand why this is important. I hope that if you've liked anything I've written so far, you will at least try to stick through this with me. But I understand if you don't. I have about five more chapters written - but I am not going to publish any of them until I get to the good part that we all have been waiting for - only because I know that with the sad things the next few chapters entail, people are going to hate me until there's good coming - so be ready to wait unless enough people try and convince me to post them.**

 **SPOILERS FOR MY STORY . I just want to defend myself against the accusations of this not being a Luke and Lorelai story. First of all. In the series, remember how long it took for them to get together? From the beginning, the first episode - it took four seasons. FOUR SEASONS of Lorelai dating someone else - Luke MARRIED someone else - Lorelai got engaged. Almost got married too. AND. after they broke up, Lorelai MARRIED Christopher. So for me, using the long and drawn out path to get them together - in my mind, it will all work out. And, when I say all work out, I mean they'll be married - and it won't just be married and the end. It's going to follow them through their marriage - and other life moments (baby) that I know people will want to read. Again, as I've said before, this story is already 100,000 words long - but I have about 300,000 more written to go into this story - and that's not even all there is. So PLEASE. just stick with me. Or at least check back in a few days. Because I really think that if you don't, you'll miss it. I have a few people reading my work that's written - and they also agree - many many happy moments - funny moments - romantic moments ahead. Just give me the chance to tell the story. Ok?**

Rory waited until the house was completely quiet. Looking at the clock beside her bed, she knew her grandparents were always in bed by ten, so waiting until midnight would ensure that they were sound asleep. Jess was no problem. He was always in his little world of books that even if he was awake, she doubted he would even hear if she made any noise.

She pulled open the window, grabbing onto the trellises that lined the house, and carefully and quietly climbed down, losing her footing towards the bottom and jumping off with her boots landing on the gravel.

She just couldn't stay here anymore. Cooped up in that house for the last two days, she needed some air. But she didn't want air when the towns people were around to ask her how she was doing, how school was. She also didn't want her grandparents asking where she was going, what she was doing, and when she would be home. There was something about doing what she knew the grown-ups in her life wouldn't want her to do that made it so much more exciting and invigorating.

And sneaking out in the middle of the night was something she knew neither her grandparents nor her mother would want her to do. So she walked down the driveway and down the road, her mind going a million miles an hour as she kicked a pinecone along with her.

Somehow, she arrived at the little bridge by the lake. The cicadas bringing the only noise throughout the whole lake – the moon shining down, reflecting off of the dark lake water – it was something she didn't get to see much of in the city. Sitting down on the edge of the bridge with her feet hanging off, she couldn't see the beauty around her. Because all she wanted was to go home. To go where she belonged.

She hated her mother for sending her here. It wasn't like Stars Hollow was a bad place. She had spent a few weeks every summer here since she was eight. Everyone knew her, and she knew everyone. And her grandparents weren't bad people. They really cared about her and Jess, and she knew that.

But she hated feeling like she was a burden. And her mother had made her feel that way by sending her here for the entire summer. Rory rolled her eyes when she thought of how her mother didn't care about her enough to let her stay at home this summer. Less people to take care of probably meant more fun for her mother – it made sense. But Rory wanted to be with her friends. Wanted to go to the beach there and hang out with them – go to Chinatown one day. Just do things with her friends and enjoy the summer.

Rory flicked a mosquito off of her arm while she berated herself for thinking that her dad had been wrong. She had wanted to think he had been. But when her mother had dropped them off here, she knew she should have listened to him. He had said that her mother always looked for the easy way out, like she had done with their marriage. He said that sure, he had done things that might not have helped, but that he wanted to work things out, to try and make them a family. But her mother wouldn't let him.

Rory had told him that it couldn't have been that way – that her mother would have wanted him if he would have tried. But now Rory knew how he felt. Her mother had yet again taken the easy way out – shipping her kids off to some small ass town where nothing ever happened – so she could have an easier summer without having to worry about them.

And she had used Rory's sneaking out as an excuse to do it. But what kid wouldn't sneak out and have fun with friends? And she was thirteen. She was grown-up enough to stay safe – to be on the lookout for whatever danger her mother thought she would get into.

Feeling the resentment building, she picked up a stone that was lying on the bridge and chucked it across the lake, listening as it plunked into the water. Mumbling to herself, she talked to her mother with all the anger she felt right now – all the things she had never said to her. "Fuck you, Mom." She whispered it. But then, knowing how angry her mother would be if she heard Rory talking like that, Rory said it again, louder. "Fuck you!" And she grabbed another stone in her hand and flung it out over the water. "I don't think you give one shit what I feel. Or what I want."

Knowing that the entire town was asleep, she felt at liberty to say all the things she had been feeling. "People at school think I'm a freak, and it's because you don't have the money to buy me the things I need." Anger began to seep out of her mouth as she rambled on and on like her mother could do very well. "I can't go to the movies because we can't fucking afford it. I can't go out for coffee with friends because you don't have the money to spend on coffee. I can't bring friends over to the house because we live in a fucking pit." It was refreshing to say the words out loud. To cuss and not be sent to her room or get a lecture on how young ladies were supposed to speak. "But your fucking pride won't let you send me to be with my dad, who can afford everything I ever wanted – you keep me with you, selfish and uncaring about what I need."

She stood up, grabbed a handful of rocks from the side of the bridge and started screaming as she threw the rocks one by one into the lake. "I hate where we live. I hate being the one who always screws things up for you. I hate being in school." And, down to the last rock, she threw it so hard she almost lost her balance as she yelled. "And I hate you!"

Rory didn't realize she was crying angry tears until she sat back down on the bridge, where she then wiped them off on the back of her hand. Whispering, she said, "And you don't want me."

Tired from her loud fit she had thrown, she laid down, flat on her back, on the bridge, looking up at the stars all above her. It was so clear. So bright up there. And she was amazed at the amount of stars that littered the night-sky. And she laid there, her eyes slowly closing as she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

She awoke to something kicking her foot. Rubbing her eyes because of the bright sun on her face, she sat up to see Uncle Luke standing right at her feet, his boot kicking against her shoe.

"Shit." It came out of her mouth as a reaction, as she realized that she had fallen asleep. Sitting up, she wondered just how long she had been out.

But Uncle Luke was probably there to do just that.

"Rory, why are you out here?" He asked.

She just turned and looked at the lake, ignoring his question. He wouldn't understand.

He just stood above her, his tall frame towering over as he said, "Your grandmother was worried sick about you!"

Still waking up, she mumbled, "She needs a hobby." She knew it was mean. But she said it anyway.

Luke sat down beside her, his legs dangling closer to the water than her shorter legs did. He just sat there for a minute, giving Rory a chance to wake up and try to figure out what her next move was. She knew the window would probably be boarded up – if only she hadn't fallen asleep. She could have snuck back in and no one would have known.

Luke broke the silence. "I know you're frustrated being here. But you're going to have a miserable summer if you keep acting like this."

"You know?" She asked. "You don't know what it's like to be ripped from your home and just handed off to someone because your mother can't get her act together and take care of you." There, she said it. To someone other than the lake. She knew it sounded cruel. But it was the truth.

It was again silent for a few minutes. She just kicked her legs back and forth in front of her – wishing she could just walk back to the city – but her mother would send her right back. Maybe Dad would…

Luke interrupted her thoughts. "Rory, you know your mother only wants what's best for you." His voice was calm. As always. She had never heard him talk any different. But Jess was quiet like Luke was – but if he heard what she had just said about their mother, he would have flipped out on her. Because Jess was his mother's biggest supporter. He couldn't look and see how much of a failure their mother was because of that.

Rory just sat there, disagreeing in her mind with what he said – but knowing it was pointless for her to argue. No one outside of their lives would understand.

"She's tried so hard, raising two kids all alone." Luke said. "I can't imagine how hard that must have been."

She hated. Absolutely hated. When someone defended her mother. Nope, unless they had lived with them in their crappy apartment with no money while being picked on for looking like a homeless person – until that happened, she wouldn't listen. She wouldn't care.

All she said was, "Well, it wasn't all that easy being raised by her. Especially when my dad wants to help take care of us, and she won't let him."

She knew Luke couldn't say anything about that because he didn't know her dad. If she had said that to Jess, he would have said that they were much better off without her dad and that it was just better that way – that she didn't remember. But Luke, he didn't have a leg to stand on because he didn't know.

Again, silence. Which she didn't mind. Of course, she felt no emotion other than anger talking about this. If her dad had been able to be in their family, maybe their lives would look more like his – with money to spend on fun things, with a dad around like Gigi had, with a nice house and a little dog and a sense of normalcy. And she could bet that her mother wouldn't have sent them here for an entire summer – they would be together as a family.

Because as much as she resented her mother for their lives being this way, she still would rather be in New York with her mother than sent away – like a discarded old shirt. She wanted to be there. Be with her. Because at least they were together. At least she had some sense of family when she was with her mother. And, despite how horribly bad their arguments could get, Rory knew there was no one in the world who understood her more than her mother did. And to be gotten rid of hurt. And her mother should have understood that.

"Your mother loves you. Anyone can look and see what she's gone through for you kids and see that she lives for you."

Rory didn't have anything to say. Because of course she knew her mother loved her. Even when they fought – it was always her mother having her best interest at heart. But it sure didn't feel like it, miles from home without her.

Luke touched her arm, and Rory looked at him. "You ready to go home and face your grandmother?"

The obvious answer was of course not. But it might be better than sitting here, talking about her mother – a topic Rory hated. So she just nodded.

And Luke drove her home and walked her into the house, where she was smothered with Grandma's hug. Tight and loving.

But when the hug pulled away, the look on her Grandmother's face was anything but sweet.

"Where have you been?" She asked, voice tough and strong. Grandpa walked in behind her. "And what were you thinking, sneaking out in the middle of the night?"

Grandpa added to the questioning. "Are you crazy, kid? What bullshit was going through your mind when you left this house without telling us?"

Rory opened her mouth, but her grandma turned to her grandpa and said, "Zeke. Watch your mouth around the kids."

She chuckled as Grandpa's face got a little red. But Rory's chuckle brought the wrath of both grandparents down on her again.

"You think this is a laughing matter?" Grandma asked sarcastically. "Do you know what it was like going in and finding your bed empty and the window open? Knowing you had been out all night?"

Rory had never seen her grandparents like this before. They had always been sweet and kind. Even Grandpa with his mock anger when she beat him at cards one day at Christmas. Today, she knew she screwed up.

"I'm sorry." She started. "I… I just needed some air." That was the truth. Which, for Rory, telling the truth when she was in trouble hadn't been the first thing on her mind. But that, accidentally, was the truth.

Grandma rubbed her forehead like she had a headache. "If you need air, you open the window. You don't climb out of it."

Rory shook her head in agreement. "You're right. I made a mistake. I'm sorry." She never ceased to amaze herself with how she could get herself out of trouble with other people. She could make them believe that she was sorry and that she wouldn't do it again.

But with her mother, it was like she could read Rory's mind. Like there was nothing she could hide from her mother – and the nights her mother had caught her coming in late or sneaking off while she was at work, their argument had gone on forever. Mostly because her mother didn't accept Rory's lame apologies. And also because Rory had something against letting her mother win the arguments. So admitting she was wrong was completely out of the picture when they argued.

Grandpa just said, "You're grounded."

Rory's eyes got wide as she listened to them deal out a punishment. A punishment she was very used to.

Her grandpa continued, "That means no leaving the yard for a week. You're not allowed to go into town, to go to the parade this weekend, or anything outside of this house and the yard." Then he looked her in the eyes and said, "Do you understand?"

Rory wanted to tell them how stupid of a punishment this was. Wanted to tell them that going to the fucking parade wasn't exactly a devastating punishment. And that there wasn't anything to do in this town anyway. But, of course, she didn't. Because then they would come up with something else that might hurt. But she doubted even that was possible after being away from her friends, her city, her mother.

All she said was, "I'm sorry, Grandma and Grandpa." Then she tacked on for brownie points, "I won't do it again." She made tears come to her eyes as she tried to look repentant.

Her grandma pulled her in for a second hug and said, "Oh, Honey. We forgive you. We were just scared something might have happened to you."

Her grandpa ruffled her hair with his big hand and said, "I'm proud of how you're handling this. Not yelling and screaming." He winked at her. "Show's maturity, kid."

They were buying it. She even thought if she was careful, they might brush off a few days of the grounding if they saw how sorry she was the next few days. Not that there was anywhere to go – but just to say she got out of something early – it would be an accomplishment that would never happen if her mother was the one giving the punishment.

Her grandma gave her one more tight squeeze, then said as she pulled away, "We will have to call your mother and tell her what happened."

Rory bristled at the thought, but was able to keep her cool enough to fool her grandparents. Her mother just might see through her lame ass apology. And she might try and convince her grandparents to go harder on her. But, Rory reasoned, there wasn't anything her mother could do to punish her more, anyway. What would she do, come down to Stars Hollow and lecture her? So, to seem like the good kid she was trying to be, Rory just shook her head and said, "I understand. That's only fair that she knows."

And, deep down, Rory almost wanted her mother to know that she was giving everyone a hard time. Maybe it would show her mother that it had been a fucking mistake to send her here – and wouldn't let her mother off the hook to just drop her children off.


	46. Oscar's office

**A/N: At the command of some of my reviewers - I've decided not to apologize for my writing anymore. So. This scene is what it is.**

 **And please - just so you know - this is a rated M story - please remember that over the next few chapters.**

Her fist hovered in front of the door as her mind searched for any other option. Any other way out of this horrible life she now found herself living. But she knew better.

He took all of her money. Not just the money she had saved for the house. But all her money for her bills that month. She already knew that she could never earn enough to recoup the money by dancing. At the most, she could make three hundred dollars a night, if there were customers that were willing to pay for her and her bruised face. But that would never pay for her rent, the electricity, the water… not to mention food. And, after Chris had greedily taken almost twenty thousand dollars from her, she knew he was probably not going to send the checks for the credit card bills.

She could always go home. Back to her parents. But they would never have her. They would never accept Jess. Never accept the failure that she was.

And Camille and Zeke? She knew they loved Rory and Jess. She knew that there was nothing they wouldn't do to help with the children. But would they care about her once they knew what she had done? Once they knew that she was such a horrible person as a common stripper in a New York strip club? What if they didn't have to know – if she could just say that she was not able to pay her bills? Would they take her then? Would they try to take her kids away from her to keep Rory and Jess unspotted from the horrible woman that she was?

But she knew that it was not their responsibility to care for her. To provide for her. Because she wasn't their problem.

She had gotten herself into this mess. She had let Chris run all over her when they were married. By bringing home the money that he would use for drugs and alcohol, she had enabled him. And, perhaps, in her mind, she could excuse herself back then because she was so young, newly married with a young daughter. But she couldn't reason herself through her idiotic decision to let him into her apartment that night. She had done this. This horrible mess. And she had to figure a way out of it.

This was her way out. No matter how much she hated herself for what she had to do. Taking a deep breath, she let her fist lightly knock on the door to Oscar's office.

"Come in." Came his muffled response through the door.

Turning the handle, she walked into a smoke-filled room that was dark except for the little light glowing from the lamp on the oak desk. There was a comfortable arm chair facing the desk where Oscar sat, and he gestured her to have a seat while he finished up on the phone. Walking in, she realized just how nervous she was as her legs shook and she sat on the edge of the chair, unable to relax enough to sit back into the chair that seemed to want to swallow her. Looking around, she saw a small bookshelf against one of the walls. The wall behind his desk, behind him, was covered in a mosaic of pictures of him with girls scantily clad with their arms around him. He looked younger in some of the pictures, with one newspaper picture showing him standing outside of this club. Lorelai read the headline under the article. "Nightlife in New York to Change With Newest Exotic Strip Club Opening."

She didn't realize just how spaced out she was until Oscar said, "That seems like a lifetime ago." Her eyes moved towards him, and found him looking at the article too. "I had so much to learn."

"I think you've done pretty well, considering the club is still going strong." She said, never having thought that he pretty much started this club from the ground up.

He nodded, and, for a second, Lorelai could tell that he was in the past, thinking through some of the struggles he had to get to where he was right now. She couldn't think about how she would look back at her life and see any success. Her mind went immediately to her children. If they grew up to have anything better than what she had, she would be successful. That was her measure.

He seemed to come back to the present, and said, "I suppose you want to know what's going to happen tonight, don't you?"

Right down to business, she nodded, her heart thumping a warning against her chest. He sat back in his chair, and took a long puff on his cigar, looking her over.

"You're nervous?"

She couldn't even speak as she wrung her hands together in her lap. She again nodded, trying to swallow part the lump in her throat.

He seemed to be weighing her response to the next question. "Would you ever take something to make you a bit more… relaxed?"

She knew he meant drink something or take some kind of drug to calm her nerves. But that wasn't an option. She shook her head.

"Just trying to get through the first night, aren't you?" He said approvingly. "Very noble." Taking a breath, he then sat up and started discussing particulars. "You'll be in the back of a limo, so there's no chance that the police will pick you up." The fact that this was something illegal just now slapped her in the face. Not only was it so degrading and horrendous, but now, if she was caught, she could go to jail.

So you'll have seven clients tonight." He said, and she nodded, not trying to think about what that meant. But he made sure she knew. "That means they paid for you to be naked, and have vaginal sex with you."

Clients? Is that what she was supposed to call these men?

She shuddered as he talked about her body like it was just another special offered at a restaurant. But, she thought, she was serving herself up on the platter, so who would care anyway?

"Each man will have thirty minutes with you. If he asks for anything other than what we already agreed on, oral or complete intercourse, you can give him the prices and ask if he still wants that."

The money. That was what she was here for. And so she asked, "Prices?" The pit in her stomach grew as he answered her.

"Because these are high-profile clients, you can charge for different things that you do." She looked at him, confused. And then he laughed and said, "Let me explain in plain language."

As she listened to parts of her body being given a price tag, she wanted to cry. But she didn't.

"A session is a half-hour and costs two hundred and fifty dollars. Pretty much, you have to provide them with oral or vaginal sex. After that, it's up to you to decide what you're comfortable with and what you decide to charge for it." He said, talking like it was just business. She reminded herself that's what it was. Business. "So, what you'll earn right now is half of what you make."

She looked up at him, and asked, "Where does the other half go?" Because making a hundred and twenty-five dollars off of what she was debasing herself to – it just didn't seem like much.

He smiled, like he knew the question was going to come up. "The rest will cover the expense of keeping you safe here."

"What?" She must not be thinking clearly because it just wasn't making sense.

"The cost of the limo. The cost of the driver who is there is something goes wrong. The hassle of finding clients and scheduling them." His business face took over and he said, "You didn't expect to take home all the money after I found you and lined up your business."

She realized that he was the one going to pocket the rest of the money.

She could tell he was getting a bit angry with her when he said, "But if you're thinking you're being conned, you're welcome to go stand on the street corner and try staying safe and not getting arrested."

"It's fine, Oscar. I'm sorry I asked." She said quietly, just wanting him to be nice to her tonight. It was going to be tough enough getting through her first night, much less with him angry with her. "I'm just nervous, that's all."

He softened, and said, "You'll soon be able to raise the prices once you're not such a new girl at this." That indicated that she would be doing this for a while, which sent the butterflies soaring in her stomach. "It's just a gamble I'm taking on you, so there should be some compensation for that."

She nodded. "I understand."

He continued his explanation of what procedure was going to be. "I want to do everything to keep you safe." Just that he cared enough to be worried about that made her feel just a bit better. She knew how men could be, and alone with them for the sole purpose of sex wasn't exactly comforting. "So I've arranged that the limo has a little red button under the seat. If the men get rough, or try to force you to do something you don't want, you can push that button. It will signal to the driver that something is wrong and he will get out and make the man leave right away."

So she wouldn't be helpless. "Thank you for thinking of that." She whispered, still unable to believe they were sitting her talking about this.

"I've also arranged for other… well, protection… for you." She looked up as he pulled his desk drawer open and then handed her a brown paper bag. He said, "There's two things in there. I have instructed the men that it is required that they use a condom. But leave it to men to conveniently 'forget' those. No matter what is being done, you have that protection there."

She knew she should be thankful for him thinking of her like this. That he wasn't just throwing her into the lion's den, but had tried to tame the lions beforehand. For him, as a man, to think about her protection, that was very kind of him. But just the simple fact that she was holding a bag of condoms as something that protected her. It just was another reality check.

"In there…" Oscar pointed to the bag. "You'll also find a month supply of oral contraceptives. Once those are gone, I'll provide you with more." She knew her face fell when he added, "Lorelai, we all know that there is no foolproof way to keep from getting pregnant."

Lorelai nodded and said, "I got pregnant at sixteen. I know."

"So making sure we have our bases covered is going to be one step in keeping this just a job and nothing more." He moved onto the next topic. "Also, once a month, I'm setting you up to be tested for anything that can be sexually transmitted."

Another thing Lorelai hadn't thought about. Of course, the men who were coming to her weren't going to be the most trustworthy people. So she should have been prepared for this. But just the thought of what she was about to put her body through – that all of these things, the contraceptives, the potential risk of getting arrested, the possibility of contracting an STD – it just all hit her at once, and the first tear fell unbidden from her eye. She immediately brushed it away from her face, trying not to look like a weepy woman who couldn't control her emotions.

Oscar, though, didn't want to move on. "Lorelai." His tone was sweet and kind. Caring almost. "I know this is hard. But you want to make sure you know exactly what you're getting into so you can be prepared."

Her voice cracked as she said, "I know." She paused to compose herself, "It's just so overwhelming."

He nodded, and leaned over the desk, offering her a tissue. Waiting while she wiped her face, he said, "I think it will all look different after you get through a night on the job. You'll see it's not as bad as it's sounding."

Twisting the tissue nervously in her hand, she said, "I hope it does. Because this just feels so… wrong."

"Give it time, darling."

Tiem was the one thing she didn't have. She had to get money. And soon. So she didn't need time. She needed to realize that this was her only option. And to learn to be fine with it.

The suddenness of his movement as he stood up caused Lorelai to jump. But he just walked over to the little closet and pulled out a black dress on a hanger. "I had this made for you." He gestured down the front of the low-cut dress. "It has a zipper up the front, so it will be easy for you to get in and out of." He then pointed to the hemline, which, Lorelai figured, would come about an inch below her crotch. "It's short enough that you wouldn't have to disrobe to have sex if the man didn't want you naked." He added, "Which, looking at your body, isn't going to be often."

She stood up to take the dress from him, touching the fine material with her fingers when he handed it to her. He said proudly, "I wanted you to look the part of a high-class woman, not some cheap thing they can find just anywhere."

Lorelai was just looking at the dress in front of her, the grey zipper, she knew, would be a turn-on for men. It would signal that it was just one zip away to her body being theirs. And never before had that been true.

She looked up at Oscar, and said, "Thank you for getting this all set up for me." She knew thanking him for asking her to be a prostitute wasn't something she should do. But somehow, seeing how much he thought about it, trying to keep her safe, setting up tests so she could be healthy, a dress that was easy for her to wear instead of her needing to bring something from home – all of that showed that he was looking out for her.

He reached out and touched her shoulder, and she could see in his eyes how much he really was concerned for her. And he leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead and said, "For good luck tonight."


	47. Questioning Everything

Oscar had left her for a few minutes to get changed and ready. She looked around the smaller dressing room she found herself in.

It was hers.

All to herself. No lockers. No keys. No sharing the mirrors.

She knew she should feel privileged as she finished curling her hair without someone bouncing around her trying to apply their fake-eyelashes. But she just felt very isolated. Very alone.

And very scared.

She applied lip-stain, thankful that she was now an expert at the makeup application part of the process. After years in the club, putting on her other persona had been the key to her separating her work life from her life at home as a mother to her two children.

But tonight, she didn't have an alter-ego. Because the person she was at the club – the one who could lap-dance with the best of them – that person wasn't the person staring back at her. Tonight she was giving away the only thing that Lorelai Gilmore had left in her as herself. This had been the one line she told herself she would never cross. Ever.

Yet, the prospect of getting evicted from her apartment, with no place to raise her children – that did something to her.

And here she found herself. In her own dressing room. In her own skin.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she laughed at how much less skin she was showing than when she would get up and strip. The black dress that Oscar had given her wasn't long at all – in fact, her g string was visible if she bent over even just a little. And the dress was cut down right between her breasts, where the infamous zipper started and followed the skin-tight fabric all the way down to the hemline. Wearing her black heels that weren't as high as her stage shoes – they still elongated her legs that were still shiny from the lotion she always put on. She started to think through whether she would need shoes on? Like would they want her to take them off? Would she be better to just go out barefoot than have them getting in the way?

Then her mind started going through all the possibilities of what she was going to do.

It was in the back of a limo. A car. Who could have sex comfortably in a car? Although a limo was longer, Lorelai still wondered if they would have sex on the leather seats? Wouldn't that hurt her back. Oh, god, what if she wasn't on her back. What if they wanted her on top of them? Then she would have to be engaged. Although she was sure she had to be engaged whether she was lying on the seat or on top because they were paying her to give them a good time. Would they prefer the floor? Maybe that would be easier? A little more spacious? A little less comfortable but still – more room to…

Then she looked again at her dress and wondered what would happen if the zipper got caught and she couldn't get it off. Would they rip the dress? Would they try to take it off of her? What if it got caught in her hair? And then she would have a dress stuck in her hair – not what they wanted – would they still pay her?

And how were they going to pay her? In cash? Were they going to pay Oscar and he would give her what she earned? Would he keep it like a paycheck until the end of the week or would he give it to her right away? And if he gave it to her, would she have a place to keep it in the limo? Because if she was completely naked she couldn't stick it in her bra.

And, o god, she was going to be naked. Not just topless, but naked. Her one defense against the world – the one part of her that she hadn't shown off to the club – it would not only be uncovered, but it would be…

Her hands started shaking and she started to realize she couldn't go through with this. At the club, if a man got too handsy with her, she could have him escorted from the building. Just like that. But now, not only was she going to let them get all handsy with her, but she was also going to let them touch her in places that, after Chris had done what he did, she never wanted anyone touching her. And even before Chris, she had valued herself more than to let some stranger with money feel her up. And this was going way beyond the "feeling up" stage.

"Ready, Darling?" Oscar asked from the doorway as he knocked gently.

She looked up at him and she could feel the tears running down her cheeks as she shook her head and whispered, "I don't think I can do this." Her entire body was telling her that this was not a good idea. Knees feeling weak, her hands wringing in front of her body.

Oscar walked over to her, his dress shoes clicking on the concrete floor of the basement, drawing her attention to the ground, where she felt she deserved to look. She was such a horrible person for even considering this. For even getting this far in the process. She was dressed to go out into that limo and have sex with seven men. Seven. And it was just now that she realized that she couldn't do it? Lorelai hated herself for how close she let herself get to this.

As was the usual caring Oscar, she felt his hand on her cheek, drawing her shamed gaze to his. And she listened as his sweet Brooklyn accent said her name so beautifully. "Lorelai." He began. "You told me yourself that you have no other choice."

She shook her head against his hand and tried to find courage. "I can get another job. Working during the day. And here at night – in the club. Not here, like …" And the tears flowed even more as she thought about what she had agreed to. "I just can't make myself go out there. Out there and…"

Still soft, Oscar asked, "Do you have another job that can get you almost nine hundred dollars by the end of tonight?"

Of course not. She wouldn't have been there if she knew of another place where she could do respectable work and make the money she needed. That was what put her here in the first place.

He asked, "What's scaring you so much, Lorelai?"

Her mouth started to ramble. "Everything. Getting in a car with someone I don't know. Taking all my clothes off. And then just having ..." Lorelai wanted to scold herself at not even being able to say it when she had been so willing to go and do it. "… with men for money. It just seems so wrong. So degrading."

His tone changed. He wasn't angry. He wasn't mad. He was just matter of fact. "Do you think having your children taken away because you can't provide a roof over their heads won't be degrading? Living on the streets alone, going to homeless shelters for food, keeping the horny men off of you while you try to sleep curled up under a cardboard panel – you think that won't be degrading?"

The picture of her children being taken away stuck in her mind. And she couldn't imagine a life without her children.

"Are you going to let fear of what you haven't experienced keep you from having the time with your children? A roof over your head?"

Reality set in. She had no other choice. Letting her feelings get in the way of her children's wellbeing – that was a truly bad mother. She had never been a mother that she wanted to be. Lorelai couldn't provide all of the new clothes and toys and even foods that Rory and Jess wanted. But she wasn't going to let them be taken away from her because she couldn't just get tough skin and do what needed to be done.

Nodding her head, she wiped her face with the back of her hand, and then she said, "I'm just so scared." Her voice was still shaking, despite her resolve to ignore the fear.

He knew from experience. He had been in the business a long time. The advice he could give her would help. And he cared for her. So she listened as he said, "Just get in there and tell yourself that you can do anything for thirty minutes. Just get through that thirty minutes." He brushed her hair out of her face, and said, "That's all anyone can ask, ok?"

"Ok." Her voice cracked, but she willed the tears to stay in her eyes. She couldn't cry over what she couldn't change. There was no way out of this, and she was going to make the best of what she had.

He took his hand from her cheek and lovingly grasped her shoulder, almost trying to give her strength. And he asked, "Ready?"

Unwilling to verbally agree to her fate, she nodded her head, and again brushed her face just to make sure she didn't have any tears there. Would do no good for men to see weakness on her face. Not when she was already going to be so vulnerable out there. Nope, she had to put her tough face on. Even if she didn't feel like it.

Oscar walked her up the stairs out to the alley behind the club. Her heels clicked on the gravel, and she was thankful that her heels felt like an extension of her body since she had been working in them for so long – otherwise she was sure she might have fallen walking. Comforting and giving strength, Oscar had his hand on the small of her back, and turned to lead her down the alley towards the street that was in front of the club.

The minute she saw the black limo, somehow shining, despite the dark night that surrounded it – them minute she saw it, she started to slow down as all of the fears and anxieties came flying back. It looked so small. Confined in there for a half hour with a man perverted enough to try and buy sex in the first place? She wanted to stop walking. To turn around. But the hand on her back now turned from comforting to leading as he pushed her along. And he whispered in her ear, "Remember you don't have any other choice."

She tried to think through. There had to be another way… there had to… But then the driver was opening the door, his face non-descript in the dark. But she realized that he would be in there the whole time – in the front, of course, but he would be there listening to everything that was going to happen. And she didn't know whether that made her feel like someone was looking out for her or someone else was just going to witness how far she had sunk down the ladder of humanity.

Stepping inside, she was greeted by a cool air – a nice break from the warm night outside. She wanted to scope out the interior, maybe set to rest some of her fears about the logistics of what was going to happen. But Oscar started giving her last minute instructions.

He pointed out the button on the front of the seat. "That's what you need to push if you need help" She nodded. "The man will be out in about five minutes." Five minutes left before she became an official prostitute. "He will stay for thirty minutes." Oscar pointed to the dark window that separated the back from the front. "When the thirty minutes are up, the driver will knock on the window. The man will then have three minutes to collect himself and exit the car. If it takes him longer than that, the driver will come and escort him out." She nodded again, thinking that it was just thirty minutes. She only had to do this thirty minutes. Then she could get out of this car. Oscar then gestured to a small cubby on the side of the limo. "I put the extra condoms in there." He then gave her a warning look. "You will use those, do you hear me? I won't have my favorite girl getting sick because of some asshole refusing to use one."

She smiled just a little as he called her "his favorite girl."

He then said, "And if you ever needed it, there's some lubricant in there."

Her mind started to think through when she would ever need that. She had never needed that every other time she had sex. But maybe that was…

Her thoughts were interrupted when Oscar asked, "Any questions?"

She wanted to laugh. Of course she had questions. What was going to happen? How was she going to feel? Was the man going to be gentle? Was he supposed to be? What would she feel afterwards? How long would it take for this fear that was eating away at her stomach to leave her?

But those were questions that there were no answers for. She would have to find out. She was the only one who could answer those.

So she shook her head, "No."

His large rough hand squeezed her bare knee and he smiled. "Thirty minutes."

And then he left. And the door slammed. Leaving her alone.

She looked around at her prison for the next half-hour, and she tried to answer some of her questions. The lighting was dim, the little lights along the top of the cab casting what Lorelai could think would be seen as good light enough to see with, not bright enough to be embarrassed about how she just might soon be naked. The long cab had a wide leather seat that ran along one side – on the other, there was a small bar, little fridge, and a little machine for ice. The seat Lorelai was sitting on was along the back of the cab.

Her hands gripped the leather seat that she was sitting on, wringing up and down the lip of the seat nervously. She tried to think through what was going to happen. Of course, she knew WHAT was going to happen. But she didn't know every detail. In fact, as she waited for the man to come, she didn't know whether he would come from the door she had just gotten into or from the other one. And that freaked her out. She told herself to stop freaking out. But there was just something about not knowing which way he would come that unsettled her.

Her leg twitched nervously, and she pulled her short skirt down as far as she could, which then only pulled her neckline down farther than she wanted. She even reached up to check the zipper to make sure it was working since the last time she checked about five minutes before. Brushing her hair behind her back, she just wished that it would happen already. Then she marked in her mind where the extra condoms were for if he hadn't brought one.

And with that that thought, she knew that this had been a mistake. She could move. She could go back home. Anything was better than this. This waiting for a man to come have sex with her. For money. Doing something illegal. There were so many things that could go wrong. She could get pregnant. She could get an STD. She could be arrested. What if he was an undercover cop. What if she was going to prison right now for what she was doing? What if he was a man who wanted to kill her after he was done? He could strangle her and no one would hear her. He could shoot her right there and that would be the end.

Her heart was pounding. Her head throbbing from the stress. She was sweating. Everything was telling her to get out of that car and run. Far away. Get away from here. Get away from this place. Get away from herself for putting her in this place. She would be no use to her children dead.

And with that, she reached over to pull the handle. She didn't know what she was going to do. But she knew what she wasn't going to do.

She reached over to grab it, but found that the door had opened.


	48. Chapter 48

A/N: I have decided to do something different :) No worries - I'm still going to write this story. But I have come to realize that many of the readers are wanting something different. SO. Instead of throwing out what i have written - I'm going to post two different things: one in a basic summary, here on this story, where during the really rough chapters, this will only give a summary of what happened - that way, if a reader just wants to get to the happy parts and ignore the different character development, then they can. On another story- Dark Stripper Extras - will be the full scene, not just the summary. With some pretty tough things and issues coming up, I wanted to give readers that option. So please, if you would like to read more dark things - check out that story - it will be the same characters, same time frame - it will just be - well - darker than I'm going to post on here!

SUMMARY: Lorelai has sex with the man in the limo. He starts out gentle but gets very commanding in the end. She tries to keep her repulsion at what he's doing - she tries to ignore it, but the thoughts of how bad of a person she is flows through her mind. She hates herself. Not only because of what she's doing - but because she knows she has to make him like her - so he will tell Oscar that she's doing a good job.

So, if you think you can handle that - please read the full chapter in "Dark Stripper Extras"

More writing will be posted sometime today!


	49. Chapter 49

A/N: Remember - check the chapter before (and if you have the guts, check out "Dark Stripper Extras" to see what happens before this!)

Then she heard the sound.

That she had been waiting for.

With every degrading thing she had allowed to be done to her body she had waited. Wither every derogatory word she had allowed him to say to her. With every act that had pushed her farther and farther away from being a human being closer and closer to an object.

She had waited for that knock.

And when she heard it, she exhaled the breath she didn't realize that she had been figuratively holding for the entire time she had been in that limo.

She opened her eyes to find him pulling the condom off of his now limp dick. She watched him toss the used rubber on the ground just a few inches from her body. Cringing, she then heard him pull up his pants, zipping them as he thanked her, "That was a great time. I'll definitely be back." He sounded a little winded. Watching him get out of the limo, completely dressed while she was lying there, naked and used, she fought to keep from crying as he said, "Next time we'll have even more fun." And then the door slammed shut.

Leaving her there. Naked. Cold. Humiliated. Alone.

It was over.

The first one. She made it through the thirty minutes. That was all she had aspired to. Thirty minutes.

She survived.

Well, she wondered how much of her had survived. And now much of her had been killed. Her morality. That was dead. She knew that. Her pride. That had been ripped away from her. Nope – she was sure that most of her had been destroyed that night. And she knew she would never get that back.

She didn't think she could ever go back to the person she had been before that man came into the limo.

Then the thought hit her.

There were more coming.

Six more.

How could she do that? How could she experience this yet again?

She felt her heart start to pound, and her hands got all sweaty. She felt like she was in a prison. That she couldn't breathe. Rolling to her side, she tried to suck air in through her mouth, but she just couldn't – it wasn't coming.

There were more.

More men coming to make her their little toy.

She pulled herself up on the seat and pulled her dress together, her fingers shaking as she zipped it up.

More. They were going to hurt her too.

The walls were closing in on her. She had to get out. Not bothering with her bra or panties that were laying on the ground of the limo, she reached for the handle and opened the door to the warm air that hit her as she stumbled out of the limo.

She didn't know what she was doing. But she had to get out.

Six more men were going to come in there.

She fell to the ground but pushed herself up as she tried to catch her breath, ignoring the burning on her hands from the concrete scraping into her skin.

That man was the first of seven.

Making her way down the back alley, she put both of her hands against the stone of the building, giving her legs some added support as she tried to breathe.

More of them coming to tell her to take her dress off.

She felt so dizzy, like she was going to pass out. Cold and clammy, her skin felt as gross as she felt right now.

More coming to tell her to open her legs for them.

She tried to breathe. In and out. Long and deep. Air into her lungs. Her lips were trembling as air flew through them.

But she would get through this. She had to. There was no choice. She was already dead inside anyway. There was no going back from what just happened.

She whispered her reasons to herself.

"Rory." Her children's names on her lips brought her some strength. "Jess." She had to do it for them. They had to have a place to live. A place to call home. Food on the table. Water in the house. Lights in the house.

Her heart started to calm as she saw her children's faces from a few years ago, when they had been so poor, when Lorelai kicked Chris out. Little Jess and his ice-cream cone on the train home. Rory and her nose in a book with her mouth still moving as she told her mother all about what was happening in the book.

Nope. She could do anything for them.

She felt her body start to calm, her legs not shaking so much. And she could breathe almost normally right then.

Until.

One of the men from the club – some random old man walked by her. Didn't touch her. Didn't make a pass at her. Didn't threaten her bodily.

He just did what drunk men coming out of the club where they were presented with women who were there to entertain them. As he walked by her, he whistled and slurred out the drunken words, "Girl, you've got some ass!"

And that was the end of her calm.

She leaned over, right there, and she threw up. Heaving what little was in her stomach, she knew that she was nothing more than a plaything for a man. She was nothing. And that sickened her.


	50. Chapter 50

Lorelai pulled up to the house as she had for almost every holiday since that first Christmas. It looked the same, except there were no Christmas lights on the house. Which was fine, because it was during the daytime, and the light just illuminated the gorgeous flowers the Camille had everywhere throughout the yard.

After three months, she was amazed at how tired even just doing the little things made her. It had only been a two-hour drive, but Lorelai felt exhaustion tearing at her eyes to fight to stay awake. She made a mental note to try and get a cup of coffee before they left the house today as she got out of the car. Her arms felt so heavy trying to shut the door to her car, and her legs felt wobbly, even though she told herself it had been four weeks. She should be fine. Knowing the lack of food was probably not helping her body heal, she was glad that Camille would always send home food with them so she could eat.

As she was walking up the sidewalk to the house, she heard the door open and Lorelai saw Camille come out onto the porch.

She grabbed the railing, trying not to show how much she really was depending on it, she climbed the stairs while saying, "I don't know how to thank you for keeping them this summer." And then she was enveloped in a massive hug from the sweet woman, who held her close.

Lorelai relaxed in Camille's arms, and relished the sweet words Camille said, "We certainly had our share of adventures." She felt Camille's arms on her shoulders as she pulled away from the hug. The woman looked her over, and then found her eyes and asked, "Lorelai, are you doing ok? You look…"

She had already prepared for this. She knew she was pale. And maybe a bit skinnier. So all she said was, "I've been working so much these last few weeks, trying to make use of all the time I could make sure the kids were safe while I was working." She smirked as she said, "Now I'll go back to working normal hours and worrying all the rest of the time about my teenagers sneaking out of the house."

Camille smiled a sad smile, and then said, "So there's a new development with Rory."

Cringing, wondering what the hell her pre-teen daughter had done, Lorelai asked, "What happe…"

The door to the house slammed, interrupting the conversation. Turning, Lorelai saw Rory's face as her daughter walked past her towards the car while saying, "Come on. I want to go."

But Lorelai barely heard what she said as she reached out and grabbed her daughter's arm. And as Rory wrenched around to face her, Lorelai knew she had seen what she thought she had seen.

Right there, plainly on her daughter's nose.

Her eyes opened wide and she willed her mouth not to follow. "What…" Lorelai could barely finish her sentence. "What the hell is on your nose?"

Pulling her arm away, Rory gave her a disgusted look as she said, "It's nothing, Mom." And then Lorelai watched as Rory walked away towards the car.

She heard Camille's voice behind her. "So, that was the new development."

The mother inside of Lorelai was now very comparable to a lion or a bear or something else that could really destroy someone or something. Following Rory down the stairs, she said, "Nothing? That's not nothing. You have a piece of metal jammed through a body part in the middle of your face." Catching up to her daughter, she grabbed her arm and turned her around. "Talk to me."

As Rory turned around, Lorelai was immediately drawn to the little steel stud on her daughter's nose. But she also saw all of the heavy eyeliner across her eyes, the dark lipstick on her lips that were pierced and angry. Rory crossed her arms in defiance as she said, "What is there to talk about?"

"Um. How about the piece of metal jammed through your nose?" Lorelai gestured to her daughter's face. "In what universe did you think that I would be ok with that?" Her tone was anything but questioning. It was a statement of Rory's stupidity.

Rory's eyes narrowed as she threw back, "I don't really care what the hell you think."

"So now you're swearing at me with that piece of metal in your face." Lorelai shook her head in amazement. "Really, Rory? I mean, come on. This isn't like you. You don't…"

Rory slammed her hand on the window of the car in anger as she yelled, "Stop trying to control my life! You don't know me! You don't care."

Lorelai had flashbacks to similar arguments with her own parents. Except her parents hadn't tried to understand. Lorelai was trying to. "Rory, I'm standing here listening to you. Tell me!"

Lorelai was hoping for something to break with this kid. Something that would let Lorelai in on what was going on with her daughter. What had made this sudden shift. And sure, standing in the driveway of their grandparent's house wasn't the ideal time for a heart to heart. But if that's what it took to get through to Rory, then that was going to be the best place for that time.

Rory looked at her, tears rolling out of her dark eyes. Lorelai knew that something was going on, but she couldn't understand what. Reaching out to touch her daughter's arm to show comfort, she watched Rory pull away. "Just leave me alone." And with that Rory pulled the door to the car open, got inside, and then slammed the door shut.

Lorelai's shoulders drooped in defeat as she watched Rory put her headphones in her ear and looked out the opposite window, away from Lorelai.

Too tired to fight anymore, she just called into the car, "We're not leaving for a while." When nothing happened, Lorelai turned and walked back up the porch, where Camille was still standing.

"Oh, honey." Camille put her arm around Lorelai's waist, and as they walked into the kitchen, she said, "This too shall pass."

Lorelai grumbled. "I'm going to pull that thing out of her nose in the middle of the night and tell her it was just an accident." When Camille laughed, Lorelai asked, "Well, do you have any other suggestions?"

Walking into the always cozy house, she was greeted by a very different response from her very different child. She didn't know many other fourteen-year-old boys who would hug their mothers. But her Jess always did. As she held him, she felt happiness rising after her argument with Rory, and she asked, "Have you grown like a foot over the summer?" He stood away from her and she looked at Camille and said, "Have you been feeding him growth hormones."

His shy voice said, "Oh, Mom… stop." But his smile said he was just as glad to see her as she was to see him.

Noticing the book in his hand, Lorelai asked him, "So, whatcha reading?"

Camille called from the kitchen, "There's sandwiches and coffee in here!"

Jess showed Lorelai the small book he was reading, and started to tell her all about it while they walked into the kitchen to get their food. He didn't talk long about his book, instead he grabbed two sandwiches and set them on a plate while he asked, "So how's work, Mom?"

Trying to act nonchalant about it, Lorelai grabbed one of the sandwiches, which looked so good, and she said, "It's good. Busy. But now that you kids are coming back, I'll take a step back from that and everything." Grabbing a cup of coffee, she sat down at the table with Jess just as the back door into the kitchen opened.

She smiled as she saw Luke, and smiled even bigger as she saw what he had in his hands. "You know me so well, Duke." That was her greeting.

And his was even sweeter. "And you don't know me enough to know my name." He smirked as he set the to-go cup of coffee on the island and said, "For the trip home."

Always their sarcastic banter, she replied, with food in her mouth, "If it was for the trip here, I would have been screwed."

"Jess!" She heard Zeke calling from upstairs. "We've got some suitcases to move here!"

Shoving the rest of his sandwich into his mouth, he sent Lorelai a look that showed he wasn't the happiest to be helping move stuff. But soon he pounded up the stairs, and Lorelai heard Zeke loudly say, "Now son, your sister must be taking half of Stars Hollow back with her in these bags!"

Grinning at the interaction, she said to Luke, "I don't know what I would have done with those kids all summer long if they had been with me."

He grabbed a sandwich, and then said, "It was good for my parents too." He sat down at the table across from her. "They love having the kids around."

She chuckled and asked, "Do they love having a wild teenager around?" Shaking her head, she said, "I don't know what I'm going to do with her once I get her back to New York." She took a bite of her sandwich, thought while chewing, then said, "Working so much, there's so much time she's alone. And the friends, I'm sure that's not going as it should either."

Her eyes met Luke's, who seemed to be deep in thought. "What if you moved here?" He asked. She startled at the thought, she wasn't sure why, but that was just such a foreign thought. So he explained, "The kids could have a good school to go to, and Mom and Dad would be around to keep an eye on them while you were working."

She must have looked skeptical. Because she was. Moving to the small town? Where they had family? And people who would help her? It sounded too good to be true. Just the thought of escaping her work – the exhaustion she felt – the horrible things she had done – the idea of leaving that behind, well, it sounded wonderful.

"I don't have a job here." She said. "Or a house. And I'm sure that there's nothing I could afford here anyway." All the reasons. On the table. Right there in front of them.

Luke just shrugged his shoulders, like her reasons were nothing to be worried about. "There are always jobs for good workers. We could find you something."

"Something isn't what I need." She said without emotion. "I have…" her mind went to the money she paid on a monthly basis for Chris' indiscretions. "…debt from my marriage." She watched his eyebrows raise, and she quickly continued on to distract him from what she was sure he would otherwise ask questions about. "And my job that I have makes sure I can pay my bills and…" God, she couldn't lie. She hated her job – who wouldn't? Hell, she hated herself for doing her job. Constant guilt.

Luke looked apologetic, and maybe a bit sorry that she was saying no. Lorelai couldn't tell. All he did was nod at her, and said, "Well, you know, if you need anything, let me know." And he reached across the table and she felt his big hand wrap around hers, in comfort. "You're doing a great job with your kids, Lorelai."

And she smiled at him, wishing that she was good enough for his sweet nature.


	51. Chapter 51

"Mrs. Hayden, your daughter is…"

Lorelai interrupted the principal sitting across the desk from her. "Um, I'm sorry." Well, she wasn't, she just needed to make this clear to him. "It's Ms. Gilmore." She got so sick of explaining this to people after so long. "Rory's father and I divorced a few years ago, and yet you still can't seem to get that right." If only this was the first time. She had asked him, this same principal, to call her by her name, but he wasn't smart enough to remember.

She knew she must have offended him, just by his body language. Unfortunately, she was an expert at reading men's body languages. He sat back in his chair, his nose slightly turned up at her as he fiddled with a pencil in his fingers. Condescending, he said, "Ms. Gilmore." He pronounced her name very slowly, just to irritate her. "Your daughter is having some problems we thought needed to be brought to your attention."

She was overtired. She had gotten less sleep last night because things at work just took longer than normal. And she was still recovering from a cold that just wouldn't seem to go away. So she responded more sarcastically than she normally would. "I figured you don't call parents into your office for metals and accolades."

"I don't think you understand the severity of the issues, Ms. Gilmore."

Why he insisted on repeating her name when she hadn't gotten up and walked out and walked back in so that he needed to reiterate what her name was – she didn't know. And she just took a deep breath, coughed a little, and said, "I know she's been having some problems adjusting to the new school."

Principal Foster's face just held his deadpanned look. "This isn't adjusting." It wasn't said like he was concerned about her daughter – he said it to put her in her place. And she wasn't going to take it. She wasn't in the back of a limo. She was in her daughter's school. And she didn't appreciated him putting her down.

Tired of people telling her what she already knew, she said, "She's really stubborn, and is going through some rough times. I know that." She thought back to the piercing at the end of summer – how much they argued about that. "But I am trying my best to…"

"It's not enough, Ms. Gilmore." Again, with the name. He stared her straight in the face and ended all of Lorelai's excusing the issue. "She was caught in the cleaning closet with a boy. Having sex."

Lorelai just sat there. Staring straight ahead. The word "sex" and her daughter should not go in the same sentence. Not even the same sentence – shouldn't be in the same conversation. Because her daughter was thirteen. And sex was a horrible thing.

When she didn't speak, the principal must have continued speaking. "We told the parents of the boy, who were absolutely mortified that the son would do something like that."

God, he was saying it like she wasn't going to be concerned. Like the boy's parents were being the good people here and he just assumed she was the bad parent. She could barely process, but sarcasm flew out, "I'm not exactly throwing her a party here." At the mention of the boy, Lorelai had to know. And she knew that her daughter wasn't going to tell her. So she asked, "What exactly did you walk in on them doing?"

Talking about sex couldn't bother her anymore. It just didn't. And watching the condescending principal's face redden in embarrassment, it was enough to make her smile. He stuttered, "I… I … don't think it's really… my.. my place to…"

Lorelai interrupted him, her certainty about wanting to know throwing him off of his angling around the issue. "As a parent, I want to know exactly how far they were in the sex thing."

Watching him squirm distracted her from the fact that they were talking about her daughter. "They were… well, she was…"

This was going to take forever. So she narrowed it down for him. "Did they have clothes on?" Talking about this with a mother of a student made the man uncomfortable, but Lorelai could read any guy just about as clear as reading a book. He was the type of guy who went to work, went home to his wife, told her he would be out of town the next night, and hired a hooker to have sex with. He had that look about him. His wedding band had callouses only on the bottom of his finger, showing that he slipped it on and off quite often. And the way he kept looking at her chest – nope, she wasn't afraid of him anymore. And she continued to ask questions, "Were they kissing? Was he on top of her? Was his penis inside of her? What was going on?"

The man's eyes grew wider with each question she asked, and when she stopped, he could barely speak. "I.. umm… well…"

"We are all adults here." She couldn't believe he couldn't talk about this.

Nodding, he swallowed, and said, "We are at that." He focused on the pencil in his hand and said, "I don't think it got that far. Just…" Lorelai was watching him, watching him backtrack on what he said before, "… just some kissing and, shall we say, groping."

All the concern in Lorelai dropped to like the lowest level. She sent him a look and said, "What?" He had called that… "You said she was caught having sex." He nodded, opened his mouth to say something, but Lorelai wasn't about to let him have the floor. "Kissing? You called me in here for kissing?" Frustration at being called in here for something so minor and being scared to death that her daughter had been having sex – that irritation flowed into her words, short and clipped. "For your information…" So pointed. But she wasn't yelling. She was proud of herself for that. "…The act of kissing, where two mouths meet, is called just that. Kissing." She tried to stop herself, but his embarrassed face, it just spurred her on. "And also, sex?" Lorelai sat up in her chair, so her hands were on his desk. "Is when a man's penis goes inside a woman's vagina." She held her hands up in the air and separated them while she said, "Two. Fucking. Different. Things."

She could tell that he was angry. But that didn't bother her as she listened to his speech, "Unless that was your application to be a sex education teacher, I would appreciate if you could keep your sarcasm to yourself." He sat up in his chair, so he was staring at her straight on. "Leaving behind the specifics of the encounter, your daughter is on the fast track to being expelled." Expelled? For kissing? In her day… "She has skipped multiple classes, is late for almost all of the ones that she attempts to attend…" He looked down at the paper in front of him, and said, "And, to date, has had detention every day for the past two months." Two months? School had only been in for ten weeks.

Lorelai asked, "Why wasn't I informed on anything about this?" If it was this bad, shouldn't she have gotten a note? Or a phone call?

Again the flipping through the papers. "Our records show that we've received your signature on the demerit slips and have left multiple voicemails on your phone." He looked up again. "Care to explain yourself?"

"'Explain myself?' What am I, a sophomore in high school who was late to gym class?" God, men. Lorelai wanted to strangle him, but of course, that was illegal. And violent, since she was in a school. So she just said, "I signed no slips and have no missed voicemails on my phone. I always check my messages, for this very reason. If someone wanted to get ahold of me, say, to tell me that my daughter was having trouble in school…" she was patronizing him. And she didn't care. "… then I would know because, as I said, I check my messages."

He looked down and said, "Is your phone number…" And he read off Rory's cell phone number. And before he looked up, he handed her a slip of paper. "These are the demerit slips with your signature on them."

And Lorelai realized just how bad this must be. Because the signature on the slips weren't hers. She had never seen those papers before. And the fact that Rory had put her own phone number down instead of Lorelai's – God, Rory had been smart in this.

Feeling like he had bested her, she said, "Well, this isn't my signature." His eyebrows raised. "And that isn't my phone number."

He sat back in his chair, victorious in his win over her. And all he said was, "It looks like you've got some parenting to do, Ms. Gilmore."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorelai looked at the clock on the stove for the fifth time that minute while she called out over her shoulder, "Jess, are you sure she didn't tell you if she had anything after school today?" She had been waiting since three that afternoon to talk to Rory, who was supposed to be home at 3:30. And, as a minute passed by on the clock, it was now 7:15. Only fifteen more minutes to go before Lorelai had to leave for work.

Jess called out from his room, "No, she didn't." He walked into the kitchen, where she was sitting at the table. Grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl, he sat down across from her. "But that's not to say that she doesn't have something. It's not like she tells me anything."

Running her hand through her hair, she exhaled. Her body was so sore, like she just got done with work, but she hadn't been to work yet. She ached all over. When was this fucking cold going to go away? Three weeks was enough in her mind. She coughed, wishing she had another cough drop for her throat. But she had used the last one a few hours before, and until she got paid later that night, she didn't have enough to put gas in the car and get cough drops. So, she was just going to be miserable.

"Do you have any idea where she might be?" Lorelai picked up her phone, thinking that in the last two minutes maybe Rory had called. Lorelai had left five or six voicemails on her daughter's phone – voicemails that apparently went right along with the principal's messages.

Jess shook his head and took another bite out of the apple. "Maybe at a friend's house?" But he didn't' sound convinced. Then he asked, "Why? What's so important?"

She didn't know how to answer him. He was her son. He didn't need to know everything bad that was happening. But maybe he could help her by telling her what he knew she might be doing or had been doing when she was skipping class?

But she didn't have to. Because just then, the door to the apartment opened, revealing the long lost daughter waltzing in like nothing was wrong.

"Where the hell have you been?" Lorelai asked, jumping to her feet. "It's almost seven thirty. And school was done at 3."

Rory's response, always sarcastic, was, "Well, look who can tell time."

Lorelai didn't have time for this. This attitude. As Rory threw her bag down on the floor before walking to the fridge, Lorelai said, "I was just about to ask you that. Because apparently, you can't tell time." Rory didn't turn around, but just opened the fridge, looking for something to eat. "Where have you been?"

"Out."

God, Rory knew how to get under her skin. "I assumed you weren't in." Setting one of her hands on the table, Lorelai asked, "Do I have to call my friends at the FBI to come interrogate you or are you going to tell me where the hell you were?"

Rory turned towards her, and treated Lorelai like she was overreacting. "Jesus, you're on edge." The milk carton in her hand, Rory reached up and grabbed a bowl from the cabinet. "It's no big deal. I was just hanging with some friends. You should just chill."

Lorelai's jaw tightened as the anger started rushing through her. If Rory could only be civil, maybe they could discuss this like normal people – with words. Not sarcasm and fighting and all of the verbal sparring that was going to take place here soon. "Rory. I talked to your principal today."

No reaction. Nothing from her rebellious child as she calmly poured herself a bowl of cereal, and grabbed a spoon out of the drawer and sat down in the seat that Lorelai had been sitting in only a few minutes earlier. When Lorelai didn't say anything right away, Rory looked up at her and shrugged her shoulders. "Did he give you his phone number?" Rory laughed at her own sick joke, and then added, "I mean, he's a bit of a baldy, but if that's what you're looking for in a date, I think you should give it a go, Mom."

Jess was just staring at his sister. And Rory saw that and whined, "What? Why is everyone so upset with me? It's not like this is the first time I didn't come home right after school like some elementary school kid."

Lorelai put her hands on her hips and lifted one of her eyebrows and said, "No, it's not the first time, but it most definitely is the last." Rory's face scrunched in confusion. And Lorelai continued, "You are grounded, young lady."

Rory's mouth flew open and she said, "For what? Being home late?"

Sarcastically, Lorelai pulled out her hand and started counting away on her fingers, "Let's see, we can start with coming home late." Then she stared at her daughter while she named the rest. "Then there's the whole forging of my signature on school documents." Lorelai could tell that Rory was realizing just how long a conversation Lorelai had with her principal. "And, let's not forget that you changed the contact number at school so they couldn't contact me to tell me just how badly you're doing in school." And then Lorelai put both her hands on the table so she was glaring down at her daughter. "The best part? When I find out my daughter was found in a closet making out with a guy."

Lorelai heard Jess' gasp of surprise from behind her. "What?"

Rory looked so nervous. But she still managed to let out a zinger, "Would it have been better if it were a girl?"

Fed up with it, Lorelai grabbed her coat and said, "Damn it, Rory, I swear you're doing all of this just to make me angry with you."

Rory took a bite of her cereal and shook her head, "Don't think so highly of yourself." She pulled out her phone like there was nothing wrong with anything. "I do what I want for me."

Lorelai needed to stay and talk. She needed to get to the bottom of this – to let Rory know that she couldn't get away with what she had been doing. But she buttoned her coat and grabbed her purse, knowing she had to be at the club and ready for the customer at eight. A small cough escaped her lips and she put on her mom voice. "You are to stay home tonight. Dinner and homework and bed."

"Am I five?" Was Rory's reply.

Lorelai threw it right back at her. "I don't know, are you? You sure are acting like it." She knew there was nothing she could do to make Rory listen to her when she was gone. But she had to try. "We are not done discussing this, young lady."

Rory rolled her eyes. "I'm sure we're not."

Looking at Jess, she said, "Make sure you get your homework done and that the dishes are cleaned before bed." He smiled at her and said goodbye.

Rory wouldn't look at her as Lorelai shut the door behind her. But she did hear her daughter's antagonistic, "Jesus Christ, just leave already."


	52. Chapter 52

JUST A WARNING: VERY RATED M FOR REFERENCES TO PROSTITUTION AND SOME VIOLENT SEX.

"I don't think I've ever been with a woman that was as wonderful as you."

Lorelai wished she could say all the things she was thinking. But not many customers would want to hear the thoughts that went through her head as they used her body.

The old man's voice slurred down on her. "God, you feel so good."

Well, as long as it took him to get inside of her, she imagined that it felt good. The older the man, the longer it took. And sucking limp cock made her cringe. But that was her job. To do what the customer wanted, and he wanted a blowjob. But even that hadn't helped, which then led him to take every piece of clothing on her body off slowly, running his sick hands down her shoulders, around each of her breasts, down her stomach. Still, the problem of his still remained. And she let him suck on her nipples – run his fingers through her hair – she even resorted to whispering dirty things to him. But nothing.

Finally, when she spread her legs and let him finger her for a little while, he had finally hardened up. The look on his face of complete surprise told Lorelai that he hadn't come into this limo with the expertise to know what he was doing.

He was thrusting in and out of her gently, just now starting to ramp up the intensity. His dirty beard, so long, grazing along her stomach as he moved. She could smell the alcohol on his breath as he panted, like it was a workout. At least he was struggling too with trying, because the older the customer, the harder she had to work. She had to talk more, coax more, move her body more to try and keep them interested. So the knocking behind her was a relief, as it always was, but even more than normal because she was ready to go home. To be done with this man that couldn't even perform sexually – but made it her job to do so.

But she knew this was going to be a struggle.

Her back on the ground of the limo, she pushed herself up on her elbows, and said, "I hate to tell you," which she didn't, but she wasn't going to say that, "… but the time is up."

He didn't even look up, but instead grabbed her shoulders and used them as anchors to thrust even harder into her. "I'm not done yet, girl." Suddenly that wonderful person she had been only a few seconds earlier was now reduced to a sex toy. The hands on her shoulders clamped down, and she bit her tongue to keep from crying out.

"It's been a half hour." She said, trying to sound sweet, but hearing an edge to her voice. When he didn't stop, she tried to close her legs, but, of course, the man was right there in between them. "You're going to have to be done with this."

His left hand moved from her shoulder, and she looked up into his eyes to see a fire – a desire – mixed with anger. And she was distracted that she didn't see the hand that came across her face, the striking pain sending her head flying to the side. And through his hairy lips, she heard him hiss, "Lay back take what's coming to you."

She didn't hesitate. The pain in her face told her that this was it. And she stuck her left foot out, finding the backseat and ran her toes along it until she came to the little red button. Pressing it, she knew it would only be a few more seconds of him groaning as he brutally used her body. The first slap must have given him some excitement – the one thing that Lorelai hadn't tried to get him hard – hitting her – but he pulled his other hand back and before she could even cringe, he slapped her other cheek. And his old voice tumbled through her ears, "Dumb whore, thinking you can just kick me out of here without doing your job."

She clenched her teeth, and mentally started counting. Three. He slapped her across the chest, a grin on his face that made her angry. Two. He covered her mouth with his filthy hand as he then slapped the side of her thigh.

One.

The door opened, and she heard the driver's dark voice say, "Get out." When the man didn't listen, the driver reached in and grabbed him around his shirt that was still on. "I said get the fuck out."

Putting his hands up, the old man crawled over to his pants and pulled them on, all the while yelling, "I wasn't done fucking the whore." The driver just stood there, his arms crossed, waiting for the old man to get the hell out. Lorelai grabbed for her dress, wanting to leave and be done for the night. But the old man, seeing that she wanted her dress, grabbed it from her and threw it outside of the open door. Then he glared down at her and said, "Fetch." And then laughed, his drunken state obvious at how horribly ludicrous his actions were.

Lorelai wanted to laugh at how his face changed from a laugh to fear as he felt the driver's hands close around his shoulders – and pulled him to the door. She wanted to laugh as he hit the concrete hard, tumbling for a second, his boxers the only thing covering his flaccid asshole. She wanted to laugh as he looked confused for a second and then stumbled to his feet. No wonder it had been so difficulty to get him hard – he was absolutely drunk.

The driver reached down and grabbed her dress, tossing it back in at her and turning to stop the man from trying to climb into the limo again. Lorelai tuned out their skirmish as she pulled her bra and underwear on, then slipped into the arms of her dress and zipped the front up. Grabbing her shoes, she unlocked the opposite door and climbed out, making sure to look for any policemen around before standing fully and walking around towards the alley of the club.

Oscar was waiting for her down in her dressing room. Her bare feet padded on the concrete floor as she dropped her shoes down on the top of her dressing table.

"Good night tonight, darling?" He asked, pulling a few bills out of his pocket.

She smiled up at him, flipping her hair behind her seductively and said, "I always have good nights, Oscar." The flirtation between the two of them reached its high point at three in the morning when she was exhausted and he was ready to be done with the club for the day.

He handed her the bills, but purred down at her, "My darling, how much for a kiss for an old man?" His Brooklyn accent got her every time.

But the game was the fun. And she turned, grazing her hand up the back of her ass and up the side of her dress. "I'm sorry, sir." She then thumbed through the bills. "I don't think you can afford me."

He grabbed her ass and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders, and she giggled as he tickled her side. "I have this very pretty lady… let's call her a friend…" She felt him bury his head in her hair and take a big whiff. "… and she says that one night with me is payment enough."

She knew he was joking. As they always were. Part of her hoped he was – the other, lonely part of her hoped that maybe he really was flirting with her. And she hummed back, "I only take cold, hard cash." She let her hips linger where he was pressed up against her, and then pulled away, a smile on her face as he mocked disappointment. And then she acted like the prude she most definitely wasn't. "Now, shoo…" she waved her hands at him and motioned for the door. "A lady of my standing wont undress with a man in the room." She mocked a southern accent as she said, "It aint befittin' of a lady!"

He walked out of the door, and reached back to shut it and he said, "This gentleman bids you goodnight, and looks forward to tomorrow night." And with that he was gone.

She reached down, unzipping her dress and pulled on her jeans. Touching the screen of her phone, she looked to see a few missed calls. From Jess. And she quickly dialed his number and put it on speakerphone, hoping that everything was alright. But they were from a few hours ago, so whatever happened must have been resolved.

"Mom?" He answered, sleepily.

Lorelai pulled her shirt over her head, and asked, "Honey, I'm just calling to see if you're ok. You called me earlier?"

He suddenly sounded more awake, "Well, a few hours after you left, Rory left."

Lorelai stopped buttoning her coat and grabbed the phone, holding it to her ear. "Really?" She couldn't believe her daughter would defy her like that. Well, she could. Rory defied her every chance she got. But Lorelai thought Rory knew how much trouble she was in. "She's so grounded for so much longer." Lorelai had no clue how long, but it was definitely going to be long. "Put her on the phone right now."

Jess hesitated, and Lorelai asked, "Jess, what's wrong? Is she sleeping? Playing on her phone at three in the morning?" Teenage girls.

"She's…" He stuttered. "… not home."

Three hours later, Lorelai sat on the couch, her hands raw from wringing them as she watched the door of the apartment. She had called the police station. They said they couldn't file a missing person's report or a runaway child report until it had been 24 hours since she had last been seen. Lorelai didn't care how they found her, whether they classified her as a runaway or a kidnapped child, she just wanted her found. The thought of Rory out on the streets of the city at night – this early in the morning – being gone all night – Lorelai was beside herself with worry.

Jess had fallen asleep on the couch next to her a few hours before, after she had called Chris to see if she was with him. He said no, but that if she showed up, he would call her right away.

She would have gone out and canvassed the city if she would have known where to look. She had called all of the hospitals, asking if she was there, but no one said they had seen her.

As had become her routine over the last few hours, she would stand to her feet, pacing as she mumbled out loud different places she could be, or might have tried to go, and then she would realize that she had called all of those places, and Rory hadn't been there – then she would sit down, defeated in not being able to find her daughter, and she would then stand to her feet a few minutes later and start the process all over again.

This time, as she stood to her feet, the door latch clicked, and Lorelai's heart started pounding as the door opened.

Rory was sneaking in and didn't even notice Lorelai standing there in the living room. She watched as Rory slowly closed the door behind her, making sure that the latch was all the way closed before she gently let the door handle out of her hand.

She was sneaking around. There was nothing wrong with her. She hadn't been kidnapped. She hadn't been beaten and left for dead on the side of the road. She hadn't been forced out of her home to go and sing on some television show. This child had purposefully made Lorelai worry so much all night.

So before Rory turned around and saw her, Lorelai's voice, booming with anger, scared the shit out of her daughter. "Well, good morning."

Rory jumped so high, her phone flew out of her hands, skidding to a stop right under the kitchen table. Rory's eyes flew open, and a gasp of panic flew from her mouth.

Lorelai had no mercy. Hands on her hips, she asked, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I scare you?" If this child was going to do this with no regard for her family, Lorelai wasn't going to go easy on her.

"God, Mom." Rory put her hand over her chest. "You scared me to death."

"I'm sorry. Do you know how scared I've been the last three hours?" Lorelai asked, stepping towards her daughter, unconsciously scanning her daughter to make sure she wasn't hurt. "Do you know what it's like to come home and find out you haven't been here for hours?" No bandages. No blood. No broken bones or even a skinned knee. "Do you know how scared I was that something happened to you?" If Rory was fine and there was nothing wrong, then this was the last straw. The last of what and the straw of what, Lorelai had no idea, but it sounded right going through her head. "Do you?" Lorelai waved her hand, "Do you?"

Rory knew how much trouble she was in. She could see it. Lorelai could see that Rory saw it. Just in how she responded. "I'm sorry, Mom."

God. If only she had heard that a few hours before. When she was trying to talk to Rory about what happened at school. But no, only when her daughter was in deep trouble would she apologize. And ranting Lorelai wasn't finished. Storming over to the coffee pot, she grabbed the pot and started filling it up. "You are going on the pill."

She heard the argumentative voice behind her, "What? I'm not…"

Lorelai turned from the sink for a second to glare at her daughter. "In a closet at school? Bull." She shut off the faucet when the pot was full. "You are not getting pregnant."

"I'm not having sex, Mom!" Rory yelled.

Slamming the pot down on the counter, Lorelai yelled, "How the hell can I trust you?"

"I wouldn't lie about something like…"

She was tired of her daughter lying to her. Lorelai stepped towards her, forgetting the coffee. And she said, "You skip classes, sign my name for demerits, and change the phone number so no one can get ahold of me."

"That was about school." Rory whined. "I wouldn't lie about sex."

Lorelai wanted to believe her. And her daughter's tone was pleading with her to believe her. But as she stepped closer, she smelled something. Reaching out, she grabbed her daughter's shoulders, and pulled her in, the smell of alcohol and smoke all over her thirteen year old's clothes.

Letting her daughter go, Lorelai closed her eyes, put her hand to her head, and stood there, shaking her head and said, "You went to a party."

She was barely listening as her daughter prattled on. "It wasn't a party, Mom. It was just some get together with some of Josh's friends… and we were just hanging out… it wasn't…"

Lorelai interrupted. "Who is Josh?"

Rory hesitated, and Lorelai opened her eyes to send her a glare that even the sun would have been proud of. And Rory quietly said, "The guy in the closet."

Dear god. The guy in the closet. Was at a party. With friends that could send Rory home smelling like a bar? The hits just keep on coming.

And Lorelai asked the dreaded question. "How old is Josh?"

Her teenage daughter didn't see the harm in telling her. Because, as Lorelai deduced, her adolescent wasn't even aware of the horrible ramifications of what could happen as she said, "He's seventeen. He's the cutest guy there is at school. He's so popular he even has friends in college…"

Rory went on. But Lorelai was stuck on the image of her daughter and a boy, not like the pimple faced, preteen boy she had imagined in the closet with her, but with a senior boy. And her daughter. No wonder his parents had been mortified.

"… and so when he walked by my locker one day and kissed me, I was so excited because he is like the cutest guy in the whole school. And I thought, why not? He's really cute. And it would be fun to add him to my list of 'have done.'"

Lorelai sat down on the chair, almost unable to stand. She coughed a bit, but she was focused on her daughter's absolutely horrendous revelation. "Rory. This is…"

"Wait until you meet him, Mom. He's just so gorgeous." Rory said. "He invited me to this part… I mean, hangout, and it was like we were on a date, just hanging out and being together. He really knows stuff. And he has some great friends."

Lorelai just focused on breathing… trying not to hyperventilate… and she kept her voice calm and collected. As she asked, "Rory, have you had sex with him?"

Rory's face reddened, and she shook her head, "No, Mom, I haven't."

Dear god, how was she supposed to believe her? And Lorelai decided to be upfront with the girl. Such an age gap. And her little girl…

"Why did you leave after I told you I wanted you to stay home?" Lorelai needed to address this because she had no idea what else she was going to do to keep Rory home while she was at work.

Rory shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just wanted to be with my friends." Her voice was quiet. Like she wasn't on the offensive right now.

Lorelai wished she could be thankful for that. "Rory, what do you want me to do? Lock you up in your room when I leave for work?" Lorelai was just being honest with how few options she had left.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

The same punishment. The same outcome probably. And Lorelai was still failing as a mother with a teenager who came home from a party smelling like she should be a senior in college. But what other choice did she have?

From somewhere deep inside, a question came to her mind about what kind of schools were in Stars Hollow.

But she said, "You're grounded. You're not allowed to go anywhere but school."

Rory nodded, accepting and moving on. Something that Lorelai didn't think was appropriate right now after the severity of the issue. "Ok. I can do that."

Lorelai wondered if her daughter really was sorry. And really was going to obey the rules. But, who was she kidding, as she watched her daughter waltz off to bed, Lorelai knew that Rory was running the show. She could obey and listen to the rules when she wanted to, and then, just as soon as Lorelai went to work, Rory could leave and go wherever and come home whenever because the only thing Lorelai could do was grounding her – which was very ineffective when she was never there to enforce it.

And yet another thought. She wondered if she could get a day job in Stars Hollow, and what it would be like to be home when Rory was home – to watch over her.

But she pushed that aside. That would never happen. She pulled a tissue out of her pocket as a cough overtook her, really rough and strong. Wiping her mouth with the tissue, she noticed a little twinge of pink on the corner. She couldn't believe she had grabbed a used tissue from her pocket.


	53. Chapter 53

"Oh, Dad!" Rory exclaimed. "You didn't have to do that!" She pulled the wrapping paper off of the box in her hand. "It's just the one I wanted!" She opened the box and pulled out the newest phone, the one that took the best pictures and everything! She jumped off of the couch and ran over to the chair where her dad was sitting and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you so much!"

Her father's arms hugged her back, and he said, "Happy Birthday, Rory!"

She sat down beside him, her hands expertly finding the way to turn it on, starting to explore the apps as her dad put his arm around her shoulder and hugged her again. "It's so good to have you here for your birthday."

God, wasn't it? And she chuckled. "So much better than with Mom, that's for sure." Her mom hadn't been that thrilled when Rory insisted she wanted to spend her birthday with her dad, but that was just how her mother was. Overly protective of her. And Rory hated it.

Her dad said, "Kid, I love having you here. I wish your mom would let you come more often."

Rory looked up at his sad eyes, and she agreed, "Me too. I don't understand why she won't let me. I miss you so much." And then she jumped back to her device as it finally lit up, asking her for all sorts of information that she had to concentrate on.

She lost track of time, until she felt a little body attack her in a big hug. "Happy Biwthday, Wowy!"

Having a little sister around would be fun. Rory messed with Gigi's blond hair as she said, "Thanks, you little booger." Rory smiled as Gigi giggled when Rory pulled the squirming body onto her lap and tickled the three-year-old.

"Gigi!" Sherry called from the doorway in the living room. The kid in Rory's lap sat up, not even bothering to push the hair out of her face. Rory watched Sherry turn to the nanny that was coming in from the kitchen, "I thought I told you to please take Gigi outside." The nanny hurried over and scooped her sister out of Rory's lap. Sherry followed the nanny as she climbed the huge staircase in the middle of the room – up to the nursery that Gigi had insisted Rory see the minute Rory arrived for the weekend. "I wanted Christopher to have time with his daughter alone. Not having to deal with this child that is your responsibility." The berating went on, which was common for Sherry with the help around her.

And her dad apologized, "Sherry's stressed at work and everything here with the new maids and nannies – it's been tough for her."

Rory just smiled and shook her head, "Sherry's nothing compared to mom right now."

Her dad was always interested in hearing about her mom. Something that told Rory that he still cared for her mom. "How so?" He asked.

"Oh, just the usual Mom stuff." Rory fiddled with the phone in her hand, but her mind was miles away on the biggest problem she had right now. "Won't let me do anything. Makes me come home right after school." Motioning to the phone, she said, "She'll probably come up with some dumbass reason to take this away from me the minute I mess up or something."

Her dad just said, "Well, she can't take it away from you because I gave it to you, not to her."

"If only that logic worked with Mom." Rory just felt angry just thinking about how ridiculous her mom was, "I try to tell her that I'm a teenager and that I should be able to come home a little later than right after school – like, I have friends I want to see and stuff. She's just so controlling." Rory masterfully left out the fact that she had been caught at school with Josh, and then had gone to that party. The best party of her life. But her dad didn't need to know that. He was already on her side.

"Well if she takes the phone away, tell her that she has to call me before she can do that." He always had the best ideas. Rory laughed a little as she imagined the look on her mother's face if Rory ever told her that. It would be worth taking a picture. She felt the hand around her shoulder lift off and her dad looked at his expensive watch. He looked at her and said, "I hate to say it, kid, but your mom is going to be here in about five minutes."

Standing up, she walked over to pick up the trash from her wrapping paper, but her dad just said, "Leave it. The maids will clean it up." Rory always forgot about that. And she almost walked up the stairs to grab her duffel bag but found that one of the servants had brought it down for her already. It was sitting in the entryway with her coat hung over it.

Her dad walked her to the door, making sure she had everything she had come with. Compared to her normal weekend twice a month with her dad, this two night birthday treat had been something fun that her mom had reluctantly agreed to after Rory begged and begged her. But still, even though it was longer, that didn't make the leaving any easier.

She reached down to grab her bag when a servant told her that he was going to take it out to the car for her. Normally, Rory would have just said she could carry it, only because it was small and light. But she nodded just because she knew having a servant take a bag out to her mother's car would just irritate her mom. And that would make things just a little bit better for Rory.

She pulled her coat around her, and said to her dad before she opened the door of the mansion, "I hate leaving."

He just nodded and said, "I hate it too." He pulled a coat on over his black dress shirt – and that made Rory even happier because he was going to walk her out to her mom's car. "I just wish you could come live here with me for like a few weeks."

Rory didn't have to think twice about it at all. "Or like forever." She thought about it for a second, then added, "And we could switch. I could live here with you and go to school here in Boston, and then stay with Mom twice a month." That sounded just perfect.

But reality set in when her dad opened the door to the cold fall day outside and said, "But your mom would never let that happen, right?" Rory just nodded, shutting the door behind her.

Her mom drove up the long driveway, her old rusty car looking horrible compared to the BMW that her dad drove. It reminded her of the old life that she had to go back to. And as they stood there on the porch waiting for her mom to pull all the way into the driveway, Rory looked out at the huge fields, the brick wall that lined the property – the open spaces of this rich community, and she just said, "I know you love Sherry and everything, but I always wonder what it would be like if you and Mom were still together. We could live here in this wonderful house and have a fun time together and I would never have to leave."

Her dad's voice was sad. And lonely. And he said, "Kid, I wish that almost every day. If only your mom had seen that years ago."

Rory watched as her mother stepped out of the car, her eyes finding Rory's and a small smile that looked forced came to her face as she stood there, in the cold, her arms tight around her body because, Rory knew, her coat was so old and thin that she got so much colder so much faster. Her mother watched as the servant opened the backseat of the car, and Rory wanted to laugh at how irritated it made her mother, who said something to the servant about tipping or something, but Rory couldn't tell.

Rory slowly slunk down the stairs leading to the house, realizing that her time with her dad was now coming to an end and she was now going to have to be on her way back to the life she absolutely hated.

When she and her dad were in front of the car, she turned and buried her face in his chest, hugging him so tightly, showing him how much she didn't want to go. The smell of his expensive cologne was something she would take with her when she left – sometimes she even stopped at the mall and found the one he bought – and would stray it on one of those sheets or on her shirt – then at night she could snuggle up, pretending that she had her dad there at night when she was missing him or lonely for him. She felt his hand on her head, and he leaned down and placed a kiss on her head. "I love you, Rory."

She squeezed him just a bit tighter, and she said, "I love you too, Dad." She didn't want to let go, but she knew her mom was waiting. So she let go, leaned up and placed a kiss on his cheek and said, "I'll see you in two weeks?"

Her dad started to nod, and then looked confused. He looked at her mom and said, "Wait, how were we going to do this again?"

Rory turned to look at her mother, whose eyes were fixed on Rory. "I think that she's spending Thanksgiving with me. So you get one more weekend before that."

Rory rolled her eyes, "I don't wanna spend Thanksgiving with you, Mom. I wanna spend it with dad." She crossed her arms in front of her, just to show her mom that this wasn't what she wanted.

She felt her dad's hand on her shoulder, and looked up at him, using her puppy dog eyes to try and make him convince her mom to let her spend extra time with her dad. But he just said, "But I negotiated with your mom, and we both agreed that if you want, you can spend two weeks at Christmas with me."

Her eyes shot open, and she hugged her dad again, "Two weeks? Really?" She couldn't believe it. It would be the longest time she would get to spend with her dad in such a long time. And Christmas? That meant no spending time in nasty Stars Hollow with all of Jess' family. She would get to be with her dad. Not his grandparents. Or his uncle. But her dad.

"So you have to put up with only one holiday with me this year." Her mother joked, a laugh at the end. "Hopefully we can do something that will make it fun."

But Rory smiled as her dad said, "Do you want me to buy you some groceries for that day, Lor?" He sounded genuine, like he was really trying to help. He was such a nice person. "That way, Rory can have the same stuff we're having here – kind of be a little bit closer together and everything."

Rory watched her mom's face turn from jovial to controlled anger in about a second. Why she was upset, Rory couldn't understand. Her dad knew how tough it was at the apartment. And if her mom couldn't buy the stuff, then him offering it was just him being a nice guy. But her mother just said, "I think we'll be fine."

Rory asked, "Mom, but we always just have something weird or takeout or something usually." And then another idea came to her mind, "And you can't cook at all. So if Dad got the stuff, then it would be easier…"

Her mother interrupted her, her voice clipped and unemotional. "Rory, that's enough. I said we'll be fine, and we will." Rory watched her mom's hands shoot into her pockets from the cold outside. "You've always had plenty to eat, and I'm not going to change that now."

Rory heard her dad say, "I'm pretty sure that's not always been the case…" And then he changed the subject after his little line of truth, and said, "Rory, we'll have a big turkey dinner the next weekend when you come. How does that sound?"

"Oh, Dad, that sounds perfect!" And she gave him one last hug, sad to go, but excited for the next time she would come.

And she heard him say, "Now hurry up and get into the car. You'll need all the warmth you can get before you start driving." He looked up and said to her mother, "Unless you've fixed that damn heater in there since the last time I drove it."

Rory knew that nothing had been fixed unless it made the car not run. So the heater had been out for almost as long as Rory could remember. She waited for her mother to say something about how the heater was just fine or that cold builds character or some other piece of nonsense. Instead, she just sent Rory away like she was some little kid who couldn't hear her parents argue. "Get in the car, Rory. We should be getting back."

Walking around the car, she got in, and listened as she could hear her parents arguing outside.

Her mom asked, "Why do you always insist on putting me down in front of my kid?"

"I wasn't putting you down." Her dad replied, "I was just offering some advice that I learned after having my legs about frozen off."

Rory heard her mother exhale, and turn her body to get into the car. "You act all high and mighty, but we both know you only got this far because of your father."

Rory hated – she absolutely detested – when her mom would accuse her dad of being snobbish and mean. Because that wasn't the case. He was sweet and kind and wanted to help. But her mother was too damn proud to take anything from anyone – even a thanksgiving dinner when she couldn't afford it.

And as the door opened, and her mother got in, Rory heard her dad say, "At least I did something with my life." Which, as Rory watched her mom shut the door and put her seatbelt on – her hands shaking because she was so cold – her jeans ripped – her coat had holes all over it – her hair pulled back away from her face that looked so thin and tired – Rory knew her dad was right. And as she waved goodbye through the window, she wished she could stay. And she wished that she would never have to go back to that apartment with her mom again.


	54. Chapter 54

A/N. Dearest Readers: I hope that this finds you all finishing a wonderful holiday season - and getting back into life that is now starting to be busy. And I, as the generous writer that I am - have something that so many people have been looking forward to for a while now. I have to offer you four new chapters. And where do those chapters take our characters? Well - you will have to read and find out - but i think that many of you are going to be very very proud of where this is going.

But there will be some - let's say - hard chapters ahead. This is why I have saved them for you and am going to post a whole bunch so that you know, starting with this chapter - that hope is in sight.

That being said - this chapter is very tough to read. It includes some very violent things - and I just want to put a trigger warning out there for anything about violence in sex - that is included here. I have decided not to post two different stories - my readers can read it and like it, or not read it. I hope, for my sake, that you read it! :) Thanks so much for reading - leave reviews! I know I'm about ready to get blasted - but bring it ON!

Lorelai laid her head back against the seat of the limo, the water she had just drank coating her screaming throat as she waited for the next customer. It had gotten past the point where cough drops helped anymore, and she had saved some money to go to the doctor. But then Rory had shoplifted something, and Lorelai had to pay the store almost a hundred dollars to keep them from pressing charges. So there went her extra money.

Tonight she wished she had the full half hour break in between customers. After the first few weeks, she and Oscar had decided that she could get more people, which meant more money, if she only took 15 minute breaks instead of a half-hour. That had given her the option of having more people on certain days and getting to leave early on some other days.

But tonight, well, lately, every night, she felt like her body was almost unable to keep up with the taxing this was taking on her. Out of the last year she had been doing this, the last month had been torturous. She placed the blame for that on the cough that she couldn't get rid of. And the blood she now expelled every time she coughed. That couldn't be doing well for her energy level.

Before she was ready, she heard the door to the limo open up, and she barely glanced over to see a man get into the car. Setting her water bottle down in the cup holder on the side of the seat, she turned to him and, in a voice she had long ago perfected her sexy and forward way, she started to say, "Well now, sir, what can I do…"

But this guy didn't waste time. She hadn't even gotten a good look at him before he had pushed her shoulders down onto the seat, his hands above her shoulders as she felt his knee push her legs apart.

With him now above her, she could see his greasy hair flopping down over his face, hiding his eyes from her. But he leaned down, and she could feel his mustache against her neck as he ran his lips over her skin. And he whispered, "You can lay there and let me fuck you."

What a great pickup line. If only he knew how many men used that one on her. He seemed to think he was so mysterious, so alluring with his control tactics. Nothing she hadn't seen before. Some men liked to move slow, taking their time undressing her, but others, not so much.

As he ripped the zipper of her dress down with one hand, she could feel him unzipping his pants with the other. He then used both hands to pull his pants down as little as possible, only exposing what he needed to. He then reached under her panties and pulled the thong to the side, and Lorelai struggled to sit up, but his hands grabbed her shoulders and held her down.

He moved his hair off of his face with one of his hands, and she saw piercing green eyes – no sign of cloudiness or any kind of stupor around them. Only a deep lust – which, of course, wasn't new. But he was so quick. And Lorelai had to tell him…

"I said lay down and take it, you slut." His voice was quiet and controlling.

But she had to tell him. "Could you…"

And his hands flew from where they were holding her shoulders down to the base of her neck, and she felt his thumbs pressing down on her windpipe. She shook her head violently, and grabbed his hands with hers, pulling with all her might to get them off of her throat.

But the power struggle was exciting him. She could see it in his bright eyes. And his lewd smile as she felt him positioning. She tried to open her mouth, but she couldn't breathe – so no words could come out either. Shaking her head to tell him to stop, she dropped one of her hands to the base of the seat, trying to find the button. But, she realized that she was too far up on the seat – and her fingers grazed the edge of the button, but she couldn't stretch enough to push it.

Panic. Dark spots. No air. Her lungs were burning.

And between her legs burned too as he pushed himself inside of her, so violently that even her dryness didn't stop him from getting all the way in.

And she heard him whisper, "How does it feel to be fucked like a real whore?" And he pulled out, and began thrusting back in.

She still couldn't breathe. And with the knowledge that he might not let her up, she extended her hands up into his face, and clawed her fingernails down his face.

Almost immediately his hands left her throat to cover his face, and she could hear his cry of pain somewhere in the distance. But her ears were still ringing as she sucked in as much air as she could handle, her hands still trying to reach for the button.

But the air that she breathed, on top of the lack of oxygen, and the pressure he had put on her throat, a cough built up inside of her, and before she knew it, before she could even cover her mouth, she coughed so violently that her head came off of the seat, curling up around her chest. Her eyes were closed as she tried to breathe – tried to stop her coughing, but over and over again, her body seized as her lungs tightened in her chest. Over and over.

Once her body was sure she had enough air, she stopped coughing, her head falling back exhausted on the seat behind her. And she concentrated on evening out her breaths, unable to think about anything else around her.

Until she heard his horrible voice above her. "Why, you little bitch!" He yelled, and a hand came down across her face. Her hand instinctively went for the button, but she found she couldn't even feel it anymore after the coughing, she must have shifted up. But she opened her eys to find a horrendous sight above her. Blood was everywhere. All over the man's white shirt. It was like a massacre had occurred. Spatters all over his face, even blood dripping from his horrible mustache. Dripping onto her stomach. And she watched him yell again, his hand again coming to her face. "You're a diseased little whore!"

She tried to open her mouth, to apologize, but a small cough came out instead, no blood flowing, but still just enough of a cough to reiterate what he was saying. "I paid good money for you."

Her body was so tired. She watched him reach down and pull up his pants. And she was glad. He was leaving. She didn't have to endure anything else like…

Until he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, pulling her out the door of the limo. She cried out in pain as his hand dug into her wrist, and she pulled away from him with all her might, but it wasn't enough. She fell to the sidewalk, her bare knees skidding against the concrete. And she said, "Stop. I'm not…"

But she felt his hands anchor into her hair and ripped her towards him with that grip, and he said, "You're the worst thing I've ever done." And she found herself being dragged into the front of the club. She tried to get her feet underneath her, but he was walking so fast, and he was pulling her hair… "And I'm getting my money back." He grumbled as he flung the door open and pulled her in behind him.

She couldn't fight back. She tried to pull away, but his grip was so tight. And her body was so tired. She was so exhausted. But her fingernails grabbed for his hand in her hair, and clawed down again, but he only slapped her face with his free hand and twisted her wrists until pain shot through her arms and she brought her hands down. "Let me GO!" She yelled, panic taking over as she realized that they were in the club – the club where no one knew what went on in that limo outside.

Her legs dragged across the carpet, and the lights in the club seemed so bright compared to the dimly lit limo outside. Of course, the club was also dim compared to normal lighting, but just the difference between where she worked and where she used to work for some reason crossed her mind. She felt his hand slap across her face once more, and then she felt her body flying to the ground as he not only let go of her hair, but gave her a push. The carpet burned into the palms of her hand as she fell, and she laid there for a minute, trying to catch her breath and not cough again like she had.

And she heard the man's voice above her. "You think this thing…" She felt him kick her leg. "… is worth what you charged?"

Oscar's voice, normally cool and controlled, sounded, almost panicked for a second. "What are you doing… in here?" He asked.

"I'm here to get my money back, you swindler."

The usual Oscar was back. And, trying to take control of the situation, said, "Let's take this up to my office, shall we?"

But the man – Lorelai wondered if Oscar had met his match – the man didn't budge. Nor did he lower his yelling voice, "No. Let's talk about this down here, where all of your customers can hear what a jackass you are, trying to pass this bag of shit for a high class prostitute."

Lorelai wished she could curl up and disappear. She knew the people in the club. The dancers. The bartenders. Even some of the customers. And she covered her face in shame, feeling hot tears come to her face.

Oscar argued, "I don't understand…"

And the man must have pointed to his shirt and face. "She did this to me." She peeked through her fingers to see him glaring down at her, "You're charging for sex with this diseased whore…"

It made her sound like she was riddled with horrible sores and contagious bacteria all over her body. It was just a cough.

But Oscar was trying to diffuse the situation. "I can guarantee you that she is completely clean and…"

The man scoffed and said, "I bet if I show this shirt to the rest of your customers, I'm sure they wouldn't believe you."

Lorelai's hands came off her face, and she twisted her neck to look up at Oscar from where she had been thrown to the ground. She watched as his usually controlled and demure face fell as she could see he was trying to think through something to say.

But the man drew her attention, and he looked down on her with hate in his eyes as he said, "I could have you sent to prison for a year for what you do." He was threatening her. Going to the cops? She could be imprisoned for a long time. And then what would happen to her kids? What would… He must have seen the fear in her eyes, because he crouched down and set his hand on her hip, just above her thong strap, and rubbed back and forth up the side of her body. "Does that scare you?" His voice was deceivingly kind until he let his hand grip into her skin, his nails tearing into her hip. "It should scare you, you fucking whore."

Terror seized her, just at the way he thought he could talk to her – hurt her – right here in front of Oscar. He was so bold. And brazen. And she curled her body up tighter, aware that her dress had fallen off in the struggle to get inside, and she was only clad in her bra and underwear. With all these people – thinking she was a diseased prostitute. God, and the thought of going to prison?

Finally Oscar spoke, and Lorelai expected him to kick the guy in the dick, sending him flying out the door for doing what he was doing to her. Or at least to tell him to get his hands off of her. Touching her this way – speaking to her this way – humiliating her this way – it wasn't something that Oscar would allow. Not with her. And not in front of this many people.

Oscar's voice was calm and strong, "You and I both know that the last thing I want is to make this into something bigger than it is." Diplomatic. Something Oscar was good at. The man stood to his feet, leaving Lorelai on the ground alone, which was a little bit better in terms of him being farther away from her. She pulled her legs up underneath her, sliding across the floor so she was closer to Oscar than the other man. "So what can I do for you to make this…" Oscar paused for effect, "…experience better?"

Lorelai looked up at him, confused at what he was saying. Was he giving the man the upper hand? Letting him call the shots? Not Oscar. Oscar was the one in control of everything. He would never give that up for this asshole of a man…

It was a few seconds before the man slyly said, "Well, I want a refund on my money."

Oscar nodded, and said, "I will see to that." That was final. Lorelai wouldn't be paid for what he had done to her. But right now, with the threat of him going to the police, Lorelai would take that.

But the man wasn't done. "And." Lorelai's eyes darted from Oscar to the man. His eyes greedily raping her with his eyes. She had seen it over and over. "… I want a free session with her."

Terror seized Lorelai's heart, and she instinctively grabbed onto Oscar's leg. And, through her raw throat, she begged Oscar, "Please, no. He really hurt me. I don't want…"

The man interrupted her, "You're going to let your girl tell her pimp what to do?" The idea of Oscar being her pimp grossed her out. He cared about her. He was just helping her get a job. The man went on. "And a free session compared to going to jail for years and years…" The man was still threatening Oscar now, trying to win him over. "I think even you would agree to that."

Lorelai was physically shaking, her legs underneath her body trembling on the ground even as she looked up at Oscar. He wouldn't let him do that. He wouldn't let this man hurt her. He would protect her.

But the next words shattered whatever ideals she had of Oscar.

"And if I agree to this, you won't…"

The words came out of Lorelai's mouth before she could even think. "No, Oscar." She grabbed his hand that was right by her face. Begging him. "You don't understand. He tried to choke me. He hurt me…" She wouldn't. He couldn't just…

But Oscar was only focused on the man, who stood there, victoriously. And he nodded, "I won't report anything."

And Lorelai's eyes went from the man – lewd and disgusting, with power in his eyes that Lorelai knew would hurt her – to Oscar, who stood looking as controlled as possible while being blackmailed into this. And she again wrapped her arms around his leg, and said, "I'm not going. I won't go. He's going to beat me so much." Pleading. "Oscar, don't let him…"

And the man stepped forward, and whispered something in Oscar's ear. But it was loud enough that Lorelai heard it. "And I want complete access to do whatever I want with her." Her heart was pounding against her chest. "Teach your whore a lesson or two." And then he sneered down at her, and said to Oscar, "I want an hour."

"No." Lorelai said, everything around her crumbling. Oscar wouldn't let him hurt her for an hour. Do things to her that she couldn't stop. He wouldn't. He…

Did. Nodded. And agreed. "An hour."

Lorelai tightened her hands around Oscar's leg, begging yet again, "Please!" She cried, tears running out of her eyes, "He's going to hurt me." When Oscar just looked down at her, she cried louder, "Did you hear me? He's going to hurt me?"

She pulled her body away as the man's hands reached down and tried to grab her. And she continued to plead. "You can't let him hurt me. He's…" Hands around her bare waist. That man's hands, that had been around her throat. And she held onto Oscar's leg with all her might, "NO!" She sobbed, "Make him stop! He's…"

And Oscar didn't even look down at her. Didn't even spare her a glance. Just stood there. While the man pulled her hands off of Oscar's leg, his arms wrapped around her waist while he lugged her to the door. She was screaming now. "PLEASE!" She cried. "HELP ME!" She flailed her arms and legs, clawing at his arms around her waist. Kicking at his legs. But no one came. No one stopped. One security guard moved to help her – but Oscar – she watched as he waved the guard off. Telling him to leave her be.

As the man pushed the door outside of the club open, Lorelai's strength gave out. No one was going to help her. No one cared. She whimpered in pain as he threw her to the floor of the limo.

She crawled to the corner of the limo, in the back, and she banged on the window – the window to the driver's seat. And she screamed, "Help! Please!" The driver might listen to her. Might throw the man out. She turned and saw the man taking his pants off for a second time that night, and she could tell he was enjoying watching her. But she just pounded her fists against the window. "Let me out!" And the window slid to the side – and she saw the driver who would help get her out of tough situations with the other customers. And she felt a rising of hope as she said, "He's going to hurt me… let me…"

And she watched as the driver rolled his window down. To see Oscar standing outside the limo. Her heart was pounding as she heard the man breathing behind her.

Oscar told the driver, "Go ahead and take a break."

He was leaving her alone. No way to get out. No one to help her. And Oscar's calm voice told the questioning driver, "Take an hour."

And then the window rammed shut just as hands wrapped around her neck from behind her, squeezing down on her while he whispered through her hair, "You're all mine." He let go of her neck for a second, allowing her to cough more blood up, and she saw it splattered against the window, running down like an omen, dripping as she wondered if she would bleed from more than just her coughing after tonight.


	55. Chapter 55

Just a timeline shot here: this is when Jess is 16, Rory just turned 14 in October, and this is set in December.

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She knew the morning routine like the back of her hand. Like always, she set the table with three bowls, spoons, and cups. Setting the two different cereal boxes in the middle of the table, she reached in the fridge to grab the gallon of milk. Pulling it out and seeing that there wasn't enough for all three of them to have cereal, she set the carton on the table and turned around to pull out the pan to make her a small thing of oatmeal.

Coughing a little as she reached up to grab the canister of oatmeal, she thought it was probably better anyway that she not have the dairy from the milk which would only create more problems later on. The last time she had milk with her cereal, she coughed so much more than she usually did, and, from what she read online, the dairy just added to congestion and it was recommended that someone with a cold avoid dairy. So she would eat oatmeal anyway.

She heard footsteps behind her and then someone slide into the chair. Neither one of her children were really morning people, so she didn't even bother to turn around but just said a cheerful, "Good morning" to which Jess responded with a mumble of something she couldn't understand. Filling the pan with a little water, she flipped the burner on the stove and grabbed one of the oranges from the fruit bowl to cut for the three of them while she waited for the water to boil.

"How was work, Mom?" Jess asked, as he poured the granola into his bowl. "By the way, we're out of cereal after this, just so you know." He stood up and went to throw the box away in the trashcan that was under the sink.

She had covered it up as much as possible. The bruised eye was a little bit hard, but she had gotten that. It was the split lip that was going to cause her problems with the kids because that was much harder to hide.

"Mom!" Jess exclaimed as he looked up at her face. His brown eyes were wide and his mouth fell open for a second before he asked, "What happened?"

This almost hurt worse than the beating had last night. She knew she deserved it. She knew that she hadn't fulfilled her end of the bargain – giving the man a nice time in the limo – that was all she was asked to do. But instead she had given him ammunition to yell at Oscar and talk shit about the business that Oscar was running. So, of course that had been the recourse. She hadn't done what had been promised to the customer. So the beating, although the pain was still there in her mind, had been brought on by herself.

But the pain on Jess' face was the hardest things to see. Because he had seen her bruised before. Not on her face – but Chris had more than once left marks on her arms and legs when he was drunk and angry. So this child knew what pain on his mother looked like. But she hated to see him like that.

Of course, at the moment Jess had looked at her in surprise, Rory had walked into the kitchen, and also looked up and saw her mother's face. "What the hell?"

Always the mother no matter what the situation, Lorelai corrected her daughter. "Rory. Please don't cuss." She tired so much with Rory's mouth – nothing ever seemed to get through to that girl.

Rory sat down hard in her chair, facing Lorelai, and again asked, "Well, I mean, what the heaven happened to your face?"

Ignoring her daughter's smart remark, Lorelai took a deep breath. She had already rehearsed the lie she would tell to protect her children from worry. "Two guys at the bar got drunk and started fighting." Waving her hands to signal the passage of time, she said, "One thing led to another, and when we were trying to get them out of the bar, the one drunk dude mistook me for the other fat drunk dude, which, come on," She gestured to her body, "…is a little insulting, if you ask me." Trying to keep the situation light, she then said, "Long story short, I have a little bit of a bruised face that should be one another guy's face, but I think I may be able to get him to pay me for the damage."

Rory just smiled a little, saying, "What's it feel like, Mom, getting mistaken for a fat, drunk guy?" She reached for the cereal, and then said, "Jess, really? You left me with the raisin bran?"

"You can have mine if you want it." Jess said, his attention not having left Lorelai's face since he had seen the bruises.

He knew she was lying to him. But she couldn't. She would not talk about this with him. No. Not now. And probably, not ever. After what happened the night before? No.

He reached forward to touch her lip, concern on his face, but Lorelai turned her attention back to the now boiling water and added in the oatmeal, stirring. Letting the steam rise and cloud her face, she was thankful when she saw him turn and go back to the table. Right now, she couldn't handle him being worried about her. She had to be strong right now. Because there were some decisions that were coming up that she had to make that she knew weren't going to fly with almost everyone in her life.

Spooning the liquid into the bowl sitting next to her, she grabbed the orange slices and brought them to the table. Skillful at changing the subject, she said, "So, it's your last day of school for the year! Are you excited?"

Jess just nodded, studying his face from where he sat across the table.

Rory, on the other hand, was more vocal and said, "God, I am so ready to be done with this semester." Then she looked at Lorelai nervously. "You're not sending us to Grandma and Grandpa's again next summer, are you?"

She just couldn't lie to her kids twice in the space of five minutes. So she walked around the truth. "I'm not sure yet what we're going to do this summer."

The response from her daughter was a loud huff and an eye roll before she said, "Oh, great. Yet another summer spent in a small town with stupid people who know everyone's business and can't take a joke."

Jess jumped in, "Rory, I don't think toilet papering the gazebo the night before the summer festival was exactly their view of a joke."

Lorelai's mouth fell open at this new revelation. "What?" She exclaimed, "You did what?"

"Oh, please." She said through a mouth full of cereal, "It was just a few rolls."

Lorelai looked at Jess, who shook his head and said, "You used almost fifty rolls, Rory."

She really hoped that Rory hadn't turned the town against them before they even moved there. Blowing on her oatmeal before she took a bite, she asked Jess, "Did you like staying with your grandparents?" She set the bite in her mouth and tried to swallow, but a coughing attack hit her, causing her to grab her napkin and cover her mouth.

Her entire body shook, sending pain from last night and from the prolonged coughing, and she gasped for breath when she was finished, folding her napkin and setting it in her lap. She wouldn't look.

But before Jess had a chance to answer, Rory pushed away from the table, and stood up to her feet, eyes blazing with anger at something that Lorelai had said. "So you ARE going to send us back there!"

Lorelai tried to tell her daughter that it wasn't that way at all. But Rory wouldn't let her as she continued on her tirade. "I thought that now we were old enough to stay by ourselves." Stomping her foot like a toddler not getting her way, she yelled, "I won't go. You can't make me."

Lorelai opened her mouth to correct her daughter. To even try and explain. But another coughing fit overtook her, and she reached for Rory's napkin to cover her mouth as she sat there, body shaking as she coughed, throat burning, eyes watering, trying just to take a breath again.

As that happened, Rory reached down, grabbed her backpack, and was halfway out the door when Lorelai squeaked out, "Rory…" But her voice choked as she finished coughing, giving Rory the chance to walk completely out the door and slam it hard.

Setting her elbows on the table, still holding her hand over her mouth as she coughed, she gestured to Jess and to the door. He looked at her confused, and when she caught her breath enough, she said, "Go walk to school with your sister."

"Mom, I don't …"

She knew he was going to finish that statement with "want to leave you" and she just couldn't talk with him about what happened. Swallowing against her raw throat, she whispered, "I don't want her walking alone." Taking a sip of water, she then said in a normal tone, "Please, Jess. Just go with her."

Grudgingly, he got up from the table, grabbed his book bag and walked out of the door, but not before saying, "I want to talk with you later."

Nodding her head, anything just to get him out of the door, she was so thankful to see that door closed as she started coughing again. This time, she didn't cover her mouth with a napkin to hide how sick she really was from the kids. Instead she coughed like she was sure a lung was going to fly out of her mouth. But the only thing that hit her hand that was over her mouth was blood. Dark, red, blood. She could feel it not only on her hand, but dribbling out of her mouth as she tried her hardest to stop. The taste of copper in her mouth wasn't an abnormal taste now, not after having this for almost three weeks.

Once her body decided that she got to keep her lungs, no matter how hard they were trying to destroy her, she managed to take another sip of water, which helped her throat not feel like barbed wire was lining it. Setting the glass down, she knew she should be more startled at the blood on the rim from where her mouth had just been. And she knew that the handprint of blood on the outside of the glass should have shocked her.

But the only thing right now that was shocking her was that she was still alive. That this bleeding in her lungs – this coughing hadn't killed her. Just from the sheer amount of blood she was losing each time she coughed – that was enough to scare her. But also, after coughing blood all over the customer last night, she was surprised that she was still alive after what he had done to her.

Lorelai reasoned to herself as she reached for her cell phone in the pocket of her robe – she reasoned that if she was still alive, she had to try and stay that way. She had to get away from this place that was trying to kill her. And she had only one alternative.

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"Hello?" Camille answered, surprised to have seen that it was Lorelai calling her. At seven thirty in the morning. Of course she had been up, fixing breakfast, but just to hear from Lorelai this early wasn't normal.

She had always loved hearing Lorelai's voice. It was sweet and kind, although she couldn't remember a time when the young woman hadn't sounded tired. But there was always a goodness about Lorelai's voice.

But as she listened to Lorelai's voice, she knew that something was wrong. Not just because of the tone of her voice, or the words she was saying, but because she sounded so sick.

"Camille. I hope I didn't wake you…"

"You didn't. I've been up for a while" Unable to get the sound of the girl's voice out of her head, she asked, "Lorelai, are you feeling alright? You sound…"

"I've got a cold. One that keeps hanging on." Camille realized Lorelai was almost whispering. "I think I've just about lost my voice."

Camille knew the answer when she asked it, but she had to know. "Have you seen a doctor?" She knew times for the girl were tough, with raising two teenagers and being a single mom. So, of course, the first thing to go would be Lorelai's health.

"I haven't yet."

"Lorelai…" She cautioned, "You have to take care of yourself." She knew this woman gave up so much for her children. Although Camille loved her grandchildren, this woman had come into their lives and she loved her just as much. She was like a second daughter to them. And to hear her sound so tired and sick – it was hard for Camille too.

She heard Lorelai take a deep breath and said, "Well, that's what I have to talk to you about."


	56. Chapter 56

Lorelai had spent the entire day packing. Putting things into boxes that she thought they would need – putting things in trash bags that she couldn't believe they had. She had laughed to herself as she wondered why they had three copies of the Annie soundtrack in their CD collection. What even?

By the time the kids would start getting home from school, she had packed up the living room, bathroom, as much of the kids' rooms as she could without them, and was working on the kitchen when the door opened.

Throughout the entire day of packing that left her completely exhausted as she reached up to put the plates into a box – the entire day she had tried to think of the best way to tell the kids that they were moving. But, in her mind, no matter how she spun it, there was going to be a resistance that she had never seen from her daughter. Because if the blowup this morning had been over the possibility of going to stay for the summer, it would only be like dying and going to the wrong place when Lorelai told Rory that they were permanently moving there.

So, despite her hours of preparation, she felt so unprepared as the kids walked into the house.

As usual, Rory was the first one to speak. Her eyes taking in the stacks of boxes piled in the living room, the bareness of the rooms, and finally to Lorelai putting plates into boxes. And she asked, "What the fuck is going on?"

Despite the confusion all around him, Jess, to Lorelai's surprise, was the one to correct Rory on her swearing. "Seriously? There are how many words in the English language and you can't use any but nasty ones?"

Rory rolled her eyes, which as much as she did, Lorelai wondered how she didn't have permanent eye damage. Then Rory's eyes met Lorelai's and she again asked, "What are you doing?" So accusing. So derogatory. So Rory.

Taking a deep breath, Lorelai said, "I just found out today, otherwise I would have told you before you left."

Rory stumbled over boxes to stand at the table where Lorelai was packing a box. "Did you finally make enough money to move us out of this hell-hole?" Lorelai watched as Rory's mind started going even faster, coming up with more and more hurtful things, "Or did you stop paying rent and now we're homeless. Because, sure as hell, that's a plausible explanation."

"Rory." Jess corrected, but Lorelai just held up her hand to him to signal the boy to just be quiet.

Looking at Rory, she said, "We are moving."

Sarcastically, Rory gestured to the boxes and said, "Well, no kidding." She had a look of utter disgust on her face. And Lorelai knew that things were going to only get worse. "I would hope you weren't implementing a new organization strategy that we all live out of boxes."

"We are moving." Lorelai said again, trying to keep herself from lashing out at her daughter. "To Stars Hollow."

And she watched as Rory's face went from confused and irritated to absolutely infuriated. "What!" Her mouth hung open for a second, and then she said, "You have got to be kidding me!"

Lorelai started to give her reasons, "Things have been really tight around here…"

But Rory interrupted with her loud voice, "If that's a reason we're moving, then we should have moved years and years ago!"

Jess again corrected his sister, "Rory, stop. Listen to her. Let her give us her reasons."

Lorelai watched Rory turn to her brother, and start yelling at him, "Oh shut your trap, Jess! It doesn't matter what reasons she…" At the pronoun, Rory flung her hand in Lorelai's direction, and continued, "… gives you because you'll be supportive of whatever new shit she's decided to try."

"Rory!" Lorelai said, loudly, but not loud enough.

Because her daughter went on, chewing Jess out, "You can't think for yourself, you idiot. Can't you see that she's ruined our lives? She kept us here for years in this horrible place, and now, once I was just starting a new school with new people, now she gets this notion that we're going to move to some hick town in the middle of nowhere, and there we will live happy lives because that's just what they do there."

Lorelai again said her daughter's name, but with at little more force.

It still didn't detour her daughter screaming at her son, "If only she could get her act together, get a real job not serving alcohol to losers, if she would do that instead of moving us miles from home, then maybe we could have some sense of a normal life."

That was it. Lorelai yelled louder that her daughter was yelling, which took some force. "RORY!"

Both of her children turned to look at her.

But now that she had some semblance of their attention, her body again fell into a coughing fit from yelling at Rory so loud, and she scrambled to find something to cover her mouth that she was sure would soon be filled with blood. But everything was being packed.

Her throat was burning and she could taste copper in her mouth, so she put the sleeve of her sweatshirt to her lips, knowing that it would soon be soaked through with blood. And she didn't know what to do as she continued to cough. Because the minute she brought it away from her mouth, they would see. If she could sit down…

But when she stopped coughing, she tried to cover her hand over the blood stain the size of a tennis ball on her shirt, but when she looked up, she saw both of her children's faces looking at her with horror.

Jess was the first to speak. "Mom. What is…" He looked at her shirt, and then at her mouth, and just stood there, the question floating in the air.

Grabbing a glass of water from the counter, Lorelai let the cool liquid coat her horribly raw throat before she croaked out, "I'm just sick. A cold. It's been here for a while."

There was not one part of either of her children's faces that showed they believed what she was saying.

And, of course, Rory was the first to throw that in her face. "Bullshit." If Lorelai could have yelled at her daughter right then, she would have. But Rory kept going, "What lame ass excuse is that, Mom?" Pointing to her sleeve, Rory's voice quieted down, like she was astonished at what she saw. "No cold I've ever seen does that."

Of course she couldn't pull that off on them. They weren't little children anymore. She couldn't lie to get them to feel better or see bad things in a different light that wouldn't scare them.

And Jess spoke again, his face almost in pain as he saw her bloody sleeve. "Rory's right. That's no cold, Mom." His voice was barely audible as he tried to speak through what looked like tears on his face. "Are you really sick?"

Lorelai opened her mouth to answer him, but Rory's response came louder and sooner than Lorelai's.

"Of course she's sick, you idiot." Rory flung her careless words at her brother, "You don't cough up blood and be completely healthy. What world are you living in?"

Not being able to take the fighting from Rory any longer, Lorelai started to talk, her voice very quiet. But she was thankful that both her children were silent as she spoke. "I am sick. I just need some rest to recover from working so much." That wasn't a lie. That wasn't a lie. She told herself as she continued. "That's why we are moving. Because I am out of money to stay here." She expected some vocal resistance from Rory, who, instead, just crossed her arms in front of her and sent an angry look at her. Lorelai said, "I also want you two to have a better life. Because, Rory's right…" Rory's eyes widened in surprise, "This isn't how I want you to grow up. So the only way that I can see to do that, is to move to Stars Hollow."

Jess asked, "Do you have a job there?"

Rory also questioned, "What about a house? Have you thought about that?"

The differences between her children were almost as great as the Grand Canyon. Where Jess was asking out of concern for the family and her being able to rest and still work, Rory accused her of neglecting to think about their basic needs. But that wasn't a discussion for right now.

Nodding, Lorelai said, "I have a few leads on a job there in town." Addressing Rory's accusation, she said, "We don't have a house yet, but your grandparents have offered to let us stay with them until I can get back on my feet."

Jess smiled and said, "Oh, that will be good. So you can rest too without having to make a house payment and everything." He walked over to her, and pulled her in for a hug. She couldn't believe how tall he was getting. He was the same height as her, even at fifteen. But his arms wrapped around her, and he whispered into her ear, "I'm glad we're moving. So you can stop working so hard."

His words struck a chord. Deep down inside of her. And she hugged him back and said, "And, if you get in, your grandparents have said they want to pay for you to attend Chilton next year."

He jumped back in surprise, "What?" His voice was excited beyond almost anything she had ever seen from him before, "Really? I might get to go to the best private school around?"

Lorelai nodded and watched him almost jump up and down. He reached over and gave her a quick hug, before he jumped away and said, "I'm going to pack up my room, ok?"

With a slight nod of her head, she smiled as he skipped into his room. She was glad that one child was happy.

But her eyes fell to Rory, who was still standing there with her arms crossed in front of her. Staring her down.

Lorelai was so tired. So sore. From the night before. And from the entire day spent packing. And she fell into the chair, and said, "Rory, I know you're disappointed." Shaking her head, Lorelai tried to be understanding, "I get it. I get the fact that you don't want to move from your friends and your school and…"

Rory interrupted her. Her daughter's voice was clipped and uncaring. "I want to move in with dad."

All Lorelai could do was shake her head at the absurd proposition, "No, Rory. I'm not splitting up this family. You're moving with us." Rory didn't understand. She wouldn't even try to. The stubborn look on her daughter's face told her that this move might never be alright in Rory's eyes.

"Split us up?" Her daughter asked softly. "This isn't even a real family, Mom."

"Where do you come up with this stuff, Rory?" Lorelai asked, having gained some strength from sitting down. She started pulling cups down from the cupboards and putting them into the boxes on the table. "It's hard to take you seriously when you say things like that. Of course we're a family."

The words, although said quietly and without screaming, were just as hurtful. "Jess isn't my brother. You divorced Dad. Jess' grandparents aren't really my grandparents." Rory paused, and then landed the crushing blow. "If you hadn't pushed Dad away, we would have a better life right now."

Lorelai couldn't say anything to that. Of course Jess was her brother. He had lived with them since he was six. He was her son. And yes, Chris and Lorelai were divorced. That didn't make them any less of a family. And in regards to the grandparents, they had been there for Rory more than Lorelai's parents had been there for Lorelai when she was a little girl. So, yes. This was a family. But there was no getting through to her daughter – she was going to think what she was going to think.

But that last sentence – accusing her of ruining the family by freeing herself from the man who had done so many horrible things – that couldn't go untouched.

And Lorelai just said, calmly. "Your father chose to go start a family with someone else. I couldn't do anything about that."

"Oh, really?" Rory taunted, "You were off working your slutty job at the bar while dad was…"

That was the last straw. And she raised her voice as much as possible without going into a coughing fit. "That is enough from you, young lady." Rory took a step back at her mother's anger. "You will NOT speak to me like that, do you hear me?" Of course, Rory's mouth closed and her neck stiffened, showing that she wouldn't respond to that question. But that didn't stop Lorelai, "I am your mother, and I deserve to be talked to respectfully."

Rory's mouth barely opened but she said, "Do you?"

Pointing to her bedroom, Lorelai firmly said, "Get in that room. Pack your things. We are leaving in the morning, whether you like it or not. Whatever isn't packed is going in the trashcan."

Rory's eyes narrowed as she said, "I'm going to live with Dad and you can't stop…"

"Honey," Lorelai said sarcastically, "I have custody over you. Legally, you get to see your father twice a month." Rory's jaw clenched in anger. "You try and go stay with your father, I will call the police and have you brought right back to me."

"You wouldn't do that." Rory mocked. "You don't have the balls to do that."

She couldn't believe her daughter. Couldn't believe that she would talk this way. Act this way. Treat her with such disgust. But Lorelai just threatened, "I wouldn't try me on this one, kid. But if you do, I'll make sure and take lots of pictures when the police escort you back here."

And the one thing Lorelai hadn't seen her daughter do – she did. Rory had cussed at her. Had pierced her own nose to make her angry. Had snuck out at night. Had stayed out late. Had come home drunk. Had come home smelling like cigarette smoke. Had screamed. Had yelled. But she hadn't done this.

She threw her hands up in the air, and flipped her mother off. An angry, defiant look on her face. And she just held them there.

Lorelai was now beyond angry. She was furious. All of this was for Rory. To get her away from the friends she hung out with. To get a job where Lorelai could keep an eye on her better. Where she could have a better life than living here in the crowded city.

So for Rory to be standing there, giving her the finger – that was it. Marching over to her, Lorelai grabbed her by the back of the collar, making sure not to hurt her, but showing her that she meant business. And she marched her straight to her room. And she took her in, pointed at the boxes of clothes that were Rory's.

She hissed in her ear. "Get these packed."

She let go of Rory's collar, and her daughter whirled and tried to slap her in the face. "I'm not moving with you!" Came the blood curdling scream from her teenager.

Accustomed to someone trying to do that, Lorelai grabbed her by the wrist and said, "Pack your clothes or the only clothes you're taking with you will be the ones on your back."

And she let go of her wrist, turned, and walked out of the door. As the door slammed shut, she heard Rory scream, "Go to hell!"

Lorelai leaned against the wall, holding herself up with her hands as she tried to calm down. Her heart was racing and she tried to take calm, deep breaths so she wouldn't start coughing again. She felt all her strength waning away. Like it was a battery, and she was almost all used up. But if she could just make it a few more hours. Tomorrow they would be heading out to start their new life. If she could just make it until then – she just might have a chance.

Even though all she wanted to do was sit on the floor and cry, she pushed herself off of the wall, and made her way into the kitchen, where she found her son putting dishes away into the boxes. He looked up at her, a sad smile on his face, and he said, "This is going to work, Mom."

She barely smiled, but she walked over and started handing him glasses to set into the boxes. "I sure as hell hope it does, Jess."


	57. Chapter 57

THEY'RE HERE! WHAT EVERYONE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR! :) (you may thank me now!)

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Camille was in the guesthouse, putting fresh sheets on the bed. She mentally checked through the list as she set the pillows on the pull-out bed. She had gotten the kids' rooms ready, with fresh sheets and even cleared out some of the stuff that they had been storing in there. If the kids were going to be living at the house instead of just staying for a few weeks, Camille wanted them to feel like it was home and not just visiting. So she made sure to clear out a dresser in each room, and space in the closets, especially for Rory's room, because, of course, girls had more hanging clothes than boys did.

Straightening up after having been bent over the bed, Camille just went into the little bathroom in the guesthouse and made sure everything was straightened and ready for Lorelai.

At the thought of Lorelai, Camille remembered the call she had gotten yesterday morning. The young mom had started crying, saying that her job was not turning out to be what she needed. That she was having trouble paying her bills, more than normal. And that Rory's constant defiance of any rules and getting into danger was wearing so tough on her – and that Lorelai was concerned that one of these days, her daughter was going to get into trouble that wouldn't be able to be undone with just a simple punishment.

Of course, since the day they met Lorelai, it had been obvious that she was a struggling mom, trying to do the best that she could for her children. That had been evident the first time Camille saw the kids with Lorelai at the park – their new clothes and new shoes, compared to the same outfit she had seen Lorelai in a few weeks before. But they knew she was looking out for her children, and that had been all that mattered.

But as the years went on, as they came for Christmas and Easter, and always a little bit in the summer – they watched their grandchildren blossom into their own persons. Jess, the quiet child, always aimed to please, especially his mother. Rory, the strong one, always trying to express herself as an individual. And, although completely different, Camille and Zeke had noticed one common thing: they were free to be their own person because of the strength of their mother.

Over the years, however, Camille had noticed something with Lorelai. That despite how her children changed and grew – Lorelai seemed to wane. It was as if she gave everything she had to her kids that when it was time for her to need something, she had nothing left to give. Her clothes barely changed from year to year. Her hair always had a cut that Camille could tell she cut it herself. And there was never anything that Lorelai asked for other than things to help the kids – like the summer before when they had stayed in Stars Hollow so she could work.

A pattern of overlooking herself, physically and emotionally – and Camille wondered if Lorelai saw anything outside of her children as being worth living for.

So when they had gotten the call yesterday, both Camile and Zeke had been actually relieved. Even without the exhaustion completely evident in Lorelai's voice, just the way that Rory had acted last summer – it had been enough for both of them to wonder how Lorelai was getting along with that. Because it was one thing to have a difficult child – they had a difficult child. It wasn't easy. But to not only have a child so bent on doing wrong, but then to be the sole parent really involved the child's life, and needing to make money to provide for the family – they knew even just that would be enough for her to move and be with family. It might be best to pull Rory away from her friends anyway – get her in a small town with a good family basis. It would be good. They were both excited about that.

She heard Zeke calling out from the window in the kitchen. "Millie!" He yelled! "They're here!"

Her heart jumped as she quickly ran out the door of the guesthouse, and met her husband, who had such a big smile on his face. Pulling her into a hug, he whispered, "It's going to be so good having kids around again."

She kissed him back and said, "It will keep you young, sir."

To which he growled lovingly at her and said, "I thought that was your job!" And the held hands standing there, waiting for the old car to pull to a stop in front of them.

The front passenger side door opened, and out tumbled a tall Jess, taller than Camille remembered when he had been here for Christmas. His hair, scraggly as usual, hung over his face until he brushed it out with his hand and ran towards her. "Grandma!" He exclaimed. Wrapping his long arms around her, he gave her a big hug, and then said, "Thanks for letting us come to stay with you."

Zeke laughed, and said, "Give me a handshake, son." To which Jess quickly pulled away and met his grandfather's hand, and Zeke nodded in approval. "Still very manly. I'll let you stay here." And Camille watched the two men head over towards the trunk of the car, as was the usual routine. And had been since the first Christmas the kids had come to stay with them.

Out of the other backseat door, Camille watched Rory slink out. It had been since summer that Camille had seen Rory. She looked so much taller. A little skinnier – but in a good way, almost grown up. But Camille did notice how different she seemed. The girl whose last stand of defiance for the summer had been piercing her own nose the night before her mother came to pick her up – that girl seemed so far away when Camille watched Rory walk over to her.

Her hair was completely black, compared to the natural brown shade that matched her mother's. Well, actually, completely black except for the neon pink color at the tips of her hair. And the dark makeup around her eyes and almost grey lipstick around her lips only accentuated what Camille thought to be a new piercing around the left side of her bottom lip – a little hoop that almost matched her lipstick it was so grey.

Opening her arms to her granddaughter, Camille said, "Rory, it's been so long since I've…"

But Camille watched in surprise as Rory just turned her shoulder so she could walk right past her. Arms crossed in front of her, she rolled her eyes right as she walked past Camille.

"Same room?" Was the one question that Rory flung at her. A question that made Camille want to apologize for something – even though she had no idea what was wrong.

"Yes." Turning in shock, Camille watched as Rory stomped up the stairs to the house, and Camille cringed as she heard the door slam behind the angry girl.

"You'll have to ignore her. We're going through something." A small chuckle. "I'm not sure what, but we sure are going through it."

At the sound of Lorelai's voice, a smile came to Camille's face as she turned. But the smile immediately faded when she looked at the changed woman getting out of the car.

Lorelai's hand was on the side of the car door she had just shut, leaning against it. And, from the looks of the emaciated body, Camille knew she was holding herself up with that hand balanced on the car. Her face, before bright and radiant, instead seemed to be translucent. So pale Camille wondered if she could see straight through to her bones. Although there was no need to see through anything, because her cheekbones poked out of her face. And never before had Camille seen such dark, hideous circles under someone's eyes. The beautiful blue eyes that always held some kind of hope no matter what – they were muted – like they had lost their sparkle too, along with everything else that Lorelai's body had held.

"Oh, Lorelai." Camille breathed as she slowly walked over to this girl she just about considered her own daughter.

As she got closer, Camille realized that it wasn't just dark circles under the girl's eyes. But there was a bruise on the left eye – a bruise the radiated down her cheekbone. And then Lorelai's pale lip was offset with a line of red down the side, like she had been punched in the face, her lip split.

And now, standing just in front of the girl, Camille looked down and saw how desperately thin Lorelai was. Her arms – they looked like little twigs. Like a breeze might come and blow them away. Her fingers – just skin and bones. And, if Camille hadn't seen it herself, if this had been a picture, she would have believed the picture had been manipulated – because she had never seen someone's waist so thin. Like she was positive if she saw Lorelai's stomach – all of her ribs would be showing. It was not a pretty sight.

Again, Camille was completely at a loss for words as she pulled Lorelai in for a hug. She cringed at the almost weightless feeling she had as she held Lorelai close. Whispering in her ear, she said, "Lorelai, what happened?"

Feeling Lorelai pull away, Camille looked on, waiting for the girl to talk to her. And Lorelai opened her mouth and said, "Things have been…"

And then Camille listened as the most horrendous cough she had ever heard came out of Lorelai's mouth. It was so congested. So dense. Like it was coming from the bottom of her lungs – like she had just been pulled from a lake and was struggling to breathe as the water she had breathed in while under was now trying to get out of her lungs. Except this wasn't that she was coming out of the water. This was stuff already there.

Letting go of the car, Lorelai's entire body shook as she covered her mouth with both hands, until Camille watched as she almost fell over. Turning towards the car, she set one hand on the hood of the car, and the other stayed around her mouth. Coughing. Tears streaming out of her eyes from what Camille could hear to be scratching in her throat.

It sounded so painful, each congested exhale and each breath sucked in before another round of coughing ensued. Walking over to her, Camille set her hand in the small of Lorelai's back, as she could feel the tension as she coughed and coughed.

Even while she was coughing, Camille leaned up and asked, "Do you need something?"

Pointing towards the inside of the car, Lorelai barely croaked out, "Water."

Nodding, Camille ran and flung the car door open, leaned in and fumbled through some tissues to find a half-empty water bottle. Grabbing it, she quickly ran back out, took off the cap, and handed it to Lorelai – who grabbed it and immediately took a drink.

She continues to cough, but a little less violently. After a few more drinks, Camille watched her chest rise and fall heavily, but no coughing must be a good sign.

It was then that Camille's eyes met Lorelai's. And the bloodshot, teary eyes of the girl were full of pain. The blue eyes – swimming in pain deeper than just the pain from the horrendous coughing fit – they seemed, at least, to Camille to beg for help.

But then Camille's eyes were drawn to the poor girl's lips. And fear gripped at her heart. There was blood. Leaking out the side of her mouth.

"Lorelai." And then Camille saw the water bottle. The top of it. Covered in blood. Blood that dripped down into what water was left – leaving it tinted pink as each drop of blood fell farther and farther into it.

Something was horribly wrong.

"Camille." Lorelai choked out. Her voice, unsteady, said, "It's fine. I just need some rest." Lorelai stretched out her hand and rested it on Camille's arm, like she was trying to reassure her that she was alright.

It didn't take a genius to see that this girl in front of her was completely broken. Her face was beaten. Her eyes were so tired. Blood was leaking out of her mouth. She was still holding onto the car to keep her standing. And then Camille looked down at her arm, where Lorelai's hand was.

There was something warm against Camille's skin. Taking Lorelai's hand in her other hand, Camille looked down to see a bloody handprint on her skin.

"Lorelai. You're really sick." Camille could barely speak, she was so scared for this girl that she loved like she was her own daughter.

Tears came to Lorelai's eyes as she said, "I just need…"

"You need to see a doctor." Camille stretched out her hand and touched Lorelai's forehead. It was hot. Burning hot. "Dear god, Lorelai. You're burning up." Fear seized her as she knew that this girl had packed and moved all of her things while feeling like this – Lorelai had sounded sick yesterday when she called. But this, it was so bad, it had to have been going on for a while. "How long has it been like this?"

Lorelai looked at the ground, taking her hand from Camille's and said, "Not…"

Knowing the girl was going to downplay it, Camille scolded, "Don't you dare lie to me." She hated to sound like a mother, but Camille wondered if that's just what she needed.

Taking a few breaths before speaking, Lorelai said, "A few months."

Call it a mother's intuition. Call it common sense. Call it whatever they wanted to call it. But Camille knew that there was something more than Lorelai just being sick. This was something else all together.

Shaking her head at how strong Lorelai had to be to have done what she did feeling like this, Camille said, "Get in our car. I'm driving you to the hospital."

"No." Lorelai said forcefully. "I can't afford it and I just need…"

Camille was not going to argue about this. "We will take care of the bill. Come. We're going." Taking hold of Lorelai's arm, she tried to lead her to Zeke's truck. "You are really sick. Let us take care of you."

But Lorelai wouldn't budge. "Rest. I need rest." But the resistance must have been too much for Lorelai. Because suddenly, Camille felt Lorelai's body begin to tense, but no cough came out.

And Lorelai's eyes started to panic, searching –

For air.

She was sucking in air, but nothing was happening. The guttural noise as she fought to breathe. It lasted a few seconds before Camille realized that there wasn't a cough coming. And she feared the girl wasn't breathing. Well, she knew the girl wasn't breathing. She could see the frantic panic in her eyes as Lorelai's eyes met hers.

Until a cough came. So violent. Ripping through something. Lorelai placed both hands on the hood of the car to hold her up, and it was as if her body was done fighting it. For right there, Lorelai coughed up clots and clots of blood, massive amounts spilling from her lips all over the hood where she was standing. Almost vomiting if she hadn't been coughing. If she had been paying attention, Camille would have seen the splatters of red all over her sweater. But that was the least of her worries right now.

She started calling for her husband, terror in her voice at the sight of all of this blood, "Zeke! ZEKE!" She would have kept yelling, except right then, she watched Lorelai start to crumble.

Still holding the girl's arm, she was able to slide her arms under Lorelai's, and the thin body of the girl fell onto her shoulders.

"Lorelai!" She screamed, trying to get the girl to come to. After not breathing for a few seconds, and then the massive loss of blood – Camille was terrified.

Just then, she felt her husband's strong hands reach over and grab the girl from her.

"Millie, what…"

Knowing they didn't have much time. Knowing how much blood this girl had lost. Knowing how absolutely run down she was – Camille just said, "I'm going to call an ambulance."

But she heard Jess from behind her. "I already did."


	58. Chapter 58

Her mother's face flashed through her mind the entire time. The entire ride as Grandpa drove his truck right behind the ambulance. Grandma had gone with her mother in the ambulance.

She should be in there with her mom.

If her mom would want her to be in there with her.

When she heard the sirens, she had been up in the room her grandma had made for her. Laying on the bed, her phone in her hand, texting one of her friends back in New York. About how horrible life was. Moving from her friends. To a new place. A place where she didn't want to be.

But she had rushed to the window as the sirens got louder and louder. And she watched as the vehicle with flashing lights pulled up the driveway.

She leaned her head against the cold window of the old truck. She thought maybe she heard her grandpa trying to comfort them, saying something about how the doctors at the hospital in Hartford were the best around. And Jess was sitting next to her – saying that he was so scared about his mom being so sick.

But, as her breath fogged up the window, she remembered looking down out of that window, seeing Grandpa holding her mother. He was rushing towards the paramedics coming out of the ambulance. And her mom's head was hanging limp off of his arm, her hair blowing in the cold wind outside. Her eyes closed.

"How much longer to the hospital?" She asked, wishing that this long ride would end and her mom could get help.

Jess' voice hit her before her grandpa could reply. "What do you care?" Resentment slapped her across the face, his words hurtful and completely true. "You treated her horribly anyway. Why would you care what happens to her?"

She knew her brother thought that about her. Thought that she hated her mother.

The fights. The insults. The sneaking out. The overwhelming anger Rory had towards her mother.

Anyone would think that.

A small tear fell down her face as she just wished the ambulance would go faster – that her mother would be fine. That her mom wouldn't die. Rory wouldn't be able to live with herself if her mother died thinking that Rory hated her.

The minute Rory had seen her mother limp in her grandpa's arms, she had turned and raced down the stairs to the farmhouse, her feet not moving fast enough so she jumped down the last four stairs, stumbling but catching herself on the door before she threw it open and jumped down the porch stairs.

Her mother was laying on the gurney – paramedics and her grandparents surrounded it so Rory couldn't' see.

Jess was standing to the side, his face white as a ghost.

Her grandma was telling the paramedics around her mother about what happened. Collapse. Coughing. Blood.

Rory said, "Let me see her." She begged. But no one moved from their places. Her grandmother's hand was holding her mom's hand. Her grandpa stood on the end of the stretcher – his tall frame not letting her see anything.

No one was listening. Rory yelled louder, "Let me see her!" But the commands and interactions between those working on her mom drowned her out.

"She was so sick and you were a horrible daughter." Jess' voice said next to her in the truck. "She was just trying to do what was best for us."

Her heart pounded, but her determination to see her mom – it kicked in. And she pushed her grandfather aside, like she was swimming upstream, her hands clawing to get to the surface – desperately trying not to drown in the sea of chaos around her.

Somehow, she found herself staring down at her mother. And on the gurney, Rory could see how desperately emaciated her mother's body was – so thin there was enough room on the gurney for a machine that was connected to her chest to sit. On the other side, someone set an oxygen tank alongside her mother's tiny arm.

A hand placed an oxygen mask over her mom's face. Her clothes were covered in blood, her chin had a blood trail running down from her mouth. Rory had only dared to look at her mom's eyes once – they were open – and staring straight up. Like she was…

"She can't be dead." Was the only thing that Rory could manage to say to combat the truth that Jess was telling her.

But what if she was.

She looked dead. Rory thought she might be. Until her mother's body seized, and her oxygen mask filled with blood. Dark. Red. Blood. A hand lifted the mask off of her face, and streams of the liquid ran down her face. But her mom didn't turn to the side. Didn't wipe the blood from her mouth. Didn't even try and breathe. She just laid there. Her body shaking from coughs while her eyes stared straight up.

"Rory, don't say things like that." Grandpa's voice filled the truck. "She's going to be fine."

She didn't look fine. Her eyes had peeled open. Her mouth was open as the blood pooled inside. Rory watched as her mom's hands gripped the white sheet, her knuckles white – her skin white – the sheet around her head – completely soaked through with blood.

Suddenly someone stuck something into her mom's mouth – and the pool of blood was gone for a second. And the mask went on. Someone was telling her mother to try and breathe.

Rory was telling her mother to keep breathing.

The sudden movement of the gurney sent Rory into a blind panic. She grabbed onto the sheet and said, "No, I want to go with her!"

But the paramedics were strong that Rory – and she was soon standing there as they lifted her mother up into the ambulance.

She had begged them to let her go with. She had to – that was her mom in there. She couldn't leave her.

But they had told her she was too young, that only adults could go. But her mother needed her. She couldn't just let them drive away and maybe she would never see her again. She couldn't.

But her grandfather had insisted that Grandma go with her mom. That he would drive right behind and take the kids to the hospital.

The backdoors shut – and soon they were off – hurdling down the road, wondering with every second if the ambulance would stop – because there was no need to hurry anymore.

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The small hand in hers seemed like it belonged there. Long fingers that were nothing but flesh and bones – they fit perfectly. As if this girl had grown up with her, hand-in-hand walking to the park, two little hands that needed help stirring the big batch of cookies they were making, teaching her how to pain her little fingernails. She just fit – Camille never doubted that.

But with each beeping of the machines around her, Camille couldn't help but worry about this girl laying there on the hospital bed. Her girl. With skin so translucent she almost seemed like a ghost, a ghost of the girl that she might have once been. A bruise across her face. A slice on her lip – they all screamed of the horrors that her little girl had faced out there – alone.

It didn't matter that she hadn't birthed Lorelai. It didn't matter that Lorelai had been in her twenties when they met. It didn't matter – none of that mattered. This girl had done more for her grandson than anyone else in this world. With a heart big enough to love a child that wasn't her own, Lorelai was part of Camille's family. Part of her heart.

That was why a part of her heart was breaking. As the tube down her throat breathed for Lorelai, Camille felt pain at the hurt this girl had endured. It took quite a strong girl to push through being so ill, so deathly sick, to get her children to safety. For her to be this sick – Camille just held the hand to her lips and whispered, "Oh, my little Lorelai."

"Ma'am."

Camille was startled as she looked up from where she sat right next to Lorelai's bed.

A doctor stood there, his hand outstretched as he tried to calm her, "I didn't mean to scare you."

Camille just shook her head. "I was just thinking. You didn't disturb me." He walked over to one of the machines, the bag of IV's hanging there – one with blood, the other with some kind of clear liquid that Camille remembered someone saying was fluid to rehydrate her after all the blood loss.

He made a note on his chart while he talked, "This should be the last bag of blood that we have to give her."

Camille nodded, her mind on the blood that had been everywhere the entire ride to the hospital. All over the walls as Lorelai would cough and then vomit, clots of blood hitting everywhere. They had started an IV there in the ambulance. Called ahead and ordered blood transfusions to be ready.

And they had wheeled her off to surgery the minute they arrived.

"I was wondering if I could speak with you and your husband outside." The doctor said when he finished writing down the information on his chart.

She didn't want to leave Lorelai. Didn't want the girl to wake up alone in this hospital bed, but the doctor must have sensed some of her hesitation to leave, and reassured her. "She's heavily sedated after the surgery. She won't wake up for a while."

Camille stood up, leaned over the small body in the hospital bed, and placed a kiss on Lorelai's forehead, letting her lips linger as she whispered, "I'll be right back, darling." Then she followed the doctor out of the room, where she found her husband waiting for her. The doctor immediately shut the door to Lorelai's room behind him.

Zeke wrapped his arm around her, holding her close while he asked, "Is she going to be alright?"

The doctor gave it to them straight. "The bleeding was caused by an infection that ate away at the lining along an artery in her lung." It just sounded so painful. He continued, "We were able to stop the bleeding and repair the damage to the artery."

Camille wanted to be hopeful. "That's good, right?" she asked, "That means she can get better?"

The doctor nodded. "That's a tricky subject." Camille grabbed her husband's hand, squeezing it for dear life. Her heart was pounding as the doctor said, "Because the infection in her lungs is very advanced. The x-rays we took in surgery showed that there are lesions spotting all over her lungs, both of them, to a degree that even the antibiotic treatment's available for tuberculosis is undecided as to if it will work or not."

But one word stuck out to her.

Tuberculosis.

Her husband spoke as she was speechless. "Lorelai has…"

The doctor nodded. "Normally it takes a few weeks for the test results to come back to determine the diagnosis." Camille watched as he nervously swallowed before continuing, "But during the surgery, the growths were so far advanced that we were able to make a diagnosis based on that."

Tuberculosis.

Her sweet Lorelai. Had tuberculosis. And Camille found her voice, "How long has she... had this in …" She couldn't even speak.

"From what we could tell." The doctor said, "From the growths on her lungs, I would estimate the symptoms to have been around for a few months. At least, from the infection on the artery, the bleeding has been around for that long, I would say."

Months? She had been suffering with this for months and hadn't said anything? Camille's heart broke as she imagined Lorelai realizing that something was wrong – hell, Lorelai had tried to refuse to go to the doctor that day – because of money. Dear god, this girl had suffered, trying to take care of her family, and let her body deteriorate so fast.

Zeke spoke, his voice quieter than normal. "I thought that TB was pretty much a thing of the past here in the US. She hasn't been out of the country that we know of…" Of course they didn't know, but she wouldn't leave the kids with anyone but them, so Camille knew that her husband's question was warranted. "Where would she…"

The doctor interrupted him, explaining, "Because of the way we have treated TB, we have pretty much eradicated the active form of the disease." He hesitated, but both Camile and her husband's attention was directed completely at him. "The few cases that we treat a year, we find they come from lower income families, in poor conditions, with little or no access to healthcare."

That fit Lorelai.

"With what we can see as the lack of nutrition and the…" The doctor hesitated. "… signs of physical abuse…" Camille's hand covered her mouth, gasping at the confirmation of what she had suspected. "We were wondering if you could shed any light on her condition prior to being hospitalized?"

Lorelai. The poor child. Abused. So skinny. Hurt. Someone hurt her little girl. Camille just shook her head, unable to even speak. She looked up at her husband, who had tears in his eyes as he breathlessly told the doctor, "We didn't know…" He was trying to collect himself. "She just moved here to be with us today. So we don't know what kind of background she's had the last few years."

The doctor nodded, pulling out his chart and then asked, "I need to know the people she's been in contact with. So we can test whether they're positive for the disease here too."

Jess and Rory.

If they were sick too, she wouldn't be able to bear that.

Zeke again was her mouthpiece, "She has two children. They're here in the waiting room."

"A spouse?" The doctor asked, making a note on the chart.

Camille shook her head. "Divorced years ago." Then she asked, "So how are you going to treat Lorelai?"

"We're going to start an intensive round of four antibiotics to start attacking the infection." He sounded like this was going to be a regimen for a long time. "After two weeks, when the contagious stage is over, we will reevaluate with another round of chest x-rays to see whether the antibiotics are shrinking the spots on her lungs."

"Contagious stage?" Zeke asked – he sounded about as shell-shocked as she felt right now.

The doctor answered, "Yes, we're going to have to keep her in isolation for two weeks until the treatment will have time to take care of the open spores that she is currently breathing out."

"Can we be with her?" She asked immediately. "She can't be alone for…"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Gilmore." He thought she was Lorelai's mother. She didn't even argue. She felt like she was. "But we're actually going to have to take you and the children through the decontamination process before we let you go home. It's regulation for all patients with TB."

This was so serious. Procedure. Regulation – Lorelai. She needed to be with her. The doctor seemed to sense something, and he added, "But she'll be sedated pretty much the whole time, until the last few days. We need to keep her resting and give her lungs some time to heal."

Zeke then asked the question that they had both been questioning. "Doing the treatment guarantees that she'll get better?"

The doctor paused. Then, after a moment of agonizing silence, he said, "As bad as her case is, there are no guarantees for her at this moment."

Camille felt tears run down her face as Zeke pulled her close to him. And she let her gaze fall through the window into the room where her little girl laid, fighting for her life. Lorelai was such a fighter. Camille just prayed that she would keep fighting.


	59. Nightmare and Life after

Everything was so dark. A blackness so thick, she felt like she could taste it – like it was strangling her – but she was still breathing. Pressure filled the air around her, and she tried to scream for help – someone to come save her – but the air was so thick, the darkness clawing at her throat that she couldn't.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a little girl. A beautiful dress, white frills and bows decorated all the way down her legs, little white tights and white leather shoes. Her curly hair was pulled up behind her in a bow almost as big as her hair. A sweet angel in the thick blackness around her – giving off light as if she was the source. Her lips were pale. But in a smile.

As the little girl walked closer, Lorelai could see her eyes – piercing blue eyes – seeming to hold laughter that Lorelai couldn't hear – beautiful songs that floated through the air – seeming to come from this perfect child.

But Lorelai wanted to scream for the child to run. Because behind this girl, a dark hand loomed, gradually drawing closer and closer to this child – hoovering over her. Lorelai's mouth was open in a scream – but maybe another dark hand was closing around Lorelai's throat- because no sound came out.

The little child stared blissfully at Lorelai until the hand grabbed her little pale arm. And the child turned, screams taking the place of the songs around her, and her eyes sent off terrified wails as the hand turned into multiple hands. Grasping at the little girl's white dress, white tights. White shoes – with each touch – the hands left dark marks – her dress was stained with black finger prints – her skin marred by dark bruises.

Until the little girl then stood, hands all around her, staring straight at Lorelai again. Her entire dress was black. As if the darkness had swallowed her up. Her little shoes now were shiny and black – her tights – there were no more tights – just skin with bruises and marks that matched her arms and face.

And the blue piercing eyes – they stared her down – and a silent scream for help penetrated the air.

Over and over.

Lorelai wanted to cover her ears but she couldn't.

She waited for someone to come and save the little child – to take her away out of this darkness that Lorelai couldn't' seem to escape.

But the screams just went on and on.

And no one came.

Not one person.

Surely this child had parents. Where were they? Didn't they care about this precious child being eaten alive by the darkness?

But not one concerned mother came searching.

Not one angry father came to defend this little one.

Nothing.

Lorelai just felt the screams and hear the stare from the child's eyes.

Over and over.

Until she thought there was nothing left but the darkness again.

But then, out of the darkness, a woman stepped. A woman with a black dress on. But her skin was pale – her feet bare – but she was smiling. Maybe this woman saved the little girl. Maybe this would be the one who cared for the child that no one wanted. Maybe this woman had…

But Lorelai again found this woman's eyes – penetrating through to Lorelai's soul – blue and piercing. And, under the ivory skin, Lorelai could see dark marks hiding – along her arms – up and down her legs – her skin was pale – but under shadowed with darkness.

It was the girl.

But now a woman.

With a smile that looked painted on. Painted with black paint.

But this time, it wasn't a hand that came behind the woman – it was a fist that slammed into the woman's face, knocking her to the ground. And suddenly, the blackness that was underneath – it began to bleed out of her nose. And her mouth.

Over and over.

A fist would come, and black blood would flow all. All down woman. Her eyes screamed for help – just as the little girl's had.

Then a hand.

Came and grabbed the woman's neck.

Blackness from the blood pooled everywhere around the woman – and the dark hand grabbed her and flung her up into the air – the woman's blue eyes begging Lorelai to help her.

Struggling against the hand, Lorelai watched the woman start to pass out – as the rest of her white skin began to leak the dark blood until, like the little girl – this woman was completely covered in bruises and darkness.

And the eyes – Lorelai wanted to scream – her eyes – blue and helpeless – began to leak tears of black – crying – begging for help – dark drops of blood leaked from her eyes.

Until the blue eyes turned to grey – and she stopped struggling – and began to fade into the blackness – only her grey eyes remained – until – fading quickly – the eyes turned black – and then.

They were gone.

Forever.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorelai's days since waking had gone by the same.

They told her she had been sedated for almost two weeks. Two weeks laying there, in this bed.

A few days before, when she opened her eyes and found herself there, the doctor explained everything. That she was very sick. That she had tuberculosis. That they had done surgery on her lungs to repair the damage that they could. And that the antibiotics were seeming to do the job of reducing the spots on her lungs.

So much information in so little time. Her brain had tried to assimilate everything. But as she laid there and waited while they took the tube out of her mouth – allowing her to breathe on her own – she had coughed a few times, just a little blood coming up. But the nurses and doctors said that this was completely normal as her body was still healing.

Her days were the same. She would wake up when the nurse came in to check her vital signs, every inch of her body covered, even with a mask for her mouth and nose and glasses to shield her eyes from what Lorelai soon realized was her germs that were so life-threatening. The nurse would listen to her lungs, listen to her heart, make sure her IV's were running properly, and then would leave and change in the decontamination room right outside Lorelai's door – and only after scrubbing for a few minutes – the nurse would then enter the world outside of the room Lorelai now thought of as a prison.

A few hours later, after dozing to some stupid infomercial, she would be greeted by her doctor, who would again come in completely covered – and would again listen to her lungs, listening especially longer than the nurse. He would then tell her what she could and couldn't do that day. The first day, he wanted her to try and sit up in bed. After that it was some exercises with breathing – working on getting her lung capacity up higher than her shallow breaths were. Today, he told her that they wanted her to get up and walk for a little. Just around the room. And with help.

And the help would come a few hours later, after the tasteless broth and warm tea came for her lunch. What she wouldn't give for a hot coffee from Luke and some of Camille's cookies. But she would spoon the broth into her mouth – the first few days she was too weak to do that – the nurse would come in, covered in gowns, and help put the spoon to her mouth so she could eat. But after a few days, Lorelai could feed herself, despite the spoon shaking as her hands weakly tried to be of service. Despite how her stomach grumbled, the doctor reassured Lorelai that she was getting all the nutrients that she needed through the IV in her arm – that it was too dangerous to give her anything other than broth while her throat healed. Apparently, if Lorelai were to choke on anything, her frail lungs could potentially tear yet again and she would be back on the tube in less than two minutes. So she smiled and swallowed the soup with care.

After lunch, the therapy would begin. First her occupational therapist would come in, and help her do things that she would need to do in everyday life. Lorelai had been amazed at how little she could do the first few days she was awake. The therapist assured her that the ability to pick things up with her hands – to write her name – to brush her hair – that it would all come back after a few days of work. Apparently laying there without moving for two weeks had taken almost all of the muscle tone out of her body – so she had to work through therapy to do things that she should be able to do. Those had been very frustrating days, but she had gotten through that.

Then the physical therapist would come – again covered in a gown – but would help her sit up and breathe – making sure that she was able to do the little things before they moved onto the tougher stuff. She sat up the first day for five minutes, until her stomach muscles shook with exhaustion and she begged to sit back. The next day they sat up and she practiced lifting her feet off of the ground from where they dangled off of her bed.

And today – today she was just a little bit excited. Today she would get to stand up. And walk. Her therapist, Brad, came in – the only thing that separated Brad, her therapist, from Greg, the man who brought her food – was that Brad had green eyes and Greg had brown eyes – the only parts of a person that Lorelai could see that wasn't covered.

Brad walked in carrying a metal walker and said, "Now, how's my favorite patient?" He was a big guy. Maybe 6'5". Broad shoulders. His jovial attitude reminded Lorelai of what Santa might be like – sweet, but funny. Well, a southern Santa, one who would drawl with the best of those southern gentlemen. And, as Lorelai had seen, not unwilling to swear up a storm when he started talking about politics or hospital regulations.

He asked the question never expecting a response. Because that was the other thing that Lorelai wasn't allowed to do. Speak. Her throat was too weak and they wanted her lungs to have as much chance to heal. So she just smiled and looked at the walker eagerly.

"You're excited to get up, aren't you?" He asked as he moved the walker so it was sitting up in front of her. "There we go," he said, "Let's sit on up there." She felt his gloved hand in hers as he helped her sit up. "As usual, take a few minutes and just sit there."

She smiled at him. He was always so happy when he came to see her. At first she felt like a baby, sitting here while he drawled on and on, answering his questions himself because she couldn't speak. But after listening to his sweet voice – and how he was just there to do his job, but make it as fun as possible, he soon became one of her favorites. And he was the one who was going to help her get out of here – once she could walk again, she felt like they would have to let her go home. That was how Lorelai saw it.

"Wouldn't want my favorite patient to get dizzy and fall because we rushed you too much." He said.

She knew they should wait – even just from sitting up, she was a little lightheaded. But she was stubborn. The doctor said she could try and stand up today. And maybe walk if she felt like it. So she was going to. While she sat there, her thin legs dangling off of the bed, she pulled her hospital gown down.

One of the nurses had offered to give her a second hospital gown to cover her up – because most people had that gap in the back where the ties would stretch. But Lorelai was so skinny that the ties didn't stretch – and had to be tied double to keep the gown from falling off of her shoulders. The mint green color of the gown wasn't Lorelai's favorite – but, from her messy hair and her inability to speak – she was pretty sure the color of her gown was the least of her worries.

She smiled at her toenail colors. Three different colors alternated between her ten toes.

Brad's voice showed he must have followed where she was looking. "Those kids of yours. Bringin' you green, yellow, and…" He pulled up the glasses that were hanging from his neck to see closer… "would you call that purple?" Lorelai nodded and realized that it did look a little like red too. He just shook his head and smiled, "You must really love them to let them do that to your toenails."

She nodded, her face breaking out in a smile as she remembered when the nurse brought the three bottles of nail polish in to her. The kids had been standing there at the windows, waving at her and laughing as she looked in horror at the horribly bright neon colors they had brought. But the nurse had sat down on the end of the bed and, with gloves covering her hands, had painted alternating colors on each of her toes. Apparently, the nurse told her later, they had brought them for her to pick one because they hadn't been able to agree on a color – but at least then everyone won and she knew she wouldn't lose her feet in the dark if she ever could walk again.

She looked up at Brad, and then tapped her pointer finger on the top of her wrist – asking him what time it was. He glanced at the clock that was on the wall behind her, and said, "It's three-thirty." Her smile must have reached her eyes, because he said, "I didn't see that family of yours out there when I was walkin' in, but I'm perty sure they'll be here soon."

She nodded. And he agreed. "Them's always here to see you, ery'day."

They were. Always. Apparently, Camille had been coming every day, even when Lorelai was still asleep. That's what the nurses had told her. Camille would come and sit for hours, just watching her through the window. And on Christmas, from what she heard, the whole family, Zeke, Camille, Luke, Jess, and Rory had come – stood there, and sang Christmas carols throughout the hospital. One of the nurses told her that Rory pretended to be cool, but sang along anyway. That had made Lorelai laugh.

But since she woke up, they were there every afternoon. Whether it was Zeke, Camille, or Luke, the kids always came, standing there either making funny faces or holding up signs of encouragement or notes asking her how she was doing. Rory even brought some movies for Lorelai to watch – which had helped pass her sleepless nights so much better.

"Ready to try this?" Brad asked, pulling her out of her mind. She was going to get to stand up. She nodded. Inside she was screaming her excitement as she pushed herself to the edge of the bed. "I'm going to hold you under your arm right here, ok?" He asked, and his hand settled in her armpit. She nodded. Then he said, "And once you get up, use your free hand over there to grab onto this handle right here, ok?" She nodded. He began his instructions. "Now I'm gonna count to three, and on three, you're gonna push up with your free arm there," he pointed to the arm that was farther away from him, "and then I'm gonna help lift you with my hold right here."

She took a shallow breath – cringing as her throat burned a little – as usual. But she nodded.

"One." She placed the palm of her hand flat on the bed. "Two." She made sure her feet with the painted toenails were flat on the floor. "Three" And she pushed off from the bed.

Her legs shook, and she felt herself falling, if it weren't for Brad's hand under her arm holding her shoulder up. "There, you go, now grab that walker there, Lorelai." She tried to grab it, but her balance was off and she was trying so hard to do this right. His calming voice just said, "Don't rush it." He grasped her shoulder tighter. "I'm not gonna let you fall." She nodded, her hand shaking as she reached for the walker handle. She wanted to jump up and down when she grasped it, and then she wrapped her fingers around it. Brad continued to let her know what he needed her to do. "Now let's put this hand up here on this other handle." He directed her hand there, and she let her fingers grab that too. He was still holding her arm though, and told her, "Now, I'm gonna make sure you're real balanced 'fore I let go, ok?"

Most of her weight was on her feet, her hands just holding the extra balance she got from the walker. But her legs – they felt so heavy – like lead – but lead that was unstable. If Brad wouldn't have been holding her, she was sure that she would have fallen. But she wasn't going to stay there. She let her legs shake a bit longer, before she used her hands to tap on the handles with her fingers. Then she looked over at him expectantly.

"You wanna try and walk?" He asked, sounding very astonished. When she enthusiastically nodded her head, he said, "Now, you ain't gonna be doing no running today, missy." She smiled. But she wanted to walk. She didn't want to just stand up and not do anything other than just stand. That wasn't going to get her home. She had to walk.

"If you really wanna try walkin', just use your hands to push the walker forward." She did that, her arms only being able to push the walker about half an in forward. But Brad took that and said, "Then pick up your left foot and move that forward."

This was tough. She picked up her foot, as much as she could, and moved it forward. Of course, she didn't pick it up enough, and her foot dragged along the ground. "Now, that's good. But you might fall if you slide your foot. Make sure to pick it up. That's step one." She took her other foot and followed his instructions. "…and then move it forward." And she took another step forward. Her head was spinning. Her legs were shaking. But she took a step.

She must have been so focused on her steps that she didn't' see them come. Brad said, "Now, I think they are all here now!" And she looked up out the window and saw her beautiful family there. Camille with her hand on her chest, looking so proud and happy. Jess was giving her two thumbs up. And Rory was just smiling and nodding at her – the cool kid who was pretty happy. "Cheerleading family – that's for sure." Brad said, and then asked, "Do you want to show them how you can walk some more around the room?"

And she nodded. Carefully thinking about each step. Walking. Slowly. Forward. Shaking. But moving. So she could go home. And be better.


	60. Coming home

"So your mom gets to go home today." The nurse was saying. "Are you excited?"

Rory was distracted as she watched her mother through the window. Shaking her head, she looked at the nurse, and said, "Oh, yeah…" And then she went right back to watching the man help her mother to her feet, her small hands holding onto the walker in  
front of her, where she then found a seat on the wheelchair beside the bed.

Rory pulled her long sleeves down over her hands nervously, and then hugged her arms around her chest. She hated to see her mom so weak that her legs shook as she took a step – her mother that had been the strong person in her life since she was just  
little. The woman Rory could fight against with every decision – such a strong and formidable foe. But now, having watched her mother relearn how to walk, how to eat, how to live – Rory suddenly felt that the woman who was the rock in her home – it  
made Rory feel scared about what was going to happen – made Rory feel so old.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and looked up into Uncle Luke's concerned face. "You ok?"

Pulling out her comfortable rebel outlook, Rory shrugged her shoulders like she didn't care. That was the way she felt the most comfortable – easier not to seem vulnerable.

But Uncle Luke must have seen through it – and he just squeezed her shoulder a little and said, "She's going to be ok."

Rory wished she could believe him. But the shuffling form of her emaciated mother made her doubt him. And even if she had gotten so much better since laying in the bed unmoving for weeks, Rory was still nervous.

The last time she had talked to her mother had been that day that they moved. The day that Rory screamed and cussed horrible things at her mother that day in her room, throwing things into boxes while she threw a temper tantrum about moving – moving to  
a place where she later found out her mother was so sick she could die – could have died if they stayed in the city This would be the first time she would talk to her mom. All Rory had thought about the weeks since watching her mother cough up blood  
and almost die on that ambulance gurney – the horrible thought of her mother dying without Rory being able to tell her how much she really loved her – it haunted even her dreams.

But as her mother walked through the door of the hospital room for the first time in three weeks, Rory did the only thing she could think.

She ran over to her mother, wrapping her arms around her mother's neck, burying her face in her hair. All semblances of her tough girl fell away as tears came to her face. "MOM!" She called out, holding tightly, breathing in her mother's scent and not  
ever wanting to let go.

Arms encircled her, and she heard her mother's voice, soft but still existent. "Oh, baby…"

And Rory just held on tighter, her own voice shaking as she said, "I'm so sorry, Mom. I didn't mean it and I didn't want you to be this sick and I'm sorry for what I did and I'm…"

"Shhhhh…" Her mom said as she patted Rory's back. "Rory, it's…"

Rory took a step back and looked into the blue eyes that she had only seen from a distance for so long. And that she had taken for granted for so long. And, as the tears ran down Rory's face, she could barely utter the words that had been going round  
and round in her brain for weeks. "I didn't want you to die."

Her mother's hands, shaking, reached up and touched Rory's face, brushing the tears off of her cheeks. Just the feeling of her mother's hands on her face was comforting. "Rory… I'm not going to…"

The sound Rory thought had passed from her mother's life suddenly attacked – the dry hacking from her throat only lasted two breaths, but was enough for Rory to gasp and look up to the man who had been pushing her mother's wheelchair.

Her mother's hands went to her chest as she coughed, and the man leaned down and said, "Just breathe, Lorelai. Deep breaths." Her mother nodded and slowed her breathing, the coughing subsiding as she did.

Rory frantically asked, "Wait, wasn't this supposed to stop? Is she going to be ok?" She looked from her mother in the wheelchair to the nurse behind her. "She's not better?"

Her mom just reached for Rory's hand and shook her head. Then her mom looked at the man behind her and gestured to Rory. Confused at her mother's behavior, Rory opened her mouth to ask, until the man said, "Her lungs are still recovering, so there will  
be times that she coughs, especially after talking or doing anything physically taxing."

Her mom nodded, and then said, "Still getting better…" Her words were so quiet, whispered.

Suddenly, Rory remembered who had come with her to help get her mother and her mom's things back to Grandma's house. Uncle Luke's voice seemed so loud and calming since listening to her mom cough then whisper. "Are there any other special instructions  
before we take her home?"

The man handed a bunch of paperwork and a bag full of medication. "She needs to take each of these antibiotics every day at the designated time. And…" The man stepped so he could look at her mom. "You need to take it easy." Then he looked at Luke. "She  
can't walk without someone being right there with her, and keep it at a minimum for the first few weeks. Until her appointment on the twenty-seventh." And then he pointed to the paperwork. "It's right on there."

Uncle Luke nodded, and then looked at her mom. "I swear there's more instructions than when I bought my truck."

Rory smiled as her mother pretended to be offended, but Luke just said, "No arguing, let's go." Then he turned to Rory and joked, "Now, since we're letting you get a puppy, I mean your mom, you're going to have to promise to take care of her, take her  
to the bathroom, make sure she eats her food, and take her on…"

He clutched his stomach as her mom reached up and slapped him, a "don't test me anymore or you're going to regret it" stare on her face that made Rory smile.


	61. Chapter 61

THREE MONTHS LATER

The commotion outside pulled her out of the boring book she had been trying to focus on for the last few hours. She had fallen asleep more times than the number of words she had read. So when she heard Zeke's truck drive up and Rory's voice talking excitedly in the driveway, Lorelai got out of bed, pulling her robe over her t-shirt and sweatpants as she walked out the door of her little guest house. What she found made her smile.

Rory and Jess were standing out, peering into the back of the truck as Zeke opened up the back end. When he reached in and pulled out a little bundle of fur, Lorelai watched as the kids' faces took on an excitement that she hadn't seen in a long time.

Calling out to them, Lorelai walked down the path towards the driveway, "What do you got there?"

Zeke handed the little bundle of wiggling fur to Rory, who ran towards Lorelai with a big smile on her face. "Look, Mom! Grandpa bought us a puppy!"

Rory brought the little thing over to Lorelai, who reached out to pet the little thing that wasn't holding still. Its golden fur was so soft against her fingers, the ears flopped over and felt like velvet. It felt like the minute she touched the puppy, the wiggling stopped, and the little tongue found her hand and started licking her.

Jess ran up to them, and said, "He's a golden retriever." He looked at his mother for her approval and asked, "Can we keep him?"

Her eyes fell as she found Zeke's face. How could he put her in this situation? They were all excited and attached… She thought the puppy was cute, but that wasn't all that came into the decision. "Kids, I don't know… There's so much responsibility that comes when you have a puppy."

Rory, still enthralled with the little fur-ball, hurriedly said, "Oh, Mom, we'll take such good care of him." She smiled up at Lorelai, one of the first she'd seen in a while from her thirteen-year-old. "We promise. We already discussed who has to take him on walks, and when he has to go to the bathroom, and where he's going to sleep."

Running her hands through her hair, Lorelai started to talk, but this time, Jess interrupted her. "I'm going to use the money from my paper route to buy the food for him."

Rory chimed in, "And I have my birthday money to buy him a collar." Putting on her adult face, she said, "See, we have everything figured out."

"Yeah," Jess said, "And Grandpa says that we can keep him if you say that we can."

She knew that this cute little thing in Rory's hands wasn't just that: cute. He meant work. Real work. Like getting up in the middle of the night to take him outside kind of work. Like walking him in the rain kind of work. Like giving him a bath after he rolled in mud kind of work.

But as she watched the kids with him, how they had thought this through – how they were working together on the ideas – how happy they seemed – she realized she couldn't say no. Because this was something they hadn't gotten to experience. And sure, she wished that Zeke would have asked her before bringing this animal home. But after all the things she had to deprive her children of while they were growing up, this didn't seem like the thing.

So she stretched out her hand to the wiggling thing that suddenly stilled when she touched his little head, and she said, "I guess we have to come up with a name for this little guy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That little dog was so special to her kids. They stood true to their word, for the first day, of making sure that he was taken care of. That whole day, Lorelai never saw either of them without seeing that little ball of golden fur right along with them. Zeke had to remind Rory that the puppy could walk, and should walk, instead of being carried everywhere. She watched through the window of the guesthouse as they rolled around on the ground with him, throwing back ideas for names that would fit this little thing that would soon grow to be a very large animal.

She laughed as Jess laid on his back on the driveway, and the little puppy jumped on top of him, his little paws leaving dirt marks all over Jess' shirt as he licked the boy's face, his little tail wagging so hard his butt was moving in tandem.

She loved how sweetly those kids made sure he had the best food, enough water, and making sure they took him outside to teach him where to go to the bathroom. Sitting inside that night at the dinner table, she didn't know when she had seen her kids so happy and enthralled before in her life. They made a rule that he couldn't eat people food from the table – trying to show that they wanted what was best for their little puppy. But as the family ate, she watched Zeke defy the rules time and again when he thought the kids weren't looking, sneaking a little piece of steak into the puppy's mouth that now had stationed himself right under Grandpa's chair.

"So, any ideas on a name yet?" She asked, still sad that her voice sounded so rough, despite all of the breathing treatments and medication she was on. She took a spoonful of the chicken broth that was the only thing she was really allowed to eat to keep her getting nutrition but not hurting her throat or lungs anymore.

"Well." Jess said, "We have two options that we can't agree on."

Rory nodded, quickly swallowing her food, and said, "I like the name 'Maverick'"

Jess cringed. And then said, "And I like the name 'Shadow'"

Looking down at the puppy still sitting underneath Zeke's chair, Lorelai asked Jess, "You mean like the golden in 'The Incredible Journey Home' when the two dogs and a cat travel across California to get to their owners?"

Rory lightly slapped her brother's arm and said, "See!" She turned to her mother, "That's exactly what I said!"

"Like that's any worse than 'Maverick' from the movie with Mel Gibson." Jess countered.

Camille chuckled from where she was sitting at the end of the table opposite Zeke. "I wonder if there are any dog names that don't have a movie reference."

Lorelai smiled as she said, "I guess you just have to find a name that either isn't in a movie or that is in a good movie."

Scooting away from the table, Zeke reached down and pulled the puppy up into his lap. The little guy just looked hungrily at the table that he could now see all the food on there. Petting his fur, Zeke said, "You're going to want a strong name for this guy." Holding up one of his paws, he said, "He's not going to be little for long." Looking at each of the kids, he said, "So no names like 'Snuggle' or 'Buttercup."

Reaching over to pet the squirming puppy, she was amazed at how calm he got just when she touched his little head.

The puppy tried to jump to her, and Zeke reached out and asked, "Do you want to hold him?"

Wiping her hand on her napkin, she held out her hand and was immediately given this soft little thing that wagged his tail excitedly. Setting him in her lap, she was amazed at how calm this little guy was, something that she thought might have also surprised the people at the table as he not only wasn't wiggling around, but he laid his head on her lap between his paws, and laid there. Not begging for food. Not jumping around. Not trying to lick her face. Just laid there.

"Awe! Mom! I think he likes you!" Rory said, and Lorelai looked up to see her daughter's face so happy.

She just ran her up and down his small body, and his little tail wagged and wagged. And she noticed that he had a little while jagged line in his fur. It looked almost like a lightning bolt. And she said, "What about the name 'Zeus?'"

The two kids gasped, and Rory said, "That's perfect."

And Jess nodded.

She petted his little ear, and he turned and looked at her with his golden eyes, and she said, "Welcome to the family, Zeus."

Soon the puppy was whisked away from her by two excited children who said he "needed to go outside." And of course, there was just more rolling around in the dirt playing with their little "Zeus" and Lorelai was pretty sure while she tried to help Camille with the dishes that she heard a bit of reenactment of the Greek gods and goddesses going on in the backyard.

Grabbing a few plates from the table, she brought them over to Camille at the sink. "I wasn't so sure about the puppy this morning." She said, going back to the table to grab a few more things, "But I think this might be really good for the kids."

"I think so too." Camille said, drying her hands off on a dish-towel before turning to Lorelai and saying, "Now, please go sit down. I'll get the dishes."

Lorelai protested, "I'm sick but I'm not an invalid." She picked up the big pot of soup, and, while she was carrying it, she said, "I don't think helping a little with clean-up is going to be that bad for…"

But it was. Because the pot was too heavy, and she was straining to talk and carry it at the same time. And she barely made it to the island and set the pot down before her entire body tightened as she started coughing. One hand on the island to hold her up, the other on her chest and she leaned forward to try and get some air into her lungs, she stood there, coughing, for what seemed like hours. She felt Camille's hand on her shoulder as the woman directed her to a chair, where she was pushed down into it. Still trying to catch her breath, she bent over in the chair. Before she knew it, the expert on her coughing fits had a glass of water in her hand, and when she could stop coughing enough to put the glass to her lips, she felt the cool water make an easier passage down her throat to help stop her fit.

Taking in slow, deep breaths, she eventually sat up, her face covered in sweat and eyes watering from the fit. Wiping her face, she looked up to see Camille standing there with her hands on her hips, with a sad look on her face. "Lorelai."

She took the Kleenex that Camille offered her, and wiped her mouth, glad that the tint of red was only minor, nothing like the clots she had been coughing up months before. Between breaths, she said, "I'm just tired…" Another breath. "Of being so sick."

Camille walked over and rubbed her back. "Honey, you were sick for a long time." Lorelai wondered if Camille knew just how long she had been coughing like this. "You can't expect your body to just be better because you've rested a few weeks."

"But I can't live like this…" She paused, breathing, "… I have to get a job…" She put her head in her hands and said, "…I have to provide…" Another long, deep breath even though with each intake of air her chest tightened from the violent coughing spell. "… for my family. They need me."

"If you don't rest, you're never going to get all the way better." Camille said, leaving Lorelai's side to go back to the sink. "This is the place to rest, to recover. Take the time you need." The woman knew Lorelai well enough that she didn't have to turn around to see Lorelai getting up out of the chair before she said, "Sit back down, young lady." Turning to face her, Camille gave her a motherly stare that Lorelai had used many times on her misbehaving children. "I think you're just like your father… never sitting and resting…"

It was at that moment that Lorelai realized that they really thought of her has their daughter – after that slip up, Lorelai knew that Camille and Zeke really did accept her into their family just as much as they had brought in Jess and Rory.

Catching herself, Camille smiled, and said, "Well, you know what I mean." Lorelai nodded, a small smile on her face. "Zeke will not sit down at all when he is sick. And as a result, he stays sick for twice the amount of time I do, because he refuses to rest."

"I just feel like such a…"

Camille interrupted her. "If you finish that sentence with anything other than 'a wonderful mother who needs some time off,' then I will have to banish you to your room for the rest of the evening." Then, looking out the kitchen window above the sink, the woman said, "And if that happened, you wouldn't get to see how absolutely adorable this little puppy is with those children."

Again drying her hands, Camille walked over to Lorelai, and helped her to her feet. Lorelai hated that she needed this, but after one of her coughing fits, all of her energy was gone. Her legs shook as she slowly walked over to the sink to look out the window, holding onto Camille's arm for dear life because she didn't know if she could stand on her own without falling. Grasping the edge of the sink with both hands to hold herself up, she lifted her head to look out the window at the two children, running around the backyard with the puppy right at their heels.

Jess had a stick and held it in front of Zeus' face. He shook it a few times, and then tossed it out a little way from where they were standing. The puppy just wagged his tail, sitting there looking up at Jess like he was waiting for the next thing the boy was going to do to entertain him. Sure enough, Jess, trying to teach the 3-month old puppy how to fetch, ran after the stick, got down on the ground, picked up the stick with his teeth and turned to the puppy, who was just excited that the boy was on the ground playing with him, completely oblivious to the lesson he was supposed to be learning.

Lorelai started to laugh, but it hurt too bad, and she started coughing, just a little bit, but it was enough that Camille made her walk back over to the chair and sit down.

Whispering because it hurt to talk any other way, Lorelai said, "You take such good care of me." She paused for a minute, then said, "I don't deserve how sweet you are with me."

Brushing the hair out of her face, Camille said, "Darling, you deserve so much more than this. You are one of the strongest women I have ever met." And then a grin came to her face as she said, "And, honey, I'm old. So I've met quite a few women in my time." But her face became more serious as she said, "Please just let us take care of you right now. We just want what's best for you, Lorelai."

All she could do was nod. Because if only this woman really knew what kind of a woman she was, Camille would never think of her as a strong woman. She would never think that a woman who couldn't be bothered to try and find another job other than stripping was a strong woman. She would never think that Lorelai had any strength if she knew how easily she had turned to prostitution to pay her bills. If this woman knew the things that Lorelai had done, there would be no question about how disgusting Lorelai would be to them.

There was no question because that's how Lorelai was to herself. She hated herself for what she had done. And the only thing that kept her going every day. Trying to keep getting better – were those two little hooligans out there in the garden. Those two children needed a mother – and, unfortunately – they were stuck with her. But she had to do as much as possible to bury the guilt she felt constantly – because when she thought about it too much, she didn't think she deserved. Deserved any of this. Deserved to be taken care of by these wonderful people. Deserved the beautiful daughter she had brought into this world. Deserved the smart son she had been given. Deserved anything – but she knew that her children deserved better than to have a mother who couldn't go on with life – she knew that they deserved to have someone around to care for them. And the devastation that her taking her own life would bring on them – that was the only thing that kept her from doing anything drastic. Her children deserved more than she had been handed in life. And she was going to make sure that they got what they deserved – despite how often the idea to end it all crossed her mind.


	62. Luke Asking

The next morning, Lorelai stood in the kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee when she heard something come flying across the floor to the kitchen door, and then back past the door and then back to the door. It wasn't until she heard a small bark and saw the little fur ball eagerly jumping to get out the door that she realized what it was. She looked behind her to where Jess was walking down the staircase rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Zeus, it's too early to be this happy." Came the mumble from her son as his bare feet slipped into the old farm boots by the door as the puppy jumped up on his leg repeatedly.

Chuckling, Lorelai said, "Well, look what the cat… I mean, the dog dragged in." She walked over to where he was opening the door and ruffled her hand through his crazy curly hair, and said, "How was the first night with the puppy?"

He just sent her a blank stare, and said, "I think the book he chewed up under my bed while he whined for me to pet him speaks volumes."

Trying to hide her smile, she patted his back as he opened the screen door and the little puppy tumbled down the few stairs into the yard, Jess following. And she called to him, "Welcome to motherhood!"

And then she shut the door, taking a sip of her coffee as she watched the little puppy trollop through the bushes, paws getting muddy as he ran and ran, his nose tumbling into the dirt over and over as he ran around, begging Jess to come play with him.

She heard Camille's voice behind her, "I think Zeke learned his lesson about giving the kids a pet without asking." Lorelai turned to see the older woman in her bathrobe, her curly hair just as crazy as Jess', and an exhausted look on her face. "That puppy was up almost all night."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Lorelai started to apologize, "I hate that…."

Camille put her hand up to stop Lorelai, "We had this with Luke and Liz. It's just part of having kids around." Walking over to get a cup of coffee for herself, she shook her head and smiled, "I wouldn't be surprised if both of those kids lay down for a nap this afternoon."

Lorelai grabbed a scone Camille made the day before and headed out into the garden to enjoy her coffee and breakfast. The cool spring sun on her skin was something the doctor had prescribed after she had been inside for almost three months. Walking past her son who looked to be asleep with his head facing the little fur ball running around, she walked into the back of the garden where there was a soft reclining chair that she sat down in, putting her feet up on the little footstool.

Taking a sip from her cup, she laid her head against the back of the chair, closing her eyes and taking in the warmth of the sun on her face. Completely relaxed, she took a deep breath, enjoying the smell of the flowers the drifted throughout the whole flowery garden.

But she jumped when she felt something on her leg. She looked down to find the little puppy with his paw right on her leg, looking up at her with his ears raised and his little tail just wagging back and forth. "Go find Jess." She said to the little thing. She expected the little ball of energy to scamper off, more mud and dirt calling to him. But he just started jumping up and down as she talked to him, turning around in a circle before he put both his paws up on her leg. Looking around for Jess, she then remembered how half-asleep he had been on the steps.

And who could resist such a cute face?

So she reached down and wrapped her hand around his little belly, his tail showing how excited he was as she set him on her lap. "Now, don't you go getting any ideas, there Zeus." She told the dog as she placed him on her lap. "You are the kids' responsibility." And he just looked at her. "I just get you for the soft snuggles."

Apparently he had walked off all of his energy, and he laid down there right in the middle of her lap, putting his head on his front paws and looking up at her, settling in for a close little nap. He panted from his little run, and she could feel his breathing starting to calm down as his belly moved against her legs. Settling her hands on his back, she let her fingers whisk over his fur as she leaned her head back against the chair.

But just as she started to drift off, she heard someone walking up to the chair.

"Lorelai?" A whispered voice made her peek one of her eyes open. "Are you asleep?"

A small grin came to her face as she squinted her eyes open in the sun. "Now, I guess…"

Luke. So uncomfortable. Standing there with his hands in his pockets. "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you…" He started to walk away – backwards.

Reassuring him, she sat up, balancing the puppy on her lap, as she said, "Oh, no. it's fine. Real…"

"No, you need your rest…" And he backed up into a plant, tripping and falling down on the ground.

Lorelai desperately tried not to laugh, but a tiny chuckle came out watching him scramble to his feet. And she held out her hand and reassured him, "Please don't leave after you went to all this trouble…" He stood up, his flannel shirt littered with leaves and twigs. His face, beet red, couldn't make eye contact with her. "And I think that I'm getting too attached to this dog here, so human interaction might be nice."

The distraction of the dog seemed to make him a little less embarrassed, and he walked over, leaning over her, and petted the dog around the ears. His big hand covered over Zeus' tiny head, at least, until the before calm and cool dog turned his head and playfully bit at Luke's hand.

"Damn it…" And Luke pulled his hand back to his chest, looking excessively irritated as he said to the dog, "You little weasel." The dog just wagged his tail, looking up playfully at Luke, begging to be able to scare the guy again. Then Luke looked at her and asked, "How did they talk you into getting one of those monsters?"

"Awe." Lorelai said, pulling the dog up to her chest and burying her face on his head, planting a kiss on his fur, "You mean this little cute baby?" All of that said in her baby talk voice. The puppy leaned against her, his tail wagging as he never took his eyes off of Luke.

Luke rolled his eyes, sitting down in the chair next to Lorelai's. "You think he's cute now. Just wait until he's drinking out of the toilet bowl and then licking your face…"

"Wow. Mr. Scrooge is in the building." Lorelai said, "What, did you have a junkyard dog that tore your pants and ate your homework when you were a kid?"

This was the Luke she knew. The gruff, defensive guy that always had a rant ready to go when he needed one. Always ready to criticize her eating habits, her coffee habits, and now, her pet habits. And it wasn't her puppy. But it made her feel happy – that he could be himself around her – that he wasn't criticizing her to be mean – but just to be there and be involved. Something she never had before.

Luke just glared at Zeus. Who, in Lorelai's imagination, glared right back, now on her legs again, his front paws down, like he was going to lunge, and his backside up in the air, his little tail wagging slowly. And a tiny little bark as the puppy tried to lunge at Luke, but Lorelai caught the little one in midair. "Whoa, there, little attack dog…"

"See, I told you." Came Luke's reply. "That dog is going to be trouble."

"Right here in River City." She quoted.

He rolled his eyes and laid back in the chair, pulling his baseball cap around and in front of his eyes. "What the hell does that mean?"

Lorelai shook her head. "Music man. Classic musical." Placing the dog's front paws on her shoulder, Lorelai giggled as he licked her ear. "You have to see it sometime."

Just as suddenly as Luke laid back, suddenly he was sitting up on the edge of his chair, his hat turned the right wrong way around. A little bark from the puppy in her ears showed Lorelai that she wasn't the only one startled by Luke's sudden moves. Lorelai looked over and asked, "What kind of fit are you having?"

"Nothing." And he rubbed his hand along the leg of his jeans. And then the other hand. Like he was sweating. He cleared his throat. And began. "So, you like movies, right?"

Leaning her head on the dog's back, she nodded, "Mostly for mocking." And then, when he neither smiled at her nor looked at her, she seriously said, "Yeah, I like a good movie."

He started to stand up, but then sat back down, eliciting yet another tiny bark from the tiny animal in her lap. Luke, shooting the dog an angry look, then said, "And, ummmmm…" Lorelai was beginning to know what he was doing. "you like popcorn, right?"

That wasn't where she thought he was going. And she slowly said, "Yeah… why do you…" Now he stood up, and the dog jumped to his feet, his little paws bounced around on Lorelai's legs as he followed Luke back and forth on her lap while Luke paced on the ground. Lorelai, laughing at the way this dog was treating Luke. "He seems to have a personal vendetta against you, Luke."

He mumbled something under his breath about how this dog was ruining the whole thing, and then Luke looked at Lorelai, dead on in the eyes, and said, "If you like movies. And you like popcorn, would you like to go to a movie with me and get some popcorn?"

There it was. There was the thing Lorelai had been waiting for. "You mean, like, a date?" And she was asking him, not to elicit the awkward wringing of his hands in front of him, nor the obvious coughing fit he seemed to have while he sought for the words. No. She asked him that because she needed to give herself time to think about it. A date? Lorelai hadn't been on a date since… well, since high-school. With Chris. And even then, because her and Chris were such good friends, it only took a couple of dates before their relationship became deeper. Both to Lorelai's enjoyment and horror.

Which, as she stood there watching Luke hem-haw about whether it was a date, she knew she had to make a decision. Luke was a nice guy. She, wasn't so nice. But as he stood there, listing off the different movies that he could take her to go see, she kind of realized just how much she wanted to get out of the house. Wanted to leave the guesthouse and get away – dress up – put some clothes on that weren't sweatpants and blood-stained t-shirts. It sounded nice.

But he was a nice guy. He had a wonderful family – a family that had taken Lorelai in. He had a great job that provided for him. He was an upstanding person in the town, despite his gruff nature – he was just a good guy.

And Lorelai wasn't so good. Not after everything… God, the thoughts – she absentmindedly brushed her hand against the dog, who had been pacing after Luke, barking every once in a while when Luke would move closer – but the minute Lorelai's hand touched the dog, he bounded over to her and set his paws on her chest – licking her face and then curled up right there on her lap, licking her fingers. Distracted her from the thoughts – that was nice.

"Luke." She said, softly, but it was enough to stop his endless attempt to explain what he thought about movie theatre popcorn. He looked at her, his eyes full of hope. And she just said, "I'm not…"

And he jumped in, interrupting her so fast it almost seemed like he had this also memorized. "I know I'm not the coolest guy, with the best hair and the best clothes." He looked down at his flannel and jeans. "I swear I have nicer clothes. I have a suit if that's appropriate. I at least have slacks I can wear…" God, he thought this was because of how he looked?

She shook her head, hating the fact that she had to turn him down. "It's not you, it's that…"

"And you have to get out of this place." He gestured around him to the beautiful garden. "A beautiful woman like you deserves to be out and away from this little place. The world deserves to see you…" The world had seen her. The world had seen so much of her. "And if you don't want to think of it as a date, then that's fine. Just think…" He set his hands on his hat – Lorelai thought maybe he thought it was cool. But it just looked awkward. "… just think of it as two friends going out?"

"On a date?" That's what this was. He was asking her on a date.

And he looked at her for a minute. His face holding so much fear, Lorelai could just about feel it. Then he said, "I figure if I've kissed a girl like I kissed you in the hospital, I owe her at least one date."

Oh. The kiss. The kiss that had haunted her for months. The kiss that had become the point htat Lorelai looked back on and accredited that to the beginning of her insanity – kissing a man she barely knew like that? And the kiss that she analyzed long after that night – wondering what she felt that night… what on earth possessed her to do that… and now, she realized, as she looked at his face, practically begging her for this date – she realized that it might not have been only her feeling that way.

And if she kissed him like that night – that passionate spark – did she really have a heart cold enough to turn away his pleading for just one night? One date? She almost felt sorry for him.

And that's what she told herself. That's what she repeated in her mind as she smiled at him and said, "I think one date would be fine."

The joy on his face – he tried to suppress it, but she could see his eyes light up, his smile grow a little, and his hands swinging back and forth as he said, "Ok. Great. Ok." And he started backing up again. "That sounds wonderful."

"Careful…" Lorelai called out, but then he tripped yet again.

But no embarrassment as he stood up, brushed his butt off, and then held up both his thumbs and said, "Sounds like a great plan." Now he turned and started walking back to his truck.

Until Lorelai called out, "Luke!" And he whirled around like he was a figure-skater on cocaine. Trying not to laugh at him, she just asked, "What day and what time?"

His eyes widened, and he started walking towards Lorelai. "Just be really careful of that plant." Lorelai cautioned.

He took five huge steps away from the plant and then walked around to the chair where Lorelai and the dog were laying. "Well. Is Friday ok?" She nodded. Friday worked fine. The normal night for a date. And the kids would probably be up late hanging with their friends and wouldn't notice that she wouldn't be home until late anyway. "And what about I pick you up for dinner around seven?" Dinner? He was planning on taking her to dinner? She would have to step up her game if she was going out to dinner with him first.

And she smiled up at him. "Seven sounds great."

Then she watched as he turned around, fell yet again. And called out, "I'm fine. I'm fine." While he walked to his truck. And she pretended not to notice how he pumped his fist in the air as he drove out of the driveway.

He got a date with the infamous Lorelai Gilmore. She would have to deliver if he was this excited.


	63. Dreams and Puppies

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks so much for all of your support! Keep reviewing because with so many stories, it's easy to lose some inspiration for a particular story!**

 **Oh, and PS - to the best friend who helps me through so much with this story - you deserve a metal for all you do! You know who you are :)**

She couldn't breathe.

That was normal. That wasn't the scary part.

The terrifying part – the eyes of the demon standing above her, his claws digging into her throat as if searching for her soul to take to hell. The laughing coming from his mouth overwhelmed her ears so much she couldn't even hear herself screaming.

But she was screaming. The horrific image above her – black eyes on a red body – and then the dripping of blood from his fangs – dripping in slow, but steady drops onto her face – all of this elicited screams from her darkest being.

And then the demon leaned over to her, past her point of view, and whispered into her ear, "There are so many more!" And then Lorelai could see the hundreds and hundreds of eyes through the night – these ones were deep yellow – coming after her. Blinking. Laughing louder and louder as the eyes grew wider and bigger as they came closer and closer.

Claws on her legs. Claws on her stomach. On her chest. On her arms – she was going to die.

Lorelai sat up with a start. She could still hear her screams. Because she was still screaming. And her heart, pounding against her chest, refused to slow down for a few seconds as she tried to catch her breath.

Looking around, she tried to ground herself – she was out in the guesthouse. There were no demons in her room. She was safe. She grabbed onto the sheets beside her, also wet as her clothes were.

God. It was just a dream. A horrible dream. But her hands immediately went to her throat, illogically checking to make sure no one had clawed her throat out.

And then she didn't want to stay in those clothes. She wanted out, and she got up out of bed, pulling her sweat-soaked sweatpants and t-shirt off, pulling on her silk nightgown – less constricting – less warm. And she grabbed her book from the end table and walked over to the little chair by the window. Ready to sit and ignore the fact that her dreams were becoming more and more real and creating terror in her more frequently than for a while.

But reading helped. Getting out of that bed helped. She just needed a break.

But she never got the book opened. Because she watched the porch light from the big house come on. Looking back at her alarm clock, she registered the time as two am. Two in the morning? Who was coming out…

It was the little puppy that scampered out of the house first that clued Lorelai into the happenings of the house. Rolling and tumbling in the flowers, Zeus looked like he hadn't been sleeping at all.

And the half-zombie girl that stumbled out behind the puppy looked like she hadn't been sleeping at all either – and, then Lorelai looked up at the windows in the house – and could see that all three lights in all three bedrooms upstairs were all on – Lorelai wondered if anyone was sleeping at all.

Rory's hair was so messed up, tangled up in a small bun on her head. A long t-shirt was all she wore, except for what looked to be Zeke's boots she clomped across the yard in. The puppy, following her, jumped up and barked a little as he ran around, wanting to play.

And Lorelai heard, as Rory walked closer and closer to the guesthouse, she heard her daughter mumble, "I swear if you were a girl… this wouldn't be happening." Where Rory got that logic, Lorelai would never know… "Because guys are dicks, that that's what you're acting like…"

Then Rory called out, "Mom? Are you up?" And the door to the guesthouse swung open, all while Lorelai sat in her chair, just watching her daughter stumble in, and the little puppy began wandering and sniffing around the room, his little tail swinging back and forth as he explore the new territory.

"If he pees in here…" Lorelai warned, with a little joking in her voice.

"If he pees in here, it will be the only place in the whole property that he hasn't marked as his." Rory said, stifling a yawn as she plopped down on the bed, pulling a pillow to her chest and laid down, looking at Lorelai. Exhaustion pulled at her thirteen-year-old's eyes, and Lorelai could tell that she was half asleep.

Setting her book down in her lap, Lorelai smiled at Rory while she said, "So you got stuck with night puppy duty tonight?"

Rory just nodded.

Lorelai really didn't know what to say to her daughter – things had been a little better between the two of them since moving here, but how much of that was because Rory had been so afraid when Lorelai got sick – Lorelai didn't know.

So Lorelai asked, "You have a big day at school tomorrow?" School was a topic that was safe. Normal. Something that they could talk about without arguing.

Shrugging her shoulders, Rory said, "A test. Or something." Rubbing her eyes, she said, "I forget."

Not knowing how much of this was because Rory was tired and how much was the lack of communication skills between the two of them, Lorelai asked, "Do you like school here?"

"No." Was the quick response. "I miss my friends."

Lorelai didn't miss Rory's friends. Because here, Rory came home from school every day. And did her homework – wasn't out partying until three in the morning like in New York. Nope – here, Lorelai was able to be home and make sure everything was going fine with her kids. That part was one Lorelai wouldn't miss at all. But she had to be understanding. "Do you like anyone here at this school? Are you making friends here?"

Rory just sat up, and shook her head. "Just because you're sick doesn't mean that I'm going to be happy."

Lorelai took a long blink, trying to understand what just happened. They had been having a normal conversation about school and…

Rory wasn't done. Her tone, clipped and harsh, startled Lorelai after weeks of at least a pretend-happy interaction. "You don't get to drag me away from my friends…" Rory put her hand on her chest. "…and expect me to be fine with it."

Lorelai shook her head, "I never expected you to…"

Rory interrupted with a laugh, "Really? Because the fact that you just assumed I would have new friends proves that."

Arguing with a teenager at three in the morning wasn't something Lorelai thought would be very productive. Sitting on the edge of her chair, Lorelai put her elbows on her knees and folded her hands in front of her, trying to seem interested – trying to make her daughter know she was listening to her. "I was just asking about how you like school." Pleading with her daughter to understand, Lorelai said, "I know it's been hard for you, and with everything that happened, I…"

"No." Rory said, standing up suddenly, her hands clenched into fists at her sides, "You don't know. You don't understand." Turning around, Rory whistled for the dog, who, from the looks of it, had crawled under the pull out bed. "Zeus…" Then, to Lorelai, Rory said, "I don't want to live here. I hate it here."

Not this again. Lorelai was so tired of… "Rory," she stood to her feet, walking over to her daughter, "I know this isn't where you want to be…" Keeping her voice soft – trying not to be a mom right now, but a friend. "And I know it's hard, with a new school, and new people."

After Rory called for the dog, who only crawled farther under the bed, Lorelai reached out and touched Rory's arm, wanting to make some connection. "Just talk to me, Rory. I want to know what's going on, what you're feeling…"

Rory pulled her arm away from Lorelai, and yelled, "No you don't!"

Three in the morning. A screaming teenager in her room at three in the morning. And Lorelai tried to understand. "Let me understand…" Pleading with her daughter to tell her.

Rory's face brightened with anger, and Lorelai watched her daughter square her shoulders off with her feet, crossing her arms in front of her, and staring right up into Lorelai's eyes. And then the long yelling rant began. "I don't think you want to know what I think. Or what I feel"

"That's not true…"

"You don't want to know that I think you suck as a mom." Oh. That's where this was going. "You don't want to know that I wish I could go live with dad instead of you." That had been obvious to Lorelai from the minute Christopher began buying Rory expensive things. "You don't care what I want. You don't care that I HATE it here!" And now angry tears began to well in Rory's eyes, stabbing Lorelai right in the heart. "I hate this town. I hate this school." Rory stomped her foot. "And I hate you for bringing me here!"

The knife seemed to lodge right in Lorelai's gut. "Rory…"

And now the tears flew down Lorelai's face, each dig harder and harder to hear.

But Rory also cried, but still held her angry tone as she said, "And then you had to go and get so sick." Now Rory wasn't looking at Lorelai anymore, but was looking at the ground, and wiped the tears off her face quickly as she continued, just a little quieter, "And I hated you because you brought me here…" Her voice broke, "But I didn't want…" She stomped her foot again and bit her lip, "I didn't want you to die when…"

Nothing that Rory said mattered anymore. And Lorelai stepped forward and wrapped her weak arms around her daughter, who just planted her head in Lorelai's chest and sobbed, her shoulders shaking through the quiet gasps for breath.

Lorelai just held her daughter close, brushing one hand over Rory's hair while rubbing her back and whispering softly, "Shhhh… oh, sweets…"

But just about as fast as she broke down, Rory sniffed loudly and pushed away from Lorelai, leaving her arms feeling empty and her mind confused. "No." Rory's muffled voice as she wiped her tears on her sleeve. "You can't just…" And now Rory looked right at Lorelai, her blue eyes piercing through any sort of reprieve the hug had given to Lorelai's pain. "You can't just get sick and think everything is going to get better."

"Rory, I never said that." Lorelai said quietly. "I know you're mad at me for moving you here." Lorelai gestured outside, "But if you give it time, you'll see you have so much more here than you did there."

Her hostile tone was back. Rory quipped, "Hell no." And she turned away from Lorelai and called again, "ZEUS!" A playful bark came from under the bed, and Rory got down on her knees to try and get him, but looked up at Lorelai and said, "Don't lie to me, Mom."

"What the…" Lorelai wouldn't swear – not while being so pissed off with Rory's language. "What are you talking about? I'm not…"

Putting one hand under the bed, Rory said, "Don't make it my fault that we moved here." To the dog, "Zeus, come on! It's time to go to bed!" Then Rory got to her feet, and started moving around to the other side of the bed. "Don't pretend that you knew you could live here, rent free, not having to work, bringing me farther away from my dad – what wouldn't be tempting about that?"

Floored. Absolutely floored. "That's what you think?" Lorelai asked, as Rory got down on the floor again to try and pull the puppy out from the bed. "You think that's why I moved here? Because I'm lazy?" Rory's focus was on the puppy, until Lorelai clapped her hands, bringing Rory's eyes right to her. "If that was the case, sweetheart, I would've taken the easy way out a long, LONG time ago!" Anger. The first time Lorelai really felt angry throughout this whole conversation. "You're the child. I'm the parent." Pulling that card yet again. "And I…" She pointed to herself, "…do not deserve to be talked to like that."

Rory just shook her head and stood to her feet. "I think you do." And then she stepped even closer to Lorelai, her eyes blazing as she stared straight into Lorelai's eyes as she started listing out reason after reason on her hand, "You live with people, who aren't even your family, don't work, don't pay rent, don't care about what your kids want, can't even keep your family together…"

If Lorelai had ever been tempted to smack her child across the face – this was the time. But she would never do that. The anger was there though. Her hands were shaking as she pointed at the door. "Out." Rory started to say something back, but Lorelai just yelled, "OUT! That's enough from you!"

Rory pushed past her. "You ask me what I'm feeling and then kick me out?" And Lorelai whirled around to see a slight snarl on her daughter's face. "Well, since this is probably the angriest you've been at me in a while, now might be the time to tell you." Tell her what? What on earth was… "I'm going to see Dad this weekend."

Lorelai just shook her head, "No, you're not." And that was final. Not after how Rory had blown up at Lorelai tonight. There was no need for Chris to sink his fangs even more into Lorelai by poisoning their daughter against her.

Rory just shrugged her shoulders and said, "You can't stop me. I'm going because I haven't seen dad all summer and you can bite me."

"RORY!" Lorelai called out as Rory walked out of the guesthouse. But her daughter didn't turn around, just walked right into the house. "RORY!" Nothing.

It wasn't until after Lorelai could hear the door to the house slam shut behid Rory – it wasn't until then that she then jumped from the little bark, and turned to see a little golden face staring out and her, his little face in his paws.

Of course. "She would leave YOU out here…" Lorelai said to the dog, rolling her eyes and stumbling over and plopped down on the bed, all the strength gone from this horrendous fight.

Why couldn't she get through to Rory? What was so different with Rory compared to Jess? She closed her eyes, shaking her head while she thought through all the anger Rory had towards her. After everything they went through, Lorelai didn't understand how it was so hard for Rory to understand that this was a much better place.

The puppy crawled out from under the bed and just sat down, looking up at her as his little tail swished back and forth along the wood floor, his ears up and tongue hanging out. Just looking at her.

"I mean, doesn't she understand?" She asked, of course, not expecting an answer. But just needing to talk. The dog just kept looking at her like he really was listening. "Does she not remember the horrible place we lived?" The pictures of the tiny, one-room apartment flew to her mind. "What about the horrible hours I had to work?" Just the thought of the club brought a scowl to her face. "I guess, in her defense, she thought that I only worked at a bar, not as a whore at a strip club…" She sent the dog a serious look and shook her finger in his face. "If you tell anyone that, it'll be your word against mine."

A tiny bark and his tail wagging faster was his promise of silence.

"I'll hold you to that." Then she shook her head and took a deep breath. "And now, look at me. I'm talking to a dog."

And at that, he jumped up and put both front golden paws on her leg, but they slipped off of her silk nightgown until he moved them down and set them on her bare leg.

"What am I gonna do with you?" She asked. The dog. He put his head up in the air and barked. "Oh boy." She didn't like the thoughts going through her mind. But as she reached down and ran her fingers over his soft head, felt his grainy tongue on her wrist as he licked her. He was so soft. And so sweet. And she just wanted something to cuddle with.

And before she knew it, her head was on the pillow, a light sheet pulled up around her shoulders – a new sheet – not the one that was still wet from her sweat-inducing dream earlier. Laying on her side, she smiled as she watched the little puppy adjusting around the soft mattress, his little head settling on her pillow alongside of her while she watched his eyes begin to close.

And she just muttered, "Don't get used to this, buddy" as she drifted off to sleep, unconsciously feeling just a little less alone as she fell into a dreamless sleep.


	64. Confrontation

"MOM!"

Lorelai jumped a little at the suddenness and volume of her name being called across the garden. But she turned from the mirror and, looking out the window to see Jess walking across the yard and called out, "Yes?"

Feet pounding up the stairs to the guesthouse and the swinging of the screen door preceded the question, "Have you seen the…" Apparently there was no need to finish the sentence because the little fur ball that had been posted at her ankles suddenly ran and jumped up into the open arms of the boy. "How long have you been out here?" Then, he looked up at her, his face a broad smile, and said, "He sure likes being out here with you."

Turning back to the mirror and wrapping the curling iron around the last piece of hair that needed to be fixed, she said, "I think he just likes being up on the…" And, through the reflection on the mirror, she watched Zeus illustrate her point as he vaulted up onto the bed and rolled into the messed up sheets. "… furniture out here."

Jess chuckled, and then plopped right down on the bed beside him, pulling the dog in for a little wrestling contest. "Mom's spoiling you, isn't she?"

"Hey!" Lorelai protested, turning around to face him with one hand on her hip while the other held the curling iron in place, "It isn't my fault that he keeps wandering out here, unaccompanied by another human being…"

Letting the curl out, she turned and flipped through her hair, teasing it until the curls fell around her face, draping over the shoulder of the simple jean dress she had decided on. But as she looked at it, she started to question herself yet again. It looked so simple, just a dress that buttoned up the front, not too much cleavage showing, but not too little, hopefully for a date, and the brown belt she added around her waist gave shape to the flowing skirt off of her hips.

But was it dressy enough? It was just dinner and a movie – as of right now, that's what it was. Who knew what he would want to do after the movie – but was this dress appropriate? Would he show up in a suit and tie? She smiled a little at the idea of Luke in anything but flannel. Then she corrected herself, trying to remember that tonight she could see him in a very different light – after the movie or whatever happened.

"Got a date tonight, Mom?"

Lorelai fearfully looked in the mirror, afraid she had exposed her teenage son to her own thoughts, and said, "Well…"

He just smiled at her, and turned back to wrestling with Zeus, "Don't worry. Grandma told me."

Lorelai thought he seemed ok with it, which, she hoped Camille hadn't made it a big deal. Lorelai had no hope of this date going anywhere other than them both realizing that she wasn't right for Luke. But at least she'd get a free movie out of it, right? And a night out? And he'd get what a man got on a date – the company of a woman.

Until she heard a giggle and saw him looking at her again. And she turned around, grabbing her black sweater from where she tossed it earlier over the chair and asked, "What's so funny?"

His face, scrunched up in laughter, made even her smile without knowing the joke. He pulled the puppy up to his chest and hugged Zeus close while he said, "It's not very often someone gets to say that their mom is going out on a date with their uncle." And then he giggled again at the sounds of his words.

And Lorelai just shook her head, a small chuckle escaping her lips while she pulled her sweater over her shoulder and said, "You think you're so funny." And she walked over and messed up his already tangled curly hair, and she playfully pushed him back on the bed.

"Owww…" He whined, with a smile on his face. Then he just said, "You look really pretty, Mom."

Lorelai paused from pulling on her sandals, brushing her hair back from where she bent over, and looked at him. "Jess…" He was the sweetest little kid. Well, as she looked at his tall frame and hair that he now kept brushed on his own, his tiny bit of a shadow along his jaw… He was a sweet boy. Not a kid so much anymore.

And he stood up, and walked over so he was standing right in front of her while she stood up. And he reached out and picked up her hand, his brown eyes staring at her with admiration and quietly said, "You are the prettiest person I know…" And then he winked at her and said, "And I've seen a lot of women in my day."

Just his sweet statement brought tears to her eyes, and she allowed him to pull her in for a hug, relishing in her son's heart and sensitivity. He made her feel so special.

But they were both startled as the dog jumped off the bed and skidded right into the closed screen door, barking the whole way, and, once he hit the screen door, his little feet bounced around as he barked with all of his little body.

Jess, started walking over to the door, while Lorelai just turned and looked out the window.

And Jess muttered, "Oh, shit."

Lorelai should have corrected him. And would have. Except she felt the same exact way watching Chris' BMW pull up into the gravel driveway. The way it stood there, gleaming in the sun while her scratched up, old beater of a car held nothing to it.

Then she saw the car door open, and watched him get out, in his suit pants and dress shirt – tie still on, and moved his sunglasses to the top of his head, looking around the yard as if judging everything through the lens of his mansion with acres of land.

She took a deep breath and took a step to open the door, but soon found Jess' body between them. And then she heard his words, "Let me go, Mom."

"What?" She asked, not really focusing on what her son was saying, but watching as Rory walked out of the house, duffel bag flung to the ground as she embraced Chris, who seemed to actually be excited to see her. Which should've made Lorelai happy that Rory got to see her dad. Right? That was how this was supposed to work?

"Mom!" Jess said loudly, pulling her from her thoughts with his hands on her shoulders. "Let me go talk to him."

What was he talking about? She shook her head, and just said, "No, it's fine, Jess." And she pushed past him, out onto the steps as she watched Chris help Rory put her bag in the trunk, and when the trunk closed, she saw his eyes meet hers.

He nodded towards her, and started to walk over.

Rory's arms, crossed in front of her, signaled that no matter what, Lorelai still had to talk to Chris about how things had been arranged for the weekend. Lorelai needed to be in the planning process with Chris about this.

And she took a few steps towards him, looking down at the ground, thinking about the last time she had seen Chris. Before they moved here, which was at least three months before… and. Yes. It was Christmas. Dropping Rory off. She didn't even get out of the car. And he didn't come out of the house.

"Lor." Chris exclaimed as he walked over. "You look…" And he looked her up and down.

She interrupted him with a shake of her head, "No. Chris." She wasn't about to let him comment on how nice she looked, or even go there. Not after that last time.

"Sorry." Then he looked around the yard. "Looks like a pretty nice place you've got here."

Jess piped up from where Lorelai now realized he was standing right next to her. "A lot better than where we were before."

Chris' face fell a little as he looked at the boy beside her. Sizing him up. And said, "Jess…" Condescending. So much so that Lorelai wrapped her arm around Jess' waist. "Rory's told me a lot about you."

Lorelai hated this. Chris always treated Jess like a stranger – or, when that wasn't the case, like a nuisance. He pretended like from the ages of 6-12, Jess had been part of their family. But as she looked down at her son, she realized that perhaps the feelings were mutual.

And Jess retorted, "I wish she wouldn't."

"Jess…" Lorelai warned, unsure why such hostility was coming from her son.

But Jess didn't heed her warning. "I don't want a scumbag like you knowing things about me." His hands, crossed in front of him, showed the defiance flaming through his eyes.

Lorelai didn't know what to say. Except, "Jess… that's enough…"

Chris just chuckled and met her gaze, "Oh, leave him, Lor." Then he stared down haughtily at the boy and said, "Always was the little mouthy one." Glaring. At Jess, he said, "I tried to break him of that, but, look where that got him."

What was this fight between these guys? Looking from Chris, down to Jess, who squared his chin in defiance, and then back up to Chris, Lorelai knew she wouldn't get anything done with Jess here.

"Hey, kid…" She said, "Go see if your grandma needs help with dinner."

Jess looked up at her and shook his head, "She said she didn't when I was in there."

He wasn't going to make this easy. For some reason, he had it out for Chris, and nothing, nothing Lorelai was going to say would make that better. But she tried, "Then go and make sure Zeus isn't eating the stuffing out of the cushion again." And pointed towards the guesthouse behind them.

Jess sulked off, but not before sending Chris a look that could only be classified as a warning. And, of course, Jess verbally warned him, "You'd better not do anything…"

Lorelai interrupted him with a slight slap to the shoulder and said, "Go."

Once she heard the screen door slam behind them, Lorelai turned to Chris. Who had a smirk on his face while he said, "You picked a weird kid, Lor."

"Shove it, Chris." She said, and got right down into business. "Why didn't you call me and ask if Rory could spend the weekend?"

"I just figured…"

But she wasn't going to let him dominate the conversation. "She's thirteen." Looking up into his blue eyes, Lorelai felt nothing but anger at him. "She can't be running the show around here, and when you don't ask me, she gets the idea that she can do whatever she wants."

The part of the whole thing that made her angry wasn't the fact that Rory was going. But the fact that Chris had worked everything out with Rory instead of asking Lorelai.

Chris shrugged his shoulders, treating it like this was no big deal. "Really, Lor? You've been so sick, and I didn't…"

She called him on it. "Bullshit." Trying to keep her voice from yelling, she just snapped, "Don't use me as an excuse why you can't be a responsible parent."

Chris raised his voice. And she had to remind herself that he couldn't hurt her – not with everyone around. "Responsible parent? Do you really want to go there?"

"Well, I make sure they're fed, make sure they have clothes, make sure they go to school…" Which, in her defense, wasn't an easy task, "Make sure they do their homework." And she gestured her hand at Chris and said, "So the least you could do is communicate with me about things."

"Now it's my turn to call bullshit." He shook his head. "You couldn't even take care of yourself. TB, Lor? That's a dirty sickness." She felt her stomach coil as his voice got quiet, but vicious as he took a step towards her, "They've eradicated that in third world countries." He raised his eyebrows as he hissed, "Must be the horrible people you were with."

He could never leave that. He always had to throw her stripping in her face. Always used that to make her feel bad about herself. And she wasn't going to take it. "Oh, really?" She adjusted her feet so she took a step back. "Could that have anything to do with the fact that you left me there? With no other option?"

His voice grew loud as he threw his hands up, "Oh, and here we are again." Shaking his head. "Blaming ME for everything!"

Now she had to match his tone with hers, "If the shoe fits!" And then she narrowed her eyes and stepped back towards him, now inches from his face before she looked down at his pants and then back up, "You're just lucky all that sleeping around didn't give you a disgusting disease…" And then she pierced her lips and said, "How's the wife, by the way?"

Chris just shook his head, looking down at her with utter disgust in his eyes as he whispered, "Oh, you forget…" And then, glancing behind him, seeing Rory far enough away, he returned to glaring at her and said, "You're the whore who slept with a married man."

Crossing her arms in front of her, Lorelai just looked at the ground, unable to meet his gaze while she said, "And you're the dick who slept with a whore while you were married." She was used to being called a whore. This wasn't new. In reality, she was a whore. A slut. A woman who slept with men for money – that was a whore. So even in his lowest form of ridicule and torment, he couldn't even come close to injuring her with such a term. And, in her mind, if she could just use his terms to make him realize what an asshole he had been to sleep with her, convincing her that he wasn't with Sherry – she would do it. She would do anything to put him in his place – after living under his tyranny for so many years.

As she watched his feet move towards her, she instinctively flinched, her years of marriage to an angry man plaguing her thoughts. His angry whispers grew closer as he stepped towards her. "Do you remember that night, Lor? Do you?" Of course she did. But of course, not everything. She remembered little compared to the marks he left on her body. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt his breath on her cheek – and she could imagine him standing so close to her, towering over her, "Because not only do I remember it…" His hand closed around her shoulder. And she wanted to move. Wanted to leave. Wanted to fight back. But she froze. Something in her. Something – perhaps the years of abuse being told to sit still and it would be done soon – perhaps that caused her to stand there, her ex-husband whispering in her ear, "But I have pictures of our wonderful night of mutual cheating together."

And at this, her eyes flew open, looking up into the evil that was his eyes – the eyes that always reminded her of someone else – someone worse – in her mind, the devil himself. Glinting with evil, the smile on his face sent chills up her spine. And she watched his lips move as he sneered, "Maybe sometime I'll show them to you. Make you remember maybe."

She just stood there, the only thing going through her mind was imagination of what those photos looked like. What was he going to do with them? Would he show them to her parents? Would he use them as proof of her cheating with him on his wife? Would he show them to her kids? God. What was in those pictures?

She opened her mouth, trying to think of something to say…

But a loud crash of the screen door behind her startled her. And she went to turn around, but Chris held her in place.


	65. Savior

But a loud crash of the screen door behind her startled her. And she went to turn around, but Chris held her in place.

"Let go of her, you jerk!" Jess yelled as he ran across the space between them.

The words hissed in her ear, "Tell him to leave…" Like he was controlling her. Like she was still married to him. Like that other person in her life, controlling everything.

"I said to get your hands off her!"

"Remember I have the pictures."

Lorelai didn't know what to do. Her mind immediately went to the fact he was threatening her with those pictures. And she couldn't let those get out. No matter what they really were. She couldn't. But to tell Jess to leave them alone would only give Chris the illusion that he had more power in the situation than she wanted. And she stood there, trying to think, while the grip on her arm tightened even harder.

And suddenly, it wasn't her choice anymore.

Because she watched as Jess threw himself into Chris, his hands on Chris' shoulders, pushing him away from Lorelai with all his might. And he yelled, "I told you not to hurt her!" And Chris, taken aback just as much as Lorelai was, stepped back, catching his balance, but looking just as surprised.

Chris had just settled his balance when Jess reached over and pushed him again, but this time, Chris shoved back, sending the scrawny teenager down into the gravel. And then Chris shook his head, "Not able to fight me then. Not able to fight me now."

Jess sprang to his feet, dust flying under his shoes as he again lunged at Chris. Lorelai reached out to stop whatever was happening here, but Jess pushed her hand away as he snarled at Chris, "Why can't you just leave her alone?!"

And this time, Lorelai watched in horror as Chris clenched his fist and, before she could stop anything, sent Jess flying to the ground after a punch right into her son's jaw.

"CHRIS!" She screamed, her heart pounding as she fell to the ground, her hands immediately pulling Jess' head up to look at his jaw. His hand covering his jaw – he wouldn't let her look at it as he glared up at Chris. And Lorelai looked up at her ex, fire in her eyes as she yelled, "What the hell did you just do?"

Chris opened his mouth to argue something, but Rory's voice from behind him grew louder as she ran over. "Jess, what the fuck? Why…"

"RORY!" Lorelai immediately silenced her whining teenager and then tried to get Chris' attention. "Chris…"

Jess and Chris held each other's gaze, hatred pouring down from the man still standing, his breathing uneven as he opened and closed his fist. Lorelai turned to Jess, finally pulling his face towards her so she could see the blood trickling down out of his nose.

"You little bastard." Chris verbally spat at him. "Attacking me like that."

"Chris!" Lorelai exclaimed, "You're the grownup here." She still couldn't believe he hit Jess. Hit him. Fist in his face. Punched her son.

Jess wiped his bloody nose on his arm and then pushed himself to his feet, stumbling a little bit before he got his balance. And Lorelai stood up, hearing her son say, "He's always used being the grown ass man to his advantage, that's for sure."

Brushing the dust off her dress, Lorelai started to say something, but was interrupted by her daughter's voice, yelling at Jess, "You just attacked him! Just ran down those stairs and jumped on him." Her face was red with anger. Her hands flying every which way as she talked, "What else was he supposed to fucking do?"

"Rory." Lorelai corrected. "Stop talking and…"

Chris still glared at Jess. Who glared right back.

Jess clenched his teeth and hissed at Chris, "I swear I'll beat the shit outta you if you ever lay one more hand on my mom again."

It was all about her.

Chris just laughed. Threw his head back and laughed. "You just got one blow to the face and your mommy's defending you."

"Chris!"

Her wishing they would stop fighting and her trying to stop this verbal war between the two didn't help anything.

"I'm big enough to take care of her." Jess said, and he stepped in front of Lorelai, which frightened her into holding onto his shoulders, wanting to keep him from Chris as much as she could. But he was right. He was bigger than she could hold back if he decided to lunge at Chris. "You've hurt her enough already." And Jess crossed his arms in front of him.

Lorelai watched Chris' eyes sparkle as if entertained by this boy in front of him. Then he looked at Lorelai, a snarl in his voice as he baited Jess, "She deserved everything she got."

And Jess would have gotten another fist to the face if Lorelai hadn't tried to hold his fighting body back, all the while she said, "Jess, leave it. Jess…"

"You son of a bitch…" Jess yelled, his whole body pulling against her, as she dug her heels into the ground and pulled back.

"Stop." Lorelai commanded.

But it wasn't until Chris jerked forward, pretending like he was going to hit Jess, that Jess jumped back reflexively. And Chris laughed, shaking his head, "Still the same scared little boy."

The same scared little boy? Lorelai cringed as she realized that this feud between the two men probably started long before this day here.

And Lorelai knew she had to stop this thing right now. And she pulled Jess back while glaring at Chris. "It's time for you to leave, Chris."

Scoffing, Chris said, "I agree." Then, turning to Rory, he said, "Get in the car, I'll be right…"

"Rory." Lorelai said sternly. "I'm sorry, but you can't go this weekend." Not after what just happened. She wasn't going to let him come here, hit her son, and then take her daughter away for a weekend.

Rory looked from Lorelai to Chris, and then asked Chris, "Really? I can't go?"

Chris just shrugged his shoulders, not looking over at Lorelai before he said, "I mean, you can do what you want. It is my weekend…"

"No." Lorelai said. "Rory. I said no. Your father…" Chris' hand still flexed in and out. "Needs some time to think about what just happened."

"It wasn't his fault!" Rory whined. "Jess attacked him."

She shouldn't have to explain this to her daughter. "Your father is the adult. He should've…"

Chris interrupted her, talking to Rory, "Another case of your mother blaming me for everything."

Rory rolled her eyes, "Of course. Like always."

No wonder Rory had such a horrible attitude towards her. No wonder every little thing Lorelai told her daughter to do was met with resistance. And, pushing Jess behind her, trying to create some barrier between them, Lorelai just reached out for Rory. "Well, as much as I could argue about this…" Rory pulled away from Lorelai. "The final say is mine and you're not going."

"Why would you wanna go, Ror?" Jess asked. "He's a dick."

Chris rolled his eyes, "Oh, I'd shut your mouth if I were you, kid."

"Make me." Jess threw back.

Lorelai reacted out of instinct as Chris reached out and tried to grab Jess, and Lorelai put herself between them, causing his hand to slap into the side of her face. Used to it, she didn't even let out any sign that she was in pain, just standing there, waiting for Chris to try and attack again. "Stop!" She yelled, pointing behind him towards his car. "Leave. Now."

"I'll do whatever the fuck I…"

Suddenly a little bark and growl beneath them grew both grown-up's attention down to the ground, and a cry of surprise from her ex-husband startled Lorelai. As she watched Zeus sink his teeth into the leg of his pants, and the puppy began tugging over and over, twisting his head back and forth as he growled over and over again.

"What the fuck?" Chris yelled, lifting his leg, trying to shake the little thing off.

"Get 'em, Zeus." Her son chanted behind her.

"Bad dog, Zeus!" Her daughter yelled in front of her.

"Get this little monster off me!" Chris screamed, the dog still holding on as the expensive suit began to rip, the sound echoing through the air, making Chris angrier than surprised. "This animal's ripping my suit…"

Jess. "Go Zeus! Tear his fucking suit apart!"

Lorelai reached down to pick up the dog, but not in time.

Because Chris, using his other leg not attacked by the dog, kicked into the little bundle of fur, sending a whimpering Zeus skidding across the ground.

The little puppy rolled a few times, his piercing whimpers striking through Lorelai's heart. And she stood up, finding her inner strength and said, "Enough." Chris was just focused examining the teeth marks in his expensive suit.

"I just came to pick up my daughter." Chris said, anger in his eyes as he stood up, his gaze focused on the ground at the little dog. "Not to get attacked by some mongrel."

Lorelai had enough. "Get in your car and leave!" She yelled. "You don't come here and threaten me, hit my son, kick my dog, and expect to take my daughter home with you. She's not going." Lorelai said decisively.

"You can't tell me what to do, you little whore…." He said, right in front of the children, and he tried to again make her feel so small. "I'll come get my daughter whenever the fuck I want…"

"Get out."

Everyone involved turned. Towards the voice.

Luke. Getting out of his truck and walking over. Lorelai had never felt so relieved. Because Chris could always tower over her and make her do anything – it had been her life for as long as she could remember.

But having another adult here, walking up to them, his tall frame even surpassing Chris – she felt some relief.

"Who the hell are…" Chris started.

Luke interrupted. "You heard the woman." And Lorelai was amazed as Luke put himself between Lorelai and Chris. "She said to leave."

Lorelai could see Chris glaring up at this intruder in his otherwise controlled situation. "I'll leave when I'm…"

And Luke suddenly reached out and grabbed Chris' shirt, pushing him back into the ground, "You'll leave now because she wants you to go."

Lorelai waited for Chris to jump to his feet. Waited for him to sling the first punch at Luke. Waited for the whole yard to break out in fighting. But nothing happened.

She looked around Luke to find Chris walking to his car, his finger up in the air at Luke, but nothing else.

And Rory walked towards the car with her dad.

Lorelai stepped out from behind Luke. "Rory, I said you're not…"

"Fuck off, mom!" Rory called, opening the door and getting in, slamming the door.

"No." Lorelai yelled, rushing over as fast as she could to the car.

But Chris, getting into the car himself, just said, "You can pick her up on Sunday."

And before Lorelai could do anything, the car sped off. Leaving her there with the little ball of fur jumping on her legs and then licking her toes. Reaching down, she pulled Zeus into her arms, snuggling her face against his fur as she whispered, "Please let her be ok."


	66. Chapter 66

**TAKING LIBERTIES WITH THE DATE - BUT I EXPECT THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE'S BEEN WAITING FOR**

"I thought we could go to this one restaurant where you can eat outside, looking over the lake in Hartford." Luke said. "And then I read about this movie in the paper…"

Luke was talking.

Lorelai was trying to listen.

But she knew the big elephant in the truck as they drove down the interstate towards Hartford – she knew the elephant was weighting them down.

Luke had waited for her in the truck while she took Jess inside the house to make sure he put some ice on his face, a bruise had already started appearing across his face. Camille assured her that she would take care of Jess, who, by that time, had a nice steak on his face and a puppy snuggled up trying to lick the steak.

"…they said that the movie, although melodramatic was…"

Lorelai decided to attack the elephant head on. "I'm sorry about Christopher."

It was silent in the car. Deafeningly silent as the lights along the highway shot at them and then drifted away.

Turning to Luke, Lorelai saw how uncomfortable he was, just staring straight out the window, his hands holding tightly onto the steering wheel, his face almost in a grimace. And she said, "Things have been better with him lately." And then she looked down at her hands as she racked her brain for something she did that really messed this up, "I don't know what made me think that confronting him was a good idea?"

A few seconds of silence, until Luke asked, "So this violent, punching Jess in the face, refusing to leave thing, that's all new? Like," He glanced over at her, "Just something that happened here lately?"

Oh the lies she could tell. Explain it all away as just being a bad day. That she said something to piss him off. Or that he felt like she was taking away his right to see Rory and that's what really set him off.

And she sat there for a second, trying to figure out the best way to put it. "I moved away to the city with him when I was sixteen." She started, giving him the whole picture, "I married him when I was eighteen." And then she looked over at him, trying to communicate it correctly, "Getting married that young causes problems for everyone."

Luke, in his blunt way that Lorelai usually loved, said, "So it's been like this for a while."

She held up her hand, without a ring on it, and said, "I divorced him for many reasons." And then she swallowed and said quietly, more to herself than to Luke, "But the way he treated me was most definitely one of them."

Flashes of nights spent cowering in the corner, the farthest corner away from the kids' room to keep him distracted and beating on her instead of hurting the kids. Biting her lip to keep from crying out in pain and waking the kids. Quietly begging him to please just go to bed alone. Splitting pain as her head hit the arm of the couch and his body jumped on top of hers.

The feel of the early morning light against her skin, streaming through the kitchen window, while her bruised fingers wrapped around the rag she used to scrub the blood off the floor – wanting to erase all traces of anything happening before the kids woke up. Holding herself up against the sink when Rory would come out of her room in the morning and hug her, willing herself to bear through the pain her daughter's embrace caused.

"He was a choice I made years ago." The reason for her choice flew through her mind, and she dig her fingernails into the palms of her hand. His father had been so angry. "And it's a choice that will be with me for the rest of my life."

Luke's voice was absolutely calm. Something after the blowup with Chris really stuck out to Lorelai, "Doesn't mean you have to suffer for the rest of your life."

"What do you mean?" She asked, turning her body diagonal along the seat, "He's the father of…" she hesitated, "one of my children, and I have to see him."

Luke shook his head, glancing again over at her, "If he's so horrible, do you…"

Lorelai knew exactly where he was going with this, "…think Rory should be spending time with him?" Lorelai finished, now her turn to stare out the window. Almost, she was talking to herself, "He's never hurt the kids…" And she remembered Jess' bloody nose, "Well, before today." And she thought to Rory jumping into that car with Chris. "And Rory's always idolized her dad. Since she was a kid, he could do no wrong."

Luke turned the truck down an old dirt road. "Rory still thinks he's a good guy?"

Oh. The question that had been going over and over in her mind for the past year since that drunk night that Chris stole her money. What was a healthy relationship for Rory to have with the man who did that to Lorelai?

And she simply said, "She doesn't know."

The gravel under the truck made the cab bounce a little. "Huh?"

Lorelai just shook her head, "I kept things from the kids. I never wanted them to know how bad it was…" And she wished she could go back. "I think Chris used that to his advantage." Thinking through some of the things Rory said even just earlier that day. "He's telling her things about me that aren't true. And…" Now she whispered, "I don't know what to do."

"Just tell her?" Luke suggested, turning the wheel again around a steep curve. "I mean, why wouldn't you just do that?"

"I think it's too late." Lorelai admitted. "Anything I say will be twisted and made my fault." It always had been. Since she was just a kid.

Luke shrugged his shoulders, "Well…" The truck came to a stop. "You have to try."

"Yeah, you're…" And suddenly, she saw the beautiful landscape around them. "Where are we?"

Luke just smiled and turned off the truck. "Dinner."

Then he got out of the truck, leaving her to look around at all of the rolling hills of trees around them, the light from the fading sun behind the truck glistening off of the vast array of yellows and oranges, deep red sticking out to Lorelai the most. Leaves drifted in the wind, up and around like a sweet song, lifting up and over the already naturally piled leaves in the old forest.

The door opening beside her caused her to look up at Luke, and, in her mind, really notice him for the first time. The usual flannel shirt looked pressed – a slight crease down the sleeve made her realize he tried to iron his shirt. Nice jeans on, his baseball cap was gone, leaving his wavy hair perfectly combed back to show he really tried. He also shaved, his face looking almost naked without scruff she was used to seeing on his grumpy face. Which now, contrasting, held a big smile as he opened her door and held out his hand.

Giving him her hand, she turned her feet outside. And he said, "Careful, there's a big step down here." Lorelai smiled at him, remembering all the times he gave her rides to the doctor or just to the store and didn't bother cautioning her about the step from the truck. But he was trying to be so sweet. Lorelai had to make sure she didn't fall for his sweet…

And she couldn't even finish her thought as she got out, and looked behind where the truck was parked. Because she was looking out over the sun, setting across the beautiful lake, helmed with trees just like the ones she saw earlier, only brighter. And glowing. And breathtaking as she stood there, her hand still in Luke's. "Oh god, this is beautiful." She whispered.

"I thought you might like it."

And the she felt him leading her, with a hand at the small of her back, leading her around the back of the truck, close to the lake. And she looked and saw the tailgate hanging out, and a small checkered blanket stretched out along the bed of the truck. And in the middle of the blanket, a large picnic basket sat, along with a pile of extra blankets.

"Luke…" She said, looking up at him, realizing how much work he put into this.

He just smiled down at her, a smile so big across his face that it brought a smile to hers. And his sweet words. "A small restaurant by the lake."


End file.
